Author DenverDude Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Pizza!!! Are you a Bronco's fan as well? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Yep! Man crush for Peyton.. Link to post Share on other sites
AaronSG Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I read in your response to me was that you were going to a Liars Anonymous meetings? Was this something that was left out of your story? I am confused. Personally, I didn't join the Liars Anonymous group per say because I was a compulsive liar to my ex-faince or anything. I basically joined the group for myself, the problems deep inside I was having within me. For after some of the failed relationship dust started to settle, and I could now see things a bit more clear, I had to face the hard facts that during my relationship, from day one to day "it's over", from start to finish I was just pretty much lying to myself about many aspects of the relationship, lying to myself as so to not see the reality of some situations, as so to do my own personal best, internally, to not be hurt by what I saw, what I was dealing with and so forth. So along the way in the relationship I basically just kept lying to myself, as to help me justify thing, as to validate things, as to deny myself the truth about the "red flags" I did indeed see, but lied to myself about their existence, therefore lying to myself to the point that the "red flags" were no longer there, I had mentally, thru internal personal dishonesty made them vanish, as so I wouldn't have to face the harsh reality of dealing with them. Because I knew deep inside that if I had to face the honest truth of handling some of the "red flags" that came up before and during the relationship, the relationship might not of ever happened at all. So in my sick and twisted codependent ways I altered my internal truths. Before the relationship I was dealing with a gambit of person issues, such as "self worth" and "self esteem" and "self pride" and the biggest kicker of them all, I was dealing with a huge "loneliness" issue. And whoa, her came along a young lady, loved just about everything I loved, enjoyed just about everything I enjoyed, and oh yeah, by the way, we should meet, oh boy were having all this fun and were falling fast in love, oh yeah, by the way, want to move in with me back in California, sure, then...whooooooosh......2000 miles later, welcome home, yay, and so forth, it was just way to fricking codependent how things began and how thing went along, so much that the truths that came up along the way, I learned very quickly to lie to myself about, after all I'm not lonely any more, and for the time being I was lying to myself and fooling myself into thinking that this woman, with all her "damaged goods" and her emotional "baggage" and previous "childhood issues" and all her "adult issues" could ever satisfy and fill my voids. I knew she couldn't, but I lied to myself there for thinking she could. That's the primary reason I joined Liars Anonymous, not so much for telling lies to people, but pretty much to deal with and understand the lies that I allowed to tell myself, and deal with the biggest fact of all here, I believed my own lies to the point that it almost destroyed me in the end! So as I do inside the meeting room when I'm about to talk or introduce myself......."hello my name is Aaron and I'm a liar to myself"! Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 That's an interesting perspective. Are there any other 'self liars' there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverDude Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) Could anyone who has been helping me and giving me advice in this thread please email me? I pray that someone will reach out to me. I can't post publicly on this site anymore. I REALLY need some help. I just paid to become a 'supporting member' but the option for me to Private Message some of you is still not there? Edited November 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 You haven't been here long enough or made sufficient posts to earn the possibility of PMs. About a month + around 100 posts I believe are the criteria.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverDude Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 I understand that, but I paid to become a 'premium member' (which includes instant access to PM's) and I am still not seeing the option to PM people? Maybe it takes a little time for it to take effect on my account/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverDude Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) Tomorrow morning the moving trucks will arrive. All of her belongings will be packed up leaving me alone, in my empty apartment (she had the furniture). I knew this day would be coming for the last few weeks, but it is finally a mere hours away. I can say right now, this is the lowest I have ever felt in my life. She has already told me she is going hard core no contact once everything is back in her possession. My love, best friend and person I woke up to and looked forward to seeing everyday for the last 3 years will be a freaking memory starting tomorrow. A ghost if you will. I can't cry and drink enough right now to save my life. Fuc. I am reaching out for help right now guys. I need it. Tomorrow, I know even if I break no contact it won't matter, because she will have already blocked me. I am no a bad guy. I am a nice guy who ruined everything. I had so many things to look forward to with her. I see her everywhere. I play my guitar thinking she can hear me. I cry, thinking she can feel my pain. I lay up in the dark hours of the night thinking she is thinking of me. I am depressed guys. She is dead in a few hours. Do you know how hard this is to process? I am sstill in love with her. Edited November 25, 2014 by DenverDude Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverDude Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Is anyone still awake. Really need to talk to someone. Please PM me if so (I paid to get access to PM's) Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Hello there im sorry this is happening and I know it prob doesn't make you feel better now but try to think of it as a fresh start more then a loss? I don't know the back story or why you guys broke up but the pain dose pass over time.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
