Ignore what they say, you must 'play the game' [Update]

[love1336x]

I agree very much.

This is why I haven't become single so far, because I value this in my current boyfriend so much.

When I was single and dating, all men ever wanting to do is play, play, frolic. I hate having that feeling, "Oh would be okay to text him now?" And when I do text they respond like a day after when they are ALWAYS on their telephone.

 

One time I saw this man for a short spell, he trailed me for a good year on and off, always telling me, "I want to be your man. You're amazing" But, at the time I would be blabbing to other men who was more serious with me.

 

 

I eventually broke this man a chance, and the moment we slept together.... That night he stated to me, "We should stay as friends" I checked and didn't bother to text him or nothing the next day. A couple days after he flips on me! Saying, "yo wtf? I like you!!!"

 

He's not the first one who played this game with me.

When I met my current boyfriend, we were friends, eventually he told me he liked me and wanting me to be his girlfriend. Very simple man never made it a mission from hell to date him. Given our relationship have problems, but he never played that annoying ignoring game with me.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Always hold onto yourself and keep your friendships and interests and time to your self in a relationship whether you are a man or a woman, that's what I believe. And if somebody is always pushing for more of you like they are trying to OWN you, they are probably a control freak and not a good partner for you at all! Don't play a game though ...

[autumnnight]

For me it is not about being too available. It is about the pressure to be EVERYTHING 24/7 to someone, being their ONLY, friend, their ONLY social outlet, their ONLY ear, their ONLY interest. I am just a fallible human. No way can I live up to being the sun around which someone revolves. And I would never out that kind of pressure on a man either. My esteem needs to come from within. I have a support network of godly female friends, a few of which are 10+ years older and very wise. I work hard at my job and am active in my church. I would hope my partner has friends, work ethics, and pursuits as well.

[smg15]

I'm a fan of spending quality time, but still insisting we have our time apart.

 

It's healthy for a relationship, having other things to do.

 

I agree, Balance is important. I would never want things to get stale by seeing someone everyday

[ascendotum]

A previous ex left the relationship because he wasn't comfortable with the fact that I was furthering my education and salary prospects; one of my friends recently left her husband because he was making their lives a complete misery since she got promoted at work, hence earning more money than him - he felt inadequate and couldn't handle it.

 

 

The women I know (this one included) have no problem whatsoever being the main breadwinner, and some have been lucky enough to have found secure partners who don't see it as an issue either. Where I live, stay-at-home fathers are very common and no-one bats an eyelid; in fact, they seem to attract a lot more respect than women for doing the exact same thing, which is baffling.

 

 

Incidentally, they also seem to be pretty relaxed and open-minded individuals who don't have gender war for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

Without doubt this 'gf/wife now doing better and the relationship deteriorating' feature gets triggered from both genders. I know plenty of guys that likewise say living in a materialistic high cost of living society they don't mind their partner making good $. Better lifestyle for both + it means he wont get screwed over in divorce settlement. As we know what people say and what they will actually be happy with IRL are two different things...the theme of this thread.

My guess is many relationship breakdowns over this issue you will hear 2 different versions of the story. One from her and one from him saying the other person changed. The women will say the guy got all insecure over her new success started bickering more, and the guys will say she changed - became less affectionate towards him, was now more critical of him and started arguments more now, now had higher expectations, talked up the alpha mgrs she worked with, showed possible cheating behavior, etc.

Edited December 1, 2014 by ascendotum

[bachdude]

It seems no matter how much the girlfriend fights to have you around more and all to themselves, to talk with you everyday on skype or stay at theirs everynight etc etc.. you can't give in.

 

In my experience, when you give them what they want, which is all of you, when you finally give it to them, they then resent you for it.

 

It seems no matter what, you must 'play the game' of limiting yourself to someone in order to keep attracting no matter how close you are to each other and no matter how much they fight to have more of you (in whatever way you want to interpret 'limiting yourself' to be)

 

In my 2 relationships i've given in to the womans wants to have more of me and it has only ever ended in them losing interest despite them convincing me it's a good thing and its what they want.

 

I honestly feel like its a bit of a common relationship trap..

 

 

What are peoples thoughts on this?

 

Sure, it can keep the dopamine going...That is the basis for a lot of these types of relationship theories, really. Dopamine lights up our brains like cocaine (seriously) and is a hormones that produces euphoria in romantic relationships. But the release of dopamine gets less and less as predictability and and familiarity become the norm. The release of dopamine requires novelty and unpredictability. That is why people get so addicted to gambling, BTW. The slot machines are unpredictable. When the gambler wins, they get a huge dopamine rush. They are really addicted to dopamine, not gambling.

 

Problem is....marriage and long term relationships. If the relationship gets no deeper than a dopamine rush, when that wears off, there is nothing substantial for the relationship to stand on. You can keep playing your game your whole life, and maybe you can pull it off, but it sounds like a miserable existence to me. And besides, I highly doubt it will work in the long term as long as you live under the same roof.

 

If the couple can work to develop something deeper, a real emotional connection, companionship, close friendship, and so on, the relationship can go beyond being addicted to a hormone.

 

Guys, work on really getting to know your woman. Listen to her, understand her, be her emotional support, show her empathy, really hear what she is saying, and she wont take off when the high wears off.