Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) First of all, she has no right to tell you who and who you shouldn't hook up with. Second, STOP TALKING TO HER!!!! I mean, c'mon, that's the fundamental thing you have to do first before the rest of it comes into balance. Edited October 31, 2014 by Simon Phoenix 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 We told you to chill back and not contact her. You aren't listening. You aren't doing anything for yourself. Get yourself out there! Gym, bar, coffee shop, hike, join a club of some sort, work on your career or hobby. SOMETHING FOR YOU! You are allowing this woman to tell you how to run your life. She is giving you the terms and you are just abiding by it like a weak puppy. She is basically keeping you on the side until she finds someone she actually wants to be with. If things were so strong in the beginning, why doesn't she want to be in a relationship with you now? Most women WANT the relationship... Something is wrong here dude. You need to build up your attraction. We have given you plenty of ways, its up to you to get out there and do it. Finding someone else, if you go out, hook up, whatever... That is not for you to feel guilty about. She told you she does not want to be in a relationship with you. You are treating her like your gf when she clearly told you she does not want that. Do you man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 We told you to chill back and not contact her. You aren't listening. You aren't doing anything for yourself. Get yourself out there! Gym, bar, coffee shop, hike, join a club of some sort, work on your career or hobby. SOMETHING FOR YOU! You are allowing this woman to tell you how to run your life. She is giving you the terms and you are just abiding by it like a weak puppy. She is basically keeping you on the side until she finds someone she actually wants to be with. If things were so strong in the beginning, why doesn't she want to be in a relationship with you now? Most women WANT the relationship... Something is wrong here dude. You need to build up your attraction. We have given you plenty of ways, its up to you to get out there and do it. Finding someone else, if you go out, hook up, whatever... That is not for you to feel guilty about. She told you she does not want to be in a relationship with you. You are treating her like your gf when she clearly told you she does not want that. Do you man! I will be as strong as I can. I am much stronger than my little post rant a few days ago implies and don't need a therapist. I'm still in a strong state of mind currently as I write this. I will do me. Keep you all updated. Will keep this thread as diary. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I will be as strong as I can. I am much stronger than my little post rant a few days ago implies and don't need a therapist. I'm still in a strong state of mind currently as I write this. I will do me. Keep you all updated. Will keep this thread as diary. Thank you. Glad you are feeling stronger. You will need to build this willpower. You can do it! Prove it to yourself. Go a few days without contacting her and see if she starts to chase. Let us know how you are doing. If you feel the need to contact her, come here first! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Glad you are feeling stronger. You will need to build this willpower. You can do it! Prove it to yourself. Go a few days without contacting her and see if she starts to chase. Let us know how you are doing. If you feel the need to contact her, come here first! Ok will do. Thank you again Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 You know what the dumbest thing about all of this is, I'm only in the USA for another 5 months. I have to leave as my visa ends in March next year. So no matter what pretty much it was going to end and was never something that was going to last unless I found a way to stay (which i have pretty much given up on any hope of). Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) Keep thinking about how she was talking before I arrived about how we wouldn't even leave the bedroom and all of it suddenly changed. Makes me very sad. It is a blessing it did not happen. One time with me long distance it did not happen, the other time it did on multiple occasions over time. Be glad you did not attach that way to her yet. Edited October 31, 2014 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Day 1 NC starts tomorrow (because I already ruined today early on). I'm going out tonight. Drinking. Hopefully will have some fun and won't get depressed haha.. Will report back. Edit: with friends not myself lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 drank a bit. Tipsy. Getting slightly depressed. Trying to fight it. IM with a friend who is also having girl troubles so going out together. I hope i can fend off the depression. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 drank a bit. Tipsy. Getting slightly depressed. Trying to fight it. IM with a friend who is also having girl troubles so going out together. I hope i can fend off the depression. Join the club, my brother. Let me tell you something, the way you're acting is normal for someone that got hurt, but you do have to see this from an objective point of view: to heal a wound, you must first remove the source of the hurt, let it rest, do not agitate the wound, and most of all, let time do the healing. So REMOVE yourself from this girl's life. Keep NC. You're going to cry. Try not to get drunk, and speak to us. Women don't like clinginess but do you honestly want a woman like that? Treat yourself better than that. A woman's looks doesn't change the fact that she could be crazy. Part of life is enjoying the up and downs. Women(and men) can be fickle. That's just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Just got home. It's 2am. Went to a few parties, got 2 girls numbers!! Feeling positive. Hopefully will catch up with them soon and have some fun. Managed to fend off depression for the night. Now to sleep and take on tomorrow. Also didn't even end up getting drunk so that was good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Also the friend who was having girl troubles also ended up getting blackout before 10pm and vomming/passing out for the night... Ha... Flew solo Link to post Share on other sites
