Author AVarma Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 I agree with this...The lack of life experience will come to mind, not the lack of performance. Smackie!! I thought you were up for it? And I was fantasizing about losing it to a hot cougar too. You break my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 I can very well relate as I am 28 and still have yet to stick it in, if you know what I mean, but let me tell you some other things. I have kissed a few women. I have only actually dated one woman while others were mostly in talking stages, some even bordered on dating. I have never been in anything long-term. My longest relationship was only two months and this was six years ago. I have a story to tell involving a girl who once criticized me for being a virgin. I remember a long time ago, I got really defensive with some girl because I acted kind of shy towards her. She asked me if I was a virgin, which I will admit that I absolutely detest being asked if I am a virgin. I remember I had a defensive attitude with her. I know that was a definite sign of insecurity and I was rather angry about her asking me about it, but her giving me crap about me not having had sex definitely didn't help. I will admit that I have a tendency to get angry and defensive when being asked if I am a virgin. When I am asked, I often feel like I am being judged. In all honesty, there are various reasons why I have not done the deed. I did say that I have kissed a few women but never got into situation where either party got naked. Most of the time, I just don't feel like I want to meet women. I don't always think that it's always that important. However, sometimes I realize the age that I am in and wonder if I should go and try to bang some random woman just to gain experience in case I do get into a relationship and the woman would expect me to be more experienced than I actually am. Hey, Smackie, you really think that all guys should live up to the standard by banging some women as young as possible so that they could gain life experience, same with ChimpanA-Z sees it? One more thing, a female friend said that I was right for being defensive about that one girl who gave me crap about being a virgin. However, I still hate being asked that question. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Yes but as long as he knows what to do as I am also inexperienced. I have been with another inexperienced guy before and we just had no idea... as long as the man is confident and knowledgeable. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Ah, the virgin-of-the-month has arrived seeking validation. Take it from a guy who was once in your shoes: You're putting a whole lot of thought into something that matters a whole lot of not. And this means ... insecurity !!! Which is totally attractive to aaaaaaaany woman. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Smackie!! I thought you were up for it? And I was fantasizing about losing it to a hot cougar too. You break my heart. Cougars are not looking for a committed relationship, just someone young to bang and move onto the next one. That's what I meant. The majority are thinking about whether they would "date" a virgin. They are thinking long term, commitment. I have to agree, I wouldn't invest in dating someone that had no experience. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Cougars are not looking for a committed relationship, just someone young to bang and move onto the next one. That's what I meant. The majority are thinking about whether they would "date" a virgin. They are thinking long term, commitment. I have to agree, I wouldn't invest in dating someone that had no experience. Define "no experience." First of all, imagine if you met and hit it off with some guy and you realize you liked him. Then when it's revealed that he has little to no experience with the opposite sex, would you dump right on the spot? That would kill all interest you had in him because of one little thing? I can admit that I have dated a little. The longest relationship I have been in was only two months long and this was years ago. I almost bordered on dating-to-relationship territory earlier this year, only for her to cut off contact because of problems of her own. We liked each other, though. So someone has still yet to stick his knob into a slot. BIG FREAKING DEAL! Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 If you are having trouble finding a date, have you ever thought about signing up for a matchmaking service. These services cost a lot, but its a guaranteed blind date, while online dating can result in zero dates. Often times, matchmakers will give "Men" free dates because they have far more women paying for their services than men, and therefore don't have any men available for dates. For some reason, women are lazy or fearful of match.com and prefer to use matchmakers. Try signing up for "Its Just Lunch" or one of those wealthy matchmakers. You might be able to get some free dates if they need men. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Define "no experience." First of all, imagine if you met and hit it off with some guy and you realize you liked him. Then when it's revealed that he has little to no experience with the opposite sex, would you dump right on the spot? That would kill all interest you had in him because of one little thing? I can admit that I have dated a little. The longest relationship I have been in was only two months long and this was years ago. I almost bordered on dating-to-relationship territory earlier this year, only for her to cut off contact because of problems of her own. We liked each other, though. So someone has still yet to stick his knob into a slot. BIG FREAKING DEAL! I'm 50 years old.....I'm experienced enough to sense inexperience in someone pretty quickly....I can hit it off with a 20 year old, doesn't mean I'm going to see any potential for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 I have worked with hundreds of people....so far I have picked up on who is a virgin/and lacks experience.....it's not that hard. I don't need to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 I would imagine that at some point, being inexperienced would be a problem for women. It's not just sexual inexperience, there's relationship inexperience and all of that. Most people's first relationships fail, nobody looking for something long term wants to bother being someone's experiment or "resume builder". It's like hiring someone for a job when you know they'll be moving in 6 months... Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 I would imagine that at some point, being inexperienced would be a problem for women. It's not just sexual inexperience, there's relationship inexperience and all of that. Most people's first relationships fail, nobody looking for something long term wants to bother being someone's experiment or "resume builder". It's like hiring someone for a job when you know they'll be moving in 6 months... I was guilty of that once. I remember there was this girl who liked me and asked me out and I said yes, mostly because I was bitter and lonely at the time. I thought that there may be a chance that I would like her, or maybe at the time I thought it was my ticket to finally getting some. It didn't last as she called it off two weeks later when I wasn't putting time and effort into the "relationship," and I am not using quotes for nothing because it wasn't really a relationship, nor did we actually date. Link to post Share on other sites
Blade96 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Ladies, would you date a 28 year old virgin?" (I'm a girl) Why not? If the guy was a great person, very nice, and we had similar interests, why the hell not? I don't care if anybody had sex or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Well, I would hate to have a different opinion than before, but Smackie had mentioned to me her age, which can be understood in my opinion. However, I didn't agree with ChimpanA-to-ChimpanZ's opinion because it almost seems like at a certain point, having been in a long-term relationship is a requirement for her to be compatible, like they need to know what it's like to be in love, to be hurt from a breakup and whatnot. I don't know how old Chimp is. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 The bottom line is that modern society expects or at least assumes that you have had certain life experiences at certain ages. Failure to meet those milestones by certain ages and you may feel like you're "behind". Sexual experience is one of those things and 90% of people (including many people who are very religious) get that out of the way in their teens or early 20s. And they're not like "oh, the clock is ticking, I need to hurry up and have sex". For most, losing virginity and getting sexual experience is just a natural occurrence that's part of them growing up and learning about life. They did not need to try very hard. They were already pretty solid in the social skills and self-confidence departments because (a) those things were focused on during their upbringing and (b) they had a decent number of friends and spent time with them outside of class doing fun activities or just shooting the sh*t. Dating, relationships, sex, heck even workplace jobs, etc...those were merely the next step; the next rung up the ladder. Your sexual and intimacy tendencies are part of who you are as a person. And most people explore, journey and learn a lot about themselves during their 20s. That is why for most older virgins (25 yo and older)...there's a strong chance that the REASONS behind the lack of sex are not good and are likely going to be serious red flags and/or dealbreakers for most people of the opposite sex. And one or more of those "reasons" are very likely going to be obvious or very noticeable to most people quickly...either during the first date or even before you ask her out. She may not think "virgin"...but she will think "strange", "oddball", "awkward", "forced", maybe even "creepy". And if things do manage to progress to sex, there's a good chance she will easily recognize your lack of experience whether you tell her or not. No matter how well you "prepare" beforehand. She may or may not be OK with that. There are a few older virgins that are good, confident people...but I bet they're like finding a needle in a haystack. And most devout religious people get married young, so they're unlikely to be virgins past their mid-20s. OP - your best chance is to just try not to make a big deal out of it. In other words, have a "so what if I'm a virgin?" mentality. However, don't lie if asked...just don't make a spectacle out of it. Just talk to, have fun with and date women like any other man. You may want to initially focus more on just meeting people in general, with no expectations. The point is to become comfortable and more confident being yourself around others (male and female)...and that will only come with time, patience and repetition. Lastly, don't see a hooker... Somehow I read this and it makes me feel like I am screwed in the situation. I don't have a lot of dating experience either. It seems guys my age have settled down, some are married, even have kids (And I know where kids come from), while I somehow feel like I'm behind on life. