Ex wants me back, but not sure

[idoltree]

But now my ex texts me daily. Sends me this stuff every day, at first just asking how's it going, and sending stuff about her dog and stuff, asking whether we’re not talking any more, being sad, sending sad smilies. Even sadder smilies.

Even asking to make up (but I know she wants to make up as friend) and asking to give me some letter. Like everything hasn’t already said a zillion times. She says she has hard time letting me go. I guess she didn't think that I will not talk to her at all any more.

 

I haven't any more answered to any of her messages this week.

Should I just completely ignore her?

 

Yes, you should completely ignore her. She told you the terms she's willing to give you: you are there for her when she wants you, you get nothing. Win/win for her, lose/lose for you. Of course she doesn't want to let go of the win/win.

 

Remember the comfy warm slipper analogy? She is texting because she doesn't want her slippers wandering off somewhere in case she wants them again. Her actions are selfish, plain and simple. Note that you told her what you want (all or nothing), and she is steamrolling right over what you said you wanted. Your needs do not matter to her, and therefore you need to get away from this selfish person.

 

There is another woman out there who will want you, all of you. She'll be wildly attracted to you and capable of having that warm attachment as well. Why waste your time on this one?

 

And yes, I do think you did this to yourself. In the future, refuse to settle for less than what you want. You teach people how to treat you, and if they see you accepting less than what they know you want from them, you will never get more. You lose value in their eyes; deep down they think "why would he put up with this? I must be really fabulous and desirable, and him... well, he settles, so he must not be." Do not confuse this attitude with being mean, as our friend Xiang does above. It is assertive and it can and should be done with kindness.

 

Cultivate the attitude that you and your life are important, that when you are in a relationship you will not lose yourself for the sake of the relationship (but you also have to cultivate said relationship, it's difficult balance), and that if someone doesn't value you, you don't value them. This is especially important for men to do. It's how you'll find the woman and relationship that you want. Women tend to want a man who is caring but is also not afraid to be assertive.