Author sammason92 Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 She only told me about being black out drunk those times when all this came out. I got drunk with her twice, one when we went to Europe and one at a party. Both times she vomited and could hardly remember anything. In fact after the party we were alone and had sex. The next day I said about it and she couldn't honestly remember us doing it. Which scares me we managed to have sex and yet she has no memory of it. What happened those times I wasn't there? Is 10 unprotected one night stands too much for a 26 year old? also, in regards to the text please give me your opinion. They are the words of the guy and not her so they can be trusted to some degree. It just seems to friendly for someone who was just told to leave her alone. It also seems weird he says 'im around this afternoon'. Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Is 10 unprotected one night stands too much for a 26 year old? also, in regards to the text please give me your opinion. They are the words of the guy and not her so they can be trusted to some degree. It just seems to friendly for someone who was just told to leave her alone. It also seems weird he says 'im around this afternoon'. These days 10 one night stands for a 26 year old is fine in my opinion. However, 10 unprotected one night stands is 10 to many and just down right stupid. As for the text, that doesn't sound like a text you send to someone who rejected you and told you to leave them alone the night before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 (edited) Hey "Pet Name" Great night last night, great laughs, great chat. I'm around this afternoon if you want to grab a coffee. I see you can't let it go... OK Well, No... it looks as nothing happened. If they've had it would be mentioned somehow. In fact it looks that nothing physical had happened because i think after a kiss or making out people say other things than "great laughs, great chat". Because physical contact is a confirmation for him that she wants him, and his words indicate that he didn't get this confirmation. He just got her curiosity and he wants more. (Be ware, i don't really know what have happened there, it could be anything) It seems that she doesn't remember what happened, she knows her drinking problem and she can't exclude the possibility that something did happen. But then again - her behavior later indicates that if you take her back, you know for sure that she won't hesitate lying to you and cover up what ever she'll be doing, and sinse she isn't going to totally stop drinking or partying, You'll always have doubts. Sorry man, All the facts you mentioned in this thread indicate that this girl isn't mature enough for a steady relationship at this time of her life. Maybe she will be after a couple of years and maybe the experience with you (losing you) is one step for her to understand what's important and what's not. Girls in a commited relationship don't find themself drunk or passed out in parties, while hanging out with males other than their BF. Edited December 13, 2014 by lolablue17 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sammason92 Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 Regardless of what happened. I still find it strange she forgot the text was on her phone for 2 months. After we broke up she said that nothing did in fact happen but she was going to contact the guy again to apologise for texting him out of the blue when I asked her to ask him what happened. I just don't know whether I jumped too soon seeing as she was going to go to the doctors to discuss her drinking. Maybe it would never have happened again. she did however say that because I dumped her she was going to cancel seeing the doctor. I do hope she is careful in the future and doesn't return to the old behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 You did not jump too soon. You dodged a big bullet that you would regret sticking around for. You are young and you got involved with a girl who was willing to lie, withhold information , and wanted to have you on a hook and see what else was out there. Stop making this your PHD thesis. Move on and find someone better. You will. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 She went from "Oh I gave him my number so he wouldn't try to kiss me" to "Prepare for the worst". Who cares what the text says. It's pointless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sammason92 Posted December 14, 2014 Author Share Posted December 14, 2014 Hi. As a final effort to get over this I visited the bar today on my way home. I have never been there before as its the other side of the city. She said that her friends kept a constant eye on her when she went to get food and after he tried to kiss her, she gave the number and he jumped on a bus. however, the closest food places are round the corner on another street. And there are no bus stops down this street. So she was lieing the entire time. I now believe that one of them suggested getting food. They left, her friends couldn't see her so assumed they went off and something happened then. either way, she lied and now I can see it. So I am moving on and will start dating in the new year. I don't care what she looks like, as long as she isn't an alcoholic, liar or cheater. Plus doesn't have a sordid past and doesn't bore me to death when she talks. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 She seemed genuine when she said she tried to hide the truth from me in order to spare me the hurt. She was trying to spare herself the embarrassment. If she had truly been trying to spare you the hurt, you should be insulted when she told you that. She's essentially said "you're not man enough to handle the truth". Link to post Share on other sites
Author sammason92 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 (edited) Just to give you an update. I did speak with her on the phone just to get closure so it didnt end on bad terms. She was very kind but confirmed that she did not love me anymore. Even though I iniated the break up it did hurt a great deal to hear that. She also confirmed she sent a message to the guy apologising for sending him a mesage out of the blue. Why would somone apologise to a man who forced himself on her? She said on the phone that she had a lot of chances that night to cheat but didnt do it but I have thrown it all away. I do remember one thing from that night when I found the text. Her reply to it wasnt of straight denial but rather she said- Let's look at your phone then if you are so perfect. I believe that is quite telling. In my heart, I don't believe she did cheat. I do believe however that there was a lot of talk about meeting up if we didnt work out. I believe she kept the text as she was keeping him in reserve in case we broke up. This being my first break up is very hard to deal with. She was a wonderful