I Really Hate When People Say This

[ascendotum]

to give you guys an idea of what I'm talking about. A good friend of mine manages a company with a few hot female employees. Several of these employees have gone out with us before and they all like me and respect me as a friend but they would never date me in a million years. They all just like me as a brother figure

 

The good career is great and will get you bonus pts for lots of women, but it really wont tick the box on their check off list until they are ready to settle down. It does not give them butterflies in the stomach. I guess you muct have a mild mannered 'nice guy' personality for women to consider you a friend type guy. No crime in that, but trouble is even many equivalent sweet girl next door types in their early 20s don't want a guy like that.

With your job can you change your hair style to something a little more radical/trendy? what about clothing. Given your build, I would get form fitting clothes. Wear t-shirts that are slightly too small or have high cut off sleeves. Dress not so main stream perhaps or dress with good quality designer gear.

[bathtub-row]

I meant "hang of it", not "gang of it". Lol.

[stillafool]

 

Here is my thought: Date down for experience. That's right, date someone not worthy of you. Get some experience and work your way up the ladder. You have a lot of experience to make up for.

 

That's right use some poor girl who you have no interest in just to get your game up. Don't worry about her feelings one bit, just get what you want.

 

NO! NO! NO! Do not use people.

[KatZee]

You need to talk to them with a bit of purpose and have a bit of swagger i.e. talk to her like you want to **** her and see how she reacts...

 

 

If guys don't approach you then drop some hints or if you have the guts go up to them and sit nearby. Like I said to the guy above; have some swagger - Just look at a guy like you might like to **** him and see how he reacts.

 

I don't particularly think this is great advice.

 

If a guy walks up to me and talks to me with "swagger" and is talking to me like he wants to f.uck me, I'm sorry but I'm politely excusing myself and leaving the situation.

 

I also wouldn't look at guy like I wanted to f.uck him because I wouldn't want to give him the impression that I want to f.uck him. I don't know him.

 

I'm not into being spoken to like I'm just something to screw, that doesn't particularly make me want to get to know the guy, it takes him off the relationship shelf immediately. And I'm older, and looking for a relationship, not some hot one night stand, or something to start off as sex only and then hope it develops to more.

 

Quality women want the guy to get to know us. Talk to us. Be interested in what we're about beyond the physical.

[Sunlounger]

The good career is great and will get you bonus pts for lots of women, but it really wont tick the box on their check off list until they are ready to settle down. It does not give them butterflies in the stomach. I guess you muct have a mild mannered 'nice guy' personality for women to consider you a friend type guy. No crime in that, but trouble is even many equivalent sweet girl next door types in their early 20s don't want a guy like that.

With your job can you change your hair style to something a little more radical/trendy? what about clothing. Given your build, I would get form fitting clothes. Wear t-shirts that are slightly too small or have high cut off sleeves. Dress not so main stream perhaps or dress with good quality designer gear.

 

 

I wouldn't consider myself as a mild mannered nice guy. I can be pretty crude and I'm pretty masculine in my behavior and appearance

 

clothing wise, I dress normal trendy 26 year old clothes. Some of the stuff is very flashy (I have a couple beautiful button downs) but I have some normal everyday clothes too

[Sunlounger]

Yes but this is getting to know someone of the opposite sex. If you become attracted to someone then that is driving force behind the continued interaction.

 

You have to let someone know you find them attractive. If you don't do this you don't get laid and you don't get in relationships either.

 

 

the girl has to find you attractive first for it to matter that you find her attractive. She already knows you find her attractive as you're probably the 50th guy that week to hit on her

 

 

 

my problem is that I don't encounter women who find me attractive enough for me to pursue anything

[elaine567]

my problem is that I don't encounter women who find me attractive enough for me to pursue anything

 

How do you know how attractive they think you are, if you do not pursue them?

 

I wouldn't consider myself as a mild mannered nice guy. I can be pretty crude and I'm pretty masculine in my behavior

Quality women tend not to like crudeness really.

[Sunlounger]

How do you know how attractive they think you are, if you do not pursue them?

 

If they found me attractive, they would show some signs of interest

 

 

Quality women tend not to like crudeness really.

