beach Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Since he won't end it with her why not end the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Our situation is more complicated with Businesses and assets for me to jump right into this. I need to make sure that I'm getting everything I'm entitled to. We have been married for 7 years. When you file your attorney will be the one to make sure you get everything you are entitled to and more. Don't let fear stop you. The moment you file for divorce it will blow the wind right out of the affair. It will hit him like a ton of bricks. He expects you to beg, wait and pray that he comes back to you. Show him you are stronger. If you let him continue to see her while still with you he will chose his cake and eat it to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 When I first found out about my husbands cheating, I hacked his facebook account and announced to all what he did. When, where and who it was with. It was along the lines of "Morning everyone! Just needed to let everyone in on a dirty little secret I've been harbouring for the past 4 months... I ****ed my wifes best friend (linked her name to the post) at my wife's birthday party. We screwed on the side of the road. Yay! Always wanted to do that! I didn't use a condom though so I'm going to get an STD test done today. Wish me luck!"- his mum, dad, sister, grandpa, nieces, nephews, workmates etc read it. I changed his password so it was on there for a while, than I moved out. It was immature, but I was so overwhelmed I didn't care. OMG!!!! I'm sorry, but this kind of made me laugh... immature or not, your husband deserved it. I kind of wish I had been able to be so inventive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 OP, I think you are smart to wait it out and make informed decisions rather than rash ones. It would be really easy to just pack your things and get out of dodge rather than have to see his face daily and know what he did and is continuing to do. I went through that period of time too, thankfully it was only for a month before he finally moved out of the house, but it was a VERY long month. The road ahead for you will not be easy but rest assured that you WILL get through it. Take your time, think through your actions, and take care of YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda75 Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 NTI, I'm so sorry to hear your pain and loss. I've been there, in spades. I thought my world had ended when I discovered my husband had a younger mistress. He too refused to give her up, even though he promised he would. She had no children. I worked full time and did the lion's share of kids and household management, so I had little time to care for myself. It was heartbreaking to see my children's home broken up and everything I had worked for gone. I finally pulled myself together, wised up and told him I was done. Turns out that was the one thing that made me attractive to him again. All the rest of the emotional work I did to repair our marriage accomplished little. He's now trying to repair our marriage, but it's too late. At one time it would have broken my heart to say that our relationship is friendly co-parents. Now I know better. Husbands and fathers who cheat aren't relationship material. He was passive agressive, conflict avoiding and immature, and in the long run more of a liability than asset. Your husband isn't acting like a man. You and your children deserve better. He's in some fantasy world, even playing super dad because deep down he knows he's being an immature jerk. You'll have to be the strong one. He's lost his mind so you keep your head. I know it's not the partnership you envisioned for yourself, or even once had. But it's what you got. Tune into your divine spark and leave him to face the consequences of his selfish actions. I was an emotional wreck for a long time after discovering my husband loved another. It took a while to grieve the loss of my marriage. Then I pulled myself up by my bootstrapes. I exercised regularly and took care of myself. I played the cards I was dealt and now I can honestly say I like me better and my life. Yes, I'm lonely at times. OTOH, I have much to be grateful for, including two lovely sons. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 You can't kick him out, but you can certainly make it a lot less comfortable living there. Once you have really good, solid evidence, I would make sure he is exposed to all friends and family. Leave no stone unturned. Rent a billboard if you have to, but make sure everyone in his life knows what a scumbag he is. ^^^This Most people (except other cheaters) will agree and support the fact the the cheater should be the one to leave the home. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I did kick him out, he came back. There isn't anything I can do to make him leave...trust me i tried. His lawyer advised him to get back in the house. I'm seeing a lawyer tomorrow. The husband knows. He is devastated too. I'm getting out don't you all worry. I just need to be smart and patient. It makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't jeopardize my future with rash decisions. How is it that his lawyer is making decisions on who lives in your home? That sounds like bullsh** to me. If I say go...its go. Also...when you found out about the A did you not forget he told you that he wasn't ready to give her up. So...had you caught him in the act...he'd slam the door on you and finish what he was doing...do you get that? So your H is having his cake, eating it too and disrespecting you while he smears it in your face. And you say don't want to make a rash decision??? SMH.. Sounds like you have already made some dumb one's by keeping him around you and your kids. You say you don't want to share your kids. But you are ok and willing to share a man for now. You are also are willing to live with all of this stress. How are you being present and healthy for your kids? Speak to a real lawyer and get some IC. Do yourself a favor and let him go...tell him to go... Something is wrong with this scenario. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I kicked my then H out. He came back saying he had every right to be in the house. I told him he could be there but I would make it my daily goal to make him as miserable as possible if he returned. He decided he didn't want that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I kicked my then H out. He came back saying he had every right to be in the house. I told him he could be there but I would make it my daily goal to make him as miserable as possible if he returned. He decided he didn't want that. Same here. He wanted back after two weeks and I told him no. He said he could, so I told him fine, move back in at your peril, after all, I'm unstable at the moment and there are plenty of knifes in the house. Suffice to say, he decided he'd give moving back a miss 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Hugs from me. Stay strong, especially for your kids. And yes, do expose him. It'll probably get his OW exposed as well in time. She's married? How classy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neverthoughti Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Thank you all for the responses and mostly kind words!! I saw an attorney (actually the 3rd one) last Monday. I wish I could say I had a great consultation but that was not the case. I can still say with 100% confidence I am going to divorce this man. If only it were that easy. His business that he started when we were married for 4 years already is in a bad place right now. It is going to turn around though so I need to make sure that I am getting half of this at the right time. Times right now are financially tough...not a lot of money coming in. We are going to see a mediator tomorrow, I'm hoping we can at least get a separation agreement so he will leave the house!!! His behavior is just so gross to me. On a positive note I made it through my first holiday without him and it wasn't half as bad as I thought. The kids and I celebrated thanksgiving with some good friends. For christmas we already had travel plans so the kids and I will be together for that as well. I know it will be hard when I don't have them for a holiday and I'm not looking forward to that at all. I'm starting to calm down a lot more now!!! I keep telling myself what's done is done and I can't change it, so don't waste tears on this jerk and don't argue with him about something he can't take back. So for one day (today) he has only seen me be kind and appear happy. This I think is much more effective than me screaming at him and telling him he is worse than pond scum. Hopefully I can keep it up. Typed this on my phone so sorry for any typos!!! Thanks again for the support, I'll take it wherever I can get it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Has it occurred to you that you can still file for divorce, but maintain a vested interest in the business? If he would prefer to have you out, he will have to buy you out. Consider your value and input, and your holding in the business, and then as and when the time comes, negotiate like a terrier with a bone....! Link to post Share on other sites
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