skyblue707 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) I went on a first date with this guy from OLD on Friday. Things went well, then he called on Saturday, I didn't pick up, then he texted me later that night and asked if I wanted to come over to his place-his buddy and gal were going to be there. I turned him down and jokingly said I had to catch up on some tv shows. Then he said that I'm being silly and that he's more fun than any tv show. I told him, "I don't know about that, I like my crime shows. Then he texted that crime shows suck. I haven't heard for him since. Geez. I just think it's stupid that he gets pissed. Why the hell am I going over to some strangers house with his 2 friends that I don't even know? I'm not going to get locked up in some basement. I have every right to say no. What do you think? It looks like he wanted to get laid that night. Edited November 25, 2014 by skyblue707 1
GTR King Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Well if you don't feel comfortable with going to his house then don't go there. If he don't respect that then he is not worth your bother. You did nothing wrong. Just move on... 2
Dallers Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) He was only after sex. Always analyse the situation. The first date went well but he decided he only wanted you for sex. He mentioned that there was a friend of his with a girl so that you did not feel like it would be uncomfortable and that he was not going to try it on with them there which is classic game. He negged the crime show because it was obvious he wanted to invite you over to spend alone time with him and not watch the show. If this guy had any class at all he would have managed to get you in bed leading from the date or when he was alone with you and clearly his game is so lame that he had to try and get you into bed using text and manipulation. Poorly done at best. Men like this cause men like me hard work with women because they are stupid. You missed a bullet. Edited November 25, 2014 by Dallers 4
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I think he was throwing it out there to see what happened. But when you told him that you would rather watch TV then be with him, that probably hurt. He felt rejected, as would most people. A more diplomatic reply would have been a vague "I already have other plans" It doesn't matter that your plans were to watch your shows. You didn't want to go to his house, whether that was because you were concerned this was an inappropriate request for sex or that you really wanted to watch your shows, he'd be less pissed off right now. A little tact goes a long way. 5
Zahara Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Echoing d0nnivain. I don't think he was pissed that you didn't want to go to his place but if anyone told me that they would rather their TV show over hanging out with me, it would be a blow to the ego and quite the rejection. It's one thing to avoid going over because you know he may be wanting sex, but there is a tactful way to say no. 5
Author skyblue707 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 I think he was throwing it out there to see what happened. But when you told him that you would rather watch TV then be with him, that probably hurt. He felt rejected, as would most people. A more diplomatic reply would have been a vague "I already have other plans" It doesn't matter that your plans were to watch your shows. You didn't want to go to his house, whether that was because you were concerned this was an inappropriate request for sex or that you really wanted to watch your shows, he'd be less pissed off right now. A little tact goes a long way. Yeah, but he wanted to be clever. Like, first he told me what his plans were that night, then asked me, "what are you doing tonight?" So, I didn't know that he was going to invite me over, so I just said that I was going to watch some tv. Then, he asked that it would be more fun if I went over to his place. I really didn't have the chance to say that I had plans, because he asked me what I was doing that night first.
elaine567 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 You were well within your rights to say no here and not feel guilty about it, if you like him suggest you meet again in some public place, until you get to know him better. Booty calls later at night need to be squashed flat by any woman wanting a real relationship anyway.
mammasita Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I absolutely don't blame you for not wanting to go to this guys house so early on. So good for you for NOT falling into that typical played out scenario. Yeah, but he wanted to be clever. Like, first he told me what his plans were that night, then asked me, "what are you doing tonight?" So, I didn't know that he was going to invite me over, so I just said that I was going to watch some tv. Then, he asked that it would be more fun if I went over to his place. I really didn't have the chance to say that I had plans, because he asked me what I was doing that night first. If he started out with his comments being playful, then your response shouldn't have pissed him off. If in fact he is/was pissed, then I suspect he was wanting sex and you simply bruised his ego. Soooo, your comment in itself didn't piss him off, the fact that he didn't get laid is pissing him off. Stand your ground girl! You not having gone to his house makes me happy.
Redhead14 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Even if you suspect a man is calling you for purpose of having sex, you do not KNOW that is the case. If you suspect that, your should treat him with respect and not chance insulting him. You tell him you have other plans and thank him. If you're feeling disrespected, you do not lower yourself to disrespecting him in kind. You be the better person always.
Redhead14 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I'll go further to say that very early in a dating process with a new man, you should never assume to know what's in his head. If you like him enough to go out with him, do so. If he tries to have sex with you, you decline. If you assume a man is only wanting to go with you for sex, you may never find a suitable companion or mate. Take some time to evaluate things. It's in your control as to whether sex will happen.
Author skyblue707 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 Even if you suspect a man is calling you for purpose of having sex, you do not KNOW that is the case. If you suspect that, your should treat him with respect and not chance insulting him. You tell him you have other plans and thank him. If you're feeling disrespected, you do not lower yourself to disrespecting him in kind. You be the better person always. He didn't give me a chance to tell him I had plans. He first asked me what I was doing that night, and I told him. Then he suggested it would be better if I went over there.
