MapleWish Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Does it make any sense to wait until marriage for sex if you've already had it? My boyfriend is 25 and already been married in the past and is now divorced but he waited until marriage to have sex. Now that he's with me he's clarified he wants to wait until marriage, that is if he and I ever even get married. I'm not loose by any means I've only been with two guys and was actually dating them they weren't flings, and I'm not gonna rush my boyfriend. But I just think that if we get to a point where we're dating for a long time or even engaged, I would be perfectly ok having sex but he's set on waiting till marriage just like he did in his last relationship. But why wait that long again cause it's like the v card is gone, never coming back so why wait until marriage again? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 If he has a religious conviction about not having sex outside of marriage, then perhaps it makes sense for him to want to maintain that view even for a subsequent relationship leading - perhaps - to marriage. If not, then perhaps he has some sexual issue (ED, STD, etc.) that he's hiding from you by using this excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Because maybe he feels that sex with someone is so important and special it should be saved for someone he wants that permanent commitment with? Even though he slept with his ex-wife, he was at that point assuming he'd be with her forever so the relationship was serious enough for him to want that level of sexual intimacy. It's probably about who he does it with, the level of commitment in the relationship, rather than about his virginity (which is, as you say, gone). Or maybe he's religious and just believes sex belongs within a marriage. Have you even asked HIM why he wants to wait until marriage? I'm sure you'll get an answer that makes sense from him. I'm by absolutely means a virgin (wildly promiscuous by your standards I'm sure, although when you say 'loose' I hope you understand that a woman who has had sex with her husband a thousand times would be 'looser' than a woman who's had sex with 100 men once each! Vaginas don't work like that), but when I really like someone I save sex for when we've established monogamy and began a relationship, are calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. Whereas if I'm not that into someone enough to be in a relationship, but like them enough to sleep with them, I'll have casual sex with no commitment. It's like sex means something with the person I want to be with, but nothing with people I'm just friendly with. Sex can be viewed differently or felt about differently depending on who you're doing it with or the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Sex means different things to different people. Some people enjoy one night stands. Some people only have sex in relationships. Others don't believe in sex outside marriage. Two threads in two minutes? You guys have fundamentally different values and seem incompatible. Consider finding someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Mitzimojo Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 so take this as a compliment. He has enough respect for you, and your relationship, that he wants to wait until marriage before consummating your relationship. One thought, however. Why didn't his first marriage work out? Was there sex involved at all? I am just saying because the way he handled his first marriage didn't work out so well. So talk to him about that. Point out that you want your relationship to work and ask if emulating his first marriage is a good starting point And I just have to say this..it's always important to test drive a car before you buy it....same thing with a man. One needs to make sure that all the parts work together. Good luck, be strong and don't worry. Everything is going to be amazing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MapleWish Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Are ya kiddin me? Just cause I put two threads means I need to find someone completely new for me? How about I've never dated a baptist or Christian guy and his beliefs are more extreme than mine. I had sex before marriage and I kiss the minute I call a guy my boyfriend but he doesn't penalize me for that in any way Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 IMO, think of it less as a 'V-card' issue and more as a 'wait until M' issue. He's being consistent. He waited the last time. The M didn't work out and he's doing the same thing, sexually, again. It's his style. We all have our own style. Back in the day, my style was 'wait until in a committed LTR where the prospect of M was forefront in my mind'. I did, and didn't have sex until my mid-30's. Since getting divorced, I'm back to that same style, so celibate. It feels right to me, though may be completely wrong for someone else. We're all individuals. If things don't match up for you and him, IMO it's simply a miss. No harm, no foul. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Is there hypocrisy in his views about sex? For ex, if his religion forbids sex outside of marriage, chances are it also frowns upon divorce. So then why would he make an exception for one rule and not the other? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 It seems like you are having issues with your boyfriend's views on physical contact. You need to find a new boyfriend that likes kissing and sex before marriage. You should not try to pressure your boyfriend into kissing or sex if he doesn't want it. He is what would be called a born again virgin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Perhaps the OP can clarify.... I read that she's never dated a baptist or Christian guy and inferred that this guy is neither of those faiths...OP? Also, people take away from faith what they choose. I've seen a lifetime of that with Catholics. It's hilarious sometimes what is cherry-picked. Still, it's their life and they're entitled to such choices, especially where no one else is harmed by them. Choosing to get divorced or choosing to remain celibate are simply personal choices. Difficult choices perhaps, but personal nonetheless. The OP apparently is fine with the BF's choice to divorce but not so fine with the choice to be celibate. Hope they can work it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Is there hypocrisy in his views about sex? For ex, if his religion forbids sex outside of marriage, chances are it also frowns upon divorce. So then why would he make an exception for one rule and not the other? A bit cruel aren't we? We don't know why he divorced maybe his wife cheated either way he divorced. It says in the Bible you will find happiness after divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Does it make any sense to wait until marriage for sex if you've already had it? My boyfriend is 25 and already been married in the past and is now divorced but he waited until marriage to have sex. Now that he's with me he's clarified he wants to wait until marriage, that is if he and I ever even get married. I'm not loose by any means I've only been with two guys and was actually dating them they weren't flings, and I'm not gonna rush my boyfriend. But I just think that if we get to a point where we're dating for a long time or even engaged, I would be perfectly ok having sex but he's set on waiting till marriage just like he did in his last relationship. But why wait that long again cause it's like the v card is gone, never coming back so why wait until marriage again? In your situation it doesn't matter. This isn't like the guy used to run orgies but now wants to wait. This is very consistent with his personal beliefs and nature. The question you need to ask yourself is "are you OK with waiting"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MapleWish Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 I'm fine him being celibate I'm just honestly curious why wait when you're not a virgin im not pressuring him Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I really don't know why you are asking us, you should be asking HIM. It's unusual so IMO he should openly explain why to YOU since you are dating him. Asking us is just stirring up a bees nest of soapbox jibber jabber. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) I'm fine him being celibate I'm just honestly curious why wait when you're not a virgin im not pressuring him Once again OP it's called being a born again virgin. Look it up there is information on the Internet about born again virgins. His lifestyle regarding physical contact seems to really bother you. You need to just breakup with him. You should read how many posts you've made about his born again virgin choice. Edited December 9, 2014 by Georgia2014 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Perhaps the OP can clarify.... I read that she's never dated a baptist or Christian guy and inferred that this guy is neither of those faiths...OP? He's Christian. She isn't, and he's made it clear this is a point of incompatibility in the long run. She's started a number of threads on this. For example: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/500440-christian-dating-non-christian Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 She seems to only care about her own physical needs and not at all how her boyfriend feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 A bit cruel aren't we? We don't know why he divorced maybe his wife cheated either way he divorced. It says in the Bible you will find happiness after divorce. Well, I don't know about cruel. I just think "no sex until marriage" is a pretty extreme rule to make, especially for 25-year-old man who's not a virgin. So you have assess whether and why he's cherry-picking which religious rules to follow. As an outsider, it just seems like a fundamentally incompatible match. The guy should be with a virgin or another born-again virgin, because most other adults want and expect sex before marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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