Do i stick around while he goes back to her?

[Sweett]

Funny and nice are a dime a dozen.

 

He lied to you from the beginning. He is in another toxic relationship where he is also a toxic person. He is still in love with his primary woman, even though they live in drama calling the cops on each other and such (some people get off on drama), he's cheating and he's still online looking for more and worse lying online about marriage.Come on.

 

Exactly WHY on God's green earth would you even want him much less want to wait for him???Just because he's nice and funny? Those aren't stable qualities. Anyone can be funny or nice or have an interesting personality...if they are cheating liars who are toxic though, then the funny and nice should NOT suffice.

 

A lot of other "nice" and funny men exist who will not lie to you, be living a double life and won't be in love with someone else.

 

Thats true but he lied to me and said the book was closed with her and a day later he says he was in love with her and along with the nice and funny was his looks i found him very attractive which i don't see a lot but i do see that he thrives on the drama. Also a few days before all this happened he kept getting hang up calls and stalked be another woman. I asked him about this woman and he said she was already involved with someone but wanted him...again mire drama!!!!

[Sweett]

And i now have 3 voicemails from him. I blocked him with my phone but somehow he can still leave a message. I don't get texts or the actual phone call just the voicemail...weird. I listened and he is Pleading for me to talk to him and he's called me 10 times and please don't do this....why the hell is he doing this? If he 's so in love he should stop calling me!!! I will not call him back

[evanescentworld]

And i now have 3 voicemails from him. I blocked him with my phone but somehow he can still leave a message. I don't get texts or the actual phone call just the voicemail...weird. I listened and he is Pleading for me to talk to him and he's called me 10 times and please don't do this....why the hell is he doing this? If he 's so in love he should stop calling me!!! I will not call him back

There's a free app called "calls blacklist".

I have it. Ain't got nuthin' getting past that, not even VMs....(the logo looks like a red shield...)

[Sweett]

There's a free app called "calls blacklist".

I have it. Ain't got nuthin' getting past that, not even VMs....(the logo looks like a red shield...)

 

Ok thanks, will try it

[MissBee]

And i now have 3 voicemails from him. I blocked him with my phone but somehow he can still leave a message. I don't get texts or the actual phone call just the voicemail...weird. I listened and he is Pleading for me to talk to him and he's called me 10 times and please don't do this....why the hell is he doing this? If he 's so in love he should stop calling me!!! I will not call him back

 

Just keep on moving on. Don't listen to the voicemails, just delete them.

 

The worse question is to figure out why someone like this is behaving this way. The question you should ask is why you care and why for you this behavior isn't an immediate turn off but you're actually contemplating waiting for him or figuring him out as if there is some hope he will become Prince Charming.

[Sweett]

Just keep on moving on. Don't listen to the voicemails, just delete them.

 

The worse question is to figure out why someone like this is behaving this way. The question you should ask is why you care and why for you this behavior isn't an immediate turn off but you're actually contemplating waiting for him or figuring him out as if there is some hope he will become Prince Charming.

 

You're right and i know all the other posters are as well. As the days go on i just feel angry about all of it and upset with myself but for some reason i also found myself afraid that he will disappear like before but for good and i really should not care given i was lied to from day 1.

[MissBee]

You're right and i know all the other posters are as well. As the days go on i just feel angry about all of it and upset with myself but for some reason i also found myself afraid that he will disappear like before but for good and i really should not care given i was lied to from day 1.

 

If he disappears for good, that's great! He's not worth having around and you should probably examine WHY you want such a man in your life.

[Sweett]

If he disappears for good, that's great! He's not worth having around and you should probably examine WHY you want such a man in your life.

 

Understood, i do have a lot of work to do with myself. Perhaps abandonment issues and low self esteem issues which came about after the ex i had before this guy ...just not sure how to fix it .

[Cressida]

This story sounds 'too bad to be true', as far as his role in it goes. There must be something else wrong with this man, seriously.

 

Is he after money/a wife for a green card/ anything of the sort?

 

You cannot possibly lower yourself and chase a man who obviously disrespects you and puts you beneath another woman who has children that he supports despite not being his. As if you're not good enough for the 'royal treatment' that he generously bestows upon her. No-no, honey. Just no.

 

Secondly, if the dude calls the police on her, throws her out of his house, etc., why does he still stay with her? It's like he has some personality issues, he needs a weaker partner to make him feel better about himself, i.e. a woman with kids, luggage, and nowhere to go will play ball, whereas someone self-sufficient will have demands and expectations that he can't or doesn't want to meet.