 

 

I didn't say I went overboard with it

[mariekatie]

May i ask, what kind of women do you look for then? Do you expect them to be as "perfect" as you?

Have you ever wondered that maybe they feel inferior to you?

 

If i met a guy who earns 150k and i only earn like 20k, i'll feel super inferior and i would automatically assume that he would choose a hot girl over me. I wouldn't even DARE to think of dating him.

 

Maybe you come off as "too confident". I can't say for sure as i don't know you personally. But if you have to come to LS to post such topics, i would also assume that you'll be humble. Maybe it's true that you have to "put yourself out there" to know more people. I understand your frustration. But it's true that you shouldn't be too worried about it. As you might let off a feeling that you're desperate.

When people say you have to become better, it's true and also false. You need to be the REAL you so people will also feel comfortable beside you.

 

Take it easy but not till the extend of just giving it up.

Personally i feel looks, figure ain't that important.

Sense of humor, same outlook in life and hardworking is enough. As long as there is roof over our heads, food on the table, i think it's more than enough. Good luck on finding a nice girl.

[Sunlounger]

May i ask, what kind of women do you look for then? Do you expect them to be as "perfect" as you?

 

I am not perfect, that's nonsense, and no I don't expect a girl to be as accomplished as I am

 

Things that are important

 

-cute

-decent shape/huge bonus if she lifts weight seriously

-nice personality

-good character

 

Everything else is negotiable

 

Have you ever wondered that maybe they feel inferior to you?

 

an attractive girl feeling inferior to a guy? Lol wat? You're kidding right?

 

 

If i met a guy who earns 150k and i only earn like 20k, i'll feel super inferior and i would automatically assume that he would choose a hot girl over me. I wouldn't even DARE to think of dating him.

 

money doesn't matter. I don't judge people by their income and I don't care what income a girl makes as long as she can take care of herself and doesn't spend money like an idiot

 

but yes, I would treat my potential girlfriend to a fantastic lifestyle...and hopefully she would appreciate it

 

 

Maybe you come off as "too confident". I can't say for sure as i don't know you personally. But if you have to come to LS to post such topics, i would also assume that you'll be humble. Maybe it's true that you have to "put yourself out there" to know more people. I understand your frustration. But it's true that you shouldn't be too worried about it. As you might let off a feeling that you're desperate.

When people say you have to become better, it's true and also false. You need to be the REAL you so people will also feel comfortable beside you.

 

Take it easy but not till the extend of just giving it up.

Personally i feel looks, figure ain't that important.

Sense of humor, same outlook in life and hardworking is enough. As long as there is roof over our heads, food on the table, i think it's more than enough. Good luck on finding a nice girl.

 

 

Good post

 

I guess my biggest struggle is staying positive and putting in significant amount of effort towards dating. I just don't see very many women who would even be open to a guy approaching them in general anyways. All my friends constantly tell me stories of approaching a girl and getting a very negative reaction right away for no reason whatsoever

 

It seems like men are way way more interested in meeting someone than vice versa

[mariekatie]

I am not perfect, that's nonsense, and no I don't expect a girl to be as accomplished as I am

 

Things that are important

 

-cute

-decent shape/huge bonus if she lifts weight seriously

-nice personality

-good character

 

Everything else is negotiable

 

Well there you go, you want a cute & decent shape women. Most of those are already taken. I guess it's true that women does have it better. But our youth doesn't last forever. Once we are over a certain age, we have it hard as well. I feel that you shouldn't have "things that are important list" because when you fall in love, i guess many of those don't matter anymore. BUT of course first impression does counts. How can you date someone you don't feel physically attracted to? I'm on the fence about this though. Just don't place too much "importance" on looks.

 

 

an attractive girl feeling inferior to a guy? Lol wat? You're kidding right?

 

So you mentioned "attractive", it's obvious that you go after looks as well. But girls have insecurities as well. I used to date a guy who was nerdy as hell (yes love is blind) & he didn't even treat me all that good as well. Many people asked me why am i with him when i can clearly get someone better but i still felt inferior at times. Sometimes i feel he could get someone else better as well. So I'm not kidding about feeling inferior. It's totally possible.

