Satu Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 But..., just to let you guys know, i really have a unique situation here... we live in the same area and we've done chores for each other since we started the relationship and never stopped doing it even after breakup. I know i'll never forgive myself if i spend a weekend without helping her out, So I kept helping her with daily chores like: groceries, do the laundry with her, even walk to the nearest pharmacy to buy her meds, or anything that needed done,.. Its something that never escaped my mind... i still love her THAT much! - I've done my fair share of stupidity in our relationship, she told me i had no respect for her, that i was ruining her life (partly yes) So i've been trying all i can to make it up with her and clinging to that hope that someday she'll see that i really love her. She didnt say she's going far with this office mate, so i'll cling to that idea that she doesnt really see anything with him... stubborn heart of mine! argh! You need to get up off your knees. Do you really want to be her servant? Do you think that she'll get back together with you because she sees what a good and eager servant you are? She won't. She'll respect you more when you respect yourself more. Start now. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 But..., just to let you guys know, i really have a unique situation here... we live in the same area and we've done chores for each other since we started the relationship and never stopped doing it even after breakup. I know i'll never forgive myself if i spend a weekend without helping her out, So I kept helping her with daily chores like: groceries, do the laundry with her, even walk to the nearest pharmacy to buy her meds, or anything that needed done,.. Its something that never escaped my mind... i still love her THAT much! - I've done my fair share of stupidity in our relationship, she told me i had no respect for her, that i was ruining her life (partly yes) So i've been trying all i can to make it up with her and clinging to that hope that someday she'll see that i really love her. She didnt say she's going far with this office mate, so i'll cling to that idea that she doesnt really see anything with him... stubborn heart of mine! argh! Okay, let me put it to you this way. You need to look at a relationship as a job (in most cases, it is). Well, you're broken up. Basically, you've been fired. Your services as boyfriend are no longer required. Now, if you get let go from a job, do you show up on Monday and do free work? HELL NO! You dust off the resume and go get a new job! She needs to see and feel you gone. That's what she wanted anyway, right? She made a choice to have you out of her life. So, give her exactly what she's asking for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 I know im an idiot for breaking all of these (and self pity is actually repulsive). im just killing myself staying friends with her... i can never be genuinely happy for them. 9 months of being friends after breakup actually felt like i had a chance, we acted the same as we were in a relationship (except no kissing, cuddling, and sex) We did favors for each other like before, buying presents for each other, helping her do chores and her doing mine, walking alone with her to our home, spending 16 hours a day with each other, and when she's alone at night, she ask me to sleep beside her (a foot away though)... the whole time i just felt she needed time to see my worth and i made sure to give her all the attention and care i can give just to prove to her i loved her (and not just for the sex). She's the most attractive girl in college by the way which kills me every time i think about it... (girl with glasses, the one who hugs her very large books along the halls, she's very reserved that makes her very mysterious, she's the opposite of flirty, she's very innocent) i cannot stress enough how much of a catch she is but i know this wont help me move on. but 9 months gone by so fast, when November came, she started telling this guy at work about her personal life, her family history that only a select few knows about. red flags started going up because i know she IS irresistible and this guy giving her all the attention is succumbing to what i felt for my ex 4 years ago... I know they're not in a relationship, but honestly, whats stopping them?, when i ask my ex about their status, she just casually says she's open to the possibility. "im telling you this because were friends right?" she says.... 9 months wasted, 9 months hoping... i didnt allow myself to be a doormat to her (but apparently i have) since our actions were mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 I felt like i never really had to change my actions towards her--never realizing she moved on months ago--and her feelings towards me were completely platonic. The mutual help we got from each other which i thought were signs of love--only now have i realized it was no longer romantic. I'm pounding myself of the thought. For me, its completely irresistible to contact her. living under the same roof, working under the same roof, she keeps talking to me as if nothings changed, keeps asking for help as if nothings changed. so what? do i suddenly stop contacting her? should i tell her something? how to suddenly break contact from years of intense interaction? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 I really want to give myself space. And i want to give her some space too but we keep talking day and night. And foolish me just keeps on giving in. She doesn't understand the hurt i feel by seeing her, and i cant resist her talks... now that i still haven't moved on, i just keep thinking i'll spend years to try to win the love of my life... but im open to the fact that my priorities might change once i move on. Right now, i'm just ranting about everything Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 She is not ever going to understand how you feel, and there is nothing you can do to make that happen. You can talk until you are blue in the face with her, and it won't change a thing. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own feelings and regulation of your emotions. You will get off this emotional roller coaster by distancing yourself from her in every way possible. That means LC at work; keeping it to purely business. Don't seek her out, and remember what she does now is her own business. If that is too hard for you, find another job. Otherwise, you have to cut your emotional umbilical cord from her and realize your first priority is your own emotional well being. NC will help you achieve a better emotional state with time, and you will gain more perspective. Please quit torturing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 Am i obliged to explain to her why i suddenly became cold? just yesterday morning, i woke her up, i brought her coffee, fed our dogs, etc, same as the day before and the day before that. This morning, i completely ignored my routine, went to exercise, didnt wake her up, ate breakfast alone, and prepared for work, (we always commute together but today im planning to travel alone). I was sure she is wondering my sudden change. but as i saw her today, she didnt seem to mind my sudden change in behavior... which is good, i guess? As you said, its an emotional roller coaster, and im not sure what to feel. She's at "getting to know" stage at this guy from work, yet both of us act like nothings changed at home. 1.) I tried to tell her we cannot be friends but she just tells me: "selfish of you! (we're friends and you want to ruin that?)" 2.) when all i want to tell her is: "seeing the one i love, never going to love me ever again hurts me everyday" "anxiety kicks in whenever the thought that the person i love will love somebody else one day" 3.) and all she would say is: "its your fault, you brought it upon yourself" "own up to the consequences of what you've done" 4.) and i would say: "i know what i've done! but im asking for another chance!" "everyday i see you makes me fall for you even more! you cannot just wish the love away!" 5.) She'd reply: "we're never getting back together! and if that's the case we can never be friends" i'd walk away weary, just lying one room apart from her. (i never show her my tears even though she knows) Then the next morning, she would expect me to wake her up, bring her coffee, ask about my plans for the day, etc. then i'd tell her again that: "these little things hurt me because they make me fall for you over again." back to number one.. i see the value of NC, but its really hard to break the routine.. i want to move on, and today, i took the first painful step towards just that Link to post Share on other sites
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