Author Topaze Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Well it's a done deal....we have been talking a LOT about sex in American movies and TV programmes. So I sent him the quote from the Japanese site and said contrast this with what we have been discussing. I then asked him if the quote was typical of and representative of Japanese culture and how things are viewed. I also asked him if American movies are heavily censored in Japan. This will be a great door opener. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topaze Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Joshua Harris, a popular Christian writer who wrote the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", is of the view that a kiss should wait until the altar. His mother is Japanese and I wonder if his views are reflective of how he perceives traditional Japanese cultural values. He puts forth the view that Christians should abandon dating and return to traditional courtship practices. His second book talks about his courtship with his wife and they didn't kiss until the altar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topaze Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 Well I did it. I didn't have the guts to say what I had to say in person so I took the cowards way out and did it via e-mail. He called me but said nothing about the e-mail. We discussed another e-mail I had sent about something we've been working on together. We spent about 2 hours on the phone talking about that. Towards the end of the conversation he became really quiet and I was getting short one or two word answer so I just cut it short. I wondered if he was only then reading the e-mail and feeling uncomfortable. Well I thought, that's that. I've blown it but the next day I heard from him and he said he had been up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. He called me that night and he really opened and told me about some of the pressure he is under and that a number of things are getting him down and making him feel really discouraged. We talked again for over an hour last night and he went deeper about his feelings and his struggles. I did my best to encourage and cheer him up. He said nothing about the e-mail and I am not going to press him. Clearly, he isn't emotionally available or ready to move to the next stage with me and I am not prepared to wait aournd. I had best move on. It's sad really. He's certainly the nicest guy I have ever met and he has treated me better than any one in my whole life. I have already booked myself for a special event in a couple of days where there will be a lot of singles. I have got to figure out how to make sure this never happens again. Not sure how to avoid it without giving a guy the third degree about his intentions right up front. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topaze Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 I wan to make it clear that I am going to stick by him and continue provide him with support and encouragement. However, I think it's best that I also explore other options as I don't know if or when this will lead anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze Clearly, he isn't emotionally available or ready to move to the next stage with me and I am not prepared to wait aournd. I had best move on. It's sad really. He's certainly the nicest guy I have ever met and he has treated me better than any one in my whole life. Errr, no. The only clear conclusion out of this is that YOU have a relational problem - you're not able to effectively address issues that are important to you. You have generated sooooooo much angst and spent so much time on something which could have been dealt with simple and direct questions to the man himself. I'm gonna lay it on the line for you. Here are the alternatives: - you actually talk to him. Don't hide behind emails and don't take the coward's way out by running away rather than talking. If when you bring it up he refuses to address it, *then and only then* is it his problem. - get a friend to talk to him, explaining about how this is an issue to you. As a preparation for a chat with you of course. - you move on, but warn future dates that you have difficulty talking to their face about issues. And that you are, in this sense, emotionally unavailable. Since you won't be able to say this to their face either, maybe you need to prepare a standard email... Sorry to be so harsh, but it's for your own good. Girl, there are always gonna be issues in any relationship. I agree that this relationship sounds odd, but at least use the break up as an opportunity to practice your communication. And this nice guy deserves to know how and why he messed up and get a chance to put it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topaze Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 Yes, saying it face to face would have been better but that was really hard for me. The bottom line is that I did say it. That's a HUGE step for me. Maybe next time I can go the next step and say it face to face. It's not like we don't talk every day many times a day and see each other often. The fact that he hasn't addressed it means he doesn't want to address it for any number of reasons. It's probably just as hard for him to talk about it as it is for me to talk about it. This may sound easy to you and if it is, that's great. For people who have face a lot of rejection in their life, it's not that easy. I wouldn't say that he screwed up. I guess I should have brought this up earlier but I was waiting for him to do it. The bottom line is either we both are ready to move on to something more serious or we aren't. I am ready. Based on his lack of response and his communication about the things that are preoccupying him, I don't think he's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
SusieQ Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Have you considered that maybe he is under pressure from his folks to marry someone of his own background? When I was in university I had a lot of Asian friends, and for most of them, their parents' opinion and acceptance of the person they were dating was extremely important. Have you asked him about that? He may be reluctant to tell you if he truly loves you and is afraid to hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topaze Posted March 25, 2005 Author Share Posted March 25, 2005 No in this case it would not be a factor as his father is Asian and his mother isn't. They are already in an interracial marriage. He has dated women of all races. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze Yes, saying it face to face would have been better but that was really hard for me. The bottom line is that I did say it. That's a HUGE step for me. Maybe next time I can go the next step and say it face to face. It's not like we don't talk every day many times a day and see each other often. The fact that he hasn't addressed it means he doesn't want to address it for any number of reasons. It's probably just as hard for him to talk about it as it is for me to talk about it. This may sound easy to you and if it is, that's great. For people who have face a lot of rejection in their life, it's not that easy. Well, in that case you made good progress this time Keep us posted on future developments Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 Well he never did say anything about receiving the e-mail...not one word but we have had some talks. He played a trick on me that I didn't find funny AT ALL. Anyway, there was a logical explanation and it was NOT what I thought. We had a LONG talk and he shared that for some reason, most of the time when he starts out seeing someone with a romantic interest in mind, it ends up gradually deteriorating into something platonic. As a result he has all these platonic female friends. He also said that he is ALSO a BIG chicken and finds it tough to deal with sensitive issues directly. He volunteered that he resorts to the e-mail thing sometimes because there are some things he would never have the guts to say in person. Then, I played an April Fools joke on him and his reaction was wierd. I called on my cell and said "Hey there it's a beautiful day so I decided to surprise you. I am downstairs on your porch right now with a bouquet of flowers and brunch for both of us". He said "This is a joke right?" I said "No, what would be the point as you can easily check if I am here? He said" What? You should have called me!!! My house is in a mess and I am not dressed appropriately." I said "HMMMM sounds like that!!" He said "You're WAY over the top, CHRISTIAN LADY!! You need to go to church right away." I said "Well come on down, I'll be waiting right here." He came down. When he came back to the phone I said "April fool". He said "Man, you're totally out of control". He said "I could see you doing that." I said "The whole time I've known you have I ever done anything like t hat." He said "No but you've been thinking about it". I said "No". He said "Yeah you have or you wouldn't have thought up the trick". He then tried to play a trick on me and he said "Oh wait a minute, there IS a basket. You DID leave something.......oh, it's not from you, it's from some other woman." After that we talked some more. I was laughing quite a bit and he again said "You're totally out of control". Later in the day we talked again, on the phone but didn't talk about the e-mail or the trick. So, reaactions? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Well, he's flirting with you. A good sign. And he has weird issues. A bad sign. The verdict is mixed - RR's jury is hung Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts