loveboid Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I think you need to re-evaluate what you think is your love for him. I don't think you love him. Maybe these are just memories of feelings from your past. He's not in love with you, sorry. It's not your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Well I still haven't left, it's so hard. I need help, but I don't know what kind, and I don't know who to turn to.... I've started looking at flats, but I can't find the courage to contact the estate agents to arrange for visits.... Sorry this post is really pointless, but I just need to speak about things, and typing helps.... If you have any relationship with your Father, I suggest you show your initial post to him, and then DO EXACTLY AS HE SAYS. Link to post Share on other sites
MadJackBird Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 All your posts brought tears to my eyes, thank you for all your answers. Yes, I know that this relationship has no future... I just need to build up the courage to leave...which I don't have at the moment... Sometimes, I find it hard to believe that he does these things behind my back, because he really is such a loving and generous partner, so hard to believe that I end up convincing myself that it's not true! Could he have an actual problem? As in addiction to prostitutes (sorry if that sounds completely ridiculous) that he might need help with? Thank you again... Yes he has an addiction problem. It is very obvious with what you have described. The drinking and getting drunk. Addicts can replace one addiction with another. Pursuing inappropriate relationships is an addiciton. Sex gives off the same chemicals dopamine/seratonin that addicts can't get enough of. My former wife was an addict. She stole narcotic pain pills from her place of employment. She has had multiple adulteries. It's all different addictions. He will need some serious help to get over it and he will have to want to get the help for his addictions. Honestly you leaving him may be the step in the right direction for him and for sure will be for you. As everyone else says get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Ignoring everything else, if you dream of having a child and he is refusing to have any more kids..well, why stay with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buns Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well...I'm back! A lot has happened since my inital post. A few months ago, I was getting ready to go out with friends, and he was watching tv, and I just thought that I needed to tell him. So, legs shaking and all, I walked into the sitting room and said "I'm 25, you're 41, we've been together nearly 2 years and I think I deserve better than a partner who sees prositutes, take the time to think about that while I'm out". To which he answered: "WTH, what are you talking about?! You can't just go out with your friends after dropping a bomb like that". So it eneded up with me admitting that I looked at his phone ONCE, him denying everything and saying that he never cheated on me. Anyway I went out to eat with my friends, broke down crying in the car. He text me saying that the text wasn't for him but for a friend and that he never cheated, but how dare I go through his phone, he didn't want to live with spy, so I needed to leave, and before I came home, I must ask him if I'm allowed to come in..... I had so many regrets at that point and wished I'd never said anything. The night ended with me apologizing to him and him denying everything. Things were a bit rocky from then, I was finding it hard to put everything behind me. We argued a bit, things were good, then more arguing, although never anything crazy, no shouting or anything. 3 weeks ago I found a conversation with a friend of his, with my partner saying that he wanted to go on holiday to get away from things, and did he have any ideas? His friend suggested Cuba, because there are a lot of girls, mostly prostitutes. My SO ended up saying "oh god I'm getting excited now, I think I'm going to go to Cuba. Got to go Ems back". Anyway, he dropped that bombshell on me that evening at the restaurant, saying that he needed to get away from things, everything was complicated between us so he wanted a weeks holiday alone in the sun.... I started crying, because since the begning of our relationship I've wanted to go on holiday somewhere nice with him, but he always said that it wasn't the right time, or didn't have the money, etc. And then 2 weeks ago, saturday afternoon he sent me a text that I never received, saying that he wanted us to meet up later in the evening for dinner. I got home and he was really pissed off, saying that he was fed up of me always going out with my friends, so he walked out. I was in a blind panic, asking him to come back, saying that I was sorry...he ended up turning his phone off, I didn't sleep all night, and he came back at 9 in the morning. He was drunk, saying that he was ashamed of his behavior. He came to bed, I went out. I got a text in the afternoon, asking me where I was and that he was so sorry, and that he was embarrassed to see me after having turned off his phone and got back at 9 in the morning. I went back home and he spent the evening crying and saying how sorry he was. I was very very hurt by his atitude, so I left for the week and stayed at friends. He sent me a very long email that week saying that he was sorry, that he wanted us to be a real couple, that he wanted to change, that he wanted us to plan a holiday together, buy a house and if our relationship was strong, in 2 or 3 years we could have a baby. So basically, today, I'm like a lost soul, I don't know what to do.... Can he really change? Will all that he has promised me really be possible? I've kind of reached my breaking point, but I'm doing my best to hang on, and hope that he will really change.. Thank you so much if you just read that....any input or advice would be amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well...I'm back! A lot has happened since my inital post. A few months ago, I was getting ready to go out with friends, and he was watching tv, and I just thought that I needed to tell him. So, legs shaking and all, I walked into the sitting room and said "I'm 25, you're 41, we've been together nearly 2 years and I think I deserve better than a partner who sees prositutes, take the time to think about that while I'm out". To which he answered: "WTH, what are you talking about?! You can't just go out with your friends after dropping a bomb like that". So it eneded up with me admitting that I looked at his phone ONCE, him denying everything and saying that he never cheated on me. Anyway I went out to eat with my friends, broke down crying in the car. He text me saying that the text wasn't for him but for a friend and that he never cheated, but how dare I go through his phone, he didn't want to live with spy, so I needed to leave, and before I came home, I must ask him if I'm allowed to come in..... I had so many regrets at that point and wished I'd never said anything. The night ended with me apologizing to him and him denying everything. Things were a bit rocky from then, I was finding it hard to put everything behind me. We argued a bit, things were good, then more arguing, although never anything crazy, no shouting or anything. 3 weeks ago I found a conversation with a friend of his, with my partner saying that he wanted to go on holiday to get away from things, and did he have any ideas? His friend suggested Cuba, because there are a lot of girls, mostly prostitutes. My SO ended up saying "oh god I'm getting excited now, I think I'm going to go to Cuba. Got to go Ems back". Anyway, he dropped that bombshell on me that evening at the restaurant, saying that he needed to get away from things, everything was complicated between us so he wanted a weeks holiday alone in the sun.... I started crying, because since the begning of our relationship I've wanted to go on holiday somewhere nice with him, but he always said that it wasn't the right time, or didn't have the money, etc. And then 2 weeks ago, saturday afternoon he sent me a text that I never received, saying that he wanted us to meet up later in the evening for dinner. I got home and he was really pissed off, saying that he was fed up of me always going out with my friends, so he walked out. I was in a blind panic, asking him to come back, saying that I was sorry...he ended up turning his phone off, I didn't sleep all night, and he came back at 9 in the morning. He was drunk, saying that he was ashamed of his behavior. He came to bed, I went out. I got a text in the afternoon, asking me where I was and that he was so sorry, and that he was embarrassed to see me after having turned off his phone and got back at 9 in the morning. I went back home and he spent the evening crying and saying how sorry he was. I was very very hurt by his atitude, so I left for the week and stayed at friends. He sent me a very long email that week saying that he was sorry, that he wanted us to be a real couple, that he wanted to change, that he wanted us to plan a holiday together, buy a house and if our relationship was strong, in 2 or 3 years we could have a baby. So basically, today, I'm like a lost soul, I don't know what to do.... Can he really change? Will all that he has promised me really be possible? I've kind of reached my breaking point, but I'm doing my best to hang on, and hope that he will really change.. Thank you so much if you just read that....any input or advice would be amazing. I just read through your thread..... I say run!!! With your heart the other way ... He has been lying and cheating all along ...you are young and gullible...and like one poster mentioned a glorified nanny. Bisexuality is not something you can cure...ignore his mails or any contact ,block and delete him ... I dont understand why anyone would think they deserve this...Go for individual counselling and get yourself in a healthy head space ..and when a good guy comes around you will be in a healthy relationship.. If you go back you are looking at a life time of misery ...He will always cheat with transsexual and prostitutes (yeezus) ...do you really want this kind of a role model for your child ...I say run Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 He cheats and doesn't want any more children. Dump him and find a man, not a baby in his 40s. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Please start making decisions that change your life - for the better. You are young - and deserve much more than this. You can't change him - but you can make decisions that change it FOR yourself. I hope you will. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Do some research of Borderline Personality Disorder and see if it fits him. This is something that really can't be cured. Do not expect him to change, he won't. Either accept living this way or make the choices to allow you to be a happier person. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 So basically, today, I'm like a lost soul, I don't know what to do.... Can he really change? Will all that he has promised me really be possible? I've kind of reached my breaking point, but I'm doing my best to hang on, and hope that he will really change.. Thank you so much if you just read that....any input or advice would be amazing. I think most of us could just re-post what we told you initially. I said: Love isn't a noun, it's a verb requiring action. Are the actions you describe those of someone who loves you ? Read an article on addiction that stated the average alcoholic drives drunk 200 times before they're caught. I'd guess the ratios for serial cheaters like your BF are roughly the same... And now you've caught him twice. Don't know if that says more about him or you ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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