Jackson37 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 With my upcoming birthday and knowing my ex, she will probably send me a message wishing me a happy bday on Facebook. I doubt I will get a text but prob one of those messages that everyone writes on your wall. I don't have her blocked on fb but I did "unfollow" her so I can't see any of her stuff and resist going on her profile. How should I respond to this? Usually on my birthday I just go and "like" every birthday wish on my fb so it would look weird if I liked them all and ignored hers. I just don't want to give her the pleasure of still thinking she has me as a back up plan in case things with her new guy go wrong. Should I just block her on fb?? Knowing that this will cause her to get very angry though and ask for an explanation why If I get a text I will either not respond or just respond with a thank you.
Dontfindme Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Block her. She's not entitled to any explanations. 5
Million.to.1 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 You are over thinking it. Just "like" it, the same as you would everybody else's. If she txts you.. respond with a simple "Thank-u!" If you are NC or LC, a simple polite response, that doesn't lead to further communication, is fine IMO. 3
blackcat777 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I wholly advise blocking (though I shook the night I did it and felt sick the day after) because the MOMENT you do it, your mind is instantly *POOF!* free from all these considerations. You have created new space and new energy to do something that serves you well. Even if you're still friends with an ex on FB, and you don't communicate, there's still that attachment and pervasive silence of non-communication, which communicates something ugly within itself. Block it. Cut the cord. Problem solved. If the ex really cares and wants something to do with you, you do NOT deserve that correspondence over social media, you deserve something real. Cut the cord and force her either to be real, or to walk away. In the meantime, it spares your energy. I felt so much better after I blocked my ex, and even better when I blocked his phone number. 4
ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 With my upcoming birthday and knowing my ex, she will probably send me a message wishing me a happy bday on Facebook. I doubt I will get a text but prob one of those messages that everyone writes on your wall. I don't have her blocked on fb but I did "unfollow" her so I can't see any of her stuff and resist going on her profile. How should I respond to this? Usually on my birthday I just go and "like" every birthday wish on my fb so it would look weird if I liked them all and ignored hers. I just don't want to give her the pleasure of still thinking she has me as a back up plan in case things with her new guy go wrong. Should I just block her on fb?? Knowing that this will cause her to get very angry though and ask for an explanation why If I get a text I will either not respond or just respond with a thank you. Just say, thanks.
Author Jackson37 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Ok thanks for all the sound advice guys so I suppose my dilemma at this point is should I block her or fb or not? I feel like blocking her at this point may give off a negative vibe is my only concern, as if I harbor negative feelings toward her, which I do not. I am simply asking for advice because I don't want to complicate or ruin all the hard work I put into moving past her at this point.
Dontfindme Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Ok thanks for all the sound advice guys so I suppose my dilemma at this point is should I block her or fb or not? I feel like blocking her at this point may give off a negative vibe is my only concern, as if I harbor negative feelings toward her, which I do not. I am simply asking for advice because I don't want to complicate or ruin all the hard work I put into moving past her at this point. If you have really moved on - then I guess it doesn't matter whether you 'like' her "happy birthday" post, or even if you block her- because it won't impact you in any way. But I'm assuming that because you posted this thread here, that you haven't moved on completely because you're trying to analyze the potentials, when you should really be indifferent to it. And because you aren't indifferent, I'm going to suggest that you block her, again. 4
Closetotheedge Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 i blocked my ex on FB and deleted all photos, etc i urge you to do the same 1
Haydn Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Nothing. Nada. No. Nem. Na. Yo. Nyet. Aka. Non. And many more. Don`t reply. Only reply when they take an axe to your door. Then you know they are serious. 4
evanescentworld Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I'm with the 'blow her out of the water' brigade. Block her on FB, on your 'phone and in any possible which way AND loose she can contact you. She is your ex. She doesn't get 'keep in touch' privileges, and you shouldn't even consider giving them to her, let alone how to respond, if at all....! Do not open any avenue for her to be able to reach you, at all. Give a fiddler's elbow about politeness, courtesy, consideration and responding in-kind. This isn't the time for niceties. You're trying to heal a broken heart, not smash it to smithereens again with a sledge-hammer.... 5
Mi7522 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 What if she doesn't wish you a happy birthday will that upset you? I think you should do whatever you want to do but just be prepared for not getting the response you are after 1
AlwaysAKL Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I think you should just like her comment and treat it like everyone elses...if you block her she will take that as you still caring. Indifference is what you need. Simply treat her like everyone else. 1
BC1980 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Block her. It's not about being nice or making her angry. You are healing at this point, so you do what is best for you. One of the most important NC rules, IMO, is not to reach out on birthdays or holidays. That being said, don't put yourself in a position to accept a "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" either. All you are doing it keeping the person relevant to your life when they should not be in any form. 3
Author Jackson37 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Ok so Im 100% confident in not replying to her if I get a text or private message in any way, shape or form. Dontfindme, you're right. Im not completely at that point of indifference yet or I would not have even made this thread but I am getting close so I made the thread to try to prevent a setback that may be coming in the future. I will block her (as the majority suggested) but my only concern is that this will make me look hurt...though I shouldnt care how I look right? It just feels weird because we ended on such good terms that blocking her is like a slap in the face lol I'll give myself a few days to finalize my decision then do it. I will update this thread with details if I find myself lost. Thanks to everyone's replies, I read them all but this is my plan for now. Like I said, trying to prepare and avoid setbacks and I feel that blocking her may be a setback in the short term but better in the long term.
