todreaminblue Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 i like a guy who asks....its old fashioned...... if i am intrigued by a guy or feel something ill ask if i believe that he is single..........i am awkward though because its not usual for me to have to ask....i dont feel the attraction to ask often and i havent really needed to guys normally let me know before before i say yes i like you more than a friend lets date i listen to my heart....and most guys I have met dont make it there for me to ask......i do fear rejection.....only because rejection involves ridicule......for me anyway.. i respect men who are gentle....but firm and i dont hold grudges if i get told no.....if i am ridiculed.....it doesnt make me feel confident for sure..thats why i try to never ridicule another.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 if i am ridiculed.....it doesnt make me feel confident for sure..thats why i try to never ridicule another. And this is where the problem lies for both sexes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Interesting theory, on point with many truths. I was fine initially with getting the ball rolling a couple of times. But in those two circumstances, I was left feeling, out of control/overly aggressive. That aspect of myself I did not like, as I believe I am more naturally introverted, and coming out of my shell is a feat in itself. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 And this is where the problem lies for both sexes. it does lie in fear of ridicule ...a little kindness goes a long way .....to instilling confidence in people to be honest enough to share their feelings....deb.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Nobody likes to be ridiculed, and I wonder if women ever pause for a second to think of that when they ridicule a man by turning him down? If the answer is that they don't have any feelings about doing this, then it plays into the whole 'entitlement' thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Nobody likes to be ridiculed, and I wonder if women ever pause for a second to think of that when they ridicule a man by turning him down? If the answer is that they don't have any feelings about doing this, then it plays into the whole 'entitlement' thing. I think some of us do. But I think some of us also believe that women, in general, are the more "emotional" ones of the two. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 women, in general, are the more "emotional" ones Some of us don't see that as a valid excuse to act nonchalant. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Some of us don't see that as a valid excuse to act nonchalant. That's fine. Do with it how you wish. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Playing the emotional card is not the way forward...we are adults and not kids. This is part what is wrong with the world today...schools not failing kids anymore, parents afraid to discipline their kids, and trying to avoid hurting their feelings. In the real world, your employer doesn't care about your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 But I don't want to date my employer. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You have a relationship with your employer, a working one mind you. It was an analogy and I think you are not getting the point. Try not to nit pick posts and just read it as a whole. What am getting from you is that "because women are the emotional ones, they should get things their way"??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 "because women are the emotional ones, they should get things their way"??????? No, absolutely not. That's not what I meant, at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Answering the 'why' for attraction is never really easy. Why do many men like the hourglass figure? Why are some men attracted to redheads and others to blondes? Who knows? Does it really matter? Attraction isn't always something you can explain with a fool-proof theory. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Oh, and I forgot to add.... "If and only if" by the time you finally ask her out she lost interest and/or moved on to someone else, then her attraction/interest in you wasn't strong enough and thank God Almighty you dodged that bullet!!! I don't think this is fair... It makes sense if someone has waited forever, let's say 6 months, a year, why wouldn't the other person move on? I think they dodged a bullet frankly for moving on from a person who takes 1 year to ask them for coffee and not the other way around. We have the ability to be attracted to multiple people and if one person shows no interest for months and months....it's pretty reasonable that you might set your sights on another person. But liking someone itself, isn't like you're in love, so there is no need to wait around for them forever to prove your like is real lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
you_can_not_see_me Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 it does lie in fear of ridicule ...a little kindness goes a long way .....to instilling confidence in people to be honest enough to share their feelings....deb.... WTF, I have asked a number of girls out and when rejected I was never "ridiculed". who exactlyu would ridicule you? the person who rejected you? its never happened to me. usually when a girl rejects me she just acts sorry or avoids me, none have ever ridiculed me for approaching them. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Funny, when I do it...they don't appreciate that I was confident for having approached them. Chances are they weren't attracted in the first place (bald, short, etc whatever the reason). So it's moot. I've only had a couple of woman that actually did state she did notice my confidence, but only because she was attracted to me. So there's some flaw to this logic. It would seem like most women hold to a traditional mindset that guys need to make the first move and ask them out. Now this is assuming that she has an interest in the guy. Generally women will give signals to a guy to encourage him that yes there's an open door and move in but at the same time she doesn't want to make it too obvious because she may be testing him and want him to be a risk taker in asking her out. Why is it important to women that the guy asks her out? Well one factor I will zero in on for this thread is that women usually are attracted to traits of a strong man. When a woman meets a guy he will either pass or fail the physical attraction test. Assuming he passes in those first few seconds then she will observe him and how he carries himself and check out his strong points and weak points. Every man has both but it is just a matter of degree. In her mind she is