Early Stage Dating-How often do you see each other?

[WhatIsLove2014]

I love this, and have to keep reminding myself of this constantly. I'm with a guy who's more on the slower side (though we had sex pretty quickly), and at times it really bugs me that he's not more "head over heels" or reaching out every day or texting me all the time. But I know also that a lot of that just has to do with my own insecurity and doesn't have much to do with how he feels about me. I've had the opposite experience, too, where a man said and did all the "right things" to make me feel special, but right after we decided on exclusivity, he bailed.

 

This is the exact situation I'm going through. Definitely about 75% is my insecurity. But sometimes you have to give people time. Dating styles and speeds are different for different people but you have to go with your feelings too.

[Ruby Slippers]

In the beginning he was emailing me once a week to set the weekend date and that's it. Texting was zero.

Wow, planning dates via e-mail sounds sooo unromantic to me, almost like a business appointment. I'm having a hard time imagining my feelings ever going anywhere with a guy who took that kind of approach. But you're happy, so clearly this approach is working for you.

 

For the most part, I've had relationships with go-getter guys who made their interest very clear from the beginning, and I guess I've ruled out other types because anything less just doesn't fire up any romantic interest for me.

[Copelandsanity]

Wow, planning dates via e-mail sounds sooo unromantic to me, almost like a business appointment. I'm having a hard time imagining my feelings ever going anywhere with a guy who took that kind of approach. But you're happy, so clearly this approach is working for you.

 

For the most part, I've had relationships with go-getter guys who made their interest very clear from the beginning, and I guess I've ruled out other types because anything less just doesn't fire up any romantic interest for me.

 

I'm still all about calling on the phone to arrange dates, but someone recently told me that it's a huge turn-off nowadays, and that it has to be texting or IM.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm still all about calling on the phone to arrange dates, but someone recently told me that it's a huge turn-off nowadays, and that it has to be texting or IM.

It doesn't seem to be the case for men in my age range (late 30s). I've only ever made date plans on the phone or on the date before the next one. With a guy I hadn't been dating long, I wouldn't accept a date invitation via text or e-mail. To me that strongly suggests a lack of effort... and a lack of fun and romance. But as BluEyeL testifies, it works great for some!

[rester]

I don't think once a week at the five week mark is bad. I wouldn't want to make anyone at that point more of a priority than that. I've done the crash and burn thing and I'm over it. My current long term relationship started very very slowly and it has worked out well. We probably went on 2-3 dates/month for the first 3-4 months.

 

Anytime I hear about how I should be more head over heels for the woman or that I need to make Saturday night dates a priority or any of that and I go running. It's worked out well for me but everyone is different.

[rester]

I'm still all about calling on the phone to arrange dates, but someone recently told me that it's a huge turn-off nowadays, and that it has to be texting or IM.

 

I personally stick to the phone for most of my social interactions aside from being face to face. I'm not on any IM or social media sites, emails are for business, and I find texting to be too distracting. It's easier to make a call for me.

[clia]

Wow you are so lucky that your man does that for you...My guy has planned most of our dates, but they havent been any crazy. mostly coffee, icecream, movie at his place...he doesn't often pay for dates, mostly b/c I'm pretty quick with my wallet...I feel awkward about this stuff and he's quite a passive guy.

 

This feels like more of an issue than frequency of the dates. It seems really effortless on his part to just take you to ice cream or out for coffee or a movie at his place at this point. Even a passive guy could take the time to plan something a little nicer or take you out to dinner. Is your one date a week with him on the weekends or during the week? How long does the date typically last?

[chicaboom]

This feels like more of an issue than frequency of the dates. It seems really effortless on his part to just take you to ice cream or out for coffee or a movie at his place at this point. Even a passive guy could take the time to plan something a little nicer or take you out to dinner. Is your one date a week with him on the weekends or during the week? How long does the date typically last?