organizedchaos Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Ok so Im 100% confident in not replying to her if I get a text or private message in any way, shape or form. Dontfindme, you're right. Im not completely at that point of indifference yet or I would not have even made this thread but I am getting close so I made the thread to try to prevent a setback that may be coming in the future. I will block her (as the majority suggested) but my only concern is that this will make me look hurt...though I shouldnt care how I look right? It just feels weird because we ended on such good terms that blocking her is like a slap in the face lol I'll give myself a few days to finalize my decision then do it. I will update this thread with details if I find myself lost. Thanks to everyone's replies, I read them all but this is my plan for now. Like I said, trying to prepare and avoid setbacks and I feel that blocking her may be a setback in the short term but better in the long term. Then just unfriend her. 1
Mi7522 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Leave it alone, if you unfriend her or blockher you look weak if it hasn't been done by you already. Leave all alone and DO NOT respond to any message she may send to you. Go out with your mates and enjoy YOUR day without any worries
BC1980 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Leave it alone, if you unfriend her or blockher you look weak if it hasn't been done by you already. It's not about him looking weak. It's not about how he appears to her at all. It's about what is best for him to heal, let go, and move forward with this life. Most of us are recommending to block or at least defriend her because the vast majority of people cannot heal with access to an ex on social media. If he has actually created a thread about this issue, he is nowhere near indifferent. It makes no sense to sacrifice his well being simply to appear strong by not blocking her. 4
Author Jackson37 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Leave it alone, if you unfriend her or blockher you look weak if it hasn't been done by you already. Leave all alone and DO NOT respond to any message she may send to you. Go out with your mates and enjoy YOUR day without any worries Yea I'm having second thoughts now about blocking. I have no idea I keep bouncing from one idea to the other. We have been broken up for a year, maintained low contact up until October and all this time I didn't have her blocked so that's why it would feel weird to do it. Is it reasonable to block her simply because I don't want to see her message wishing me a happy birthday all happy and stuff with smiley faces? It will just piss me off. So yea kind of on the fence with blocking or not, gonna give out a few days before I block for sure.
lauri Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 If its via a text, you could simply respond "Who is this?" and that should send a strong message . 1
Mi7522 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 It's not about him looking weak. It's not about how he appears to her at all. It's about what is best for him to heal, let go, and move forward with this life. Most of us are recommending to block or at least defriend her because the vast majority of people cannot heal with access to an ex on social media. If he has actually created a thread about this issue, he is nowhere near indifferent. It makes no sense to sacrifice his well being simply to appear strong by not blocking her. We agree to disagree then, as soon as the BU happened if he didn't unfriend her then why do it now? Sounds ridiculous to me why you would do something so petulant at this point. If you're not indifferent right now then continue with NC until you are 1
Author Jackson37 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 I think I'm just going to block and get it over with. I just know when I click that button there's no going back. But then again I doubt we will get back together and I probably will never see her again. Tomorrow by 12am is my deadline and when it wil be done
BC1980 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I think I'm just going to block and get it over with. I just know when I click that button there's no going back. But then again I doubt we will get back together and I probably will never see her again. Tomorrow by 12am is my deadline and when it wil be done I mean, if you broke up a year ago, and you are still at the point of creating a thread about responding to a FB Happy bday message, it's time to block and completely move on. I'm absolutely not being condescending because I'm glad you created this thread for the advice. But use it to gauge where you are a year later. Keeping her on FB has allowed you to hang onto hope of reconciliation for a year. It's been detrimental to you, and it's better to realize that now than for another year to go by. You deserve the chance to move on and completely let go. Blocking on social media is a step a lot of people have to take to be able to do that. In fact, it's a step the majority need to take to heal. The very people that never heal or move on to something better are the ones who keep these artificial lines of communication open. 5
Elle1975 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) In a text, or in a fb messaging, answering "lol" or a smiley face pretty much means "I got your text, I just don't care". Silence also does pretty much the same. I actually experienced it myself from an acquaintance who only messaged me when she wanted something; any texts sent from me would get a "lol" half the time - I caught up with it and deleted her of my circle of friends. Happy birthday messages mean nothing when they come from exes. I'd feel like saying "nice of you to think you still mean something to me, now take a hike! I have to go celebrate my birthday". PS: my ex is on my block list. I am glad he's there. What I don't know cant hurt me. Edited December 8, 2014 by Elle1975
6Pack Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 In a text, or in a fb messaging, answering "lol" or a smiley face pretty much means "I got your text, I just don't care". Silence also does pretty much the same. I actually experienced it myself from an acquaintance who only messaged me when she wanted something; any texts sent from me would get a "lol" half the time - I caught up with it and deleted her of my circle of friends. Happy birthday messages mean nothing when they come from exes. I'd feel like saying "nice of you to think you still mean something to me, now take a hike! I have to go celebrate my birthday". PS: my ex is on my block list. I am glad he's there. What I don't know cant hurt me. I agree with most of your post, although I disagree with the part I bolded above. It totally depends on the circumstance of the breakup and who the ex is. Some exes truly do still care about you, but it wasnt working for whatever reason, and so they do still wish you a birthday that is good and that you are happy. There are no absolutes in the world of Breakups. 1
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