Permission for husband to pursue love affair.

[dreamingoftigers]

You are so heartbroken.

 

I really feel and hear it.

 

You don't think there is anything better out there for you.

 

You signed up for marriage and family.

 

You thought he was happy with you.

 

And now because he's overindulgent, you are willing to accept the structure of marriage abd family because you don't want rip your life apart, but it isn't at all the dream you thought you were getting.

 

And you want him to still like you and not fault you for any of this.

That's how men like him indulge.

They prey on women who will sacrifice to be liked and accepted.

He is using you as a wife, mother and partner to indulge.

 

It won't be until you stop acting like you are cool with it that he will stop.

Not in the angry way, but in the "whatever man, like me, don't like me, but I signed up for a sexy loyal partner and you're lack of loyalty and fidelity is a turn-off. Very unsexy. Maybe K will like that, but I find it gross. The only thing it does for me is make me want to explore options with men who have been burned by disloyal women and just see who is out there. At this point it feels like we are friends. mean we have the kids together etc. But I rally wanted a real husband. At this point it looks like I need to be searching outside this marriage as well. If we could even call this a marriage at this point. Heck, you are all ready to go jump K but when's the last time we had a real date? Lame."

 

Make you life about going out, having fun and meeting new people. I am not saying to go screw someone. Just go have fun already!

 

He has said he wants his "one night a week."

Tell him you want your one night a week first to "try it out" and also say you want it two njghts before he does his whatever grossness.

 

If he's all like "why do you get two nights first? " be like "because you want to screw my friiend, I should get like 53 nights first. Deal with it."

 

Let him stew until 5 a m for one night and then next week, repeat. See how long his obsession with K keeps up.

 

Then after night two.....after going out, staying up and taking care of your need for fun etc while he's changing diapers and checking the clock.....you probably won't give two craps about whether or not he likes you and if you are "enough."

 

I am betting you don't feel pretty either.

 

The has a big impact on us.

[autumnnight]

From your first post it sounds like he badgered you into it. I'm wondering where all these posters who are supposed to be outraged over affairs are.....This is obviously hurtful to you.

[angie2443]

He's fooling himself as well as you if he thinks he won't fall in love. He's already besotted with her, but after seeing her regularly he won't fall in love with her? Come on, that's not how relationships work, that's not how affairs work.

 

He is making you take the decision so when it all goes tits up (which it will) he can partially blame you.

 

If you don't want a polygamous relationship your answer should be a simple one - No! He is married or single, he can't have both.

 

Why are you tolerating this?

 

I have the feeling that when she says "no", he will just start hiding things better. She can't stop him from doing what he seems to feel privaleged to do. She can only control her actions.

 

Ansur, a lot of people are sugesting to go out on dates or at least just go out. Do you have other people that you trust that can help watch the kids besides your husband? His thinking seems off and I could see him setting up dates for himself while it's his turn to watch the kids.

 

I don't know that going out just to try to "win" your husband back is a good idea at this point. Your kids need for the adults in their lives to be adults and not play games. I'm certainly not suggesting that you sit at home while your husband goes out on dates. What other options are there? Do you think you might become more confidant about divorcing your husband after reading all these posts? Is there a cultural reason that is stopping you from getting a divorce at this point?

[angie2443]

From your first post it sounds like he badgered you into it. I'm wondering where all these posters who are supposed to be outraged over affairs are.....This is obviously hurtful to you.

 

They're here.

[spanz1]

signing up for the dating site was probably a great idea.

 

Now, let him see your profile on there, and ask him for suggestions about how to improve it. Let him see some of the emails you are getting from men on the site. That just might whack him upside his head enough to knock him out of this fantasy life he is dreaming about.

[truncated]

Okay,I'm going to say it.

 

This situtation sounds really messed up. he's worn you down, treated you with incredible disrespect and now he wants to sleep with this other woman, who has no idea he's ben drooling after her all this time?

 

 

Yuck. Just plain nasty. If she is any sort of friend to you and she finds out the entire story of the situation, I hope she tells him to get the F@@k away from her and never speak to her again.

 

I wonder what that would do to Mr. Happy Pants.

 

You darn well do deserve better treatment than this. He's incredibly lucky to have a loyal and loving woman like you in his life, and if he is willing to stomp all over your heart, then that's says much about about him than you.

 

What it sounds like you need right now is to not worry about finding a boyfriend. It sounds like you need some therapy to find out why your self esteem is so low that you wuld be willing to accept this nonsensical arrangement, and then build it back up until you find "you" agaian. Your snake of a husband can go slither off somewhere else.

[ComingInHot]

I concur. This is a job for Dr. PHIL. ....

CiH*

[loveboid]

I think people don't understand their bodies.

 

Really, do you think in the land of saber tooth tigers and ice, people would rationally say, "Hey lets make our lives tougher by raising a helpless baby for years!" No, Nature makes it feel good and tricks us! But at least it does it nicely.

 

People fall in love and it's a chemical nuclear bomb. It makes people monogamous and focus exclusively and happily on their one love obsession and this is possible for years, very commonly four or more years. Unless there is something fatally unattractive about the person or getting together is hopeless.

 

So, yes, this is the passion, that something, that "Is this all there is to marriage," "I hate love stories," you're both missing. If she feels the same way they could want to exclusively be together without distractions from you...he could leave you. That is why people are afraid of their SO dating others.

 

If you want you and him to fall in love in I would research it and figure out how. If you want Nature to take its course then I would both go out and try to fall in love with others.

 

Also, if she doesn't reciprocate then it doesn't work. He'll see it's hopeless and he'll fall out of love.