runredlights Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I am in a situation where my ex of 3 years cheated on me and then did nothing to fix it. I'm sure this is much much more devastating since you had children and were married, but it speaks volumes about your ex's character or lack there of. Like why wouldn't someone one who cheated on you doing anything in their power to fix it?
clevelander321 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Therapists are saying the same thing. Therapist yesterday was very helpful, by telling me, "I've seen tons of these cases - the wife/leaving spouse always says that they tried to tell you, because they have to. But they did not. It's just something they have to say, because the feel guilty about the terrible things they did." Basically, telling me that I cannot absorb and internalize the bull**** that she has said, and that I should not put this on myself. . Exactly...Wife did the same to me... After I found out about OM she told me "How hard she tried to work on us".. AHAHAH Yeah right... Never heard one peep out of her, while it was me consistently trying to make things better, or opening dialogue. Secondly, now that I cut my wife off in all ways expect pertaining directly to our son, she is flipping out... Dropping the kid of and crying excessively how she now remembers the good times, how she just wanted me to "touch her hair more"etc.. Not sure what this new game is..
runredlights Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 And see I'm only 24 so I'm sure this is waaay harder on men like you all who are married and have kids involved. Better I found on now rather than later. But I must postulate some exit affair options that I can think of. In my particular circumstance my ex was blackout drunk, spent the night with the guy, and only made out (yea right). However she did tell me about in in the morning. Here are some options I could see 1) My ex got way too drunk made out with a guy and spent the night on the couch with him. She may have been contemplating whether or not to leave initially, but her even being able to make out with someone even while blackout drunk was a sign she had to leave before things got worse. 2) (And this is my hunch) My ex did more than make out and was too ashamed to tell me the entire truth. She would be labeled as a whore and knew myself and others would never respect her. Her not telling me the whole truth could be to protect her own image and me. 3) This was an exit affair. She went all the way home with the guy and lied about the whole truth. In doing so she hoped I would breakup with her, but when I didn't it backfired and she had to do it herself then
Author Frogger Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) I am in a situation where my ex of 3 years cheated on me and then did nothing to fix it. I'm sure this is much much more devastating since you had children and were married, but it speaks volumes about your ex's character or lack there of. Like why wouldn't someone one who cheated on you doing anything in their power to fix it? Yes, that is definitely part of what I still do not understand. How, following a 20+ year relationship, she would simply walk away without even trying to directly address whatever her problems were with me (by telling me, "You need to change X or I'm leaving," or going to marital counseling with an actual intent to work on things, etc.). It just seems so odd, yet it apparently happens often enough. Exactly...Wife did the same to me... After I found out about OM she told me "How hard she tried to work on us".. AHAHAH Yeah right... Never heard one peep out of her, while it was me consistently trying to make things better, or opening dialogue. Yes, that's what it felt like to me. Of course, when someone is so insistent that they actually did try to say things, you start to question your own sanity and memories, to try to figure out what you missed. That's the bad path I've been going down lately. It's easy to just say, "Stop doing that," harder for me to actually stop for some reason. Secondly, now that I cut my wife off in all ways expect pertaining directly to our son, she is flipping out... Dropping the kid of and crying excessively how she now remembers the good times, how she just wanted me to "touch her hair more"etc.. Not sure what this new game is.. Now this has not happened to me at all. She has shown no interest whatsoever in getting back together, good times, etc. I think in my case, that is because she has transitioned fully to the new person. Frankly, her house is even more of a trainwreck than it used to be (it is an absolute mess now), in part because I think she has just thrown herself full blown into running around with the guy in full on "young love" mode. Edited January 8, 2015 by Frogger
clevelander321 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Yes, that's what it felt like to me. Of course, when someone is so insistent that they actually did try to say things, you start to question your own sanity and memories, to try to figure out what you missed. That's the bad path I've been going down lately. It's easy to just say, "Stop doing that," harder for me to actually stop for some reason. Now this has not happened to me at all. She has shown no interest whatsoever in getting back together, good times, etc. I think in my case, that is because she has transitioned fully to the new person. Frankly, her house is even more of a trainwreck than it used to be (it is an absolute mess now), in part because I think she has just thrown herself full blown into running around with the guy in full on "young love" mode. A. It helps talking to others, or reading these forums, because then you realize how common the cheating partners behavior is..They will almost alway twist it around and blame it for something you did, or something you didn't do enough.. But think about it.. In a marriage we could ALL do that.. I could say my wife didn't give enough sex, so i left her.. Or she didn't cook often enough.. Or she didn't give me a massage etc etc.. none of the above would be a good enough reason to cheat, although i could have and then blamed her. B. Not sure how long you are apart, but it will most likely happen sooner or later once you totally disappear from her life.. If she is the narcissistic type at all she will then come running back immediately to make sure you can't move on. 1
Recommended Posts