caring girl but I knew from the beginning that something wasnt right. I fell in love with an innocent girl and when I learnt her past I guess I lost that attraction. I believe me being distant with her as a result probaly led to this. I do hope she is well and that she gets help for her drinking. It's just a shame I won't be able to see her after she is better. Edited December 22, 2014 by sammason92 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Just to give you an update. I did speak with her on the phone just to get closure so it didnt end on bad terms. She was very kind but confirmed that she did not love me anymore. Even though I iniated the break up it did hurt a great deal to hear that. She also confirmed she sent a message to the guy apologising for sending him a mesage out of the blue. Why would somone apologise to a man who forced himself on her? She said on the phone that she had a lot of chances that night to cheat but didnt do it but I have thrown it all away. I do remember one thing from that night when I found the text. Her reply to it wasnt of straight denial but rather she said- Let's look at your phone then if you are so perfect. I believe that is quite telling. In my heart, I don't believe she did cheat. I do believe however that there was a lot of talk about meeting up if we didnt work out. I believe she kept the text as she was keeping him in reserve in case we broke up. This being my first break up is very hard to deal with. She was a wonderful caring girl but I knew from the beginning that something wasnt right. I fell in love with an innocent girl and when I learnt her past I guess I lost that attraction. I believe me being distant with her as a result probaly led to this. I do hope she is well and that she gets help for her drinking. It's just a shame I won't be able to see her after she is better. She doesn't love you anymore because you dumped her, what else can a dumpee say? She will rewrite your relationship so some future paramour will think she is a catch and not cheating trash. You never apologize to someone who forced themselves on you, people get arrested for that. Enjoy your new situation, don't doubt your decision and stay away from women who are more than happy to go to a party without you. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 sorry, double post. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 She said that she doesn't love you anymore and in the same conversation she said that she didn't cheat and you "have thrown it all away". The second part totally contradicts the first part, which means that not only has she stopped loving you only after you dumped her, I suspect she still loves you and feels hurt (Although she won't admit it even to herself). She just didn't want you to think that you have the upper hand here. Which is totally legitimate by her side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sammason92 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Hi guys, Just wanted to write this as I am feeling really low. Since we broke up I have got back into internet dating. I went on one date and it didn't go well, didn't like her at all. Tonight, I was texting a girl I was really into and she has just cancelled our first date because "we don't have anything in common". This is after weeks of emails. I am at a all time low. The date that cancelled tonight I admit was very similar to my ex, same exact job, same height, hair color. I guess I was just trying to replace her. In addition the two mentioned above I have had 2 other dates cancel on me. I wanted to know how you guys got over your ex? I admit, I am still very much in love with her. It has been nearly 11 weeks since the breakup and I am still not doing any better. I am seeing a psychologist to help me though it. I miss her so much, and it is this type of situation I hate. I loved me ex more than anything and I regret breaking up with her and now shes doesn't want to talk with me. I don't know whether I am dating too soon or not. But I don't think I can really move on until I find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 People cancel dates, don't take it personally. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Yes, sometimes we feel low because of circumstances while being out there in the singles world. You miss you girlfriend, it's natural but do you miss your cheating GF? Do you miss her cheating on you and her being open to other guys making moves on her? Do you miss her texting other guys and hiding ir from you? Because that's probably what you gonna get if you take her back. You only want her because you're feeling low and you didn't yet find love. So you're creating an image of your GF, which is not exactly true. Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 You did what you had to do, not a mistake. It's awesome that you are clear about what you are and are not willing to accept in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Ah yes the old "I only gave him my number so he'd leave me alone" excuse. I love that excuse, and I love even more watching them squirm after you ask them "well why didn't you give a fake number?" . Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Go work out! Build your self esteem up. Stop dating and make some friends. If you have friends, are confident, make decent intelligent conversation, and are not repulsive you will meet someone. I bike with a girl who I thought was perfect, she wasn't even fricken close. Part of me still loves her and thinks of the part of her idealized but it was wrong in so many ways. I got over her by living my life. Improve yourself, that's all you have to focus on. People who work at improving themselves usually have a hard time beating people away, people just naturally gravitate to confident people on a mission to be better. Fill your days with fun, humor and personal improvement, that's what life is, the women are just part of the highlight reel! Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I bet you're trying to sweet talk these girls right? Trying to be too much of a nice guy? Girls pick up on BS faster than bloodhounds. You've tried to get how many dates in what, only a couple of months? I actually commend you for trying to get back into the game and date but you're going about it the wrong way. You go too fast you chase them off. Most girls on a dating site have their pick of the men because they get inundated with requests for the most part. You can't replace your ex. Just be yourself, don't push too hard, go to the gym, have a social life, try picking up girls outside there you get a much more natural interaction and the girls can get to see the real you rather than virtual you. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) You two are not compatible. Edited February 1, 2015 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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