hawx79 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Somebody told me about a woman who doesn't love me back that if I really did love her I should let her go. Am I harming her if she already said no to me, and after 3 weeks I ask one more time again? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 How long have you been in a relationship for? Why did she say no to whatever or end it? Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 How old are you? What did she say no about? why so vague? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 How long have you been in a relationship for? Why did she say no to whatever or end it? Im not in a relationship yet with her yet. And she said no to me being with me in a relationship. How old are you? What did she say no about? why so vague? Why don't u tell me your gender first! Why so vague about that? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Some women can change their mind after they tell you no. It doesn't seem to be that common and I have no idea why they do it, but it does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Pleeze don't antagonize her... I mean, I'd really want to hear more details, but all I can say is it gets annoying if a guy persists. Then, you have to start avoiding them and even get rude with them. No one likes to be pressured into anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Pleeze don't antagonize her... I mean, I'd really want to hear more details, but all I can say is it gets annoying if a guy persists. Then, you have to start avoiding them and even get rude with them. No one likes to be pressured into anything. I understand but its I really need to tell her couple few things I feel for her, if she still sais no after this, I'd accept it. She means the world to me. She said no the first time in a polite way but I didn't really had the chance yet to connect with her. I'm afraid this time she might throw me to the ground instead of laying gently me like she did first time. I feel I just wont be able to continue if I don't try one more time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I understand but its I really need to tell her couple few things I feel for her, if she still sais no after this, I'd accept it. She means the world to me. She said no the first time in a polite way but I didn't really had the chance yet to connect with her. I'm afraid this time she might throw me to the ground instead of laying gently me like she did first time. I feel I just wont be able to continue if I don't try one more time. Well, maybe you can give it one more try...but that's it. Maybe you can use an opening like "I'm sorry, last time we spoke I didn't tell you what I really felt/meant/whatever". Maybe that'll allow her to open up her ears to give you another listen...but, after that no more. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I understand but its I really need to tell her couple few things I feel for her, if she still sais no after this, I'd accept it. She means the world to me. She said no the first time in a polite way but I didn't really had the chance yet to connect with her. I'm afraid this time she might throw me to the ground instead of laying gently me like she did first time. I feel I just wont be able to continue if I don't try one more time. Won't be able to continue what? I wouldn't try again. Not so soon, anyway. It will very likely make her feel awkward and uncomfortable. What is it that you need to tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Somebody told me about a woman who doesn't love me back that if I really did love her I should let her go. Am I harming her if she already said no to me, and after 3 weeks I ask one more time again? Are you implying this is love? Love is something that works both ways buddy. I get the feeling you guys weren't even dating since you said: "I didn't really had the chance yet to connect with her" Don't confuse your infatuation as "love" and take that quote outta context man. Sorry bud, it's best to just let her go. And please don't think it's because you "love" her. If she said no, chances are 3 weeks isn't gonna change anything. Maybe 3 years, but def not 3 weeks. If you do decide to go after her, I hope she "throw you to the ground" as harshly as possible so you don't get any more ideas and move on. Being polite doesn't seem to work on you. Edited November 1, 2014 by J21 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 She said no the first time in a polite way but I didn't really had the chance yet to connect with her. I'm afraid this time she might throw me to the ground instead of laying gently me like she did first time. So...you WANT to be "thrown to the ground"? You've told yourself that THAT is the only way you would be willing to hear her message? In which case, obviously you have to put yourself in that position and situation, and get thrown to the ground. Some people don't like that or being in that position, and will do whatever it takes to avoid it. But, if that's you, then... As well. If you already know that you need to try one more time, even if it means having to experience firsthand getting thrown to the ground, then you also owe it to yourself to at least try that one more time. Do whatever you have to do, in order to get peace around it. It might or might not cause her some temporary harm or permanent damage. But it's not actually coming across that you really care about that. It comes across that your primary 'thing' is to tell her whatever you have in your head and "connect with her" however you have in your head. So do that. The sooner (for her) the better. Because. If she is going to have to in any case deal with/heal from harm or damage caused by you, then her own psyche might as well deal with it sooner than later. