Author Jackson37 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 I mean, if you broke up a year ago, and you are still at the point of creating a thread about responding to a FB Happy bday message, it's time to block and completely move on. I'm absolutely not being condescending because I'm glad you created this thread for the advice. But use it to gauge where you are a year later. Keeping her on FB has allowed you to hang onto hope of reconciliation for a year. It's been detrimental to you, and it's better to realize that now than for another year to go by. You deserve the chance to move on and completely let go. Blocking on social media is a step a lot of people have to take to be able to do that. In fact, it's a step the majority need to take to heal. The very people that never heal or move on to something better are the ones who keep these artificial lines of communication open. Thank you. That was very eye opening for me. I think in a sense blocking would close the final door to reconciliation which is why Im struggling so much with it. She was my first love so its been difficult to even get to this point (where I'm not thinking of her every day). The low contact at the beginning definitely delayed it as well. Guess its time to rip the bandage off. Im just gonna do it right now. 3
blackcat777 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Taking care of your own needs, especially after a breakup, isn't petulant or weak. It's self-respecting. If blocking her whenever you want suddenly suits your needs, go for it. She's not your keeper, you are your keeper. For all she knows, you could have deactivated your Facebook. If she does go and look from a friend's account to see if you BLOCKED her, well, why is she looking? But in any case, you already closed the door, so those headaches are no longer yours. I can't tell you how awesome you will feel once you no longer have to worry about that on social media anymore. It's a huge weight that disappears. I promise. 2
Dontfindme Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I mean, if you broke up a year ago, and you are still at the point of creating a thread about responding to a FB Happy bday message, it's time to block and completely move on. I'm absolutely not being condescending because I'm glad you created this thread for the advice. But use it to gauge where you are a year later. Keeping her on FB has allowed you to hang onto hope of reconciliation for a year. It's been detrimental to you, and it's better to realize that now than for another year to go by. You deserve the chance to move on and completely let go. Blocking on social media is a step a lot of people have to take to be able to do that. In fact, it's a step the majority need to take to heal. The very people that never heal or move on to something better are the ones who keep these artificial lines of communication open. Just wanted to echo, and emphasize this ^^ ONE YEAR - pining away for someone who's getting on by? Really OP? I think your new year deserves more than that. You deserve more that that! At this point - this isn't even about just the "Happy Birthday" message, it's about you waiting around, hoping for this, for so long. It's time to kill all hope. Yeah, of course it's going to suck - but you knew that you were going to have to do this sooner or later - and this is later. Block her. Stop worrying about what it makes you look like. Seriously. You don't owe her anything at all. Stop neglecting yourself.
BC1980 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Thank you. That was very eye opening for me. I think in a sense blocking would close the final door to reconciliation which is why Im struggling so much with it. She was my first love so its been difficult to even get to this point (where I'm not thinking of her every day). The low contact at the beginning definitely delayed it as well. Guess its time to rip the bandage off. Im just gonna do it right now. I know it's difficult. I kept my ex's phone number in my phone for almost a year. It seemed like that was the last thing to go, but I had to be honest with myself. I kept the number because I was still holding onto that small false hope. If you think about it logically, it's silly. Just having his number didn't change the situation. He still didn't want to be with me. But deleting the number did change something for me. I was finally able to set myself free, and I deserved the chance to move on. I didn't deserve to keep seeing his name on my contact list because it held me back from full acceptance. My ex didn't have social media, and I doubt he does now. I have no idea, but I was luck in that regards. I didn't have to worry about blocking, defriending, ect. I will tell you that some of the people who come on this forum and can't seem to move on are the ones who keep exes on social media or who stalk their exes on social media. Social media is bad enough on a good day for the strongest of us. Heck, sometimes I feel inferior just looking at my cousin's posts about her happy marriage and her kids. If that makes me feel blue at times, I can't imagine the emotional stress involved after a breakup.
