My daily break up Diary, warts n all, x rated, start...to finish.

[jackinthebox1]

Right day 9

Its only mid day but it has definitely been better. My brain is now kicking in and

telling my heart to **** off. Im starting to forget her face, all the good stuff.

It does still feel like im being continually punched in the gut but iv had a busy morning with clients, new projects, the sun is shining and i just dont have the time to keep moaning about this, i want out.

Its up and down. Still more down than up, i still feel sick right now and cant stomach a meal but there are moments when shes not in my head, there are moments when i think i now dont want her back and i know these thoughts will get stronger as the days progress.

Make sure you push yourself to do things. The worst part of the day is waking up. Sleep is great and those few minutes when u wake and have no care feel amazing.

And that just shows you what tricks your heart is playing on you. Tricks.

**** that ****, gonna keep moving.

[John Grogan]

Stay strong, mate.

 

You can get through this. Just remember, if she will reach for you, do not give it. You may answer, but do not take her back.

 

Who broke up with you once will do it again. The only lesson i learned in this life.

[jackinthebox1]

Day 9

 

Went from indifference earlier to having to call up a mutual client and sidestep the subject of the break up and now its come back and my heart is at the "i ****ing hate the bitch" stage.

I mean, i don't. But what are we all doing on here? Someone who supposedly cared about us just completely disregarded all the work we did and effort we made to put them first to go **** other people and has decided for us that we aren't good enough for them.

**** that, they aren't good enough for us and once it's too late they will finally work that out.

Heart is a strange thing. It's a real rollercoaster of emotion. 4pm def my worst part of the day i reckon

[jackinthebox1]

I was with my ex for 4 months. We had a pretty great relationship and she loved me. There weren't really any problems. Then we had a small fight and she broke it off. Her reasons were the fight made her shut down and she didn't know why.

I accepted it, wished her well and went no contact.

Then went through a week of absolute hell lol

Saturday night I get a text at 230am "where were you tonight?"

She's clearly gone to my local bar to look for me. I ignore it.

6pm I'm at the gym and on day 9 of nc fonally starting to feel normal.

Then I see my phone is ringing. It's her.

Of course my thoughts are. She wants me back.

I'm already imagining what it will be like.

I don't answer though, I just can't.

I drive home and on the corner of my rd are some fire engines and news crew.

I know the she drives that way home at 6 I clock so now it's hit me that she is probably using that as an excuse to call.

We had a good relationship. We never really argued. She went on some meds and it just kind of ended. It didn't end badly.

My gut is to ignore the call but I don't want to miss the chance of sorting things out.

Women, what is she upto and will she call again?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I was with my ex for 4 months. We had a pretty great relationship and she loved me. There weren't really any problems. Then we had a small fight and she broke it off. Her reasons were the fight made her shut down and she didn't know why.

I accepted it, wished her well and went no contact.

Then went through a week of absolute hell lol

Saturday night I get a text at 230am "where were you tonight?"

She's clearly gone to my local bar to look for me. I ignore it.

6pm I'm at the gym and on day 9 of nc fonally starting to feel normal.

Then I see my phone is ringing. It's her.

Of course my thoughts are. She wants me back.

I'm already imagining what it will be like.

I don't answer though, I just can't.

I drive home and on the corner of my rd are some fire engines and news crew.

I know the she drives that way home at 6 I clock so now it's hit me that she is probably using that as an excuse to call.

We had a good relationship. We never really argued. She went on some meds and it just kind of ended. It didn't end badly.

My gut is to ignore the call but I don't want to miss the chance of sorting things out.

Women, what is she upto and will she call again?

 

You're reading way too much into this.

 

All she is doing is tugging at the leash to see if you are there. You haven't talked to her, so she is wondering why not. Once you respond and give her that attention, right back to not caring.

 

Leave it alone.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

If you used no contact, and shes blowing up your phone,

Don't answer it at all, don't give away your tone.

You have an interest in this girl, right?

Invite her to dinner later in the week, preferably at night.

 

Do not discuss feelings, don't discuss emotion.

Show her a good time, and have fun without devotion.

Show her that you are fun, and a good man.

Show her a good time, you'll have her in the palm of your hand.