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 You need to give up on the relationship with her and just pursue a friendship with her. Then she might change her mind. There is a lot more to it when people talk of women changing their minds. An example... I dated a woman for about 10 days, it was hot steamy and full of a ton of chemistry. The problem is I am an alcoholic. I did not know I was one when I was dating her. But when things ended the lights came on. I sent her a text message today explaining that I was leaving for rehab after 2 weeks of no contact. Then went on to say I don't know much right now, but I do know I was interested in you because I wondered if maybe I had met a woman I would not have to settle for. If you're still single when I get out of rehab I'd like a chance to show you the sober me. If not that is okay but I want to at least thank you, you opened my eyes to the alcoholism and likely saved my life. She responded instantly asking where I was going and that she would like to visit. It requires CHANGE for her to change her mind. She either has to see you differently, or something has to change. Other then that no is a no. Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Being persistent is not cute, it's rather creepy and it makes you look weak. The sexiest thing you can do is walk away from her and live well. If there's any shred of her that might want something to happen between the two of you, this is when it will come out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 So...you WANT to be "thrown to the ground"? You've told yourself that THAT is the only way you would be willing to hear her message? In which case, obviously you have to put yourself in that position and situation, and get thrown to the ground. Some people don't like that or being in that position, and will do whatever it takes to avoid it. But, if that's you, then... As well. If you already know that you need to try one more time, even if it means having to experience firsthand getting thrown to the ground, then you also owe it to yourself to at least try that one more time. Do whatever you have to do, in order to get peace around it. It might or might not cause her some temporary harm or permanent damage. But it's not actually coming across that you really care about that. It comes across that your primary 'thing' is to tell her whatever you have in your head and "connect with her" however you have in your head. So do that. The sooner (for her) the better. Because. If she is going to have to in any case deal with/heal from harm or damage caused by you, then her own psyche might as well deal with it sooner than later. The last 3 weeks I was waiting was torture! If I didn't care about the damage I could do to her, would I even consider making this thread? I'm going to tell it as gently I can. I feel I have no choice but to tell her, because if she rejects me I know Ill be alone forever. I know it sounds crazy but its true. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 The last 3 weeks I was waiting was torture! If I didn't care about the damage I could do to her, would I even consider making this thread? I'm going to tell it as gently I can. I feel I have no choice but to tell her, because if she rejects me I know Ill be alone forever. I know it sounds crazy but its true. Actually, yes, I think you would. I see that as quite selfish of you, really. You're putting an awful lot of pressure on her to make your happy, which isn't fair. You are responsible for your feelings and your future. You're also disrespecting her earlier decision, ie. not wanting to have a relationship. This all-or-nothing mentality isn't healthy for you and puts others in the uncomfortable position of having to accommodate your desires or live with the guilt of you being "alone forever." Quite manipulative, and I hope you aren't planning on telling her what you said above. The mature and healthy way to handle this is to believe her when she said no, and walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Actually, yes, I think you would. I see that as quite selfish of you, really. You're putting an awful lot of pressure on her to make your happy, which isn't fair. You are responsible for your feelings and your future. You're also disrespecting her earlier decision, ie. not wanting to have a relationship. This all-or-nothing mentality isn't healthy for you and puts others in the uncomfortable position of having to accommodate your desires or live with the guilt of you being "alone forever." Quite manipulative, and I hope you aren't planning on telling her what you said above. The mature and healthy way to handle this is to believe her when she said no, and walk away. I actually care more about her happiness then my own, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. And she had giving me signs that gave me hope. After her no she said, she didn't know me yet so well and she said she only able to like men at a very slow rate because of her past relationships. I've rehearsed intensify over the past 3 weeks, put a lot of effort and time, I just cant go back off now as tomorrow will be 3 weeks since it past. On Monday im planning to see her. It feels like a suicide mission as I know my changes are slim but I will remain positive until then. So if it doesn't work out I just need to accept the fact I'm not to be with anyone ever. Edited November 1, 2014 by hawx79 Link to post Share on other sites
