Author Noirek Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Also just to be clear, OP, does your H know you have once again taken up with another man? If not, when do you plan to do the right thing and inform him? I really don't know how I can be more clear. Yes, my husband does know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noirek Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Do not apologize for offering me advice. I am open to it and knew it would come flooding in. I only wanted to remind people who were upset with me becauseI won't divorce my husband that I never asked for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
DbleBetrayal Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) You seem really passive with all this. As if you're just a victim of your own decisions. They're your decisions! You hold the power, it's as if you're saying it's not your fault- you're simply possessed by the the devil or something. Like sooooooo passive, it's almost crazy. Or you're just getting lazy, doing whatever you want- and be like "Oh well. I'm just a sh** person, I'm just a wh*re- there I admitted it, what can I do? Nothing. Whatever". It's not good enough. It's pretty much the easy way out to you. Your husband is probably feeling completely exhausted and letting you get away with it, so you really don't have to care. He is really hurting you know. Just because he lets you get away with it, doesn't mean you're not completely destroying him, and your family. Edited December 11, 2014 by DbleBetrayal Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Do not apologize for offering me advice. I am open to it and knew it would come flooding in. I only wanted to remind people who were upset with me because I won't divorce my husband that I never asked for advice. If you feel you're not the right person for your husband - and your continued contact with OM would indicate this was the case - why not divorce him? If you're bad for him, not capable of fidelity and unable to stop the A - why not divorce him? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I don't know how I am not being clear but he does know. And he's still with you????? Glutton for punishment, especially since you seem to have no problem communicating with the man you've betrayed him with. Way to rub his face in it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Noirek If what you are saying is true, I have to sort of agree with Thumpers last post. You husband apparently is either in such a state of shock or is so totally codependent that he is basically assisting you in your affair by allowing himself to be in an open marriage that you have created with no real consequences for you. He knows you are still cheating on him and stays with you. By giving you no consequences he is aiding you in not being able to stop. You are cake eating and it probably will go on because why should you stop Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I am hesitant to say this as I don't want to derail your post into a discussion. But, in my opinion only, don't mind the people who are implying your husband is weak or cuckolded (such a sexist term I hate) for taking his time making a such a big descision. For those that judge him without knowing him like this, that is there problem not yours. If you don't feel he is weak or giving you a free pass because he isn't jumping all over you or kicking you out the door or whatever don't worry about people who do. I am not your husband nor in his shoes. I am sure he is thinking long and hard. I think you should take this chance to put your affair to rest once and for all or I am afraid you will be too late for your marriage. And gently, don't take too much to heart about people who are still in a funk over their marriage. They are not you nor your husband. Online forums are only a small fraction of the population. Many people do get past this and have good marriages despite what the naysayers think or those still in pain and thinking it won't get better. Don't throw in the towel yet. Not if you really want your family all together. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I like what Selfish had to say. To add, the point should be to strengthen what "one" wants or provide "help" when asked. Her H is an adult whom can decide for himself if he truly wants to stay and try to make it work, to repair the relationship, so long as the OP is totally transparent and forthcoming and most of all willing. But my point is for both in that the OP is also an adult, in that it is her choices alone for having an affair that she must dig deep beyond the "false justifications" for not being honest with the relationship in leaving or trying to repair it before betraying it. Since the OP has betrayed the relationship twice, she will have to come to terms in why it is never bad enough to leave but only "bad" enough to betray. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I am hesitant to say this as I don't want to derail your post into a discussion. But, in my opinion only, don't mind the people who are implying your husband is weak or cuckolded (such a sexist term I hate) for taking his time making a such a big descision. For those that judge him without knowing him like this, that is there problem not yours. If you don't feel he is weak or giving you a free pass because he isn't jumping all over you or kicking you out the door or whatever don't worry about people who do. I am not your husband nor in his shoes. I am sure he is thinking long and hard. I think you should take this chance to put your affair to rest once and for all or I am afraid you will be too late for your marriage. And gently, don't take too much to heart about people who are still in a funk over their marriage. They are not you nor your husband. Online forums are only a small fraction of the population. Many people do get past this and have good marriages despite what the naysayers think or those still in pain and thinking it won't get better. Don't throw in the towel yet. Not if you really want your family all together. Well put. I imagine a good majority of those who come to the infidelity forum have a good amount of experience. I imagine also more are here that are BS vs.WS. Perhaps the worse advice to a WS would come from a BS. I am a BS. My H infidelity was almost 18 years ago, yet I am still intrigued by the minds of the WS. I keep looking for a story that compares to mine so I might understand what my H was thinking/going through. He confessed, fell asleep and we really never talked about it again. I believe he felt since he confessed, that it didn't last long and it was over that there was nothing more to discuss. It left me in despair, alone and empty. We had a baby and I just focused on him but spent many hours bawling my eyes out with so many unanswered questions. So, being so passive and not making a fuss I am shocked he didn't continue cheating. I know now he has a high moral compass so I believe it would take a lot for it to happen again. I believe that with this spouse being so passive aggressive it seems easy for a continued affair to be justified. OP, since you mentioned your husband knowing the OM has your H confronted him at all. Has his wife confronted you? Link to post Share on other sites
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