 

 

 

 

money doesn't matter. I don't judge people by their income and I don't care what income a girl makes as long as she can take care of herself and doesn't spend money like an idiot

 

but yes, I would treat my potential girlfriend to a fantastic lifestyle...and hopefully she would appreciate it

 

Of course all girls do love to have a fantastic lifestyle but we also need the guy to be there emotionally. Most guys think that by splurging on expensive stuff for their girlfriends would make them happy but it's not entirely true unless she's a gold digger. it's wise not to mention how much you earn when you first started dating as some girls goes for the money. Personally i would rather my bf save up the money for future uses than buy me a branded bag or whatsoever. It's more realistic for the long run.

 

Good post

 

I guess my biggest struggle is staying positive and putting in significant amount of effort towards dating. I just don't see very many women who would even be open to a guy approaching them in general anyways. All my friends constantly tell me stories of approaching a girl and getting a very negative reaction right away for no reason whatsoever

 

It seems like men are way way more interested in meeting someone than vice versa

 

The longer you're single, you will start to doubt what is wrong with you. You just have to talk to more people but have no intention to date. As if you do have intention to date, you kinda put on the "best side" and you wouldn't be as comfortable. First dates are always awkward though and i would spend a little more time knowing the person before being together with him. Just be real, be natural and don't fake it, girls tends to spot it easily.

 

And if a guy come to approach me randomly, i'll freak out and assume he is a player as he is so confident in approaching a stranger. Prolly it's cynical but we tend to not see the "good side" of guys. I would suggest online dating then but it's still kinda bad. I wish i could understand you but i couldn't as i'm a female and girls usually have no issues in getting dates :/

 

But you can feel free to ask for any advice. I don't give the best advice but i give it through my personal experience in life.

[yxalitis]

From reading your replies...here's my take.

[the following is an opinion based on OP's own replies to this thread, if these are wrong, apologies, but this is what i read between the lines]

 

You come across as an egotist, but at the same time you have poor self confidence.

You talk about your successes to women, even if you don't think you're bragging, they will.

Women are amazingly perceptive at spotting the bull***** behind the bravado...

Whenever you describe yourself, I get the impression of someone trying too hard to be respected.

Try this, find a girl you like at a bar..you're a fit guy, you'll at least get their attention to start with.

Introduce yourself.

ASK THEM ABOUT THEMSELVES

SHUT THE F#CK UP ABOUT YOURSELF!

Don't tell them your fit, rich, successful

Try and find out about the girl...what does she do for a job, what music does she like, what does she think of the ambiance of the place you're in, ask what's she drinking, and IF IT'S NEARLY EMPTY offer to buy her one.

If she's with friends (most likely), talk to them too, give them equal attention, don't let on which one you prefer, and ideally that decision should be based on the conversation you all have, not their looks.

 

Get back to me in a month...

[Sunlounger]

Well there you go, you want a cute & decent shape women. Most of those are already taken

 

I know but I have to have some hope that I will find single cute girls out there

 

On the flipside, I know tons of good looking great guys who are single but that's just one of many ways women have it easier

 

 

I guess it's true that women does have it better. But our youth doesn't last forever. Once we are over a certain age, we have it hard as well. I feel that you shouldn't have "things that are important list" because when you fall in love, i guess many of those don't matter anymore. BUT of course first impression does counts. How can you date someone you don't feel physically attracted to? I'm on the fence about this though. Just don't place too much "importance" on looks.

 

you know you contradicted yourself here right?

 

 

So you mentioned "attractive", it's obvious that you go after looks as well.

 

 

yea I want a girl at last close to my own league

 

 

 

Of course all girls do love to have a fantastic lifestyle but we also need the guy to be there emotionally. Most guys think that by splurging on expensive stuff for their girlfriends would make them happy but it's not entirely true unless she's a gold digger. it's wise not to mention how much you earn when you first started dating as some girls goes for the money. Personally i would rather my bf save up the money for future uses than buy me a branded bag or whatsoever. It's more realistic for the long run.

