I Really Hate When People Say This

November 26, 2014

Oh and at one point someone asked maybe you look for perfect girls and your response was "im not perfect" did you even read what they said to you? Lol

she asked me if the girl I wanted had to be as perfect as I am

I replied by saying that I'm far from perfect

November 26, 2014

BINGO!

We have a winner!!

...guy's a douchbag

wanting a girl who is about as attractive as I am makes me a douchebag?

November 26, 2014

I'm pretty sure that if a overweight but nice girl came to approach you, you'll just push her away.

I would push her away but then again why should I be asked to date a girl like that?

Here's a picture of me

http://s29.postimg.org/63ix0nirr/image.jpg

If I can't have the female equivalent of that, is it too much to ask for a regular cute girl?

November 26, 2014

she asked me if the girl I wanted had to be as perfect as I am

I replied by saying that I'm far from perfect

I know I already said it was me who misread, but my take on you is still the same.

November 26, 2014

wanting a girl who is about as attractive as I am makes me a douchebag?

No, stating it like that does...

You think you're fit, attractive, good looking, wealthy, and deserving of an amazingly hot, sexy girl simply because of that.

Not surprised you end up playing with yourself every night...

Take a step down the ego ladder...it migh help.

November 26, 2014

No, stating it like that does...

Fair enough

You think you're fit, attractive, good looking, wealthy, and deserving of an amazingly hot, sexy girl simply because of that.

When did we go from a "cute girl in decent shape" to "amazingly hot and sexy"? Isn't that a big difference?

But no I don't think I'm entitled to anything. I just want a good girl in my life

November 26, 2014

BINGO!

We have a winner!!

...guy's a douchbag

It can be unusually harsh on a forum. We often get judged for speaking freely thinking we are safe to finally say some things we always wanted to say or sometimes feel but these things do not necessarily define who we are. I am sure at this point many are looking to find fault in the OP especially since we are trying to figure out why his dating life isn't successful. Everyone is going to jump on every thing.

November 26, 2014

I would push her away but then again why should I be asked to date a girl like that?

Here's a picture of me

http://s29.postimg.org/63ix0nirr/image.jpg

If I can't have the female equivalent of that, is it too much to ask for a regular cute girl?

Because, why not? She could be really cute & nice. Well i think it's normal to have a type but you don't necessary end up with your type, you should know that right? A nice body can be trained out but a bad personality is hard to change.

Ok let me make this clear, so you want a Nice, cute, good personality & a good body girlfriend? It's almost impossible. Nobody is perfect and if they do, most of them are already snatched away by better guys or perhaps (douche-bag). Love is blind. Personally i would rather choose a guy with bad figure than be with you because i'll feel that i'm constantly fighting to be perfect to "match up" with you. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all.

You can choose to be "perfect" but don't expect someone else to do so as well. I think you have a wrong mindset about relationships :/

November 26, 2014

Because, why not? She could be really cute & nice. Well i think it's normal to have a type but you don't necessary end up with your type, you should know that right? A nice body can be trained out but a bad personality is hard to change.

the overwhelming majority of overweight people don't have the work ethic, drive and dedication required to be in shape. If they did, they would be in shape to begin with

I'm just not interested in overweight girls. That's the absolute #1 attraction killer for me, right up there with things like smoking and being extremely religious

Ok let me make this clear, so you want a Nice, cute, good personality & a good body girlfriend? It's almost impossible.

You're kidding right? I have 10-20 friends dating women like that

I see women all the time I would love to date

Personally i would rather choose a guy with bad figure than be with you because i'll feel that i'm constantly fighting to be perfect to "match up" with you. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all.

what you are saying is fair

ideally I would like to date somebody who is as dedicated to fitness as I am. I hold myself up to a very high standard so I do need a girl who will hold herself up to at least some standards

I'm not saying I'm looking for a playmate though. Like I said before, I see lots of women I would like to date all the time

November 26, 2014

the overwhelming majority of overweight people don't have the work ethic, drive and dedication required to be in shape. If they did, they would be in shape to begin with

I'm just not interested in overweight girls. That's the absolute #1 attraction killer for me, right up there with things like smoking and being extremely religious

Well it depends, some people eat like a cow & stay slim while some who eat "grass" but find it hard to lose the extra weight. i feel you shouldn't be so harsh on them. I've met many overweight people who were amazing, i wouldn't stop dating a guy just because he is overweight. Unless you're talking about obese people, there would be a issue as i'm more concerned about his health than his looks.

You're kidding right? I have 10-20 friends dating women like that

I see women all the time I would love to date

Well like what you mentioned, they are DATING them already so they are sorta "taken" which leave you with lesser choices. And how well do you know them? I can see many guys all the time that i would to date but after dating them for awhile (for example you), i'll realize it'll not be suitable at all. You're looking more on the surface. A guy with bad personality with a good body = turn off. You wouldn't know how ****ty a person can get till you spend loads of time with them. You shouldn't go like "oh this girl is overweight, must be bad. NEXT!" "oh this girl isn't as cute and don't match me, NEXT!"

