My daily break up Diary, warts n all, x rated, start...to finish.

[candie13]

here's my theory: if you were indeed over your ex, you wouldn't be posting here to talk about how you're over her. That's the bad news. But I do agree, after week 3 there is sort of a threshold, just about enough time to make a good difference in how you feel, when looking back. So I agree that there is progress.

 

but I also agree that while you are making good progress and seem to be functioning properly again, you are not done yet. Far from it. You will be over her when you wouldn't even remember how many days have passed since u've initiated NC. When you realize that it's been days since you've last thought about her... when you'd have moved on.

 

Until then... you are making progress, but you are not at the end of the road, yet. Not by far.

 

It's day 38 for me and my relationship wasn't even a proper relationship. Highest highs and lowest lows for about three months. The bloke is blocked on my phone and it is pissing me off because I feel like I am hiding. I dumped him - and he had deserved it. It should have ended a month and a half earlier, but I was weak. I realize that I had dumped him because I wanted to make sure that I stand my ground - I really wanted NC and I knew from before it would be tough to resist not responding him. When I did block him, the pain was soooo intense, so strong, I was so exhausted and I felt like getting back intouch soooo badly ! But I did not.

 

The urge to contact him disappeared, with time. I sometimes feel like just unblocking him and getting on with my life... but I know he is still at the back of my mind. I do not want to risk unblocking him and him contacting me only to find myself back at square one. When I am unblocking him, i want to be 200% over him so that if he calls, not calls, texts, gets married, divorced or has children, I wouldn't care less. I am not there yet.

 

I come first. and I am not lying to myself saying that I'm fine. I've gone on dates with more than 5 men during the first few weeks, been to parties, went out, but did not get drunk nor did I sleep around. I did run my arse off, trained for a 10K run, started Japanese classes... and cried my arse off as many times as I felt like it. Nowadays, I eased the running, I still go out to see my friends, sort of stopped dating and just... doing my best to enjoy my life, as imperfect as it is, every passing day. My crying sessions became more and more seldom.. had a few epiphanies that helped me understand... Peace of mind is a very very precious gift. So is the intuition. I've decided to trust myself.

Edited November 19, 2014 by candie13

[jackinthebox1]

Im literally just posting here to try and help people. There is nothing in it for me believe me. My NC diary didn't really get any response. I just wanted to write out how i was feeling.

I think a lot of people subconciously dont actually want to get over their ex. I really really did. All the emotions i had i just tried to let them out and keep busy. You have to accept its done and want to get over it.

That means, not looking for "closure" (you will never find it). Not examining breadcrumbs for signs they want you back. They don't. They left you.

 

I honestly don't think about her all that much now. It does help that i have other girls on my phone that are awesome and much more suited to me.

 

I just went to Target and bought myself an Xbox and some games to make sure any down time i do have it's full of fun, plus friends always want to drop over and play. I have done EVERYTHING i can to get over this quickly.

 

I don't want anyone to believe that i'm hiding something because that's going to halt your own recovery. Which is why i'm here defending the validity of my posts.

Yes, i still have feelings, i'm sure i will for a while. But i don't want to be with her, and i understand that she walked away from me. All the effort i put in, she threw away on a whim. That isn't the person i want to gamble my emotional well being on. I can see the whole situation clearly without the immediate emotional panic that sets in straight after break up.

There are just so many more great people and new adventures out there waiting.

[elaine567]

Problem is most people put their ex on some inflated pedestal that is impossible for anyone to ever reach.

Your ex wasn't perfect. And if they were perfect for you then you would still be together.

 

I agree with this.

And some do tend to revel in their misery instead of getting themselves sorted and just moving on.

Going over and over and over every detail of the relationship, to no advantage to themselves.

 

I think some get hung up on stuff said, ie he/she said he loves me, so conclude wrongly that there is a big chance that the relationship will be mended and continue, when if they faced facts, then they would move on a lot quicker.

 

It is very easy to fall out of love with someone and that fact escapes many who cannot get past the thoughts of good moments when the relationship was fine.

 

Of course some NEED the companionship, the affection and love from that one person, and so cannot see life without the ex ever being happy, they refuse to see that life goes on, so they wallow in some sort of extended comforting misery.

 

I think that also there is a culture of "happy ever after" as regards relationships, we are all brought up to believe there is "the one" for us and when "the one" lets us down or becomes unavailable, that is a complete disaster, as where on earth can we ever find "the one" again?

That causes fear, panic, upset and depression and a feeling that we need to cling on to him/her and never let them go, even when IRL, they left the building, never to return.

Edited November 20, 2014 by elaine567
grammar

[Ducktape]

I just went to Target and bought myself an Xbox and some games to make sure any down time i do have it's full of fun, plus friends always want to drop over and play. I have done EVERYTHING i can to get over this quickly.

I find this intriguing, along with your other posts. You're just evading your feelings, avoiding them. Rushing yourself to see, do stuff to repress the negative stuff.

 

Why do you need any of your down time to be full of fun? Can't live ordinary moments? Makes you ponder too much?

 

It's fine that you feel over her and you're happy and everything. And maybe we're wrong to think you're in denial. Juste be careful, it might hit you like a ton of brick at some point if you don't give it the proper time!

[NopeNah]

I find this intriguing, along with your other posts. You're just evading your feelings, avoiding them. Rushing yourself to see, do stuff to repress the negative stuff.

 

Why do you need any of your down time to be full of fun? Can't live ordinary moments? Makes you ponder too much?

 

It's fine that you feel over her and you're happy and everything. And maybe we're wrong to think you're in denial. Juste be careful, it might hit you like a ton of brick at some point if you don't give it the proper time!

 

I'd rather play Xbox than ponder on a chick who left me. Not everyone here is in the same mindset of trying to 'fix themselves'. Some just truly want to move on and be happy.

[Strength in Healing]

I'd rather play Xbox than ponder on a chick who left me. Not everyone here is in the same mindset of trying to 'fix themselves'. Some just truly want to move on and be happy.

 

 

Who was it that said a life unexamined is not a life worth living? ...

 

Avoid introspection and you'll find your problems are your shadow.

[NopeNah]

Who was it that said a life unexamined is not a life worth living? ...

 

Avoid introspection and you'll find your problems are your shadow.

 

Sure.,. So let's not play Xbox with the boy's. Instead we'll get the guys together and discuss why my chick left me....for the fifth time? Get real. Quote from whom/whatever you wish..some of us are just not waiting on the ex.

[jackinthebox1]

So many bizarre comments on here.

Yes, i have thought about my ex a few times today, but not in a good way. I've been more thinking about the girls that i am interested in and who are actually into me. I thought about how much i love my work, what a good life i made WITHOUT her, that i can carry on with now.

 

 

Maybe you are taking longer to get over things, that's fine. But are you going out every night? Did you talk about your emotions to friends? Have you been to the gym every day and are you trying 100% to get over them. OVER them. That's what i did, and its all documented here. I ignored their contact and spent my time healing and moving on. It was painful but i went through the pain not around it.

 

I know how long its been, it was 3 weeks today. Im hardly going to forget that because it's recent. But i do not care one way or the other and i am definitely not going to waste time on someone who didn't appreciate me. I would NOT get back with my ex now because that would make me less happy than i am at this point. Its the past, i am looking to the future.

 

If you want to get over someone. TRULY want to get over someone then you will. But if you are on here desperately searching for news of peoples exes getting in contact. Advice on what some stupid drunk text means then you aren't moving on.

 

I've moved on and i'm trying to help people do the same. Please take that on board and stop trying to pick holes in what was a healthy recovery

[jackinthebox1]

Sure.,. So let's not play Xbox with the boy's. Instead we'll get the guys together and discuss why my chick left me....for the fifth time? Get real. Quote from whom/whatever you wish..some of us are just not waiting on the ex.

 

Someone actually understands thank god. There is a lot more to life than EX partners

[NopeNah]

Someone actually understands thank god. There is a lot more to life than EX partners

 

Most in here are fresh off a split they didn't want, or see coming. Guessing what THEY could have done differently. The real of it is: Nothing. The other person broke it off...how do you regain control? You can't. Life keeps moving with or without the other party.. I love life, myself.

[jackinthebox1]

Yea i spent the first few weeks blaming everything on myself and then you start to realise, i was BEING myself. If that doesn't work then there is literally nothing else i can do. Sure we can **** up, but so do they, and you deserve someone that will like you enough to sort it out. Not just **** off because things got hard for them

[Chatmonkey]

I feel like a lot of people here are bitter that soon as someone is getting over their ex quicker or much better than themselves or others they are quick to shut them down and try tell them why they are not (in an attempt to make THEMSELVES feel better).

 

If someone is getting over them/gotten over them (even if u think they are not) don't f*cking shut them down like this. Congratulate and encourage them still, as it is that positive of attitude they have right now that we want to maintain.

 

You guys help people, but sometimes you also act like bitter fools!

 

Good work Jack! And I look for your posts specifically as it makes me feel better (i am a day or 2 behind you in NC)

 

- Chat

[NopeNah]

Misery loves company. Some know what happened and accept or deal with it differently. There's absolutely NO going back or hope for us. The sooner you accept the ending and own it..the sooner you start moving on.

[Strength in Healing]

My ex and me broke up almost a year ago. I've been in a relationships since. I am not coming off any bitter breakups by a long shot; rather, as someone who is in his doctorate for psychology, I am simply advising you what is best in terms of both achieving and maintaining the healthiest possible mind state, whether you see that or not right now. I see quite clear.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[jackinthebox1]

Just an update as it's been a few days.

There is a lot of talk about maintaining a healthy mind, what you should and should be doing, but no one is right. We all have different emotional make ups, hence two people being seemingly happy and then breaking up.

 

Since last week i had a couple of intense days with one girl that was awesome. Then we went separate ways. With just being out of a relationship i knew the drill there and carried on focusing on myself & was done with that situation by the afternoon.

