Dumpers V dumpees

[Jimmyjackson]

I did as the dumper at the really special ones. But two of my exes are now 2 of my closest friends. I have a hard time letting people go.

 

(Answering if dumpers care about their exes a d look on fb etc)

 

How often do you look at their facebook profiles?

[Jimmyjackson]

The hope they will come back is natural because, in your eyes, you think it will right the wrong that has been done. Your entire world has been put into upheaval, so you naturally want to put it back the way it was.

 

Yeah that makes a lot of sense, change can be scary.

[Sugarkane]

It hurt me just as much as being the dumpee. But I guess that's because I'm not a cheater.

[Jsbodhi]

How often do you look at their facebook profiles?

 

Once in a while, maybe every couple weeks or so. But, I've given them time after the breakup, then we've just become friends.

But to be honest, your ex sounds a lot like me, I did a lot of travelling and had so many new experiences that when I came back, I wanted to be with someone more like me, wanting to see the world etc

[Phoe]

I was recently the dumper for the first time, and it was not okay at all.

 

 

I didn't cheat. I don't have anyone else. I wasn't already checked out.

 

 

I felt terrible and still feel terrible, but there was no fixing it, so I dumped him. I still worry it was a mistake, but no going back from that now. Can only push forward.

[ConfusedHere1]

Actually, I was the dumper of my relationship, but I took it worse. I only dumped him because it was clear he was too cowardly to dump me first. He said he didn't see us working out in the long term and expected our relationship to just "fizzle out". I could not tolerate that, so I ended things. But I was the one that cared more in the relationship, so I'd say this is one of the exceptions to the dumper/dumpee rule.

[metaversus]

Long story short, she was going to volunteer for 2 months in Africa (she applied for it before she met me). About two weeks before she left we were having problems, getting irritable around each other. She confessed that she wasn't sure if she felt the same and wasn't as excited to see me anymore. Before she left we were on good terms, "i love you so much", "going to think about you everyday" etc...

 

Looking back, she probably still went away unsure, I couldn't contact her while she was there apart from once or twice. She came back said she didn't feel the same anymore and admitted to meeting someone while there she was attracted to, but didn't cheat as her plan was to be with me. When she returned she realised after seeing me again that it was no longer there.

 

She still keeps in touch with this guy but won't ever see him again as he lives in Africa, I'm guessing eventually her feelings for him will fade as she will be frustrated not being able to see him, facebook/skype isn't enough to keep this 'relationship' going.

 

In some ways she left me for him, but then again she was already having doubts before she left for Africa, before she met him or anyone else.

 

Are you in nc with her now? How long ago did you break-up?

[Jimmyjackson]

Are you in nc with her now? How long ago did you break-up?

 

First two weeks tried to get her back then went NC, month of NC and initiated conversation with her and got the vibe she still wasn't interested so left it at that. been NC ever since. Been broke up two and a half months

[Jimmyjackson]

I was recently the dumper for the first time, and it was not okay at all.

 

 

I didn't cheat. I don't have anyone else. I wasn't already checked out.

 

 

I felt terrible and still feel terrible, but there was no fixing it, so I dumped him. I still worry it was a mistake, but no going back from that now. Can only push forward.

 

 

Was it something he did that you couldn't forgive?

[metaversus]

First two weeks tried to get her back then went NC, month of NC and initiated conversation with her and got the vibe she still wasn't interested so left it at that. been NC ever since. Been broke up two and a half months

 

So you've been in no contact for 2 1/2 months. How did you leave things with her before you went nc?

[Jimmyjackson]

So you've been in no contact for 2 1/2 months. How did you leave things with her before you went nc?

 

I got drunk one night and seen her out, I tried to speak to her but she acted cold, when I finally did she just said 'It's over' and I walked away. That was it

[6Pack]

I was recently the dumper for the first time, and it was not okay at all.

 

 

I didn't cheat. I don't have anyone else. I wasn't already checked out.

 

 

I felt terrible and still feel terrible, but there was no fixing it, so I dumped him. I still worry it was a mistake, but no going back from that now. Can only push forward.

 

Hi Phoe,

 

Why did you decide to end it, and what was it that made you realize it was a mistake?

[6Pack]

Normally I am the dumpee, as I used to mess up a lot in relationships (I just learned I have ADD). but I met someone and dated her for 15 months. I realized it wasnt going to work out (as she was cycling bi-polar and it was preventing us from both getting what we wanted), and so I had to end it and move 1000 miles away, that was a year ago. I stayed in touch with her as a friend, because I was concerned for her emotional health and stability, but as soon as she started dating someone new (in May), she suddenly didnt need me any more and stopped calling. I would call her, but she would rush thru the conversation. What hurt was that she stopped staying in touch once she met the new guy. When I would talk to her, she would make fun of this guy, calling him a "M'Lady Guy", (which was a skit on Comedy Central, describing unattractive guys who are desparate, dorky, and have bad hygiene, and approach girls saying "Helloooo M'Lady!!" in a sleazy voice). These guys then buy girls lots of gifts as a way of trying to buy their affection. It seemed like she had no respect for him and just using him. I used to laugh when she would tell me this, because I thought it was funny that it was happening at all, and not understanding why she was doing this. But then suddenly several weeks later, she was dating him. I asked her what changed, and she said "He just grew on me". He is not a very attractive guy, physically. She claims that they are the same sign though, and get along well. They got engaged really quickly; they met earlier in the year and proposed to her in July. This hit me even harder, as I still loved her but had to break up with her due to her cycling bi-polar, and was always second guessing my choice tobreak up and move away. When I called to tell her I had to unfriend her from FB as I could not stand to watch her get into a new relationship so soon (let alone get married), she started sobbing heavily for about a minute. I think her and this guy are both desparate to get married. But what hurt was that she then started to try to throw it back in my face by claiming he is somehow better than me because he owns a junky old house in Dallas, and I had to rent (even though I made twice as much as him, and was just waiting to buy the right house). I feel like I got "dumped" even though I was the one who had to walk away.

 

So yeah, sometimes the dumpers hurt really bad, it all depends on the circumstance and the situation.

Edited November 29, 2014 by 6Pack