evanescentworld Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I agree, and at this point she seems to be doing that. But I am trying to keep it moving in this direction and not move back toward this guy again. Not sure I can do it, as many of you on this site seem to think my actions are futile, but for now, and as long as I think she is working on it too, I will continue. Nope. She has to absolutely, unequivocally declare her 100% total commitment, publicly, to this "project" as well. No holds barred, this is definitely it, no going back, 100% total dedication. Uncertainty - about the effectiveness of your own actions, or the sincerity of hers - are what make this a hill-climb... the hill being composed entirely of ball-bearings, and you're wearing patent-leather magnetic boots.... Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyLaddy Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I went through the same thing now we have been together almost 7 years with two kids. He was the evil one doing preety much what she does but I will tell you that in reality you can do something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyLaddy Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 After a long time of being with someone things begin to change and the idea of being exited to be with one another simply becomes more of a boring agenda. We get comfortable with each other and no longer act as we did at first. And the relationship goes on regardless of the situation. At this point it is very easy to rely on past relationships that we too short to get tired of. (my advice) -sit down and really think about that guy you were when you first met. Not just how you were with her but how you were as a person -Now that you done that.....bring that guy back!! -at this point YOU are who is important NOT her. Be you. -Now imagine that that woman who is now almost a monster is again the sweet girl you saw in her when you met her. -Try to get her to notice you and how spontaneous you are. Do not come on too strong -Do not worry of who else is in her mind right now because now you are a new guy trying to get in her heart. -Do not show anger when she hurts show your sadness very slightly though your expressions but remain quiet. * It will take time so be patient. Focus on yourself meanwhile. She has been bad and she will lay on the same bed that she makes. * Believe in god only he can do the imposible. Pray to him. Let him work his wonders. If you read the bible you will see how disappointed god is in her right now, nothing good can come of that Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) .... * Believe in god only he can do the imposible. Pray to him. Let him work his wonders. If you read the bible you will see how disappointed god is in her right now, nothing good can come of that Don't hijack the thread by proselytising and imposing your religious views on someone who you have no idea will welcome them. There is a Spirituality forum. would respectfully suggest you save it for there. There is no need to add religious judgement as a mitigating factor. Whether religion comes into this, or not, is not your decision, and it's an inconsiderate move to compel someone to factor it in. It's a question of 'Form' ,and it's just not the 'done thing'. My 2 cents. Edited November 14, 2014 by evanescentworld Link to post Share on other sites
Author icDude Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 Nope. She has to absolutely, unequivocally declare her 100% total commitment, publicly, to this "project" as well. I prefer not to give ultimatums in my experience ultimatums, no matter the negotiation, fail to work in your favor unless you really don't care about the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author icDude Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 A -sit down and really think about that guy you were when you first met. Not just how you were with her but how you were as a person -Now that you done that.....bring that guy back!! -at this point YOU are who is important NOT her. Be you. -Now imagine that that woman who is now almost a monster is again the sweet girl you saw in her when you met her. -Try to get her to notice you and how spontaneous you are. Do not come on too strong -Do not worry of who else is in her mind right now because now you are a new guy trying to get in her heart. -Do not show anger when she hurts show your sadness very slightly though your expressions but remain quiet. thank you for the advice. But it won't work. I was the jerk in the beginning and she was the saint (or so I thought). I am not going back to being a jerk just to get her saint back. My wife is flawed and I am flawed and I am mature enough to know that and move forward. I am not a spiritual man, though I have listened to several spiritual messages on the subject and they contain some perceptive advice. Though not from their spiritual tone. "the love dare" for instance, works not because of what you are asked to do, but because it requires you to wait 40 days before acting, allowing you to get over some of the acute stress occurring within your relationship without doing anything brash. Link to post Share on other sites
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