Elfend Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Personally blocking her now all of a sudden would only make you look weak and shows that you haven't moved on. Opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. Hence you should just reply with a casual - 'Great thanks for the wishes! Have a nice day!' just as how you talked to other friends. Let her know that you can live without her and its been wonderful.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 To everyone who keeps saying 'it will make you look bad/weak'... To who? His ex? Who gives a flying f*ck what she thinks. This is about him still struggling to move on after a year (which I totally get). You do what is best for you and don't worry about how you will look!!! 6
Mi7522 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Ok so Im 100% confident in not replying to her if I get a text or private message in any way, shape or form. Dontfindme, you're right. Im not completely at that point of indifference yet or I would not have even made this thread but I am getting close so I made the thread to try to prevent a setback that may be coming in the future. I will block her (as the majority suggested) but my only concern is that this will make me look hurt...though I shouldnt care how I look right? It just feels weird because we ended on such good terms that blocking her is like a slap in the face lol I'll give myself a few days to finalize my decision then do it. I will update this thread with details if I find myself lost. Thanks to everyone's replies, I read them all but this is my plan for now. Like I said, trying to prepare and avoid setbacks and I feel that blocking her may be a setback in the short term but better in the long term. Unfriend her, you don't have to block her. Don't let her think this bothers you. As soon as you block her you look weak. If you can't help yourself trolling her FB page then block her because you are not ready to move on yet
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Don't let her think this bothers you. As soon as you block her you look weak. Look weak to who??? Please, somebody explain this to me. Why does it matter???? 5
BC1980 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Personally blocking her now all of a sudden would only make you look weak and shows that you haven't moved on. Opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. Hence you should just reply with a casual - 'Great thanks for the wishes! Have a nice day!' just as how you talked to other friends. Let her know that you can live without her and its been wonderful. But one of the reasons he hasn't move on is because he keeps her on FB. He's been keeping this form of communication open in case she wants him back. The people who are suggesting blocking are trying to make the point that he shouldn't sacrifice his emotional well being for the sake of not appearing weak to her. A breakup isn't the time to maintain superficial contact in an attempt to appear strong. 1
BC1980 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Look weak to who??? Please, somebody explain this to me. Why does it matter???? It's ironic because how he appears to his ex will only continue to matter if he keeps her on FB. By maintaining that contact, it actually reinforces his desire to appear a certain way to her. If he deletes her, there's nothing to worry about, so he has the chance to move on. I've obviously said my piece on this, and I can't see how it benefits him to keep her on FB. It's obviously been quite detrimental to his healing because he still hopes they might get back together a year later. I get that he wants to appear a certain way to his ex, but the best way to get over that mindset is to remove himself from any situation that would feed into that need.
Author Jackson37 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Well, I just did it. I opened up her facebook page for the first time in months, my heart actually started pounding. I clicked block and waited at the confirm screen for a little bit, got one last look at her face from her profile picture (made sure not to look elsewhere on her profile). Then I confirmed it. I actually started crying, not bawling my eyes out but they got teary. For those saying to unfriend instead, blocking unfriends them too apparently so I guess I did both. It was pretty tough to go through to be honest. You are right that I kept that form of communication open as a just in case she wanted to contact me to get back together so I guess its just hard now knowing that I've closed off all communication. She can see me as weak or whatever because it wont matter since I wont be hearing from her again and I need to stop allowing HER thoughts to influence me. Thank you guys for giving me the push to do this. I've delayed it for so long and hopefully it will be the last necessary step to my healing. I will update along the way if need be This post will serve as a nice reminder to me years down the road (Hello future Jackson!!) 4
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 It's ironic because how he appears to his ex will only continue to matter if he keeps her on FB. By maintaining that contact, it actually reinforces his desire to appear a certain way to her. If he deletes her, there's nothing to worry about, so he has the chance to move on. Bingo!!!!!!
BC1980 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Well, I just did it. I opened up her facebook page for the first time in months, my heart actually started pounding. I clicked block and waited at the confirm screen for a little bit, got one last look at her face from her profile picture (made sure not to look elsewhere on her profile). Then I confirmed it. I actually started crying, not bawling my eyes out but they got teary. For those saying to unfriend instead, blocking unfriends them too apparently so I guess I did both. It was pretty tough to go through to be honest. You are right that I kept that form of communication open as a just in case she wanted to contact me to get back together so I guess its just hard now knowing that I've closed off all communication. She can see me as weak or whatever because it wont matter since I wont be hearing from her again and I need to stop allowing HER thoughts to influence me. Thank you guys for giving me the push to do this. I've delayed it for so long and hopefully it will be the last necessary step to my healing. I will update along the way if need be This post will serve as a nice reminder to me years down the road (Hello future Jackson!!) We all know how difficult it is to cut that final contact. We've all been there, and it was very hard in the short term. You might feel worse for awhile, as the reality of it all sinks in. But you will get through it, and, in the long term, it's the best thing for you. Post here, and we will help support you to move on. 2
organizedchaos Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Personally blocking her now all of a sudden would only make you look weak and shows that you haven't moved on. Opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. Hence you should just reply with a casual - 'Great thanks for the wishes! Have a nice day!' just as how you talked to other friends. Let her know that you can live without her and its been wonderful. No need to block. Just unfriend. I unfriend people all the time who I don't talk to. Doesnt show weakness.
