I spilled my crush's drink today

[GemmaUK]

Now the only question I have is what are the chances that she took my offer to get a new drink as a flirtatious gesture?

 

 

Did she openly flirt with you when you offered to replace the drink?

[Gloria25]

I remember you made a thread earlier on about stalking and to be honest, some of your behavior worries me as it seems to follow some very atypical lines of thinking to the point of obsession and fixation. I recall watching a program on people who stalk others, where it starts with an obsession, then they start internalizing everything this person does as related to them (even if the person doesn't even know them). One man kept thinking this news lady was sending him signals and messages on the news and he started stalking her. Another woman kept thinking her neighbor was sending her signals. All the stalkers had one thing in common: reading signals where there were none and being obsessed and fixated on another person and reading signs of neutrality or common courtesy as more than it was and working themselves up in their minds about ENTIRE stories with these people based on no or LIMITED information. I'm not being rude here but you do the same things and some of the way you speak (and the fact you asked about stalking before) is very similar to how these obsessed people behave where some of them on the outside seem normal but in secret are OBSESSED with people who don't even think about them like that and keep reading into all these people's actions as related to them....it's a very unhealthy way of thinking and perhaps you should talk to someone about your thought patterns and get a professional opinion on if it is healthy?

 

The OP's actions? Maybe a little "different", but not sure it's stalking. Stalking is where it is clear that the victim is not interested in the stalker and the stalker sits around and imagines this or that about the victim. From what he's posted here, he's turned down several attempts of his crush to engage him on a more intimate level outside of being co-workers.

[MissBee]

The OP's actions? Maybe a little "different", but not sure it's stalking. Stalking is where it is clear that the victim is not interested in the stalker and the stalker sits around and imagines this or that about the victim. From what he's posted here, he's turned down several attempts of his crush to engage him on a more intimate level outside of being co-workers.

 

I didn't say he was currently stalking her.

 

I said stalking begins usually with these obsessive thoughts and reading into signals where there are none. It starts there and then progresses into full-fledged stalking. OP seems to be at the obsessive thoughts, reading into every minute action phase. He may or may not ever become a stalker, but these obsessive thoughts are the first phase and he himself asked about stalking and seemed worried about it before. I remember I found it odd anyone would worry about this unless they have had a history of it before or feel within themselves that it could happen. So tying his own fears of stalking and this fixation together I'm suggesting he talk to someone about how he feels about this woman and get their professional opinion about whether or not it is normal and his "risk level" for it escalating into something more if he's not careful.

[MissBee]

Well I have to talk about it somewhere and it is better to post about it on a message board than talk to anyone in real life. That doesn't make me a stalker. It is not like I call her from a blocked number or wait for her outside of work or try to fish for information about her through coworkers. Those are things classic stalkers do. I also don't make it a point to show up at places I know she will be. If anything I avoid those places.

 

But posting about it on a message board doesn't make me a stalker.

 

Now the only question I have is what are the chances that she took my offer to get a new drink as a flirtatious gesture?

 

See my previous post.

 

I did not say you were a stalker.

 

I said the way you speak about this woman and think sounds just like stalkers, who their stalking behavior starts first with obsessive thoughts and seeing "signals" where none exist.

 

I suggested you talk to someone professionally. You already said even if 100% of us give you advice you won't take it...so might as well see someone in real life professionally who can provide a better perspective and also tell you if you're in danger of things escalating since we can't do that for you here.

[Darren2013]

I wouldn't be here asking questions if I was already convinced that the signals meant anything. The fact I have questions means I have doubts and haven't fully let go of objectivity. Maybe you should worry more if I stop posting updates because then that would convey I am convinced this woman is into me. If I ever do get convinced then you won't hear from me for a long time on this board.

 

Furthermore I would have no reason to come back for awhile if things go the way I want them to with her. I hope that day comes when I can outgrow and graduate from this board because I got my wish and no longer need to come here to get help for issues.

[OwMyEyeball]

Well I have to talk about it somewhere and it is better to post about it on a message board than talk to anyone in real life. That doesn't make me a stalker. It is not like I call her from a blocked number or wait for her outside of work or try to fish for information about her through coworkers. Those are things classic stalkers do. I also don't make it a point to show up at places I know she will be. If anything I avoid those places.

 

But posting about it on a message board doesn't make me a stalker.

 

Now the only question I have is what are the chances that she took my offer to get a new drink as a flirtatious gesture?

