Coe Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 A guy who is more interested in sex then the girl wont wait but there are men who are interested in a long term relashionship and in those sex is inevitable. No its not a gift but its not owed to men ether if a guy will not wait until im comfortable in the relationship to have sex then so be it he can move on and find a girl more to his liking whose willing to have it sooner there's no shortage of them. I believe the reverse of what you said in that sex comes after the relashionship is formed its just a different view to yours..in my view with in 3 to 5 dates you barely know the person in question and I wouldn't be comfortable.. Edit to add if you communicate that you are into a person but want to wait until the times right then there's no reason for anyone to think the others not into them good relationships requite a lot of communication after all... Having sex is part of getting to know someone to me, if that person isnt compatible with me in that way then I dont want a relationship with them. Its a very important part of a relationship. Sex isnt some special thing that requires you to know someone first, it doesn't need candles and roses. Its supposed to be something you do because your body tells you to, of a girl isnt as up for it as you without starting an exclusive relationship first then you should just be friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 At 19-20 for me sex wasn't happening for at least a year, if at all. While there are plenty of people who do jump into bed quickly, it's not everyone's norm. OP if you feel pressured, tell the guy to back off. He may disappear on you, but then good riddance. Be very careful about dates in private places. It's easy to give in to the physical side of your relationship even when you know it's not otherwise right for you. That's a lot of time to waste on someone that you might not end up being sexually compatible with. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 waiting a year at 19-20 is definitely at the far end of the bell curve these days and is not even close to normal or average. . We're in hookup culture now its a completely different world. Whats normal for one person is not for another of course your going to try and root the OP along to sleep with this kid cause thats what many men do now a days. Women on the other hand have become kinda stupid and naive when it comes to sex and a lot men know this so they pray on it. using the easy ones for sex but making the ones who hold off the real GFs.. Just cause the majority of women think sex will get her a bf or get her bf to stay or what ever doesn't mean we are all fooled into this as many men would like us to believe..its a two way mind f*** excuse the pun..lol And what do we end up with? LS full of threads with ether disappointed women or unwanted pregnancy or what ever other issues arise when people cant control themselves. Your right its a completely different world and worse for it imo..were not dogs who cant control our selves were humans time some started acting it like again.. OP you dont have to sleep with this guy if your not conformable there's nothing wrong with respecting your body and waiting until you feel comfortable as well.. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Having sex is part of getting to know someone to me, if that person isnt compatible with me in that way then I dont want a relationship with them. Its a very important part of a relationship. Sex isnt some special thing that requires you to know someone first, it doesn't need candles and roses. Its supposed to be something you do because your body tells you to, of a girl isnt as up for it as you without starting an exclusive relationship first then you should just be friends with her. Wow this is such a sad post and commentary on the state of dating in today's world..really so sex isn't a "special thing" yet its a "very important part of a relashionship" whats wrong with that? am I really the only one who gets this..compatibility can be learned with open and honest communication but that takes effort and commitment two dirty little words in today's dating scene apparently.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 It is a different world and it is not going back to the way it was so people might as well get used to it. You can't change how things are these days so learn to live with it. People here who haven't dated in a while and are older should realize it is whole different world today. I used to get mad but every therapist says not to get mad at things you can't change. You adapt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 It is a different world and it is not going back to the way it was so people might as well get used to it. You can't change how things are these days so learn to live with it. People here who haven't dated in a while and are older should realize it is whole different world today. I used to get mad but every therapist says not to get mad at things you can't change. You adapt. You cant change it but you don't have to go with the flow when it comes to something as personal as sharing your body with another person just cause "everyone's doing it" doesn't mean I have to..and it doesn't mean a young women like the Op should be made to feel like she has to or somethings wrong with her...that was my point anyways.. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 You cant change it but you don't have to go with the flow when it comes to something as personal as sharing your body with another person just cause "everyone's doing it" doesn't mean I have to..and it doesn't mean a young women like the Op should be made to feel like she has to or somethings wrong with her...that was my point anyways.. Nobody should do anything they don't want but if you don't go with the flow your pool of partners to choose from is going to be smaller. That is actually a good thing because quality is better than quantity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 THe problem here is that there is a clash of cultures, the more sedate Brazilian culture steeped in religion and the modern-day dog humping culture of the west as shown by her American boyfriend and by Coe. Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Wow this is such a sad post and commentary on the state of dating in today's world..really so sex isn't a "special thing" yet its a "very important part of a relashionship" whats wrong with that? am I really the only one who gets this..compatibility can be learned with open and honest communication but that takes effort and commitment two dirty little words in today's dating scene apparently.. It isn't really that difficult to understand, sex is important, but no it isn't special. Meeting someone's friends and family is also important, but that's not special either. Incidentally I'm sure women would come crying to this board to be met with support if she was dating s guy for a year who didn't want to introduce her to their friends and family. You can't learn about sexual compatibility by talking about it anymore than you can see what a person is like as a kisser by asking them what technique they use. To the OP if you want to have sex with the guy then do it, if you don't then don't. Guys don't have to prove themselves worthy of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 Thanks for the advice! I thought about all the answers and I watched the video. We went out again on wednesday and based on the advices here I decided to talk to him about it. I told him I was a virgin and he talked so much about sex and that he was a little pushy. He said that's probably because he hadn't had sex in half a year but didn't realize he was talking so much about it and apologized. He also said he didn't understand Brazilian culture well and that he was expecting things to go a little quicker. But he said he likes me and that he is okay if we don't have sex. The next day he was texting me as usual and invited me to go to the movies on saturday Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Guys don't have to prove themselves worthy of it. If they wanna get it from me they do cause I don't do casual sex thats my choice and seeing as I have a BF and a happy loving relationship I must have done something right.. Thanks for the advice! I thought about all the answers and I watched the video. We went out again on wednesday and based on the advices here I decided to talk to him about it. I told him I was a virgin and he talked so much about sex and that he was a little pushy. He said that's probably because he hadn't had sex in half a year but didn't realize he was talking so much about it and apologized. He also said he didn't understand Brazilian culture well and that he was expecting things to go a little quicker. But he said he likes me and that he is okay if we don't have sex. The next day he was texting me as usual and invited me to go to the movies on saturday Thats awsome im glad to hear you guys were able to talk things thu and he explained himself and you too thats a great step just take things slow it sounds like you two are off to a decent start.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 (edited) In this thread I read so many different views regarding sex and relationships and this is all very interesting, considering people are from different upbringings, cultures and generations. In my opinion taking things slow is not very important in a relationship, but doing it on the first dates for checking compatibility isn't either. The important part is to do it when both feel comfortable. In my case for the first time I think I should not only be ready, which I am, but also trust the guy, which takes some time. If you have romantic feelings for the person or if you are looking for a relationship, sex right away may not be for you though because you can feel vulnerable afterwards. Edited November 21, 2014 by adelante Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Ah, THIS was the thread I was looking for when I started my own. Some actually DO consider sex as an important part of a relationship, it's in the same wheel house, to some, as communication, loyalty, support, etc. I always here's these talks of married couples, where the woman complains the "husband wants it more than they do" Or the husband complains that his wife only "puts out" once a month. That beings said, this is an example of such an issue. But if you threw in the, "What if your husband lost the ability to even HAVE sex? Through an accident of some sort?" What that put the kibosh on the marriage, what then? Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I think that "average" depends on a lot of factors. I dated lots of normal sane guys & never slept with most of them after only 3-5 dates, more like 3x that many dates. Only 1 ever broke things off with me because of that & he it turned out was neither normal nor sane. Sex should happen when both people feel ready for it & that will be at different stages for many couples. Surprisingly, I've know established couples who admitted to having had sex on the first date and an actual relationship became of it. It surprised the crap out of me when I heard it as I usually have been known to wait longer. The last woman I was with, we dated for about 2 months. We were active after about a month, but it was consensual, she was all for it. Then for some reason she thought we were "doing it too much", although I thought we had an even balance of going out to events/dating/courtship and that's when things went south. But I think it was really her insecurity and low self-esteem that was the brunt of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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