Mount Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Hey, I noticed you were criticized her a lot in last 3~4 pages...if in reality you also think this way, you two (marriage) will end soon. Money also means security, she does not feel secure, she does not feel she can relax (with you?)...must be, from different kinds of reasons that we might not be having insights to. Just my 2 cents. Mount? Well for starters - I am a dashing fellow. LOL. Let's be clear - she CHOSE this. So let's criticize me for a second when she met me - I was a single dad with a $150k income (increased a bit). She wanted someone who had a "good" heart, was going to be kind to her, all the softie issues which us single dads have to have. We dated 2 years. Married for a bit over 1. So 3.25 years into the relationship, boom, my job gets eliminated. If I understand this correctly - your stance is that I'm a loser and because I have baggage (two kids), have lost my job (after dating, marriage and having a relationship in which vows were exchanged and "love" exists) and she made the downpaymenent therefore saying that I have nothing to my name she should just "walk away" from me and throw me (and the kids) to the curb. To be fair - I love my wife - and would do anything for her. I am struggling with this new side of her that has reared its ugly head. If ultimately the woman tells me to hit the road because I make less than she does then I'm better off alone or being with someone else. A person's worth is not valued by the since of his or her pocketbook. Got it..... 1
beach Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 No, not sports. Something as a creative outlet for YOU and something she will notice - so when you do it - she knows she has things to consider talking about/through.
Florin Gabriel Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 The true problem is that he didn't had any serious commitment before your marriage. Now it is hard for her to deal with all of this. She doesn't has a mature reaction to these problems at all. Did she always reacted like this? Before your marriage. Maybe it is to much for her. You need to have a mature discussion, to clarify these things. To bring now in discussion therapy it isn't a smart move.Communicate with her without any negative connotations or emotions. This will help you to explore and find suitable solutions as quickly as possible. Be empathic. Try to understand her. If you want to solve this issue. You both should decide if you want to go forward or....
beach Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I was thinking - you can solve all the issues if the new job you get allows you to earn MORE than her. Can you do that? She respects money. So get a job that you make more than her.
amaysngrace Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I was thinking - you can solve all the issues if the new job you get allows you to earn MORE than her. Can you do that? She respects money. So get a job that you make more than her. Terrible. Marriage vows state for richer for poorer. All the money in the world won't turn a bad wife into a good wife. She sounds like the type that no matter what you do it will never be enough. 2
Andy_K Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 She wanted someone who had a "good" heart, was going to be kind to her, all the softie issues which us single dads have to have. To me it seems rather a shame that you didn't look for those things too
beach Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 My suggestion is to lay it out really clearly for her: IF you EVER act that way to me and/or my kids EVER AGAIN this marriage is OVER IMMEDIATELY. And say... YOU have a CHOICE as to how you participate. You can choose to communicate clearly and effectively so that we can reasonably resolve any issues that come up OR you can CHOOSE to be a total jerk and set a bad example for me and my kids by treating us poorly. Each and every time you might get upset - we need to resolve those feelings by simply talking about how we each feel and deciding together what changes we will make to eliminate the issue. If YOU can't do that - then you've essentially made a big decision for me and you will know I plan to divorce you as soon as possible.
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