 

Don't degrade and subject yourself to ill-treatment from a man who lives with a woman but is 'looking for marriage' online. I get the feeling that there's definitely more to this story and he's either a con artist or a mentally unstable individual, and you really don't want to get yourself involved with someone like that.

 

You don't want to continue having anything to do with this low-quality man, because no matter how 'funny', 'sexy' or 'nice' a guy may be, these are not sufficient qualities for long-term commitment or crafting any type of respectful relationship. Everybody is nice in the beginning, and he screwed up straight from the gate, huge red flag imo just RUN.

 

Block him, delete him, just forget he ever existed. Whatever he does, do not cave in and answer him, don't associate yourself in any shape or form with him.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Cressida

[Sweett]

This story sounds 'too bad to be true', as far as his role in it goes. There must be something else wrong with this man, seriously.

 

Is he after money/a wife for a green card/ anything of the sort?

 

You cannot possibly lower yourself and chase a man who obviously disrespects you and puts you beneath another woman who has children that he supports despite not being his. As if you're not good enough for the 'royal treatment' that he generously bestows upon her. No-no, honey. Just no.

 

Secondly, if the dude calls the police on her, throws her out of his house, etc., why does he still stay with her? It's like he has some personality issues, he needs a weaker partner to make him feel better about himself, i.e. a woman with kids, luggage, and nowhere to go will play ball, whereas someone self-sufficient will have demands and expectations that he can't or doesn't want to meet.

 

Don't degrade yourself and subject to ill-treatment from a man who lives with a woman but is 'looking for marriage' online. I get the feeling that there's definitely more to this story and he's either a con artist or a mentally unstable individual, and you really don't want to get yourself involved with someone like that.

 

You don't want to continue having anything to do with this low-quality man, because no matter how 'funny', 'sexy' or 'nice' a guy may be, these are not sufficient qualities for long-term commitment or crafting any type of respectful relationship. Everybody is nice in the beginning, and he screwed up straight from the gate, huge red flag imo:(just RUN.

 

Block him, delete him, just forget he ever existed. Whatever he does, do not cave in an answer him, don't associate yourself in any shape or form with him.

 

Your secondly paragraph sticks out because i think its 100% right. I have a job, college degree , house, no kids and this woman is older than me and has none of this except the kids. I think someone like her makes him feel more manly. I even asked him if i intimidate him and he got defensive. I told him if they argued a lot and there were trust issues it wouldn't work and he said he has "equity" in her.. Crazy how u can call a bad relationship of only a few monthd sn equitable one ... Hell that doesn't stop people from divorcing...

[Cressida]

Yup, i do believe this is the case, with all my heart. This had always been a major issue in terms of relationships in my book, I will never tolerate being treated less than the way the man treats himself, and I don't think anyone should tolerate this.

 

If a man ends up putting a woman beneath another woman who isn't as 'good quality', then it is really his loss and not hers. He's actually doing her a favor by showing his lack of character.

 

Another ****ty thing about this man is that he isn't even married to the woman he lives with. I always wonder why girls/ladies who are eyeing a partner who's in a relationship consider themselves 'other women'. Those men are not married, ladies. Don't think less about yourselves just because they have girlfriends.

 

Particularly in this case, this man chooses to take care of a woman with kids over a woman with no luggage, who wanted a serious relationship, who really liked him and with whom he did have some compatibility. It is his loss, clearly, as he won't find someone better than that. Most probably he realized it himself and that's why he's blowing up her phone with voice messages now.

[Cressida]

Your secondly paragraph sticks out because i think its 100% right. I have a job, college degree , house, no kids and this woman is older than me and has none of this except the kids. I think someone like her makes him feel more manly. I even asked him if i intimidate him and he got defensive. I told him if they argued a lot and there were trust issues it wouldn't work and he said he has "equity" in her.. Crazy how u can call a bad relationship of only a few monthd sn equitable one ... Hell that doesn't stop people from divorcing...

 

Equity my arse! What equity is he talking about? That woman depends on him financially most probably and this makes him feel like such a man, this isn't about her but him.

 

It does become about her when he feels like he has to coddle someone with multiple 'luggage', who lives in his house, spends him money, treats him badly in his own home, just because she's special and the sun shines out of her a$$. Wtf.

[Sweett]

Yup, i do believe this is the case, with all my heart. This had always been a major issue in terms of relationships in my book, I will never tolerate being treated less than the way the man treats himself, and I don't think anyone should tolerate this.

 

If a man ends up putting a woman beneath another woman who isn't as 'good quality', then it is really his loss and not hers. He's actually doing her a favor by showing his lack of character.

