spanz1 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 4. He can't cheat on me , CANNNOT cheat on me under any reason. If one day I no longer can satisfy him emotionally/sexually, or if he fall out of love on me: I will give him the full freedom to go be with another woman, under one condition: he MUST PROMISE to tell me first. NO need to cheats, just tell me first, then I let him go free. No need to keep a man when his heart is no longer with you. So is my list Unreasonable or controlling? this one especially makes perfect sense! If he is GOING to cheat...why do it? just ask for permission? Now open marriage is not for everyone...but if the alternative is cheating and ending up in certain divorce...why not just talk it out first?? your list seems very reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
Elliotte Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Your list seems fine to me, I read it less as some strict rule set and more as you making sure your partner is wanting the same things out of living together. BUT in my experience you will never be able to foresee all of the obstacles in your relationships' future, don't be surprised if rules need to be bent due to unforeseen situations and learning to compromise on some things is an essential skill when sharing your lives together. I am not saying this about the cheating part, but I wouldn't be surprised if there ends up being times where you or him will have to lean on each other financially more than you'd prefer, no one has a 100% secure job, the recession has certainly proved that! Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 IMO, you are either in it together or you are not. This splitting up of finances/responsibilities seems like a recipe for doom. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 what i think is that you need to discuss this with the guy you plan to marry and his opinion and your opinion on what is right for you or wrong for you both ....is in yours and his hands ...do not listen to others......unless you were to hash it out with a church leader or receive guidance with professionals who know you him intimately and both of you together how you work things out..............deb Link to post Share on other sites
westernwhisky Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Honestly, your list describes a roommate agreement not a marrage. This is exactly right for moving in together, minus the cheating part. (That doesn't really need to be stated, cheating usually ends everything, and what are you going to do anyway)(also, after many year of investment in a marriage/family its not that easy to just tell your spouse "oh, I'm done, you suck". Well..., for some it is. Alternative...cheating) Now, I would say this is a lousy marriage agreement. You're really not married, just living completely separate lives. You just happen to live together and maybe have kids. There is no investment in each other. Why ever get married? What happens if he gets seriously sick? Do you kick him to the curb for not paying his half? What if one of you loose your job? What happens when you hold your first child and you see her sparkling deep blue eyes staring back, and from that point on you want to stay home with her. How will you pay your half then? Marriage is NOT about money. Divorce is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asiangirl Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) Lord, if my child have blue eyes, then something is wrong big time, becasue it is not our child. No way an Asian girl and a Black guy can produce a "sparkling deep blue eyes" child, lol. We both have brown eyes. No offense, just saying... I am tired of repeating myself. I have stated clearly, the agreements is between two of us, it does not concerns outsiders. I answer the question a hundred times. What happened if I get pregnant? I will continue to work and put in my fair share of household expense. I won't be taking 9 months off, we both will be starving. How many times do I have to repeat myself that we are a poor couple, he does NOT make enough to support the whole family alone. And when I am close to give birth, I have my OWN money in my 'saving' to cover up for the time I will be miss out of work. And him, I repeat many times. Just because he is the guy, he does NOT have to pay for everything. We 'women' can put in our same share of mortgage/rent and household bills. I don't believe in the crap s-h-i-t of the "man" is the solely breadwinner in this marriage. It will be BOTH of us are the breadwinner in here. He needs to be responsible to his own "saving" and prepared for emergency and rainy days, this goes to me as well. I don't touch a penny of his money, and I don't butt in his saving; so he should KNOW BETTER and be responsible for his own d-a-m-n money. And if what happened if he fall sick? Well then let me ask you, what happen to the "saving" that he SUPPOSE to be responsible saving for? Did he go spend it all on strip clubs? If not, then start take it out to help the family. I am the woman here, and I never ask him to feed me. How dare he ask me to feed him? BTW, we are still together and happy. He got no problem with me "going dutch" or split 50/50 with him, or pay for my own. He actually really appreciated it; because he said all the ex-gf of his always asked him to buy them, this buy them that. And those ex's of his asked him to take them to places, and ask him to pay for everything. So he was happy to found me, who willing to let him save half of his money for other important stuff, and I pay for my own ways. I have no problem with my marriage list, I am not married to you so it doesn't matter anyways. What matter is between me and my man, if he got no problem with it then who are you to say? Edited December 9, 2014 by asiangirl Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I'm still curious about why almost every post of yours has this insistence that 'he does NOT have to pay for everything' when nobody in any of your threads has even suggested that he should pay for everything. Are you by any chance extrapolating based on your family's beliefs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author asiangirl Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) Then I am curious why every reply insist on how I should change my 50/50 financial split wtih him. The only one can have the voice in his is my man, if he go tno problem with pay hafl the rent/mortgage, then who are you to tell me to change things? If you use to have your man pay for your everything; Good for ya, but this girl here will NOT follow that style. When I say half half, I mean half half. And if he got a problem with it, feel free to go look for another girl. There plenty of girls out there who willing to let him pay 100% instead of 50% And No, my Asian traditional family believe in the man is the solely breadwinner, and the wife stay at home. But that is my family, that have nothing to do with me. I have other thread here about how I was mentally/physically abuse by my mother when I was little. And that I move out far away from her at the age of 18, and I survive on my own over a decade without a penny help from her or anyone. Whataever, if Mod happened to come across this thead, please close it. As I refused to change my marriage list, so there no point of further opinion needed. Edited December 9, 2014 by asiangirl Link to post Share on other sites
westernwhisky Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 All baby's eyes are blue or gray at birth. Newborn Eye Color - HealthyChildren.org Link to post Share on other sites
westernwhisky Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Look I really don't care what you two do and if it works then yay!!!!!! But YOU posted asking for opinions, so I will to give mine. ( on a side note, why did you post. Your opinion is obviously set in stone.)(wait you may have already answered that ?) I wasn't trying to debunk your "rules", I was simply pointing out that you are trying to put very simplistic boundary conditions on a very sophosticated problem (marriage). They will not hold up to realistic test. Because unlike your "rules" marriage is very dynamic. Next, I have no problem with women providing an equal share of the family income. My wife brings in about 50% of our income. But even if she was stay-at-home mom, she would still be bring in ~50% of the income by saving on food bills, child care, and numerous other thing the stay-at-home moms and dads do. And again, marriage is not about money (gold diggers and military excluded), poor or not, its about family. You do what you have to do to nurture and grow it, which, frankly, makes your rules irrelevant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Then I am curious why every reply insist on how I should change my 50/50 financial split wtih him. Nobody here is saying that splitting the bills is a bad thing. What some people are saying is that being rigid is not likely to lead to a good outcome in a LTR. In life, things ebb and flow, and you cannot predict what your circumstances are going to be with 100% certainty. At any rate, since you're not interested in any advice (despite asking for it), I'll bow out here. Enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asiangirl Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 LOL, I did not ask if my list works or not. Nor I need any lecture on how I should change my rules. I ask if my list is TOO MUCH to ask in my man. Simple as that I don't need go off tangent like my list won't work becasue of blah blah blah... It been working for the past 4 years I know him, and it still working. You not in our relationship, what do you know? My thread tittle is very simple. Is this too much to ask in my man? Yes or No Obviously it NOT too much when I am put in my equal share of the bills. Reread post #32 Link to post Share on other sites
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