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I would imagine that at some point, being inexperienced would be a problem for women. It's not just sexual inexperience, there's relationship inexperience and all of that. Most people's first relationships fail, nobody looking for something long term wants to bother being someone's experiment or "resume builder". It's like hiring someone for a job when you know they'll be moving in 6 months... Yes, I admit that that would go through my mind. However, there are a few ways of looking at this. There is always upsides and downsides to everyone's history. A person who has gone through a couple of bad relationships would know more about themselves and what they truly want in a partner - but it might also have changed them. Some people turn jaded and bitter because of it. That's why, IMO, there is no purpose in searching for the partner with the 'best resume'. I feel it is better to judge people based on how they responded to their past and whether or not they are trying to do the best they can with the past they have, rather than on the past itself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AVarma Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 Yes, That's why, IMO, there is no purpose in searching for the partner with the 'best resume'. I feel it is better to judge people based on how they responded to their past and whether or not they are trying to do the best they can with the past they have, rather than on the past itself. Damn I love this. For a guy like me it's quite encouraging. I was wondering is there any age where being a virgin becomes weird? Would you still feel this way if I was 30 or 35? Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I was wondering is there any age where being a virgin becomes weird? Would you still feel this way if I was 30 or 35? I'm sure it becomes statistically less usual the older you get, but unless you have "I'm a virgin" tattooed on your forehead then nobody knows you're a virgin; it isn't the reason you don't get dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AVarma Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 Not on purpose. However, I would date a nice guy who I found interesting & attractive. If things progressed to the bedroom & I found out afterwards that he had been a virgin it wouldn't upset me but I'd run if some guy announced that stuff to me on an early date. FWIW, I had a date from OLD with a 50+ year old who told me on our 1st date which was already going horribly imo that he wanted to consummate his marriage, impregnate his wife & lose his virginity all in the same act. I couldn't get out of there fast enough! Lol. I think I might have given people the wrong impression. Obviously I'm not going to go up to a woman and say "Hey I'm a virgin wanna go out?". But I meant that if we had been on a few dates and it suddenly came up, would she back off right there because I was a virgin. That's what I meant. Obviously if I go around telling everybody I'm a virgin it'll turn people off because it's an awkward subject to talk about. That kind of thing is best left private. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Lol. I think I might have given people the wrong impression. Obviously I'm not going to go up to a woman and say "Hey I'm a virgin wanna go out?". But I meant that if we had been on a few dates and it suddenly came up, would she back off right there because I was a virgin. That's what I meant. Obviously if I go around telling everybody I'm a virgin it'll turn people off because it's an awkward subject to talk about. That kind of thing is best left private. Same advice I gave you in the other thread -- shut up about it. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I sometimes wonder if I should just pay some hookers before I meet someone. If anything, I feel like any woman I meet is going to be turned off by the fact that I haven't had sex in the standard "early" age. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I think women would be more turned off that you had visited the ladies vs being a virgin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I think women would be more turned off that you had visited the ladies vs being a virgin. So in other words regarding this situation, it's a Catch-22? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 There has never been more info out there that is easily accessible re relationships and sex. The internet is full of such stuff. No-one needs to wander about clueless about how to speak to woman and how to be successful in bed today, just do some research and go practice your chat up and flirting techniques anywhere you find women, pubs, clubs on the street, in shops and supermarkets, find out what works and what doesn't. Meet girls who want hook ups online and practice. No-one needs to know you are a virgin (don't say anything) and after you have been there and done that, then you are no longer a virgin, so problem solved. Keep safe, wear protection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AVarma Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) I think women would be more turned off that you had visited the ladies vs being a virgin. Didn't you suggest earlier in the thread that somebody in my position should just get a hooker? Now you're changing your mind? Why? Besides how would they know anyway? I mean if we should stay quiet about being a virgin why not about visiting an escort? Edited December 8, 2014 by AVarma Link to post Share on other sites
Author AVarma Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Not on purpose. However, I would date a nice guy who I found interesting & attractive. If things progressed to the bedroom & I found out afterwards that he had been a virgin it wouldn't upset me but I'd run if some guy announced that stuff to me on an early date. FWIW, I had a date from OLD with a 50+ year old who told me on our 1st date which was already going horribly imo that he wanted to consummate his marriage, impregnate his wife & lose his virginity all in the same act. I couldn't get out of there fast enough! I think you need to tell us the full story. Sounds entertaining (just so you know I would never come off this desperate). Link to post Share on other sites
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