Sometimes you need to know a person better & maybe you'll fall for their personality instead of their looks. I would like to say "presentable" is good enough, as in being neat.

what you are saying is fair

ideally I would like to date somebody who is as dedicated to fitness as I am. I hold myself up to a very high standard so I do need a girl who will hold herself up to at least some standards

I'm not saying I'm looking for a playmate though. Like I said before, I see lots of women I would like to date all the time

Yes even through LS, i can see how high expectations you have of your girlfriend so it scares potential girls off. I'm giving you honest advice here. Most people don't appreciate honesty but i can see that you do admit to some things that people say though you still appear kinda "proud". Maybe in real life, you lack alot of confidence in yourself and when you're behind a "mask" in LS, you can freely speak about how good you are. If you knew you are that good, why can't you find a date? Think about that. Maybe the problem lies at you and your mindset. Attractive people are everywhere but they might not be suitable for you. As most people can see, the issue is you have high expectations. Mainly because you feel you're "perfect". You should think about it as many people can see you're being Proud, be it true or not.

When one person say you're proud, maybe she/he have a different perspective but when many people say so, you should start to step back and see if it's true or not.

November 26, 2014

Well like what you mentioned, they are DATING them already so they are sorta "taken" which leave you with lesser choices. And how well do you know them? I can see many guys all the time that i would to date but after dating them for awhile (for example you), i'll realize it'll not be suitable at all. You're looking more on the surface. A guy with bad personality with a good body = turn off. You wouldn't know how ****ty a person can get till you spend loads of time with them. You shouldn't go like "oh this girl is overweight, must be bad. NEXT!" "oh this girl isn't as cute and don't match me, NEXT!"
Sometimes you need to know a person better & maybe you'll fall for their personality instead of their looks. I would like to say "presentable" is good enough, as in being neat.

Guys dating women they're not physically attracted to very rarely works out

How often do you see a good looking muscular dude seriously dating a chubby girl? Very rare. Even cases like Hugh Jackman and his wife, she was attractive when they first met

Men need physical attraction to get something rolling before everything else comes in the picture in most cases. You're bringing yourself up as a valid analogy in this case and it's just not valid. There are way way more beautiful women dating chubby dudes than there are male model type men dating chubby women (the male model type men dating chubby women is about 1 in a billion kind of thing). We're wired differently. Most men want a woman who is at least as attractive as they are. Many men want a woman significantly more attractive than themselves - I feel like I'm being very reasonable with my expectations.

Yes even through LS, i can see how high expectations you have of your girlfriend so it scares potential girls off. I'm giving you honest advice here. Most people don't appreciate honesty but i can see that you do admit to some things that people say though you still appear kinda "proud". Maybe in real life, you lack alot of confidence in yourself and when you're behind a "mask" in LS, you can freely speak about how good you are. If you knew you are that good, why can't you find a date? Think about that. Maybe the problem lies at you and your mindset. Attractive people are everywhere but they might not be suitable for you. As most people can see, the issue is you have high expectations. Mainly because you feel you're "perfect". You should think about it as many people can see you're being Proud, be it true or not.

When one person say you're proud, maybe she/he have a different perspective but when many people say so, you should start to step back and see if it's true or not.

I feel like I've been 100% honest in this thread about myself

I've admitted I have some defeatist tendencies. As far as my positive traits go, these are things that other people have told me over and over again. I don't talk about anything where it's just me saying it. I do have a lot of positive traits and many of my loved ones in my close circle are absolutely astonished why I'm so horrible at dating

November 26, 2014

Ok, so you're good-looking with a great physique, you have a stylish wardrobe and make a lot of money. You're nice to everyone, and crude at times.

But then what else? It could just be that you have a boring personality. When I spend time with people, I can throw different aspects of my personality at them. I can be a hopeless romantic (I'm an absolute natural at that and girls like it), I can solve their problems in an hour (cause I'm really into self-help and personal growth), I have a wicked sense of humor, and well I'm just brave and passionate in my interactions. Now not everyone will vibe with me, but the point is that you need to make a girl FEEL something. Money, looks, and clothes won't make a girl feel anything.

The entire point of spending time with someone is to have fun. When girls say they would never date you and think of you as a brother, it's most likely because they think you're boring and won't be interesting and fun to be with.

Edited November 26, 2014 by Copelandsanity

November 26, 2014

But then what else? It could just be that you have a boring personality. When I spend time with people, I can throw different aspects of my personality at them. I can be a hopeless romantic (I'm an absolute natural at that and girls like it), I can solve their problems in an hour (cause I'm really into self-help and personal growth), I have a wicked sense of humor, and well I'm just brave and passionate in my interactions.