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Yeah, but he wanted to be clever. Like, first he told me what his plans were that night, then asked me, "what are you doing tonight?" So, I didn't know that he was going to invite me over, so I just said that I was going to watch some tv. Then, he asked that it would be more fun if I went over to his place. I really didn't have the chance to say that I had plans, because he asked me what I was doing that night first. On a Saturday night with a new person I would never admit that I was staying home. When confronted with a Q like this, whose only purpose could be to box you in to going out with them last minute, the answer is "I have to stuff to do" followed by a series of non committal answers if they persist. You didn't do anything wrong & as others have said you were well within your rights to say no. However, since you asked, it was the reason you gave -- watching TV -- that has his nose bent out of joint.
rester Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 OP has nothing to be ashamed of because she would rather relax at home on a Saturday night than go out with some new guy she had just had a first date with the night before. In my opinion, if he can't understand that, he's the unreasonable one. I wouldn't be offended in the slightest if someone I had just taken out on a first date on a Friday preferred to stay at home the next day rather than going out again. I wouldn't have even asked that in the first place. OP is entitled to a relaxing Saturday by herself.
Blakely Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I feel like him inviting friends over was his way of telling you he truly wanted to hang out and wasn't expecting sex. Just because a guy tries to have sex with you doesn't mean you have to. plus, If you feel like he has a crazy lock you in a dark basement and rape you type of tendencies, probably best you delete his number anyway!
bathtub-row Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 I agree with some of the others here. The reason that you gave him was poorly stated. There would have been a better way to say that. How about, "Thank you for the invite but I already have plans" for starters. I do think it's too soon for you to be going to his place because you don't really know the guy, but it's likely that he was sincere in the invitation and wanted you to feel comfortable knowing others would be there.
Author skyblue707 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Posted November 26, 2014 On a Saturday night with a new person I would never admit that I was staying home. When confronted with a Q like this, whose only purpose could be to box you in to going out with them last minute, the answer is "I have to stuff to do" followed by a series of non committal answers if they persist. You didn't do anything wrong & as others have said you were well within your rights to say no. However, since you asked, it was the reason you gave -- watching TV -- that has his nose bent out of joint. Yeah, I should have given a better excuse. He texted me at 11:30pm, which I figured he wasn't going to invite me anywhere. I just don't see why he was rude about it, so what if I wanted to watch tv? I wasn't rejected him, we didn't make plans and I didn't blow him off last minute. I just don't see how I insulted him. He could have been cool about it, not very respectful. 1
Chemist Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Not reading all the responses, but exactly what d0nnivain said. For me, it would have hurt that you choose TV first. Though, i wouldn't have had the childish outburst, rather just feel a little hurt. I probably would wait for you to reach out after that because I would assume you weren't interested in me. I would respect more if you honestly said you didn't trust me enough yet or something. It wouldn't hurt my ego and make me want to take it slow if I really liked you.
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 11:30pm? Sounds like a booty call, you weren't interested then, so he isn't interested now. Next time he has an itch he needs scratching, you may hear from him again, IF he is desperate... Do NOT chase, complete waste of your time, unless you just want sex, of course. 3
rester Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Yeah, 11:30pm? So what if you would rather watch TV than go over there that late? He shouldn't be offended by that.
preraph Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 I'm not sure if he's smart enough to be boxing you in intentionally, but if anyone is doing that intentionally, they get what they deserve. Because that's not cool. It's not cool to ask someone out last minute on Saturday night either. If he was less hot-headed, he'd be asking himself if maybe why you didn't go was because it's insulting to be asked at the last minute. Overall, probably best not to even responsd to a text or phone if it's too late for someone to be asking you out or over. Just wait until the next day. That way you might avoid some of these guys who are just prying into what you're doing, whether you're seeing someone, etc. 1
Author skyblue707 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Posted November 26, 2014 Yeah, he called me in the earlier that day, I didn't answered. He didn't say anything about any plans the next day, the night before. I was like wth was he calling me for??? Then he texted me later that night. He gets off work at 11:00pm. Still, it's childish of his little outburst. He's off during the week, so I don't see what his problem is. Oh well. Glad he paid for my dinner and drinks and got nothing in return!
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Asking a young woman to go across town, to a house, by herself, to a house she has never been to before, to spend time with a man she has only just met, at 11:30pm, is frankly ridiculous. It puts that woman in a very weak and vulnerable position.
me85 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 I went on a first date with this guy from OLD on Friday. Things went well, then he called on Saturday, I didn't pick up, then he texted me later that night and asked if I wanted to come over to his place-his buddy and gal were going to be there. I turned him down and jokingly said I had to catch up on some tv shows. Then he said that I'm being silly and that he's more fun than any tv show. I told him, "I don't know about that, I like my crime shows. Then he texted that crime shows suck. I haven't heard for him since. Geez. I just think it's stupid that he gets pissed. Why the hell am I going over to some strangers house with his 2 friends that I don't even know? I'm not going to get locked up in some basement. I have every right to say no. What do you think? It looks like he wanted to get laid that night. Haha that made me giggle. Who cares if you pissed him off. Did you two hit it off on that first date?
ascendotum Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 I initially agreed with d0nnivain, but then when I saw he hit you up for a 'date' if you can call it that at 11.30 that night over at his place, I thought you it was okay of you to get cheeky on him. I personally would have taken the 'need to catch up on my TV shows' as a lame blow off excuse. What is this 1975 where you can't record or go-online to catch up on a show at a later time!! From your perspective I thought it was ok in the context of him looking for a late night hookup. While his buddy and his girl were there, there is a good chance they might not be when you get there (that ploy gets used), or his friend could be a good boy for him and leave soon after you arrive to 'leave you two lovebirds alone'. I think he was annoyed + also blow to the ego, because you chose a tv over him. You win some you lose some with a late night short notice 1st/2nd date back at your place.
hotpotato Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Yes, you made him angry. Anytime a man tries to get you alone (bedroom(even for cuddling, movie, cook you dinner or talk) hotel room, car, etc), hes trying to have sex. He was horny, and you picked tv over sex with him.
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