[Strength in Healing]

Dr Reply in Rhymes, I am going to continue what you have begun

 

 

 

This girl, she sounds shady

Don't break NC, let this feeling keep on fading

Because if you break NC, all you'll find her saying

Is bull,

You'll find she moved on, wasn't waiting

Prepare for it to take

A toll

A disaster, in the making

 

 

 

 

 

You'll get burned when you keep playing, with the fire

You'll find yourself breaking, from having hope in a liar

You want to wake up, but realize it's no dream and you're tired

And if you bite her crumbs, looking in the mirror, there won't be much left to admire

 

 

 

 

Something along those lines.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

If you used no contact, and shes blowing up your phone,

Don't answer it at all, don't give away your tone.

You have an interest in this girl, right?

Invite her to dinner later in the week, preferably at night.

 

Do not discuss feelings, don't discuss emotion.

Show her a good time, and have fun without devotion.

Show her that you are fun, and a good man.

Show her a good time, you'll have her in the palm of your hand.

 

I'm sorry, but I disagree with Dr. Seuss up here.

 

All she is doing is peaking her own curiosity about what you are doing. You havent talked to her in a while, so she feels like you are moving on quicker and is nosey. Once she realizes that you are still around, she will go right back to doing what she was doing.

 

I feel like there is much more to this than her just leaving one night after a fight. Either way, your best bet is to keep doing what you're doing.

[jackinthebox1]

There isnt that much to it. We had an argument. It built up over a week or so. We broke up over text. She text me the next day and i presumed we were going to sort it out.

We spoke on the phone two nights in a row for an hour. Only reason i did this was because i thought we were still together. Then we met up and she broke it off. It was a real shock as it was such a small disagreement and there had been no real problems over the dating period.

 

Im not going to respond unless i get something concrete that she wants to reconcile.

Its pretty wierd that she thinks after me blocking her from all social media im going to want to chat on the phone...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

There isnt that much to it. We had an argument. It built up over a week or so. We broke up over text. She text me the next day and i presumed we were going to sort it out.

We spoke on the phone two nights in a row for an hour. Only reason i did this was because i thought we were still together. Then we met up and she broke it off. It was a real shock as it was such a small disagreement and there had been no real problems over the dating period.

 

Im not going to respond unless i get something concrete that she wants to reconcile.

Its pretty wierd that she thinks after me blocking her from all social media im going to want to chat on the phone...

 

Again, no one just "breaks up" out of the blue with some small disagreement. Either she wasnt feeling the relationship (since it wasnt that long to begin with) or there is something else going on. It smells fishy.

 

EITHER WAY...she is just seeing what you are doing since you have been radio silent. Curiosity is killing the cat. Doesnt mean she wants anything.

[SoThatHappened]

There isnt that much to it. We had an argument.

You don't have to say, but what was the argument about?

[jackinthebox1]

You don't have to say, but what was the argument about?

 

It was really dumb. She came round my place actually completely weird and my friend and i were sure she had taken drugs. I asked her and she flipped out. She hadnt told me she was still mad but she hadnt let it go. I found out she had been laying into my friends about it one night when we were all out and i had a go at her about it over text.

She begged me not to break it up but kept accusing me of lying. She thought i made the drug thing up to have a go at her. So that night what started out as me telling her i was was mad she laid into my friends and her apologising, ended up with her accusing me until i told her to drop it or we break up and she said she had enough n broke it off. She was texting me all day beforehand saying she couldnt wait to see me.

 

She text me a day after n carried on as normal so i presumed it was fine.

4 days later we met up we talked and she said she had shut down now n couldnt carry on with the relationship. Gave excuse about work. Really perculiar

[jackinthebox1]

Day 9 Update - Ex Called me

 

Its because of days like today i write this journal. Because i know that over a month a lot is going to happen. I just need to be patient.

 

So my day ended pretty sweet. Im finally feeling like myself. Im at my old gym. I was afraid to go here before because its so lonely. But i have my music pumping and im smashing out some deadlifts. Im thinking of girls im going to hit up, where im going to travel and how great my life is going to be alone.

 

So THEN. ****ing THEN my phone rings. Im sure its a friend but i look at the screen and its her ****ing number. WTF, after all this now she wants to call me.

So im convinced she now wants me back. Shes text to no response, its been a week and shes come to her senses. I dont answer and drive home.

 

As i get to my house there are fire engines everywhere. A house 3 doors down has had some kind of fire. She leaves work at 6, she called at 6. She has to drive past my house.

It then hits me that i'm 75% sure that she has driven past my house and called me to ask what is up with the fire. I think?