Wearyone Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Wait...are you saying you moved to her town after only knowing her for two months? That would have scared her off before she even saw you. Way, way too intense. You can't honestly be surprised by how weirded out she is now, can you? Put yourself in her shoes. You barely know a chick and she moved to your town and basically bombards you with texts, are you going to wan't to see her or file a restraining order/get a deadlock on your front door? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 i didn't move for her. I was intending to move here before i even met her. I have friends here. Bur i can definitely see it may have scared her. I made rh decision without her in mind however. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Well it's 5pm and my first day of NC is almost on the books. I've been listening to a lot of motivational videos which I downloaded onto my phone so I could listen to it everywhere to keep my mind focused. Going out last night helped a lot and making some new friends who are girls was also great. Might catch up with them tonight at a party or something. It definitely helps keep my mind off the ex. Trying to stay around positive people and unlike before don't let my mind wander too far in to thinking "I wonder what she is doing now" or "did she go out last night" etc.. Trying to stay in the present. Have to get through tonight, I find nights always the hardest but I treated myself to buying madden 15 today so that helps keep me distracted. Will report back tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 (edited) Survived the night by going out with some friends to a party. Met up with the girl that I met the night before and went to a house party she invited me to. so it was good to get out and meet new people. Taking on day two of NC now. Slept in a bit but gonna have some breakfast and hit the gym. Unfortunately I pretty much have to walk past her house on the way to the gym and last time I went she was walking the opposite direction. Hoping that is not the case this time... Edited November 2, 2014 by Chatmonkey Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Seriously dude, find a new gym. Or buy a Bowflex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 5:15pm. Watching some football. Have had a decent day but getting noticeably lower in moral as the day goes on. Almost finished day 2 of NC. I will not contact, but missing her. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Chatmonkey, look into codependency/codependent relationships. This is one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 What do you mean? If this was one of them wouldn't you just says all long distance are codependent?.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Day 2 nc in the books. Felt it a little more today than day 1. I miss her face and talking to her. I have noticed improvements as in I am starting to eat more unlike previously where I could barely stomach a meal. It's been 2 or 3 weeks total where I e had very limited contact with her and 2 days total NC. Let's see what day 3 brings and hopefully I don't run in to her in the street. If I do, should I not look at her and ignore her as I walk by? Or should I be polite and say hi as I pass? I'd imagine the first one to be the right answer Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesa1019 Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 I don't mean to sound negative but ease up bro. Damn! You've known her for a short time. My girl just dumped me one month after we purchased a house together. She didn't take that step out of her moms to move in with me and her 5 year old daughter. I lost a girlfriend of 2+ years, the most beautiful loving girl in my life AND her 5 year old daughter who I've watched grow since she was 2 years old. It's been a month since the break up and yeah I'm devastated, but life goes on man. I pray every day we can reconcile. I've given her the space she needs and focusing on myself in the meantime. You should do the same. Get your mind right before you worry about fixing someone else. Like I said this is the most devastating thing to happen to me. We work at the same place! You know how awkward that is? And her reason for leaving was BS. She got cold feet but won't admit it. I can't wait until I meet someone else cause I can't waste any more of my time worrying and pity cry babying around any longer. Sack up man! You will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 I don't mean to sound negative but ease up bro. Damn! You've known her for a short time. My girl just dumped me one month after we purchased a house together. She didn't take that step out of her moms to move in with me and her 5 year old daughter. I lost a girlfriend of 2+ years, the most beautiful loving girl in my life AND her 5 year old daughter who I've watched grow since she was 2 years old. It's been a month since the break up and yeah I'm devastated, but life goes on man. I pray every day we can reconcile. I've given her the space she needs and focusing on myself in the meantime. You should do the same. Get your mind right before you worry about fixing someone else. Like I said this is the most devastating thing to happen to me. We work at the same place! You know how awkward that is? And her reason for leaving was BS. She got cold feet but won't admit it. I can't wait until I meet someone else cause I can't waste any more of my time worrying and pity cry babying around any longer. Sack up man! You will be fine. Wow mate I am sorry to hear that. Stay strong as you are serving as strong inspiration for others like yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 4:40pm on day 3 of NC. Had a great gym session today with a friend, left very happy. As usual around is time it starts to get a bit harder and I get less active and start to think about her. Haven't run in to her in the street which is good and I have been taking an alternate route to the gym so I don't run in to her on the way. Still listening to these motivational talks which has kept me strong and trying my best to keep the mind occupied. I've actually kept texting back and forth with the girl I met when I went out. As I've just moved here and only know guys it feels good to have a friend that's a girl. Hopefully I can expand my friend base soon and meet new people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) Like, right at the top of her page in your face. is this something I should be concerned about or should I find humor in it? Lol.. 4th day NC also. Saw it on a friends fb. I was not stalking. Edited November 5, 2014 by Chatmonkey Link to post Share on other sites
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