polaske93 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I wish i had something enlightening to say, or some advice to help you.. 3 years is a long time, and it hurts me to even imagine losing someone after that long. It hurts, and it is going to hurt for awhile. Maybe take some time to yourself, just try and relax for awhile. Do whatever you feel you need to do to get through the initial slump. During this time NO CONTACT don't try and get a hold of her for anything, you will be an emotional wreck, and you will regret it. After a week or two, look back at the person you were before you met her, and compare it too who you were while dating. I know for me when I look back, I'm shocked and in dis belief about the person I became (lost interest in myself). After that begin to imagine who you want to be. For me I wanted to become I stronger better person, mentally and physically, and i wake up every morning and commit to becoming this person.. basically you just have to move on, and continue your life like she was never there. Now she's just a page in the book of you, if it didn't work out there is a lelesson there. She wasn't the one, and now you will have a better understanding of what you want in your next relationship. If she is the one, she will come back around. But commit to no contact as well, trust me contact will only make things soooo much worse for yourself. Good luck brother! I feel your pain, as does alot of other heartbroken men on this site Stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Hi, I almost cried (I truly mean it) when I read your post. It brought back so many memories of what happened to me 8 months ago. But I was the one who left and was dumped I still remembered the last 3 days, all the things that I and my ex did was just going around the room, hugging, cuddling, and crying whenever we felt like that. I'm so sorry that you're going through the same thing now. It's tough. But it will pass. Just feel the pain, cry as much as you want, your love and relationship deserve those tears NC will be the way to heal fast, I know it's so harsh, but it's life Hugs!!!! If you need someone to talk to, PM me. I live in GMT +7 though, not sure if it matches. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Atmosphere77 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Denverdude, youtube coach corey wayne. Listen to all he has to say. I was as bad as you and it's been a big help. It's free if you want it to be and not a scam like most of the people out there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 OP, I just read the reasons for your BU that you allegedly caused. What nonsense! In both instances, you were not able to be yourself. You were scared to be yourself. Now, maybe you could have married said Ghost and live the rest of your life never puffing the woola with Lieutenant Uhura and avoiding arguments with your beautiful bride BUT eventually the proverbial sh-- would hit the fan. You need to dispense with this romantic language, "She will be a ghost in a matter of hours" and so forth and look at what is really going on here. This woman was not right for you. If you were someone else, then yes maybe she'd be right for you. If when she'd asked you about the weed or the wallet you'd said, yeah, just had a delicious toke or you want it, you buy it then maybe she'd see you being a man and not a mouse. She probably dumped you because she lost respect for you. In the future, be honest about who you are. Women can reject you much earlier if they see fit. This woman was not right for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 They made an experiment.... The took 100 people divided to 2 separate groups. everyone was asked to bring meaningful 3 photos (family pics etc...) and they magnified and printed extreme giant duplicates of the photos - a very nice gift... Now - to one group they gave the option to have 1 printed photo as a free gift and they have to decide now immediately which of the 3 to take home. The other group had the same option, the only difference was that they could change their mind which photo to choose and replace the photo , (from the 3) as many times as they want in 4 days, and after 4 days they have to finally make up their mind. After 6 month they asked the all 100 participant "are you happy with your choice?" Most of the people in the first group were happy, and most the second group weren't happy because they thought they could choose another photo from the 3... they had a strong feeling that they missed something. Now, to you man... If you're blaming yourself and you think it was all up to you, it'll take you ages to heal. Stop!!! Yes, you lied, but she made a mistake leading you to those lies. She left because of her, not because of you. It was not up to you! You didn't miss a thing... If you manage to understand that, your healing process will be much faster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverDude Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Well everyone, first and foremost, thank you SOOOOO much for the kind replies. In fact, I will probably read them over and over and over again to help me in this recovery process. Everyone on this forum has huge hearts, so I just want to again say Thank You. This morning the movers came. I left early for work so I didn't have to be there. I know when I get home, my place will be empty and my thoughts and emotions will be at an all time high. I think this is good though. I am going to process everything one second at a time. I am going to soak up the pain, tears and everything else inbetween in order to come out a better and stronger person - because in the end, I know I am a really nice human being. She sent me her final texts a little while ago. "Be safe. I will always love you. Goodbye :(" My stomach dropped. My heart aches. I feel sick. I will miss you J. Love - C Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Sucks, buddy! Like you said though, face it all head on! There's no dancing around the emotions. Have a beer, smoke a bowl and take it all in! Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I mean it's nice she said that stuff but for all you know now she's got her arm looped around Chad Weststock. Forget her, man. She did not dump you for the reasons she claimed. That was her way out. Light up a big fat doobie and smoke that place out tonight. Exhale a purple plume in every room to purge the place of her bad energy. Yes, cry. Grieve. But realize, as another poster pointed out---this was about her, not you. In a month or two, I want you to set your sights on meeting a nice, sexy chick who'll roll a J with you from time to time. Forget these stuck up law enforcement hoes you've been wasting your time on. Life's too short. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts