Decisiontomake Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 How are you alternative plans going for the 10th? I'm gonna see if I can help you over that hump but if you do end up meeting the AM guy on the 10th it doesn't mean I won't still be here Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 ) You really are awesome. The plans arent set in stone, only because he has some scheduling issues with work . I haven't sent the NC to either guys. All day long I tell myself, ok, I'm going to send them now....then I'll get a text from one or the other or both :/ and then I'll change my mind, because I get that high. I dont know if I'm going to meet with him. Part of me wants to the other part doesnt. I feel like im not strong enough to do this. I feel like i would be a total tease or let down to him if I didnt meet with him, being this is all we've talked about for the past month. I know, his feelings shouldnt matter in this. But its just something I cant help but feel. With AM guy, NC would be so easy. We only message through a messenger app, that ive never even heard until him. We dont email, facebook, phone, nothing. We dont even know each others last names. All i would have to do is delete that app and i would never have to be in contact again. Ive already deleted my AM account when i started messaging with this guy. NC with my other AP would definitely be harder, emotionally. I feel like i love him...not IN love, but love like a friend. And because we live in the same neighborhood and have mutual friends, it just makes it so much harder. Im just blabbing now. Sorry. But I will keep you updated. And thank you for thinking of me. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) Nikki76, some tough love for you. Fix your situation now or the most likely scenario is you will be left standing all alone in life in a whirlwind of pain and destruction to other people. Stop it with the analysis paralysis and take action now! Everyone can see the crazy road you are on right now. You're talking too much and doing too little. Good luck. Edited November 4, 2014 by FusionCutter 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 You really are awesome. The plans arent set in stone, only because he has some scheduling issues with work . I haven't sent the NC to either guys. All day long I tell myself, ok, I'm going to send them now....then I'll get a text from one or the other or both :/ and then I'll change my mind, because I get that high. I dont know if I'm going to meet with him. Part of me wants to the other part doesnt. I feel like im not strong enough to do this. I feel like i would be a total tease or let down to him if I didnt meet with him, being this is all we've talked about for the past month. I know, his feelings shouldnt matter in this. But its just something I cant help but feel. With AM guy, NC would be so easy. We only message through a messenger app, that ive never even heard until him. We dont email, facebook, phone, nothing. We dont even know each others last names. All i would have to do is delete that app and i would never have to be in contact again. Ive already deleted my AM account when i started messaging with this guy. NC with my other AP would definitely be harder, emotionally. I feel like i love him...not IN love, but love like a friend. And because we live in the same neighborhood and have mutual friends, it just makes it so much harder. Im just blabbing now. Sorry. But I will keep you updated. And thank you for thinking of me. Morning honey. Ok, one step at a time. Get rid of the App and shut down your AM profile. Just take those steps and see how that makes you feel. Take one day, hour, moment at a time. I totally wanted to reach out to my exAP yesterday - had a rough day totally. But I didn't do it. And boy am I glad of that this morning. Please don't meet the AM guy - the other AP we can keep talking about but you KNOW you're gonna feel like crap afterwards if you do!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 Morning honey. Ok, one step at a time. Get rid of the App and shut down your AM profile. Just take those steps and see how that makes you feel. Take one day, hour, moment at a time. I totally wanted to reach out to my exAP yesterday - had a rough day totally. But I didn't do it. And boy am I glad of that this morning. Please don't meet the AM guy - the other AP we can keep talking about but you KNOW you're gonna feel like crap afterwards if you do!!! Thank you. I think I will send AM guy a NC letter today. I dont just want to delete without an explanation. He seems like a nice person and wouldn't feel right completely blowing him off. I feel sad. Not because im going to miss HIM.....but because I know I'm going to miss the rush. Although lately he's been really busy with work or at least thats what he tells me lol, so we dont text NEARLY as much as we did before. Which will make it somewhat easier. I was thinking maybe I'll meet with him next week, see if the sex might be better, but I dont think I will. My other AP...thats the one I'm going to have a difficult time with I will keep you updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Thank you. I think I will send AM guy a NC letter today. I dont just want to delete without an explanation. He seems like a nice person and wouldn't feel right completely blowing him off. I feel sad. Not because im going to miss HIM.....but because I know I'm going to miss the rush. Although lately he's been really busy with work or at least thats what he tells me lol, so we dont text NEARLY as much as we did before. Which will make it somewhat easier. I was thinking maybe I'll meet with him next week, see if the sex might be better, but I dont think I will. My other AP...thats the one I'm going to have a difficult time with I will keep you updated. The thing with AM is it's all a rush at first - it's intense, it's hot! If I'd met with everyone I'd had a conversation with, or a few days of conversations with that are totally enticing, I'd have slept with about 50 - lol but so not lol! That's the nature of that particular beast. But then it does settle into a pattern and you're wasting your time on someone that can't truly give you the attention AND who doesn't really do it for you ;-). Don't meet him for a drink - sure you can tell him you're going to delete your profile and app and that it's just not want you want to be doing right now - if you feel that you want to at least be courteous, but you definitely do not need to met him for a drink. The other AP, yes, I get that - like I said, one step at a time! xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 The thing with AM is it's all a rush at first - it's intense, it's hot! If I'd met with everyone I'd had a conversation with, or a few days of conversations with that are totally enticing, I'd have slept with about 50 - lol but so not lol! That's the nature of that particular beast. But then it does settle into a pattern and you're wasting your time on someone that can't truly give you the attention AND who doesn't really do it for you ;-). Don't meet him for a drink - sure you can tell him you're going to delete your profile and app and that it's just not want you want to be doing right now - if you feel that you want to at least be courteous, but you definitely do not need to met him for a drink. The other AP, yes, I get that - like I said, one step at a time! xx Ok, I sent it to AM guy. I feel sad. Mostly because this is completely out of the blue. He has no idea that I was ever even thinking about ending this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 I didnt delete my messenger account, only because I dont know if that would erase my message to him . Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 I didnt delete my messenger account, only because I dont know if that would erase my message to him . OR your wanting to see his response. I see your making an attempt here, but keep in mind your trying to make lasting changes. Its hard at every step but you have to start somewhere is a difficult decision. Hit the delete button. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 I didnt delete my messenger account, only because I dont know if that would erase my message to him . Ultimately, does that matter if he sees it or not? You've done the right thing for you in terms of sending it. Delete the account! Go on - you can do it! I'm right here beside you!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 Ultimately, does that matter if he sees it or not? You've done the right thing for you in terms of sending it. Delete the account! Go on - you can do it! I'm right here beside you!!!!!!!! Youre right, it doesnt matter if he sees it. But like DKT3 said, I'm wanting to see his response. Of course, not the right way. Just a note....I just booked an appointment with a therapist that a friend recommended. I spent about 20 minutes on the phone with her. She seems awesome! We are meeting Friday morning and she said be prepared for a LOT of work ahead of me. I'm really excited in a weird way to meet her. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 That's great re the therapist - am pleased - that's a very good thing to be doing. As for his response - you're in a "no win" there - he comes back with "OK" and disappears, you'll feel unworthy - why weren't you enough to make him want you more etc. If he comes back with "please don't go", you're getting the high again from being wanted! You know it's true x Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 That's great re the therapist - am pleased - that's a very ge doing. As for his response - you're in a "no win" there - he comes back with "OK" and disappears, you'll feel unworthy - why weren't you enough to want you more etc. If he comes back with "please don't go", you're getting the high again from being wanted! You know it's true x You are 110% right about it being a no win situation. He did respond. Saying he doesnt want me to let go. Blah blah. Of course, I did feel that high. I'm going try to to be strong and not respond. I'm going to wait until my appointment on Friday to do any permanent. Although, I'm sure she'll say the same thing as you. I feel like crap. This is nothing like how bad I'm going to feel in the upcoming days. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Have your actions match your words. Just delete the account now that you've stated it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 The longer term AP I totally get regarding how difficult that is - the AM one, I'm sure you have it in you to make the final cut right this instant *cheerleading*. He will amp up his contact these next few days now he knows you're wobbling, and this is going to lead to more of the high that you'll then find even more difficult to leave behind. I PROMISE you you will feel better if you follow through on this particular act. Either way, I'll still be hanging around and waving my cheerleading pom poms ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Checking in to see how your last 24 hours have been? Mine have sucked! Lol, but not lol x Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 Checking in to see how your last 24 hours have been? Mine have sucked! Lol, but not lol x I've been out of commission with a terrible flu . I guess the only positive is that I've been too sick to even WANT to communicate with them. I'm sorry yours has sucked! ! I wish I could PM :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I've been out of commission with a terrible flu . I guess the only positive is that I've been too sick to even WANT to communicate with them. I'm sorry yours has sucked! ! I wish I could PM :/ Me too re the PM!!! Sorry you've been sick . But hey, that's a great silver lining re being too I'll to worry too much about your dilemma I'm 8 days NC now with my long term AP and it is constantly on my mind - not always in a bad way - sometimes I'm totally "ok it was time to finish" and ok with that. Other times the thought of not seeing him again is gut wrenching. It's a pendulum swing Anyway missy. Have you closed down your app yet?! My money is on no! xx PS. Re PMs, contact the site and see what they say about opening the capability for you. Moderator?? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Me too re the PM!!! Sorry you've been sick . But hey, that's a great silver lining re being too I'll to worry too much about your dilemma I'm 8 days NC now with my long term AP and it is constantly on my mind - not always in a bad way - sometimes I'm totally "ok it was time to finish" and ok with that. Other times the thought of not seeing him again is gut wrenching. It's a pendulum swing Anyway missy. Have you closed down your app yet?! My money is on no! xx PS. Re PMs, contact the site and see what they say about opening the capability for you. Moderator?? She could get instant PM with a subscription. Its a pretty smal fee. Like $2 a month. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 Me too re the PM!!! Sorry you've been sick . But hey, that's a great silver lining re being too I'll toim worry too much about your dilemma I'm 8 days NC now with my long term AP and it is constantly on my mind - not always in a bad way - sometimes I'm totally "ok it was time to finish" and ok with that. Other times the thought of not seeing him again is gut wrenching. It's a pendulum swing Anyway missy. Have you closed down your app yet?! My money is on no! xx PS. Re PMs, contact the site and see what they say about opening the capability for you. Moderator?? In my longest NC with my longer term AP ( I think 12 days) I remember how unbearable it was on some days...and other days it seemed ok. Im proud of you for your 8 days!! I wish I had your strength. I have my therapist appointment tomorrow. hopefully she can tal k some sense into me. Regarding the AM guy, I have texted him a few times. Ugh. But fortunately, I guess, hes been real distant the past two days. This is TMI.....but as I'm laying here sick as a dog, I was thinking about our two sexual experiences and just remembering how AWFUL they were. His hands actually grossed me out because they were so nasty and I couldn't even look at them. Lol!!! Why would I want to continue with THAT? WTH is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 She could get instant PM with a subscription. Its a pretty smal fee. Like $2 a month. This would be a good option, but my husband would definitely question this. He gets mad everytime my $12 monthly bill comes in for the health club:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 . This is TMI.....but as I'm laying here sick as a dog, I was thinking about our two sexual experiences and just remembering how AWFUL they were. His hands actually grossed me out because they were so nasty and I couldn't even look at them. Lol!!! Why would I want to continue with THAT? WTH is wrong with me? Not TMI at all - but totally relevant in terms of reminding you not to do it again! The high of the texting is fun - but as you say, he's being distant now anyway so let him be. Even with the high of the texting, that gross feeling when someone is physically touching you that you're not attracted to etc totally outweighs the high of the texting. Hell I'll text dirty stuff to you if that'll help. Hahahaha - ok now really lol at myself. Sorry - you know what I mean tho ;-). Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 Not TMI at all - but totally relevant in terms of reminding you not to do it again! The high of the texting is fun - but as you say, he's being distant now anyway so let him be. Even with the high of the texting, that gross feeling when someone is physically touching you that you're not attracted to etc totally outweighs the high of the texting. Hell I'll text dirty stuff to you if that'll help. Hahahaha - ok now really lol at myself. Sorry - you know what I mean tho ;-). OMG!!! That made me laugh out loud. That was hilarious! I just had another tmi flashback. ...when we were having sex, I kept thinking to myself. "I need to come up with an excuse to not see this guy again". I feel closer to being able to delete this guy, by remembering these thoughts. I just feel bad for him. That he wont get anyone like me. Haha. I know, totally sounds full of myself. Believe me, I'm not. He reminds me of a younger George Costanza and many people say I remind them of Sandra Bullock. If only I had the self esteem of Sandra, I wouldn't be in this situation . Ughn Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Seriously - the AM guy has served his purpose - kick him into touch - get read of the f'ing app!!!!! Way more bad than good to come out of meeting up with him again. You know that, but I'm just putting it out there again ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 Seriously - the AM guy has served his purpose - kick him into touch - get read of the f'ing app!!!!! Way more bad than good to come out of meeting up with him again. You know that, but I'm just putting it out there again ;-) When you went NC.... did you send a letter? How did you do it? I just wrote a draft NC to AM guy. Short and to the point. Can I post it here for you to read? Link to post Share on other sites
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