Clia, I actually don't mind the type of dates we've been going on. I'm a pretty casual girl and wouldn't enjoy going to a stuffy restaurant or something grand at this point b/c I'm also still trying to figure out how much I like him. The dates last for a few hours. In terms of effort, yes I think that is a maybe a little bit of an issue for me, but not b/c of the type of dates we've been going on, but b/c I like to get texts quite often b/c it makes me feel like he's thinking of me or cares and also the FREQUENCY with which we see each other is frustrating to me b/c I interpret going on more dates as someone who wants to see me, and likes me and cares about me...

 

I've planned our date this week and basically invited myself over to his place, lol. I suggested we play video games and order a pizza, which I genuinely do enjoy haha. So I don't really care what we do so much at this point as long as it gives me an opportunity to get to know him better to figure out my feelings. I basically just want to get ot know him better and i'm frustrated at the pace we're going b/c i DO want to get to know him and figure this out!

[chicaboom]

Blue, I really enjoy your posts. Seems like everything I read I always I agree with you on.

 

I am the same exact way. I am a slow-moving guy. I always thought that slow and steady DOES win the race. A fire that's brightly lit will dim out just as quickly.

 

I developed an absolutely amazing relationship with my current girlfriend BECAUSE we were slow. It really built up and blossomed into something great.

 

I had relationships with women in the past that wanted something quickly, that were eager for things... And you know what? They were all drama filled. It was always tears on their part. It was always stupid phone calls that ended up in silly arguments.

 

Give it time. Let it build slowly. You have a great foundation so far, OP.

Fondue, it's great to get a guys perspective on this and it's interesting to hear that you also moved slowly with your girl. It's definitely new territory for me and I guess I don't know how to interpret it. I'm sort of interpreting things now as if he's just a lazy guy, which is the biggest turn off for me. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't go for what they want. But I understand that this might not be the case. I can understand why someone would go slowly and maybe this is what I need at the moment.

 

He did tell me quite out of the blue the other night that he wasn't just looking for sex. Which I was pretty surprised about. I don't think a guy has ever told me that upfront like that. So I guess I know he's pretty interesting in developing something more. right? Why else would a guy say that? ugh i'm so confused, lol.

[chicaboom]

Blu, thanks. i think this is really good advice, and thanks for sharing what you did in similar situations in the past. You seem very level headed which is good b/c I am not at the moment since I am definitely in this haha.

 

I don't get the feeling from him that he's NOT into me. I'm quite confident actually that he does like me. He told me he was busy this week but then suggested a couple of other days and times that would work. I got the sense that although he was really busy he was making at least some effort to see me.

 

I agree there is a fine line, and that is what I am trying to gauge at the moment. I'm also a little hesitant to suggest we up the amount of time we are seeing each other b/c I am actually not sure how I feel about him yet, so I don't want to suggest this and then end up ending things with him b/c I find out I don't like him enough...ugh dating is so tricky. He is a genuinely nice guy and I don't want to hurt him. I feel like I'm a bit of the more assertive/"stronger" one of the two of us and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt someone of give them the impression that it could be something more when I'm not even sure of it myself!

 

err...I think I need to rethink whether I should talk to him at all now, lol.

[BluEyeL]

Wow, planning dates via e-mail sounds sooo unromantic to me, almost like a business appointment. I'm having a hard time imagining my feelings ever going anywhere with a guy who took that kind of approach. But you're happy, so clearly this approach is working for you.

 

For the most part, I've had relationships with go-getter guys who made their interest very clear from the beginning, and I guess I've ruled out other types because anything less just doesn't fire up any romantic interest for me.

@RubySlippers I know what you're saying because most women think that way.

 

However, from your posts, your romantic standards are way higher than mine, if you want call them "higher". I gather you are a very attractive young lady and wish you all the best in finding the type of relationship you want to have in your life. I'd say thought that it doesn't matter how a man asks you out, as long as he asks you out constantly, plans dates, and escalates the relationship appropriately.

 

As for me, I'm insanely happy with my super-sweet and loving BF, and hope our relationship will last a long time.

[BluEyeL]

Blu, thanks. i think this is really good advice, and thanks for sharing what you did in similar situations in the past. You seem very level headed which is good b/c I am not at the moment since I am definitely in this haha.