 

Another ****ty thing about this man is that he isn't even married to the woman he lives with. I always wonder why girls/ladies who are eyeing a partner who's in a relationship consider themselves 'other women'. Those men are not married, ladies. Don't think less about yourselves just because they have girlfriends.

 

Particularly in this case, this man chooses to take care of a woman with kids over a woman with no luggage, who wanted a serious relationship, who really liked him and with whom he did have some compatibility. It is his loss, clearly, as he won't find someone better than that. Most probably he realized it himself and that's why he's blowing up her phone with voice messages now.

 

Yep AND he said he was going to get life insurance on her baggage. Im not sire why a 42 yr old woman hasn't done this for her own kids or why a 37 yr old unmarried man would do this for someone who's in and out. Of his house.

[elaine567]

I have a job, college degree , house, no kids and this woman is older than me and has none of this except the kids.

 

You are worth far more than this idiot, leave him to his "wife", his kids, his lies, his drama and his involvement with the law, you are better than this.

He used you, I am afraid.

[Sweett]

Equity my arse! What equity is he talking about? That woman depends on him financially most probably and this makes him feel like such a man, this isn't about her but him.

 

It does become about her when he feels like he has to coddle someone with multiple 'luggage', who lives in his house, spends him money, treats him badly in his own home, just because she's special and the sun shines out of her a$$. Wtf.

 

Exactly i don't get how its equitable either, just sounds like someone afraid to start over. As far as i know all she has is a car. When he kicks her out she goes to her sisters.

[elaine567]

I would guess that if you were to talk to this woman, she would give you an entirely different story of their relationship.

Is she living off him, or is he living off her?? Does she need him or does he NEED her?

Sounds like he NEEDS her and you are just the OW.

[Sweett]

I would guess that if you were to talk to this woman, she would give you an entirely different story of their relationship.

Is she living off him, or is he living off her?? Does she need him or does he NEED her?

Sounds like he NEEDS her and you are just the OW.

 

Yes i suppose he needs her to feel like a man. But why do i feel like i have to hate myself because i am not her or as needy as her?????

[elaine567]

Yes i suppose he needs her to feel like a man. But why do i feel like i have to hate myself because i am not her or as needy as her?????

 

You have only his word for it that she is needy, she may not be.

Do not take any word he says as being the truth.

 

He has lied to you, cheated on his "wife" with you, and you are blaming her for being needy...

[Sweett]

You have only his word for it that she is needy, she may not be.

Do not take any word he says as being the truth.

 

He has lied to you, cheated on his "wife" with you, and you are blaming her for being needy...

 

Wow ok guess i deserved that. U are right she is probably a great person and not needy at all she has a lot to offer him and i don't and she is a great person too. I'm the one thats wrong. I see now u are right. Funny how his uncle didn't deny these things about her and he lives there too so i guess he's a liar too.

[elaine567]

Wow ok guess i deserved that. U are right she is probably a great person and not needy at all she has a lot to offer him and i don't and she is a great person too. I'm the one thats wrong. I see now u are right. Funny how his uncle didn't deny these things about her and he lives there too so i guess he's a liar too.

 

He has told you he is still in love with her, and whilst I realise you are hurting and angry, you will have to find a way to cope with that.

Why would you hanker after and wait for someone who has told you he loves someone else?

She may be the most horrible women on the planet and you maybe the best women on the planet, but he LOVES her, he told you he does, believe him.

This is something you will just have to deal with.

 

Trying to blame her and bring her down will not bring him back, he has made his choice.

The person to blame here is not her, it is him, HE strung you along and you took the bait.

SHE didn't lead you to believe he was a single man looking for marriage.

HE DID.

He obviously has weighed up what is best for him, and unfortunately even if he IS looking for marriage, he has ruled you out.

[dreamingoftigers]

He has told you he is still in love with her, and whilst I realise you are hurting and angry, you will have to find a way to cope with that.

Why would you hanker after and wait for someone who has told you he loves someone else?

She may be the most horrible women on the planet and you maybe the best women on the planet, but he LOVES her, he told you he does, believe him.

This is something you will just have to deal with.

 

Trying to blame her and bring her down will not bring him back, he has made his choice.

The person to blame here is not her, it is him, HE strung you along and you took the bait.

SHE didn't lead you to believe he was a single man looking for marriage.

HE DID.

He obviously has weighed up what is best for him, and unfortunately even if he IS looking for marriage, he has ruled you out.

 

And maybe his Uncle doesn't understand the situation either.