thinking that the guy has to have balls and take risks and asking her out is one of those expressions. If he doesn't ask her out and if she knows he likes her then that is a sign of weakness to her and the longer he takes to ask her out the more turned off she gets. Which means there will come a time when she is no longer interested and close the door and think to herself that it no longer matters whether or not he musters up the courage to ask me out because I am not interested anymore. In her mind if a guy has no courage to ask her out then how can she trust him to be strong in other major areas if they marry and have children? Asking her out is such a small thing. So if he is weak in the small areas then how can he show strength in bigger things? Perhaps the guy is really courageous in other areas of his life. He may be a courageous Military man who is not afraid to die for his country. He may have risked his life before in combat. But when it comes to women he gets nervous and doesn't ask out the women he likes and hopes they make the first move. That doesn't matter to her as she still needs proof early on in meeting that he is a man of strength and courage and conviction. Here's the thing. Until he asks her out she doesn't know him that well and has very little to go by to evaluate whether he is a man to take risks or not. So that's my theory. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Because they can. If what you want comes to you and going after it causes you discomfort ... you'll wait for it to just come to you. All this talk makes me wonder how lesbian relationships start out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) I don't think this is fair... It makes sense if someone has waited forever, let's say 6 months, a year, why wouldn't the other person move on? I think they dodged a bullet frankly for moving on from a person who takes 1 year to ask them for coffee and not the other way around. We have the ability to be attracted to multiple people and if one person shows no interest for months and months....it's pretty reasonable that you might set your sights on another person. But liking someone itself, isn't like you're in love, so there is no need to wait around for them forever to prove your like is real lol. Well, the OP seems to have a theory that while he is making up his mind to ask out someone, that "subtle" (but IMO, "ambiguous") signs of interest that he shows should be enough to let her know he is interested... So, these "subtle" signs of interest should be enough to keep her thinking he's interested....What's even more confusing is that he sees signs of her frustration as interest, yet says she might be an "entitled princess" cuz she's getting frustrated that he won't ask her out. Also, if she starts taking a step back (i.e. ignoring him cuz she's trying to just put him out of her mind and/or doesn't wanna get confused by his stares), then she's playing games and/or not that interested in him. Then, "if" he finally comes around to asking her out and/or actually showing confirmation of his interest, if she no longer is interested and/or moved on to another person - then she was never interested in him in the first place. So his "theory", I think is unfair... I understand that we have insecurities and we may be taking time to get to know someone before we make a move, but if you're showing signs of interest and not acting on it, that person might get confused - even hurt (cuz, they have no idea what's going on with you and/or think you may be gas lighting them). So, if he isn't sure about someone he wants to ask out, the maybe he should consider the other person's feelings and not show "any" subtle signs of interest. No looking and turning away, no staring at her, etc. What's also unfair about his theory is that while he's contemplating whether or not he wants to make a move, he is busy thinking of 10 different ways the person he's attracted to will not like him. And, he's looking to see if she reacts to his ambiguous gestures...and if she's not, then again, he concludes she's not interested and/or doesn't have a strong enough interest. That's why I asked him if this way of thinking has granted him success in the past and I really haven't gotten an answer from him...so, go figure. Edited October 31, 2014 by Gloria25 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 They shouldn't be dating but they do date... Yes, they do. If you encounter one like that, it's not you, it's her. Don't be offended or hurt or whatever. She's got a problem, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Well, the OP seems to have a theory that while he is making up his mind to ask out someone, that "subtle" (but IMO, "ambiguous") signs of interest that he shows should be enough to let her know he is interested... So, these "subtle" signs of interest should be enough to keep her thinking he's interested....What's even more confusing is that he sees signs of her frustration as interest, yet says she might be an "entitled princess" cuz she's getting frustrated that he won't ask her out. Also, if she starts taking a step back (i.e. ignoring him cuz she's trying to just put him out of her mind and/or doesn't wanna get confused by his stares), then she's playing games and/or not that interested in him. Then, "if" he finally comes around to asking her out and/or actually showing confirmation of his interest, if she no longer is interested and/or moved on to another person - then she was never interested in him in the first place. So his "theory", I think is unfair... I understand that we have insecurities and we may be taking time to get to know someone before we make a move, but if you're showing signs of interest and not acting on it, that person might get confused - even hurt (cuz, they have no idea what's going on with you and/or think you may be gas lighting them). So, if he isn't sure about someone he wants to ask out, the maybe he should consider the other person's feelings and not show "any" subtle signs of interest. No looking and turning away, no staring at her, etc. What's also unfair about his theory is that while he's contemplating whether or not he wants to make a move, he is busy thinking of 10 different ways the person he's attracted to will not like him. And, he's looking to see if she reacts to his ambiguous gestures...and if she's not, then again, he concludes she's not interested and/or doesn't have a strong enough interest. That's why I asked him if this way of thinking has granted him success in the past and I really haven't gotten an answer from him...so, go figure. It hasn't granted success most likely. This theory is absurd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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