If I tell a woman I need space it is a test

[elaine567]

I can't speak for all guys but if I tell a woman I need space then it is usually a test on a subconscious level. Which means I am kind of hoping she knows to come after me anyway. I would get angry at her if she went ahead and "respected" my wishes. Because in my mind she doesn't really love me if she does not seem to have a problem giving me space or if she says she doesn't care if I talk to other women. My true soulmate would not make a statement like that. She would behave in ways that would discourage me from talking to other women because that means she wants me all to herself.

 

So that's one perspective for the ladies out there who have a boyfriend or FWB saying he needs space. Hopefully this will shed some light on another possibility to consider.

 

If I tell a woman I need space and she doesn't call me for a week after that I am not going to go after her. I will assume she gave up on me too easily.

 

This is game playing and many women will not play such childish games.

If a man told me he needed "space" then that is the end, he can have all the space he wants. Finito!

[preraph]

But then what about this, Darren? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/502266-people-limitations#post6005393

 

There you say that you absolutely want your space and that it's a dealbreaker if a woman doesn't respect this.

 

I don't know, despite all your threads here I get the sense that you actually don't really know what you want. Maybe the threads are your way of working it out "out loud", so to speak. :shrug:

 

I get the sense that he's never actually been in a relationship.

[sillyanswer]

I can't speak for all guys

 

A commendable attitude!

 

but if I tell a woman I need space then it is usually a test on a subconscious level. Which means I am kind of hoping she knows to come after me anyway.

 

Having read some of your posts over the years, is this because you want her interest level to be so high that she ignores your expressed wishes and does what she wants?

[NoMoreJerks]

I had an ex like this, who would never mean what he said and never said what he really meant, he wanted me to read his mind, and got pissed off when I failed to do so and when I did exactly what he'd asked me to do (give him space, or whatever else it is that he'd demanded). I was walking on eggshells the whole time. It's not an experience I'd want to repeat EVER AGAIN. If a guy wants something, he better ask for it, and if he asks for something, that's what he's gonna get. So if it's space he's asking for, I'll give him space. But if he's doing it as a yo-yo back-and-forth mind game or drama thing, or if his demands for "space" don't meet my expectations of what a relationship entails, I'll give him all the space in the world.

 

Some men like this sort of drama, because they want to tell themselves that they're so wanted that a girl will risk anything, including his wrath and his wishes, in order to "keep" him. It's a sick mind game to get some ego kibbles.

[Giggle]

Yeaaah, sounds like my ex who had an affair and then ditched me for her. He told me later I was entirely too accepting and that I was supposed to have begged and pleaded and demanded because he was mine Damnmit. Huh. He wanted a grand gesture to keep him from leaving. Sorry, no.

[Adele0908]

I can't speak for all guys but if I tell a woman I need space then it is usually a test on a subconscious level. Which means I am kind of hoping she knows to come after me anyway. I would get angry at her if she went ahead and "respected" my wishes. Because in my mind she doesn't really love me if she does not seem to have a problem giving me space or if she says she doesn't care if I talk to other women. My true soulmate would not make a statement like that. She would behave in ways that would discourage me from talking to other women because that means she wants me all to herself.

 

So that's one perspective for the ladies out there who have a boyfriend or FWB saying he needs space. Hopefully this will shed some light on another possibility to consider.

 

If I tell a woman I need space and she doesn't call me for a week after that I am not going to go after her. I will assume she gave up on me too easily.

 

I think this applies to you, but not to all men or even most men.

 

I don't want to offend you, but this is actually how a lot of women act, when we test men to see if they are really able to stay with us through our emotional rollercoasters. Perhaps men do it too, but I've not been aware of it. The men I deal with usually mean what they say, and say what they mean.

[eye of the storm]

Honesty. Darren you claim to be an honest person.

 

Would you subject a random person on the street to these kinds of mind games and tests?

 

Would you subject co-workers to this?

 

Friends?

 

Why can't you be honest? These kinds of games are manipulative and dishonest.

 

You say one thing when you mean another, that is called lying.