Zero percent

[Phoe]

This isn't about you. It's about the drink. And she didn't care about the drink.

 

This wasn't a signal to you.

[littleblackheart]

Now the only question I have is what are the chances that she took my offer to get a new drink as a flirtatious gesture?

 

Very difficult to answer with exact precision without all the necessary data (such as the exact position of the sun at spillage time, or the spillage cleaning time for instance, and other variables that are too obvious to be referred to without taking the risk of insulting everyone's intelligence); from the data available, I have calculated the chances that she took your offer as a flirtatious gesture to be 50%. Similarly, I would estimate the chances of her NOT taking it as a flirtatious gesture to about 50%. I hope this helps.

[TigerLilly78]

I remember you made a thread earlier on about stalking and to be honest, some of your behavior worries me as it seems to follow some very atypical lines of thinking to the point of obsession and fixation. I recall watching a program on people who stalk others, where it starts with an obsession, then they start internalizing everything this person does as related to them (even if the person doesn't even know them). One man kept thinking this news lady was sending him signals and messages on the news and he started stalking her. Another woman kept thinking her neighbor was sending her signals. All the stalkers had one thing in common: reading signals where there were none and being obsessed and fixated on another person and reading signs of neutrality or common courtesy as more than it was and working themselves up in their minds about ENTIRE stories with these people based on no or LIMITED information. I'm not being rude here but you do the same things and some of the way you speak (and the fact you asked about stalking before) is very similar to how these obsessed people behave where some of them on the outside seem normal but in secret are OBSESSED with people who don't even think about them like that and keep reading into all these people's actions as related to them....it's a very unhealthy way of thinking and perhaps you should talk to someone about your thought patterns and get a professional opinion on if it is healthy?

 

Well said this was what I was thinking but couldent get it out thanks..Op im not to sure if your consistent thinking about this women in this way is healthy anymore. If your not going to pursue her and ask her out and let things run their course one way or the other then im sorry but it kinda is stalking and if she knew you were doing it she might be upset not trying to be rude to you but just something you might want to consider..

[Darren2013]

Well said this was what I was thinking but couldent get it out thanks..Op im not to sure if your consistent thinking about this women in this way is healthy anymore. If your not going to pursue her and ask her out and let things run their course one way or the other then im sorry but it kinda is stalking and if she knew you were doing it she might be upset not trying to be rude to you but just something you might want to consider..

 

Well she isn't going to find out. She is not here. She doesn't even do Internet stuff. She is very old fashioned. She doesn't even have an email address. So I am not worried about her finding anything out from this site. Besides as I said I have not told anyone outside of here what has been going on. Which is good. I have all my bases covered from not getting charged with stalking.

[GemmaUK]

She doesn't even do Internet stuff. She doesn't even have an email address.

 

 

How do you know these things about her?

[Darren2013]

Because we used to talk about stuff all the time for the last 12 years. I said before that the way things were headed I was becoming more of a work boyfriend. That is doing things a boyfriend does but without sex and without hanging out outside of work. That's where things were until we suddenly stopped talking 3 months ago. We never really ignored each other in a literal sense but it was around the same time that we just really cut down on interaction.

 

See I didn't develop feelings for her until August of this year. Before that even as late as July of this year everything was normal and we would always ask each other about how different aspects of our life were outside of work. That was normal behavior for 12 years. Then in early August it just stopped out of the blue. That's when I started becoming more self conscious and nervous around her and I would avoid working with her when I could help it. She started mimicking the same pattern and not even saying hi to me anymore. Then the sneaking looks at each other games started and that has been going on for awhile although I have taken a break from that game for the last 2 weeks.

 

I would say my feelings were at their peak from August through a good part of October. Today I am not as self conscious and nervous as I was during those months but I still avoid working next to her when I have other options.

 

So whether there is a mutual connection there or not I don't know. All I know is that we have not been acting the same around each other the last 3 months and there's a reason for it. Yeah she did ask me to go with her to get wings recently but I don't get the sense it was romantic interest but probably just was concerned about my sudden change in behavior towards her with going quiet and was just concerned from a humanitarian interest.

Edited November 23, 2014 by Darren2013

[GemmaUK]

Because we used to talk about stuff all the time for the last 12 years. I said before that the way things were headed I was becoming more of a work boyfriend. That is doing things a boyfriend does but without sex and without hanging out outside of work. That's where things were until we suddenly stopped talking 3 months ago. We never really ignored each other in a literal sense but it was around the same time that we just really cut down on interaction.