I just want to go out and make new memories, rather than focusing on the past. It def helped me move on from my ex as the sex was 100 times better.

 

And i definitely don't sit here thinking about my original ex. Definitely not in the way that i want to be with her. New experiences, new friends, new women in my life, new ups and downs to look forward to and i'm getting stuck in.

Im out doing new things most evenings. Work is going well. Loads to look forward to in my life and nothing pinned on the hope of one person coming back into it. Like i said, wild horses wouldn't get me back with her.

That person has left you, they may be out there sleeping with other people while you are pining away. Dont give them the satisfaction of waiting around.

 

Whoever you are obsessed with, there is someone better.

And when you find that someone better, there is someone better than them out there. Etc Etc

 

There is never going to be a shortage of parters or even new friends and experiences to be made so go out and have fun!

[jackinthebox1]

My ex and me broke up almost a year ago. I've been in a relationships since. I am not coming off any bitter breakups by a long shot; rather, as someone who is in his doctorate for psychology, I am simply advising you what is best in terms of both achieving and maintaining the healthiest possible mind state, whether you see that or not right now. I see quite clear.

 

12 months, and you've been in a relationship? Thats unreal. And you are saying you are saying that is the best way of achieving a healthy mind?

To me it sounds like you are focusing on the pain.

 

Even when my longest relationship broke up (4 years). I left the country for 6 months and she came straight back as soon as i landed. But i had moved on, purposely. I was in a love triangle with another girl by that point who i liked a lot more. God knows what happened to her i think she got married.

 

I went to a party the other week and my friend said to me. "Man up and stop being a Pussy"

 

Sorry to be coarse but after he said that i realised that i was becoming a victim. I Went and spoke to an amazing girl who i've been texting since and i'm very happy being single with options, until i find someone i want to date.

 

And if that doesnt work out, i'll just get back on the horse!

[jackinthebox1]

Saw my ex tonight. I think its 3.5 weeks but i cant remember, it might be 4.5. Im definitely losing count.

Anyway, she saw my friend obviously saw me and took a sharp exit.

I felt a bit weird for about 10 minutes. Told my friend who told me to shut the **** up and laughed when i said she broke up with me as in why would she do that, im a catch. (Def what u need from your friends)

 

And i carried on chatting with my friends and speaking to other girls and living my life.

Im not saying i didnt feel anything but i just felt like tht was a part of my life walking out of the bar that isnt there anymore. Something that has no bearing on where i am now.

And she couldnt even say hi which means she isnt over it anyway.

 

So yea, coming up to 4 weeks and id say with some hard work im back to normal.

[jackinthebox1]

Its about a month now since i got dumped.

I get so frustrated reading these boards. I have been there, i had all the hurt, anger etc but i am in such a great place now. I barely think about my ex.

 

Anyway, just thought id let everyone know.

I have a date with a swimwear model tonight. Ridiculously hot.

We met last night, she's awesome.

 

I made sure i kept myself busy, went out all the time and i am having the time of my life.

Please at least try and move on before you post here again asking what some loose text message means. Unless they say " i want you back" it means nothing

 

A SWIMWEAR model. Jeez, living the dream!!!

[Ecko08]

A SWIMWEAR model. Jeez, living the dream!!!

 

Every girl with Instagram thinks she's a model these days so...there's that.

[NopeNah]

Every girl with Instagram thinks she's a model these days so...there's that.

 

God bless them!

[jackinthebox1]

Every girl with Instagram thinks she's a model these days so...there's that.

 

Well i had a lovely evening and i have another date with her tomorrow night.

So there is that. But thanks for the feedback. I'll make sure not to spread any more happiness and only come on here to exam what some bizarre half filtered social media comment or text means like everyone else.

I swear someone people dont want anyone to be happy

 

PS I love life

[Chatmonkey]

Every girl with Instagram thinks she's a model these days so...there's that.

 

holy sh*t ya'll are bitter

[Chatmonkey]

Well i had a lovely evening and i have another date with her tomorrow night.

So there is that. But thanks for the feedback. I'll make sure not to spread any more happiness and only come on here to exam what some bizarre half filtered social media comment or text means like everyone else.

I swear someone people dont want anyone to be happy

 

PS I love life

 

legit man, they don't want you to be happy coz it makes them feel worse.

Very common with most things in life.

[Invictus01]

An interesting read, man. I am on the day 10 NC myself. The story is pretty much the same and so far, the same reaction to being dumped. If I had one meal a day, I'd be shocked. I need to get into 20s...

[jackinthebox1]

An interesting read, man. I am on the day 10 NC myself. The story is pretty much the same and so far, the same reaction to being dumped. If I had one meal a day, I'd be shocked. I need to get into 20s...

 

Yea i just did smoothies. You can do raw eggs , oats, fruit, veg, spinach. I even smoothied a tuna steak once just to fill myself but that was way disgusting.

But there is loads of meals you can "drink" rather than eat