 

I don't get the feeling from him that he's NOT into me. I'm quite confident actually that he does like me. He told me he was busy this week but then suggested a couple of other days and times that would work. I got the sense that although he was really busy he was making at least some effort to see me.

 

I agree there is a fine line, and that is what I am trying to gauge at the moment. I'm also a little hesitant to suggest we up the amount of time we are seeing each other b/c I am actually not sure how I feel about him yet, so I don't want to suggest this and then end up ending things with him b/c I find out I don't like him enough...ugh dating is so tricky. He is a genuinely nice guy and I don't want to hurt him. I feel like I'm a bit of the more assertive/"stronger" one of the two of us and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt someone of give them the impression that it could be something more when I'm not even sure of it myself!

 

err...I think I need to rethink whether I should talk to him at all now, lol.

I don't know exactly what's going on in your relationship. The guys I let go of in the past didn't ask me out every weekend, or wanted me to ask them out instead, didn't escalate things within 2-3 months either, so I put a deadline in my head, then I asked them ONCE about it, then I just dumped them.

 

One was asking me out once every other week. He called once a week and texted/emailed 1 or 2x/week. Dumped him. He never let me go, called me for months after.

 

Another one wanted me to ask him out, he was calling me every Sunday and asking what I was doing, if it sounded good, he joined me. Tried that for 3 months. Dumped him. Gave him too much time because he was hot. He just contacted me again this weekend.

 

They always come back, but that was too slow, too little, not what I wanted.

 

So if he doesn't ask you out at least once a week and initiate contact 1 or 2 times a week in between, in whatever way or form, it might be time to cut bait. If he is constant i his patterns and dates are not less than 1X/week, give him more time. He also should give you Saturday night dates.

[chicaboom]

I don't know exactly what's going on in your relationship. The guys I let go of in the past didn't ask me out every weekend, or wanted me to ask them out instead, didn't escalate things within 2-3 months either, so I put a deadline in my head, then I asked them ONCE about it, then I just dumped them.

 

One was asking me out once every other week. He called once a week and texted/emailed 1 or 2x/week. Dumped him. He never let me go, called me for months after.

 

Another one wanted me to ask him out, he was calling me every Sunday and asking what I was doing, if it sounded good, he joined me. Tried that for 3 months. Dumped him. Gave him too much time because he was hot. He just contacted me again this weekend.

 

They always come back, but that was too slow, too little, not what I wanted.

 

So if he doesn't ask you out at least once a week and initiate contact 1 or 2 times a week in between, in whatever way or form, it might be time to cut bait. If he is constant i his patterns and dates are not less than 1X/week, give him more time. He also should give you Saturday night dates.

Thanks again. that's really good examples for me to compare! lol. I guess I don't have too much to complain about at this point then. He always contacts me at least once a day and we've had a date every week. Saturday he plays hockey (which I know he's not lying about b/c I stalked on fb a little ) haha so we meet up on Fridays or Sundays or during the week if we can't meet on the weekend.

 

I'm going to see him tomorrow and muster up the courage to say something. This is my one time I will ask him about it. and we'll see how it goes from here...

 

I'll report back soon! lol

[chicaboom]

So I spoke to him last night and he told me he doesn't have a lot of dating experience and that he's shy and introverted, which is why he is going slow. He says he's not a big texter and that if he doesn't text it doesn't mean he doesn't care. He said something going casually and seeing where this goes (that word "casual" kind of freaked me out).

 

I told him I wanted him to be more romantic and sweeter to me, he said he could do that.

 

I'm getting the sense that this guy has really low self esteem and has a few quirks (he said that he is really clean, slightly ocd and that he doesn't really like no hair or patches of hair on body party....errr what???? lol I"m getting a little freaked out and don't want to date another weirdo. should I cut it now??? or let it progress the way it's been going to see if things change?

[smackie9]

Cut it off. No one should have to request how they want to be treated or have to work this hard to make someone pine for you.

 

Like I always say, if they don't pay much attention to you or contact you, it's because they don't want to. I don't give a rats ass if they have some kind of anxiety. If they want you bad enough, they won't let that get in their way.