Did I piss this guy off because I didn't want to go to his place?

[hotpotato]

I initially agreed with d0nnivain, but then when I saw he hit you up for a 'date' if you can call it that at 11.30 that night over at his place, I thought you it was okay of you to get cheeky on him. I personally would have taken the 'need to catch up on my TV shows' as a lame blow off excuse. What is this 1975 where you can't record or go-online to catch up on a show at a later time!! From your perspective I thought it was ok in the context of him looking for a late night hookup. While his buddy and his girl were there, there is a good chance they might not be when you get there (that ploy gets used), or his friend could be a good boy for him and leave soon after you arrive to 'leave you two lovebirds alone'. I think he was annoyed + also blow to the ego, because you chose a tv over him. You win some you lose some with a late night short notice 1st/2nd date back at your place.

 

Whether or not his friend was there makes no difference to him.

[hotpotato]

Not reading all the responses, but exactly what d0nnivain said. For me, it would have hurt that you choose TV first. Though, i wouldn't have had the childish outburst, rather just feel a little hurt. I probably would wait for you to reach out after that because I would assume you weren't interested in me.

 

I would respect more if you honestly said you didn't trust me enough yet or something. It wouldn't hurt my ego and make me want to take it slow if I really liked you.

 

Exhibit A

Men worry about getting the ego hurt, and women worry about getting raped

 

 

 

I must ask. Why be so hurt because a woman wants to be cautious?

[bathtub-row]

Yeah, he called me in the earlier that day, I didn't answered. He didn't say anything about any plans the next day, the night before. I was like wth was he calling me for??? Then he texted me later that night. He gets off work at 11:00pm. Still, it's childish of his little outburst. He's off during the week, so I don't see what his problem is. Oh well. Glad he paid for my dinner and drinks and got nothing in return!

 

Yeah, knowing all this, what he did couldn't be construed as great manners on his part, and it's even suspicious. Asking you out last minute, to meet him at his place when you don't even know him, and that late at night. Epic fail.

 

 

I'm not sure I'd trust this guy if I were you. At best, he's clueless and insensitive; at worst, either another date cancelled on him, or he had other things in mind. A girl can't be too careful and any decent guy would be aware of that.

[elaine567]

A girl can't be too careful and any decent guy would be aware of that.

 

Yes, very true.

[Chemist]

Exhibit A

Men worry about getting the ego hurt, and women worry about getting raped

 

 

 

I must ask. Why be so hurt because a woman wants to be cautious?

 

Did you comprehend what i wrote? I said I would respect her and understand if she said she didn't trust me yet.

 

Choosing TV over me let's me know that she is as interested in me as wasting 30 minutes of her life watching fictional characters than make a real connection.

 

11.30 at night is not late, especially if you work until 11 pm. Also, he wasn't trying to get her alone, just to have someone he is interested in there, rather than be the 3rd wheel.

 

Nothing this guy did is bad except the childish outburst when he didn't get his way. You're choice on if that is a deal breaker or not. You are applying to many shady motives to this guy when no one has any clue what his true intentions were.

[hotpotato]

Did you comprehend what i wrote? I said I would respect her and understand if she said she didn't trust me yet.

 

Choosing TV over me let's me know that she is as interested in me as wasting 30 minutes of her life watching fictional characters than make a real connection.[/Quote]

 

Seriously? Its 1130 at night. Most women arent goong to risk their safety. Some people also have to get up early. Maybe we could argue differently if they were in a relationship, but theyve been on one date. im not sure if id call a late night bootycall as trying to make a real connection. If he was really trying to make a connection, he wouldnt risk looking as though he was only after sex.

 

11.30 at night is not late, especially if you work until 11 pm. Also, he wasn't trying to get her alone, just to have someone he is interested in there, rather than be the 3rd wheel.

 

Of course, he was trying to get her alone-in his bedroom. Ive btdt. The presence of his friends is irrelevant. We need to get real about this. Your advice could be putting women in a compromising situation!

 

Nothing this guy did is bad except the childish outburst when he didn't get his way. You're choice on if that is a deal breaker or not. You are applying to many shady motives to this guy when no one has any clue what his true intentions were.

 

The outburst is the least problem. At least it happened elsewhere. It could have been him having an outburst in her presence if she had refused sex.1130 is bootycall time. I have known people who work late shifts but can still make time for friends and acquaintances at a decent hour.

 

As a veteran of old, im 99% sure he was after sex. Thats fine, but he should have been forthright.

Op, most guys arent gonna be like, "hey you, you want to come over and fck? Its 1130, and im horny." They are going to invite you over to do something more innocent.

 

Heed my words. This is something women ned to understand.

[ascendotum]

LOTS of women have one night stands with guys they hardly know. Lots of OLD dates for good looking guys end up with first date sex it seems. Lots on tinder app dates end up with meet & great & sex.

[hotpotato]

Nevermind....

[kaylan]

LOTS of women have one night stands with guys they hardly know. Lots of OLD dates for good looking guys end up with first date sex it seems. Lots on tinder app dates end up with meet & great & sex.

Gotta agree with this. Ive slept with a few women from Tinder this year. Two were first nighters. The current gal and I hooked up on the second meeting. It may have gone farther if we had the right setting...but we were both trying to be good as we planned to not have it just be a one-off or two-off deal.