It makes sense right?

I went to see a film with a friend and put my phone in my pocket the whole way through. She never called back. What part of me blocking someone from social media makes her think calling me is ok?

 

I dont know if i'm now deflated or relieved. Relieved because i can see a pattern here and i think at some point she will want me back. This has happened with all my other exes.

Or deflated because i know i'm now even thinking this again after finally getting over it.

And a small part of my brain is removing from her pedestal and remembering the bad things. There werent many unfortunately. She looked like a cross between Cameron Diaz and Jeniffer Lawrence.FML

 

I never called back. I wonder what the rest of this month will bring...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

It was really dumb. She came round my place actually completely weird and my friend and i were sure she had taken drugs. I asked her and she flipped out. She hadnt told me she was still mad but she hadnt let it go. I found out she had been laying into my friends about it one night when we were all out and i had a go at her about it over text.

She begged me not to break it up but kept accusing me of lying. She thought i made the drug thing up to have a go at her. So that night what started out as me telling her i was was mad she laid into my friends and her apologising, ended up with her accusing me until i told her to drop it or we break up and she said she had enough n broke it off. She was texting me all day beforehand saying she couldnt wait to see me.

 

She text me a day after n carried on as normal so i presumed it was fine.

4 days later we met up we talked and she said she had shut down now n couldnt carry on with the relationship. Gave excuse about work. Really perculiar

 

You guys sounds really young.

 

Seems like the ace in the hole right there. Sounds like she is protecting herself from something. Just on that post alone, I'll guess drug addiction, but without knowing her, I cant make that full assumption. I know something is going on here. As I mentioned, no one just breaks up for no reason. There is a deep seeded reason at play here.

 

Again, all you can do is just move on. She sounds highly unstable. Be thankful it was only a handful of months before you found this out and not years....with a possible marriage-kid-whatever.

[jackinthebox1]

Your a bit far off tbh.

We aren't all that young and she isn't the kind of person who would even smoke a blunt hence her being so annoyed.

She was drugged and attacked by a guy this yr, cheated on by a last bf. that's all I can think of. This was our only argument in the whole time we dated.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Your a bit far off tbh.

We aren't all that young and she isn't the kind of person who would even smoke a blunt hence her being so annoyed.

She was drugged and attacked by a guy this yr, cheated on by a last bf. that's all I can think of. This was our only argument in the whole time we dated.

 

*you're

 

Well if you aren't that young, then there is no excuse for the actions. Why would anyone in their right mind flip out over something like that. Immaturity.

 

I've seen this story 900 times. On here and in person. Something is going on. No one has a mini argument and breaks it off. This isnt some last minute decision. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

 

I guess my question is why are you still standing up for her and making excuses for her?

[jackinthebox1]

The "you're" comeback is right up there with someone using a yo mama joke.

I didn't come here for grammar lessons but thank you for the education.

That's the story. If you are giving out advice here there is nothing wrong with tough love but that's a fine line between that and acting like an a hole.

[lemonsugar]

People do break things off for the most stupidly small reasons. Just depends on personal tolerance

[Tabitha87]

It's possible she's afraid of commitment. That happens for various reasons, but most likely the fear she'll end up hurt. In that case, then yes, I think people will use any sort of excuse to getting out of a relationship because they feel they're protecting themselves.

 

You said her last boyfriend cheating on, which more than likely caused her to have self-esteem issues. However, she needs to work on those first (if that's the case) because she'll bring those into any new relationship she starts and they will keep causing rifts in her relationships and/or leading for them to fail, which will have her feeling worse about herself.

[jackinthebox1]

Yea i agree. It was weird but that's life. I didn't reply to the call, i'm not ready. I want to carry on with NC and sort my own head out.

At least she's contacting. She wanted to be friends but i was clear that wasnt going to happen so its pretty disrespectful to drunk text and call but normal pattern.

You get a text, then you get a call. Then at some point they push harder until they come back or disappear.

Either way im sorting my own head out before having contact

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

The "you're" comeback is right up there with someone using a yo mama joke.

I didn't come here for grammar lessons but thank you for the education.

That's the story. If you are giving out advice here there is nothing wrong with tough love but that's a fine line between that and acting like an a hole.

 

I'm not acting like anything, I was just correcting that for you. No disrespect. I dont own anything lol.

 

You didn't answer my question, you just got defensive. Why are you making excuses for her?