The entire point of spending time with someone is to have fun.

I agree but this is all common sense social skills

I don't think there's anything lacking with my social skills. I make friends everywhere i go.

When girls say they would never date you and think of you as a brother, it's most likely because they think you're boring and won't be interesting and fun to be with.

You really think that's it?

I have a female co worker of mine who pulled out the "he's like my brother" nonsense and me and her have fun all the time. We're always cracking jokes and telling stories. She has said a bunch of times that I'm a great guy but she only sees me as a friend

I don't know what else I have to do to be attractive to women. It's just so incredibly difficult

November 26, 2014

Guys dating women they're not physically attracted to very rarely works out

How often do you see a good looking muscular dude seriously dating a chubby girl? Very rare. Even cases like Hugh Jackman and his wife, she was attractive when they first met

Men need physical attraction to get something rolling before everything else comes in the picture in most cases. You're bringing yourself up as a valid analogy in this case and it's just not valid. There are way way more beautiful women dating chubby dudes than there are male model type men dating chubby women (the male model type men dating chubby women is about 1 in a billion kind of thing). We're wired differently. Most men want a woman who is at least as attractive as they are. Many men want a woman significantly more attractive than themselves - I feel like I'm being very reasonable with my expectations.

I feel like I've been 100% honest in this thread about myself

I've admitted I have some defeatist tendencies. As far as my positive traits go, these are things that other people have told me over and over again. I don't talk about anything where it's just me saying it. I do have a lot of positive traits and many of my loved ones in my close circle are absolutely astonished why I'm so horrible at dating

I wouldn't disagree with you because i'm a female and i'll never know how guys think. Maybe you're right but that's not the main point. We can give you advice but whether you take it or not, it's your choice. But i'm telling you how girls think but of course not every girl thinks like me.

Well as for your bad dating experience, nobody will ever understand why. People could tell you how good you are but never want to date you. Nobody will know why, i don't know you personally so i can only assume your personality from what you write here. But i stick to what i say, you're too proud and it does scares potential women away.

Well who knows, maybe next month you'll be back at LS with a thread "I fell in love with a overweight girl who is also super religious but she smokes." Haha i'm kidding but yeah good luck.

Oh yeah the guy above me, he's right. You might have a boring personality.

November 26, 2014

I agree but this is all common sense social skills

I don't think there's anything lacking with my social skills. I make friends everywhere i go.

You really think that's it?

I have a female co worker of mine who pulled out the "he's like my brother" nonsense and me and her have fun all the time. We're always cracking jokes and telling stories. She has said a bunch of times that I'm a great guy but she only sees me as a friend

I don't know what else I have to do to be attractive to women. It's just so incredibly difficult

Think of it this way.

The reason why people have relationships with others is because they fulfill needs of theirs. When you make friends, you are not fulfilling their most important ones or the majority of them at a high level; it might be some of them or many of them, but at a low or medium level.

Remember that drug dealer pulling that classy, attractive lady? The reason that he is able to do that is because he fulfills needs of hers at a high level. He provides her spontaneity (the danger from being a criminal), significance (her trying to save him from his flaws), and contribution (her trying to fix his problems above her own). Perhaps he also provides certainty, in the sense that he has the strength (weapons, people who work for him) to protect her and make her feel safe. So while being with him is a negative way of fulfilling her needs, no other man can do it at the level that he can.

Your money, your looks, your clothes don't fulfill a woman's needs. They are aspects of yourself that can help you do it, but they won't do it by themselves. What you need is the ability to create an experience where she can feel you fulfilling her needs. By needs, I mean you can make her feel certainty, spontaneity, significance, connection/love, progress and contribution at a high level. If you cannot inspire these emotions in her, you are not going to have much luck. You'll end up being friends...

When I pull out the hopeless romantic in me, girls feel love and spontaneity radiating from me into her. When I be Mr. Self-Help, girls feel like they're making progress in their life; they also feel significant and that I contribute to their lives. When I am wickedly funny, they feel spontaneity and connection.

Edited November 26, 2014 by Copelandsanity

November 26, 2014

You have a very nice build but it would help if we could see a picture of your face, or maybe some well known person who you look like?

November 26, 2014

I have a female co worker of mine who pulled out the "he's like my brother" nonsense and me and her have fun all the time. We're always cracking jokes and telling stories. She has said a bunch of times that I'm a great guy but she only sees me as a friend

You're getting a lot of overly harsh responses in this thread. As nothing obvious has come up yet, the only way you're going to get really useful answers is by asking people who are closer to you.

Ask your female friends why they wouldn't date you. Explain that if they see you as a friend, then so do most girls, and so you end up dateless. One or two of them might be self aware and honest enough to give you useful answers.

Ask your guy friends too. Ask them what they do that you don't, or why they think you're single. They'll probably be straight with you.

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