 

We had sex our fourth date, almost 3 weeks into things. But anyways...based on how some women behave online, especially the first two for me this year, its not odd for a guy to make an invite to hang out late.

 

Heck...I had one woman from OKC hit me up for an impromptu first meeting at like almost 2am at a diner. We had both had previous plans that night and lead busy lives...so at the end of her night she hit me up and I was free by that time.

 

 

Anyways...so while I understand how some women don't want to meet up late with a guy they don't know well...or don't wanna have quick sex...plenty of people do it. And tbh...some girls who don't normally do those things, will do it for the right guy. So I cant fault homeboy for trying. I can fault him for not knowing how to take the piss and roll with a simple joke.

Edited November 26, 2014 by kaylan

[Chemist]

Nevermind....

 

I didn't say to go over there.

 

I just mentioned it is easier to just be honest. Jokes are hard to tell by text and new people don't know each others sense of humor well enough for too much text sarcasm.

 

My point was, that you are all assuming things that might not be true.

 

I do think he reacted like a kid. I don't think he was trying to be a creeper and date rape her in a dark basement.

[hotpotato]

I didn't say to go over there.

 

I just mentioned it is easier to just be honest. Jokes are hard to tell by text and new people don't know each others sense of humor well enough for too much text sarcasm.

 

My point was, that you are all assuming things that might not be true.

 

I do think he reacted like a kid. I don't think he was trying to be a creeper and date rape her in a dark basement.

 

Im not saying you said she had to go over there. Im sayibg youre giving bad advice.

 

If a man invites you over, its most likely for sex. Thinking otherwise can/will cause misunderstandings.

 

There is a very, very low chance he didnt want sex. Ive been dealing with situations lime this for about 10 years. You are being very naive.

 

Im glad he had his outburst at home while she was not in his presence (like if she declined sex). Imagine how angry and confused he could have been in that situation. Also, btdt.

 

Even if he didnt want sex, its better to err on the side of caution (that is if shes not looking for sex).

[Chemist]

weird. second date I invited a girl over for dinner. I cooked, we ate, drank two bottles of wine, and I gave her a hug when she left.

 

 

You date shady guys, apparently.

[elaine567]

weird. second date I invited a girl over for dinner. I cooked, we ate, drank two bottles of wine, and I gave her a hug when she left.

 

 

You date shady guys, apparently.

 

So you're saying this guy got home at 23:00, put on his apron and cooked a three course meal, ready for her when she was supposed to show up at midnight.

NO wonder he was upset, when she didn't want to come.

[hotpotato]

weird. second date I invited a girl over for dinner. I cooked, we ate, drank two bottles of wine, and I gave her a hug when she left.

 

 

You date shady guys, apparently.

 

I date regular, everyday guys who come fron all walks of life.

[Chemist]

So you're saying this guy got home at 23:00, put on his apron and cooked a three course meal, ready for her when she was supposed to show up at midnight.

NO wonder he was upset, when she didn't want to come.

 

I am just saying not every man is going to only want sex. And the whole point is that why not just be honest?

[LisaSmith_1970]

weird. second date I invited a girl over for dinner. I cooked, we ate, drank two bottles of wine, and I gave her a hug when she left.

 

 

You date shady guys, apparently.

 

Mostly likely you had sex. Any guy that invites a girl to his place on a second date means SEX! After my first date with this guy from OLD, a week later he contacted me and wanted to come over to give him a back massage because his back was killing him. And do you think he wanted only a massage? No, after I gave him a massage, we started making out and it led to sex. And boy, was he prepared cuz he brought condoms.

[hotpotato]

I am just saying not every man is going to only want sex. And the whole point is that why not just be honest?

 

Not every man will want only sex. Sex will also want a foot rub.

[Chemist]

Not every man will want only sex. Sex will also want a foot rub.

 

Wat?

 

I think you have a very cynical approach to life.

 

And no, we did not have sex. I was trying to get to know her.

[hotpotato]

Wat?

 

I think you have a very cynical approach to life.

 

And no, we did not have sex. I was trying to get to know her.

 

No, im just being realistic.

[hotpotato]

I'll go further to say that very early in a dating process with a new man, you should never assume to know what's in his head. If you like him enough to go out with him, do so. If he tries to have sex with you, you decline.

 

If you assume a man is only wanting to go with you for sex, you may never find a suitable companion or mate. Take some time to evaluate things. It's in your control as to whether sex will happen.

 

What if he doesnt want to take no for an answer?

[Blade96]

He's a little manchild. You had one date. You wanted to not go anywhere at 11:pm at night. To a stranger's house. A stranger with whom you only had one date. For what looks like a sex call to me (and others here from reading this)

 

I got fooled like that. One night a guy who I'd only had one or two dates with invited me to him and his friend. I was early 20's and naive. I left immediately when he pulled his pants down and tried to kiss me. Turns out he had lied and only one there was his friend and not who wanted sex. The friend pulled his pants down showed his penis and tried to kiss me. I turned and left immediately. He went too, only to abandon me alone in downtown of a city, first chance he got. I was ok, but it could have been worse.

 

Yup, I dodged a bullet and I think so did you.