Haydn Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I blocked my ex from everything after going through a journey of self destruction by keeping one eye open in the hope of a sign. It's a long road with many obstacles and the occasional assortment of road kill. Once done I did not feel weak. I didn't care what she thought. She found out a way to contact me despite me doing all this but I was totally indifferent. Do it or learn the hard way like like some of us here. It bloody hurts I know. Time my friend. . 3
erklat Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Don't waste energy doing anything now. If you have not done so in a year...
dumbass2 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Since you have taken the measure now to block her on Facebook, you have to make sure she is blocked from calls and texting on your phone (make sure to actually block the number, just don't delete because then she can still get through) and you can also block her on email or at least make sure her address goes to spam. You have to make sure that all other forms of communication are blocked or what you just painfully went through you will have to go through possibly again later down the road when you still might not be fully healed.
Author Jackson37 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 ....and I didnt reply. Felt good. It was a small victory but one I really wanted. She just sent a generic happy bday text since she was blocked on social media. I blocked her on all social media a few weeks prior (old thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/505158-my-birthday-coming-up-ex-will-message-me-how-respond) So I'm not sure whats going on in her head but making it this far into the break up I have learned that you will never know for sure what the other person is thinking (regardless of what they may say) and that closure truly comes from within. Thanks to everyone for the helpful advice and helping me along the way. Merry Christmas to those celebrating it and happy holidays to all others! My bday was xmas eve so it'll be nice going into christmas tomorrow with this victory. Jack. 3
Timpye Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 It's no victory. You are still pinning your hopes that you don't know what she is thinking. Forget and move on, like your trying I'm sure. Merry Christmas! 1
Elle1975 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Happy birthday and Merry Christmas. Good for you that you held your ground! Hope you treated yourself for your birthday! 1
Author Jackson37 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 It's no victory. You are still pinning your hopes that you don't know what she is thinking. Forget and move on, like your trying I'm sure. Merry Christmas! You're correct in that I'm still not over her for good, but getting a little momentum on my side is all I was referencing. One step at a time. I just mentioned not knowing what she was thinking in reference to accepting that I will never know and instead of seeking that knowledge I plan to use this momentum and the new year as a fresh start. Merry Christmas to you as well and to everyone else! 1
Timpye Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Yeh that's very understandable, I'm in the same situation and don't even know how I would cope of she contacted me. Bring on a better new year bro!
coolheadal Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Mine wants to keep in touch! No way will I let that happen. She even gone as to tell me if she gets her hand on a lot of money she'll be back to help me here. I don't her help no do I want her back once she gets dropped off at the Bus Depot later today. She's an Ex for a reason. There are times we all have to make that big choice! Drop the Ex and put them in their place. They have no room in your heart and mind anymore. They have lost that right and respect from you. Sure your birthday is the best time for you why would you let a fake person try to ruin that day for you with false hope and fake promises! No good would ever come from Ex. NC this chapter and move on with our life and really enjoy a birthday with the Ex for a change. It will do you bit of good if you can withstand any contact with such a person for good!
Ganz7 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Ok thanks for all the sound advice guys so I suppose my dilemma at this point is should I block her or fb or not? I feel like blocking her at this point may give off a negative vibe is my only concern, as if I harbor negative feelings toward her, which I do not. I am simply asking for advice because I don't want to complicate or ruin all the hard work I put into moving past her at this point. Block her on facebook. I would, did until yesterday. Started reading her posts and all the deceit, the way she had a double life undid all the work I did on getting myself on track. I feel lower today than i ve ever been. Block and move on. I was starting to feel better about myself until i found out yesterday she asked her new bf to marry her. She was seeing him whilst she was living with.me.
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