blackendangel13 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Jazzyfox, I am in the exact same boat. I broke up with my LDR boyfriend about a month ago and wanted to still talk and be friends so as not to cause friction in our click. Everytime he calls me, we talk and it fuels my frustration with him as well. For some reason I can't explain, I keep thinking that one day he will realize what a complete idiot he was to let me go, and I hope everytime the phone rings thats what he is calling to tell me. The messed up thing is, I don't even want him like that. I don't want to be in an LDR with someone who hates the town I live in. But for some crazy reason I just wish he'd see how much of a fool he is and come crawling back. I think its more of my foolish pride because I don't think I could take him back. Link to post Share on other sites
JazzyFox Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Totally agree ... what makes it worse for me is that he always tells me how much he misses me, and he seems so depressed in his tone ... but then he just can't make the effort to make the relationship work. And so at every phone call I am reminded of how much I miss him, yet that he isn't strong enough to take action. ARGH! Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 My goodness you are preaching to the choir. He came over to help me move this weekend and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't come over any other times. When he left, he just hugged me so I could tell it was really officially over and I should be happy about it. Yet he still calls and we talk about more stuff than when we were together. It just makes me feel really ****ty when he tells me how much he hates where I live and how he is so happy he doesn't have to drive to the city anymore. It makes me feel like I wasn't worth it and its very frustrating. I think I need to cut the chord because he is just depressing me. Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishDriver Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I think the 3 of us have experienced very similar relationship breakups and can relate to one another. JazzyFox, your situation sounds so similar to mine and helps to make me feel better. You are right that he has taken me for granted and I have to face that fact. As of today, I'm going to stop checking my email every few minutes to see if he's finally written. I don't want to hear from him anymore and am going to make myself stop thinking of him. I changed all the passwords to my online news accounts that are paid subscriptions which I shared with him. As of yesterday when I wrote my post, I started feeling more anger towards him instead of missing him and after reading your posts, I think it explains my situation and I don't want to fool myself into thinking he's sitting around missing me. Maybe like you say he sensed I wanted more that he wasn't willing to give or something. blackenedangel13, that is so messed up how he tells you he is happy he doesn't have to drive to your city any more! You'd think out of love, someone could endure anything happily. Why are men like this? why do they feel less than women do? I guess it's just our men, I hear of men who would climb a mountain to be with their girl, I guess we didn't luck out and got these losers who have broken our hearts and we put up with it, thinking they'll see the light and start appreciating us and love us the same way we love them. Now I'm determined to meet a new man, even get married and have children to get my mind off of him and THEN I'll contact him, maybe to let him know I'm engaged. He's used to me crawling and begging for him and always apologizing when things aren't my fault, driving to see him and all that...no more. I thought it would take me years to get to where I'm feeling. geez...just think of the bad things and it's easier to get over the guy. Block out all the loving things and focus on what you made yourself blind to, maybe out of denial or just plain ignorance. blackendangel13, I think you should stop talking to him or else express how you feel when he says those things - what have you got to lose? Don't let him walk all over you with that hurtful talk. Talk back to him. I wish I was stronger in the past, now that I see how I was a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 You know whats funny foolish? He lives 30 minutes away from me. Thats all. And believe me, I do talk back. I can be a complete bitch to him and not think twice. I resent him for the way that he treated me, but I resent myself more because he said things would be different and I believed him. Now that he has helped me move, I am gradually weeding him out. It was hard to have a clean break because we are in the same click and see each other quite often. But now I don't care what his friends or anyone else thinks. No one can be mad at me for not staying where I wasn't happy and everyone knew I was not happy. I got a phone number last weekend. I didn't call and most likely won't because he lives a good distance away, but it felt good to get that number. I think you are healing well foolish. You are past the depressed stage and into the anger. Only a few more steps to being completely healed. I am happy to hear about your gardening. I myself cannot keep plants alive so I am saving those poor little plants by painting and writing instead. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishDriver Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by blackendangel13 I think you are healing well foolish. You are past the depressed stage and into the anger. Only a few more steps to being completely healed. I didn't know there are different stages, but you are right that I am in the "angry" stage - and angry as hell may I add. Good to know it's a good sign though. Trying to stay positive here. How could he not respond at all? I will never forget this for as long as I live. Link to post Share on other sites
JazzyFox Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I think what blackenedangel is referring to is a parallel to the five steps of grieving: Phases of Grief The process of bereavement has five basic phases: Numbness: This reaction often follows the death of a loved one and may last up to 10 days. People who experience emotional numbness say they have a sense of being paralyzed, distant, and removed from one's feelings of grief. Some say such numbing is the body's mechanism for protecting itself from being overwhelmed by the shock of the loss. Denial and Isolation: In this stage, the person experiencing grief and bereavement has significant difficulty accepting the reality of their loss. It may be expressed in more severe forms as a complete denial of the death or in less severe forms in lapses of thinking and behaving as if the person hadn't really died. While complete acceptance is part of the work of the entire grief process, the initial more acute difficulties with acceptance are included in this phase. Anger: In this phase, the grieving person feels anger with the world, fate, God, or people in their lives. He or she may ask, "Why me?" and/or "Why not someone else?" give a flavor of this phase. Bargaining with God for the return of the dead person may be part of this phase. Depression: As time passes, grieving individuals experience acknowledgement and acceptance of the loss. The reality of life after the loss grows; sadness and depression become more present. Acceptance: The bereaved person comes to terms with the loss, and is able to move on to re-invest in the new life that lies ahead. They experience fewer extremes of emotion. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Thank you Jazzyfox, This is what I was referring to. Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishDriver Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 That is very interesting. First I isolated myself and really couldn't believe what was happening. Now I've been SO angry...very upset and full of rage. I hope I can skip the depression stage, I have a feeling I will. Maybe I can accept things and move on with my life, Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Just remember foolish, these stages are just a base. You may not experience some, you may stay in a stage longer, or you may have a different order. Sounds to me like your depression was your first stage. Link to post Share on other sites
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