 

 

I would be a very good all around boyfriend. Obviously I have the resources but I'm very supportive and caring in general. I'm also very easy to get along with

 

 

 

The longer you're single, you will start to doubt what is wrong with you.

 

 

and I've been single for a long long time

[Gloria25]

I'm going through the same thing as a woman.

 

I haven't had a relationship in 2.5 years and I don't see that changing any time soon. Guys all around me want whores, drama queens, attention seekers, lunatics, single mothers with 5 kids, leechers, women with no goals or direction, slobs, those only after money... I can go on and on.

 

Meanwhile, me? The woman with her life together, a job, my own apartment, car, no baggage, with morals, decent, honest, caring, supportive, blah blah blah? No one will date me.

 

Go figure.

 

I feel ya, same thing here...I've gotten dumped and/or dissed for the ho's, skanks, drama skanks, slugs, leeches, baby mamas.

 

Although people shoot down doing PUA stuff to nab someone, I guess manipulations and PUA is what drives relationships now a days.

 

But seriously, I think people are losing their ability to discern "quality" in a person - especially a mate.

 

I was listening to my podcast today and she was articulating what I've been thinking for the longest - which is pretty much 'what people watch on TV is a reflection of our society now a days'. Drama, cheating, amoral and/or obscene/vulgarity is what gets people's attention. People worship it.

 

So, to the OP, having your stuff together before you go out there dating doesn't guarantee you'll meet the person of your dreams - it just makes you more equip to handle dating and/or the responsibilities of marriage and kids if you meet that special person.

 

Too many people date and/or marry on looooooove (which is really convenience, high emotions, etc.) and then they try to "figure it out" when responsibilities roll around. Well, cuz they took on responsibility without having their stuff together puts stress on the RL. Some end up divorcing/separating, some may haul through, but end up in dead end jobs just working their butts off, barely making ends meet.

 

But yea, the women out there are also just making stupid mistakes. They have ridiculous expectations, are picky, and/or just wanna "play" out there. I watched that matchmaker lady twice and she put this business woman with this guy. He was rich, HANDSOME, ATHLETIC, da' bomb!!! But, she dissed him saying "she could do better than that". Oh well, there you go. You know what was even worst? How she ran from the date. She made a scene like a freakin' pouty child!!!

Edited November 26, 2014 by Gloria25

[Sunlounger]

You talk about your successes to women, even if you don't think you're bragging, they will.

 

I'm talking about these things for the purpose of the thread, I don't do it in real life

 

 

Try this, find a girl you like at a bar..you're a fit guy, you'll at least get their attention to start with.

 

Doesn't happen, women are very rarely showing any signs of interest towards me

 

I could go out looking like a million bucks, hair done all nice, wearing a nice fitted seven diamonds button down showing off my bulging biceps , nice jeans, hanging out with a couple friends and no female will look my direction

 

If I went out to any gay bar in the city, I would have about a 100 guys fighting over me. The world is a strange place

 

Introduce yourself.

ASK THEM ABOUT THEMSELVES

SHUT THE F#CK UP ABOUT YOURSELF!

Don't tell them your fit, rich, successful

Try and find out about the girl...what does she do for a job, what music does she like, what does she think of the ambiance of the place you're in, ask what's she drinking, and IF IT'S NEARLY EMPTY offer to buy her one.

If she's with friends (most likely), talk to them too, give them equal attention, don't let on which one you prefer, and ideally that decision should be based on the conversation you all have, not their looks.

 

 

This is common sense social skills you're talking about

 

 

That's kinda how I talk to everybody. Focus on what they like to do and talk about. I can find stuff in common with most people as there are so many things that I like (I love all music genres for example)

[mariekatie]

I know but I have to have some hope that I will find single cute girls out there

 

On the flipside, I know tons of good looking great guys who are single but that's just one of many ways women have it easier

 

you know you contradicted yourself here right?

 

yea I want a girl at last close to my own league

 

I would be a very good all around boyfriend. Obviously I have the resources but I'm very supportive and caring in general. I'm also very easy to get along with

 

and I've been single for a long long time

 

I did contradict myself but it's fine. I would like to highlight to you that some girls don't like it when you're being so direct haha. I feel like you set your standard "too high" as you want someone close to your own league. Like i said, good looking girls are mostly taken and the rest are just plain bull****.