 

I see that you are writing out whats going on and have another thread which is a journal. Good move, but you seem to be assuming a lot as truth. You say she called because she wants you back. You said she did this because of this....if you know, then why are you writing on here? That's what im getting at.

 

What I also see is you wrote a thread telling eveyone how to get an ex back and how all of your ex's came crawling back. While I dont agree with a majority of what seems to be game playing and what not, you seem to have a clear grasp of how they all come back. If thats the case, then why are you here?

[jackinthebox1]

Hey man.

No worries! Honestly that "you're" thing is like my biggest peeve ever so no worries.

I don't think she called because she wants me back. Of course when the phone rang thats what my heart initially tells me, because that just happens after a break up.

I think she is at the normal of stage of not being able to cope and wanting me there as a cushion. Usually with my exes, that goes from those feelings to still liking you and pursuing. Wether thats a month, a year or what.

I havent contacted her. Im waiting it out and keeping NC. If she does come back then i dont want to be in this head space and hopefully will be over it anyway.

 

I'm on here same as everyone. Because it's hard. Even though i know the right things to do, its tough to make those decisions and you need reinforcement.

I kinda get the break up but she did just clam up and end it, it was weird and i kinda expected her to call, which she has. But i don't think that right now that will lead to reconcilliation if i contact her. So im staying as a ghost and focusing on the future by myself. But its still tough, hence my diary

[jackinthebox1]

Day 10

 

Day ****ing 10. Double figures. Unlike my dating life eh.

Im a pretty successful guy. I built my own company up from being practically homeless to an international entertainment empire. Im attractive, great in bed, work out and don't have much trouble getting women. But i usually just think with my dick and go for the wrong ones.

Im not here to stroke my ego cos im a ****ing idiot same as everyone else or i wouldnt be here. But dont think that whoever u are makes any difference. Honestly if any of my clients knew i was writing on here they would probably punch me in the face, with good cause.

It happens to all of us, at some point in our life. We all go through this, and we all get over it.

Today was a strange day. Noticeably less stomach pain when i woke up and in general the stomach emptiness seems less frequent although still prevalent.

My head though, thats another story. A few times in the day i wasn't thinking about her, not many. I closed a huge client today, a real game changer.

I went to the gym, put my favorite songs on and i was Rocky champion of the world. I have an amazing year coming up work wise and i cant wait

Last time i went through a break up, 4 years ago i left the country, opened my business over seas and the drive i had forced me to smash it. I would never have done that if id stayed with her.

In 12 months time i know ill feel the same. In 3 months time i hope ill feel the same.

There are moments of hate, frustration, sickness, pain, regret. Every emotion and for the most part, why does no one love me.........?

But i dont give up. Im going out with friends tonight and i've been surrounding myself with people as much as possible. The only times u can feel the worst is alone.

I look forward to being asleep, my favourite time when there is no pain

[jackinthebox1]

Day 11 Progress being made

 

I had a ****ing horrific start to my day. I had a dream about my ex, i stayed in bed til 2pm because i was up late and ended up so bored i went on one of those livejasmin cam sites and wasted about 100 dollars trying to get a conversation out of this horrific milf.

I was back to checking my phone all day, googling every video on the net about getting ur ex back and feeling absolute ****ing dog****.

Then at 6pm i left the house and went to an invite i was invited to. I turned up by myself, mingled and met like 5 people from my hometown overseas.

We laughed, we joked, i completely forgot about my situation for a while and it felt like a new door opening up. Suddenly i was having fun, not thinking about being a victim and not worrying about being second best, feeling like number 1.

I came home to my empty house and am writing this before having a shower and getting back out to the bars with my new friends.

 

I still have that horrible stomach feeling, mainly because my ex goes to the same places i do and i do NOT want to see her. Last week she text me at 2:30am asking where i was. I still dont know what she wanted. **** it.

Once i meet my new friends ill be pulling new girls, getting my stride back and if i do see her itll be a quick hello goodbye and on with my life.

 

It is NOT easy, it ****ing isnt. I thought by now it would be. You get used to the pain and you carry on but its still there. But the more u get out there and do new things the better. The brain half wants to wallow in its own depression. Dont let it.

Right, im out to paint the town and keep the **** away from that girl

[Chatmonkey]

Nice one mate. I just hit up a few bars on my own trying to meet some new people. Very important as you said to not let the brain wallow in its own misery. Keep up the good work brother and keep meeting new people