 

See I didn't develop feelings for her until August of this year. Before that even as late as July of this year everything was normal and we would always ask each other about how different aspects of our life were outside of work. That was normal behavior for 12 years. Then in early August it just stopped out of the blue. That's when I started becoming more self conscious and nervous around her and I would avoid working with her when I could help it. She started mimicking the same pattern and not even saying hi to me anymore. Then the sneaking looks at each other games started and that has been going on for awhile although I have taken a break from that game for the last 2 weeks.

 

I would say my feelings were at their peak from August through a good part of October. Today I am not as self conscious and nervous as I was during those months but I still avoid working next to her when I have other options.

 

So whether there is a mutual connection there or not I don't know. All I know is that we have not been acting the same around each other the last 3 months and there's a reason for it. Yeah she did ask me to go with her to get wings recently but I don't get the sense it was romantic interest but probably just was concerned about my sudden change in behavior towards her with going quiet and was just concerned from a humanitarian interest.

 

Oh, right! I didn't know the history here.

 

 

Friends for 12 years and then not turning down an olive branch to rekindle the friendship sounds a bit strange to me.

I would have thought the friendship meant more than whether the invite was romantic in nature.

 

 

She probably just doesn't understand why you suddenly changed in your approach to her which is why she is in general mimicking your behaviour toward her.

[Darren2013]

Yeah well that's a good thing. It is better that she not find out that I like her.

[Shepp]

No I wouldn't take them up on their offer, I would feel soooo petty and ridiculous sending them to go fetch me a new drink. My take? You're reading way too much into things.

^This!!

 

I'd tell them just to chill and that it was no big deal! (Cause it isn't)!

 

If they offered I'd assume they were well brought up - not particularly into me!

[Imajerk17]

I find it utterly bizarre that Darren2013 keeps clogging the board with thread after thread of posting dating/relationship "advice" and yet he keeps posting thread after thread obsessing about a woman he hardly can talk to.

 

I find it just as weird that you all keep entertaining this guy as you are and haven't called him out yet. That's hardly doing anyone any favors.

 

The OP's whole story just doesn't add up. Can't you all see that?

Edited November 23, 2014 by Imajerk17

[TigerLilly78]

Yeah well that's a good thing. It is better that she not find out that I like her.

 

 

Ok this makes so sense and again supports my view of obsession...

 

 

I find it utterly bizarre that Darren2013 keeps clogging the board with thread after thread of posting dating/relationship "advice" and yet he keeps posting thread after thread obsessing about a woman he hardly can talk to.

 

I find it just as weird that you all keep entertaining this guy as you are and haven't called him out yet. That's hardly doing anyone any favors.

 

The OP's whole story just doesn't add up. Can't you all see that?

 

I just kinda figured the OP has some issue maybe aspergers? the way he over analizes everything in a very cold manner it just didn't hit me as a troll if that whats your thinking..

[Darren2013]

I find it utterly bizarre that Darren2013 keeps clogging the board with thread after thread of posting dating/relationship "advice" and yet he keeps posting thread after thread obsessing about a woman he hardly can talk to.

 

I find it just as weird that you all keep entertaining this guy as you are and haven't called him out yet. That's hardly doing anyone any favors.

 

The OP's whole story just doesn't add up. Can't you all see that?

 

I have no reason to make up a story as if I did that then the advice would not be of any benefit to me. There's always a chance that any poster is lying about their story but they are only hurting themselves in the end because people can only give advice based on the information provided whether it is true or not.

 

If you don't believe me that's fine. Your advice will be tailored on the premise that you don't believe my story and therefore I will know it doesn't apply to me. This board is not a court of law and I have no obligation to present documents to you to prove my case. So believe what you want. It is not my problem.

[sid3]

I find it utterly bizarre that Darren2013 keeps clogging the board with thread after thread of posting dating/relationship "advice" and yet he keeps posting thread after thread obsessing about a woman he hardly can talk to.

 

I find it just as weird that you all keep entertaining this guy as you are and haven't called him out yet. That's hardly doing anyone any favors.

 

The OP's whole story just doesn't add up. Can't you all see that?

 

 

You must have missed a few. It all adds up quite nicely. He's having difficulties showing his feelings to his crush. So instead he's acting disinterested and being borderline rude to her. Yet somehow baking a cake, although not just for her will win her heart. Bet you're feeling pretty silly now for not seeing the genius, I know I am.