writergal Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 What about women like me who accrued student loan debt later on in life (age 43) to further education (masters degree)? Does that mean by societal standards, I have nothing to offer a man? I think that's what I worry about: men judging me for my student loan debt. Like, I have this scarlet "D" on my forehead for debt. But debt is manageable too. I mean I don't have any active credit cards and my credit is good. I had one credit card, but paid it off and never used it again, and closed the account after I went back to school and borrowed financial aid for grad school. Debt shouldn't be the death knell of relationships (new or established). So why is it? Why do people value money above love? I don't care how much money a man makes. What I care about is his character, values and morals. Is he happy with his life? Does he have close friends? Fun hobbies? Can he pay his own bills and manage the income he does make? I've dated across the income spectrum and have never had dollar signs in my eyes. For me, my student loan debt is a monthly that bill I pay. I know it limits me as far as buying a new car or my first home, but I never plan to buy either of those items. I resent it when men judge me as less-than because I decided to go back to school to improve myself and get a masters degree. Well, for 95% of the population who continue their education, they need to borrow financial aid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 OP, would you consider it high standards if a guy wants a woman that is "hot" and also not crazy? Yes. Guys just know women can't be hot and sane at the same time. So we don't expect it. If you disagree, this might change your mind, hehe... http://youtu.be/hKWmFWRVLlU lol not every hot woman is crazy. A lot are, but there's a lot of good hot women out there. But a lot of them seem to be already taken. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 OP, would you consider it high standards if a guy wants a woman that is "hot" and also not crazy? Yes. Guys just know women can't be hot and sane at the same time. So we don't expect it. If you disagree, this might change your mind, hehe... http://youtu.be/hKWmFWRVLlU funny. Geeze. Looking back at my life, the times I've been the least emotionally reactive have been when no man has been in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 What if he's making minimum wage because he's traveled to Cuba and other parts of the world and seen just how little people need to get by and how wasteful developed Western culture is and so rather than participate in the rat race he prefers to work fewer hours, live a simple, stress free life, be more resourceful and get by with less? How is that on the intelligence scale? I'm not sure how this says anything about his intelligence level. If he wants to live his life on minimum wage, good for him! I don't. I sure he can find a woman who has the same view as him (living life simply and to get by with less) and they will go on to have a wonderful life together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 I'm not sure how this says anything about his intelligence level. If he wants to live his life on minimum wage, good for him! I don't. I sure he can find a woman who has the same view as him (living life simply and to get by with less) and they will go on to have a wonderful life together. So, I take it you have good looks & a good job yourself than if you demand those 2 things out of someone since you said that should be the bare minimum for a woman to look for in a guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I actually never consider career/moneybags my first thought is his interesting,do I feel energetic spark etc. I would definately go for the waiters! Struggling writers,painters etc etc. I like people who are leading unconventional lives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I actually never consider career/moneybags my first thought is his interesting,do I feel energetic spark etc. I would definately go for the waiters! Struggling writers,painters etc etc. I like people who are leading unconventional lives. I'm the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I'm the same way. me too, prefer the artist type as that's what I am. Lol but according to posts on this site im so far below desirable that it wouldn't matter anyway 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 How are we defining "good career" Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 me too, prefer the artist type as that's what I am. Lol but according to posts on this site im so far below desirable that it wouldn't matter anyway I know right?! I"m happy not to qualify. I'd rather be happily in love with a low income guy in a small house, than miserable living in a penthouse with a rich boyfriend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I have no issue with other people's standards. Unless they have a laundry list of things and they complain that they can't find anyone who fits the list exactly. That said, most people have very low standards. If you look at the things people put up with from their SO, it's pretty clear that the average person could use a dose of "high standards" in their life. In fact, I think for most women, wanting a guy with a good career and good looks should be insufficient: they should also expect him to be a good person on top of that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 lol not every hot woman is crazy. A lot are, but there's a lot of good hot women out there. But a lot of them seem to be already taken. Unicorns are real? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 I have no issue with other people's standards. Unless they have a laundry list of things and they complain that they can't find anyone who fits the list exactly. That said, most people have very low standards. If you look at the things people put up with from their SO, it's pretty clear that the average person could use a dose of "high standards" in their life. In fact, I think for most women, wanting a guy with a good career and good looks should be insufficient: they should also expect him to be a good person on top of that. If an individual looks for all 3 of those, you better have those same things yourself. I wouldn't want to be with a woman if she was with me first & foremost because of a job I have over anything else. I'd rather a woman be with me for my personality & genuinely likes spending time with me instead of because of having a good job. It would make me wonder, what if I lose my job & can't get as good of a job afterwards. Would they leave me for not meeting their requirements in terms of income anymore? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 If an individual looks for all 3 of those, you better have those same things yourself. I wouldn't want to be with a woman if she was with me first & foremost because of a job I have over anything else. I'd rather a woman be with me for my personality & genuinely likes spending time with me instead of because of having a good job. It would make me wonder, what if I lose my job & can't get as good of a job afterwards. Would they leave me for not meeting their requirements in terms of income anymore? Have you...looked around? If not out in the real world, at least on this forum. People aren't looking for anything even remotely resembling those three things. The average person needs to raise their standards. Because the bar is set really low right now for far too many people. Women, men, everyone. Demand more from your dates and relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Have you...looked around? If not out in the real world, at least on this forum. People aren't looking for anything even remotely resembling those three things. The average person needs to raise their standards. Because the bar is set really low right now for far too many people. Women, men, everyone. Demand more from your dates and relationships. Well, I wouldn't just settle for anyone. I would absolutely not want to be with a woman with a bitchy attitude. No thanks. I'm more of a laid back guy, so I don't need that ****. I'd love to be with a nice attractive girl. And I don't care what her job would be. All I ask for is that she has a good personality & genuinely likes me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Well, I wouldn't just settle for anyone. I would absolutely not want to be with a woman with a bitchy attitude. No thanks. I'm more of a laid back guy, so I don't need that ****. I'd love to be with a nice attractive girl. And I don't care what her job would be. All I ask for is that she has a good personality & genuinely likes me. As someone who is divorced, we spent most of our time arguing about money. You can't live on love. An empty belly, no cable tv and a cold house are a bad formula. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 As someone who is divorced, we spent most of our time arguing about money. You can't live on love. An empty belly, no cable tv and a cold house are a bad formula. Who said you need cable TV? A lot of people these days are just using Netflix & Internet to watch things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I don't know - I think a lot of these posts really underestimate the impact that financial stability (or lack thereof) has on a relationship over time. I doubt I would consider a long-term relationship with someone who didn't have a salary comparable to what I'm making. And, yeah, he definitely has to be attractive to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 I don't know - I think a lot of these posts really underestimate the impact that financial stability (or lack thereof) has on a relationship over time. I doubt I would consider a long-term relationship with someone who didn't have a salary comparable to what I'm making. And, yeah, he definitely has to be attractive to me. I think most people just want the guy/woman to be able to support themselves & not have to strictly rely on their partner for money. At least I'd like to think that...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 If they can do that on let's say 25gs a year, than why should that be a problem to someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I think most people just want the guy/woman to be able to support themselves & not have to strictly rely on their partner for money. At least I'd like to think that...... I don't think that describes most people in serious relationships. When you live with someone or marry them, the money is no longer that easy to separate. My husband and I have separate bank accounts, but we pool our resources in important ways: nice house, new car etc. It would not be enough for me that he could cover his own living expenses. I mean, for sure I'd be less than thrilled supporting someone over the long term (other than in an extreme situation like ill health of course), but I need more out of life than not having to pay my spouse's living expenses. I need us to be able to cooperate on financial goals that will make us happy as a couple. I have a way better lifestyle married than I would single. So does he. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 People essentially want partners with similar values to their own. It has nothing to do with a specific income level or an imagined level of beauty. It's about finding a good fit. Financially successful people VALUE the freedom that money provides them.That's why they study for years, work hard to gain what they value to be important for their happiness. They want a partner who also values that as an important element of their own life, so together they can work towards a common goal. Other people might not value financial success so much, but want to follow their dreams (usually arts) so sacrifice money making for creative freedom in their careers. Some lucky ones find both. People who take care of themselves also want partners who do the same. Attractiveness has a lot to do with lifestyle and how one presents themselves. and like attracts like. The only problem is that stupid, bitter people who have entitlement issues always blame the opposite sex for wanting more than they themselves are when really they should take a look in the mirror, because clearly their standards for a partner are not reflective of their own. . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ufo8mycat Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 If they can do that on let's say 25gs a year, than why should that be a problem to someone else? Because at some point in a relationship there is a link between lifestyle and money. Not just big cars and houses either. I do a bunch of stuff now that I just couldn't do when I earned 25k. As mentioned, money brings choice and freedom. Sure, I could pay the way of my lower income partner but at some point there needs to be commonality in values, including attitudes to money as well. I earn good money, I like the experiences this opens up. I don't want to live like I did when I earnt 25k. The dodgey flat, the cask wine, the inability to afford heating. I don't want to live as a boho artist, I can't imagine having having too much incommon with one that we would be in a long term relationship. Not without some hella serious compromise Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Because at some point in a relationship there is a link between lifestyle and money. Not just big cars and houses either. I do a bunch of stuff now that I just couldn't do when I earned 25k. As mentioned, money brings choice and freedom. Sure, I could pay the way of my lower income partner but at some point there needs to be commonality in values, including attitudes to money as well. I earn good money, I like the experiences this opens up. I don't want to live like I did when I earnt 25k. The dodgey flat, the cask wine, the inability to afford heating. I don't want to live as a boho artist, I can't imagine having having too much incommon with one that we would be in a long term relationship. Not without some hella serious compromise I keep hearing this about how if you make more money that all of a sudden they won't have any common interests. What exact interests does someone making more money have besides I suppose being able to travel? Or is it just some sort of psychological thing? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I'm a high wage earner and dont have a problem being the heavy, as a lot of other guys I know are..It does surprise me though how many women feel like its a huge negative if a guy doesnt make much, or heaven forbid, any money at all... With all the gender equality and modern feminism of today, you would think that these women wouldnt mind if the tables are reversed here, as guys have been financially carrying the load fpr eons... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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