GG3 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 You sound a little obssessive and pushy. If she said No, being pushy is going to be creepy and definitely push her further away from you. Getting a no is just part of dating...part of life. Dust yourself off, make an online dating profile and start talking to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Someone already said it, being persistent is not cute. It looks desperate and obsessive. I knew a guy who was literally chasing a woman who broke up with him for YEARS AND YEARS - calling, emailing, sending presents, etc. I asked him why he was doing it, he said it was because he wanted her to know that he would always be there for her, that he was always her friend, and that she was important, etc. Was it really? No, it was about him. He used to cry about the fact that she broke it off with him because he was a terrible person and she was right to leave him, and then she married another man and he hit the roof. I am not saying that you are being a stalker like he is/was, but your actions imply something else. Sure you don't like your ego being hurt, but it's not about the other person, it's about you. You are saying by asking her again "you WILL acknowledge me", which is turning her off. Quite honestly, move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Someone already said it, being persistent is not cute. It looks desperate and obsessive. I knew a guy who was literally chasing a woman who broke up with him for YEARS AND YEARS - calling, emailing, sending presents, etc. I asked him why he was doing it, he said it was because he wanted her to know that he would always be there for her, that he was always her friend, and that she was important, etc. Was it really? No, it was about him. He used to cry about the fact that she broke it off with him because he was a terrible person and she was right to leave him, and then she married another man and he hit the roof. I am not saying that you are being a stalker like he is/was, but your actions imply something else. Sure you don't like your ego being hurt, but it's not about the other person, it's about you. You are saying by asking her again "you WILL acknowledge me", which is turning her off. Quite honestly, move on. Yes I can relate and feel sad for the man you were talking about. It's a real torment loving someone while not receiving it back. I'd like to share everything with her that I have and overload her with presents everyday. But the reason I cannot just forget her is that I have a past with her that no other woman can replace. Not only in my eyes is she the most beautiful woman in the world but she had been so kind to me and lifted me up whenever I needed it and I wish I could be with her more. I don't want to be considered a stalker, so Ill just say it to her if she doesn't want to see me again, then I won't. Link to post Share on other sites
Cristo Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 OP, if you want to get this girl, then you need to cease contact with her immediately. If you see her daily, flirt with other girls in front of her. Don't be mean to her, just be dismissive. She'll probably get jealous and come around. It's called "game" and it works. Though, you will have to be socially savvy here. And, based on your posts, it doesn't seem like you are. So you might want to work on that first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 OP, if you want to get this girl, then you need to cease contact with her immediately. If you see her daily, flirt with other girls in front of her. Don't be mean to her, just be dismissive. She'll probably get jealous and come around. It's called "game" and it works. Though, you will have to be socially savvy here. And, based on your posts, it doesn't seem like you are. So you might want to work on that first. I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. But I'm planning it soon. If I cant have her then I don't and cant get anybody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Cristo Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. But I'm planning it soon. If I cant have her then I don't and cant get anybody else. Yeah, in this case, just drop this girl and get more experience with women. You're not going to get her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Yeah, in this case, just drop this girl and get more experience with women. You're not going to get her. What is wrong with some of you people, why deny someone's wish to be with someone he loves? What if she agrees, would you still deny our happiness!? Edited November 1, 2014 by hawx79 Link to post Share on other sites
Cristo Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 What is wrong with some of you people, why deny someone's wish to be with someone he loves? What if she agrees, would you still deny our happiness!? You can try it, but I'd rate the likelihood of success to be around 1% (maybe less). Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 You can try it, but I'd rate the likelihood of success to be around 1% (maybe less). Well then at least I will never have to clean baby asses. Link to post Share on other sites
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