I'm pretty sure that if a overweight but nice girl came to approach you, you'll just push her away and come back here saying "no one wants to date me".

You're wrong, maybe you should post something like "No attractive hot girls wants to date me". I know i'm harsh with words but i would say i wouldn't want to date you judging from your replies because you seems kinda stuck up, i apologize if it's aint true.

 

You need to step back and think to yourself what is wrong and try to absorb the advice given here on LS.

[doeblin]

Okay, out of curiosity:

How many ladies have you approached in the past 3 months?

Do you ever go over to a strange woman just to strike up a conversation?

[Jules Dash]

Are you sure you're not coming across as over-confident and trying really hard? Make sure you are being natural and just you. Enjoying the moment, assuming you are. There are subtle ways that women pick up things like that and sometimes turns them off a little.

 

Here you go! Absolutely do not underestimate this. If you have all the othrr things that you mention , OP, you really should be cleaning up unless this is the issue. You can't fake this stuff. It has to be internalized.

 

Keep at it. I know you probably think that these are the best years of your life now and that 40 or 50 year olds can't possibly be having as much fun or even more fun than 20 somethings but it actually gets a lot more fun once you gather experience over the years along with your success.

Always keep in shape too. That is key.

[Omei]

OP as a woman reading over this thread...

 

Yes you do come off cocky and a little self obsorbed you spoke of your success quite a lot and you like to add in details about how fancy your clothing is or how you know millionaire friends more than once, it seems you like to drop little brag tidbits when possible. When someone asks "maybe this or this" your favorite word is NONSENSE!!

 

And you speak of looks in girls more than anything else.

 

No I wouldnt date you

 

That is my first impressions so far honestly

[yxalitis]

I'm talking about these things for the purpose of the thread, I don't do it in real life

 

 

 

 

Doesn't happen, women are very rarely showing any signs of interest towards me

 

I could go out looking like a million bucks, hair done all nice, wearing a nice fitted seven diamonds button down showing off my bulging biceps , nice jeans, hanging out with a couple friends and no female will look my direction

 

If I went out to any gay bar in the city, I would have about a 100 guys fighting over me. The world is a strange place

 

 

 

 

This is common sense social skills you're talking about

 

 

That's kinda how I talk to everybody. Focus on what they like to do and talk about. I can find stuff in common with most people as there are so many things that I like (I love all music genres for example)

 

OK, dude, maybe you're amazingly ugly..

 

Seriously though, you're wealthy enough, go to a stylist, ask them to transform your look....spend a few thousand, don't let your opinion of what you think is hot, let the stylist make all the decisions, even if they put you outside your comfort zone.

Then ask some female friends what they think...you DO have female friends..right?

[Omei]

Oh and at one point someone asked maybe you look for perfect girls and your response was "im not perfect" did you even read what they said to you? Lol

[Pyro]

I wouldn't consider myself as a mild mannered nice guy. I can be pretty crude and I'm pretty masculine in my behavior and appearance

 

clothing wise, I dress normal trendy 26 year old clothes. Some of the stuff is very flashy (I have a couple beautiful button downs) but I have some normal everyday clothes too

 

It would help to have a description of what you look like.

 

Do you resemble anyone famous....someone from Saved by the Bell as an example?

[yxalitis]

yea I want a girl at last close to my own league

 

BINGO!

 

We have a winner!!

 

...guy's a douchbag

[Omei]

it was actually me who misread lol sorry

 

But I stand by my original take

[Sunlounger]

OK, dude, maybe you're amazingly ugly..

 

Seriously though, you're wealthy enough, go to a stylist, ask them to transform your look....spend a few thousand, don't let your opinion of what you think is hot, let the stylist make all the decisions, even if they put you outside your comfort zone.

Then ask some female friends what they think...you DO have female friends..right?

 

 

Transform my look? Why would I do that? I am already happy with how I look

 

 

I've messed around with a bunch of different hairstyles with my hair stylist girl and I've pin pointed the one that looks the best with my facial features so I'm happy there

 

 

In all seriousness, I don't think my appearance is my problem