Maybe he's told his uncle that she cheated on him etc. so he thinks she's dirty/needy.

 

My husband went around telling everyone how "controlling/needy" I am but the truth is I am incredibly easy-going, easy to please and only expect monogamy from a relationship. I am not too picky about financials or trust issues. Until the trust is violated anyhow.

 

My husband on the other hand has done remarkably little in the nine years we've been together to contribute and spent much of that time trying to manage my feelings and actions, then taking ALL of our money on different occasions and taking off. Total control-freak cheater who blames his actions on everyone else.

 

My favorite accusation was that I am an alcoholic. I don't even drink! He said that when I used to I told him how I drank consecutive days so that meant I had a dependency isdue with alcohol therefore justifying his claim. I was 18 when I drank! I didn't even meet him until I was 23! And its not like I had a problem when I was 18 either.

I didn't want to end up with one so I cut it out of my life and I also became a Mormon!

 

Truth is cheaters will backstab you in every way to justify getting what they want.

[anika99]

Exactly i don't get how its equitable either, just sounds like someone afraid to start over. As far as i know all she has is a car. When he kicks her out she goes to her sisters.

 

 

Where is she supposed to go when she is kicked out? Personally I don't pay for a fully furnished house on the side just so I can have somewhere to go should I be suddenly kicked out. Where would you go if you got kicked out of your home today?

 

 

I'm not sure why you are attacking his gf and referring to her kids as her baggage. The woman hasn't done anything to you, she doesn't even know you exist. As someone else said, he is the one lying to women and pretending to be single while he has a live in gf. He is the bad guy here, not her.

 

 

Also I had a look at some of your more recent threads to see if I could get a better feel for what kind of relationship you actually had with this guy. I didn't learn much. Sometimes it looked like you were talking about him but mostly you seemed to be talking about other men you were also communicating with over the summer, which leads me to believe that you actually didn't have much of a relationship at all with this guy. How many times did you even see him? I think your ego is bruised because you perceive this as him choosing another woman over you, but I don't think you were in love with him

 

 

Instead of making this about the gf and turning it into some sort of weird competition, just be happy that you found out what a creep he is so early on. Now you are free of him and able to focus your attention on truly available men

[Sweett]

He has told you he is still in love with her, and whilst I realise you are hurting and angry, you will have to find a way to cope with that.

Why would you hanker after and wait for someone who has told you he loves someone else?

She may be the most horrible women on the planet and you maybe the best women on the planet, but he LOVES her, he told you he does, believe him.

This is something you will just have to deal with.

 

Trying to blame her and bring her down will not bring him back, he has made his choice.

The person to blame here is not her, it is him, HE strung you along and you took the bait.

SHE didn't lead you to believe he was a single man looking for marriage.

HE DID.

He obviously has weighed up what is best for him, and unfortunately even if he IS looking for marriage, he has ruled you out.

 

I came here for advice not for someone to attack me and tell me im not worth someone choosing me for marriage. I've been hurt enough by this so U win ok!!!! I get it she is better than me so thank u for confirming that!!!

[Sweett]

Where is she supposed to go when she is kicked out? Personally I don't pay for a fully furnished house on the side just so I can have somewhere to go should I be suddenly kicked out. Where would you go if you got kicked out of your home today?

 

 

I'm not sure why you are attacking his gf and referring to her kids as her baggage. The woman hasn't done anything to you, she doesn't even know you exist. As someone else said, he is the one lying to women and pretending to be single while he has a live in gf. He is the bad guy here, not her.

 

 

Also I had a look at some of your more recent threads to see if I could get a better feel for what kind of relationship you actually had with this guy. I didn't learn much. Sometimes it looked like you were talking about him but mostly you seemed to be talking about other men you were also communicating with over the summer, which leads me to believe that you actually didn't have much of a relationship at all with this guy. How many times did you even see him? I think your ego is bruised because you perceive this as him choosing another woman over you, but I don't think you were in love with him

 

 

Instead of making this about the gf and turning it into some sort of weird competition, just be happy that you found out what a creep he is so early on. Now you are free of him and able to focus your attention on truly available men

 

Im not attacking! She's a good person and im not plain and simple. I wish i had kids then maybe he would want me. Im worthless i'm glad u all confirmed it!

[elaine567]

I came here for advice not for someone to attack me and tell me im not worth someone choosing me for marriage. I've been hurt enough by this so U win ok!!!! I get it she is better than me so thank u for confirming that!!!

 

No-one said she is "better" than you, but surely you have better things to do with your life than hankering after a nobody that has duped you, then dumped you because he says he is in love with his BS.