Visiting Her More Than She Can Visit Me

[aaron425]

I met a woman online (Eharmony) in early January and met her in person by the end of January. She lives 6 hours drive away from me. I've been dating her since; I've visited her twice and we talk on the phone 2-3 times/week.

 

I have a job that allows me a 3-day weekend at least once per month. I'll visit her for the third time next weekend. Her job isn't as conducive to such a long distance visit to my home quite so frequently; she'll probably visit me for the first time in early May. I'm wondering if the fact that I am visiting her much more than she's visiting me (and probably will be into the near future) could cause problems for our relationship. I guess I'm thinking in terms of some of the effort I've put in (long drives, gas money, etc) being more than her. It's COMPLETELY not a problem in my mind; I really like her and want to see her as much as I can and don't mind spending my time and money to see her. But does this imbalance create other imbalances in the relationship? I mean, the fact that I'm putting in so much effort shows some commitment; what if it begins to turn out that I seem more committed and serious than she is?

 

This shouldn't be as much of a problem in the long term since I'm planning to get a new job in a location closer to her home, probably within 2 hours drive, beginning in the summer (for career reasons that are completely unassociated with the relationship). But I guess I have a tiny amount of concern that this imbalance of effort is not a good thing even if I myself am completely OK with the effort I'm giving. What does everyone else think?

[FoolishDriver]

Your situation sounds very similar to mine and my concerns that I too want answered. I am the female in our relationship, and since we live a couple of hours apart I have been doing all of the driving weekly to visit my boyfriend. This has been going on for a long time.

 

 

Like you (aaron425) I don't mind the gas money and effort since I think he is worth it but in the back of my mind I wonder if it changes the dynamics or makes a difference or WILL make a difference that I do not notice or know of. Some feedback from others who know would be wonderful. I have to admit that deep down I am beginning to resent doing this.

 

 

He is fine with it and since I don't mind, it has become a habit and he has not volunteered to do the driving. I suppose my situation is a bit different in that I am as of a week ago beginning to feel troubled - not by the drive itself or the costs associated with it - but with the exclusive that that I and myself alone puts the time and effor tin the drive and I do not know how that effects the power dynamics in the relationship.

 

 

Does he consider me with any less respect for doing this, it is beginning to feel like I am selling myself short for it but because my feelings for him are so strong I do not say "no i do not feel like driving, you drive." It would be good to find out if this is an ok thing to do in what should otherwise be a 50-50 relationship.

 

 

I know he likes his car and wouldn't want wear and tear on it but he makes more money than I do and to me it is a big sacrifice monetarily. He doesn't compensate me for the expense and gas prices are going up. I feel he loves me so I continue to do the driving, but is it effecting his respect for me? Does he think I am whipped or whatever that is called? I don't know. He is very nice and loving to me but this is making me feel angry sometimes especially while I am driving.

[RecordProducer]

(The second part of the answer refers to FoolishDriver)

Wow! This is like a school example of how men don't understand women, Aaron! :-)

No offense, my friend, I am not criticizing you, just want to help you understand one thing about us women. When we get attention, for us it's the most natural thing in the world. When we get attention from someone we like it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

My boyfriend and I met online and he traveled 5,000 miles just to meet me. Then he visited me two more times. When I am with him, everything seems like a fairy tale. He is also wonderful with my kids. (I can't visit him, because of visa issues).Not to mention that we spend long hours talking and doing webcam online every day. Do I complain about it? I am loving it! I enjoy every moment with this sweet guy that is not only cute, kind, super-intelligent, and successful, but is also acting like a prince on a white horse. He's the best thing that ever happened to me.

No matter what modern women say about equality, a real man will always act like that. While you think that she might not be interested in a serious relationship with you, she is probably thinking whether you're enough into her and how far would you go...just to be with her.

Remember, we have hundreds of men who want us for sex only and who would do nothing for us. To be the one who is distinguished by his behavior and treats us as queens is the thing that can "buy" our love.

On the contrary, if she gets the impression that you're only willing to sacrifice a weekend here and there and get laid, she will be no longer interested in you. When she decides to visit you, you should offer to recoup her expenses, buy her nice presents and treat her like a princess. So you better stop worrying about how serious she wants to be with you, but think about how serious YOU want to be with her!

 

Foolish Driver, I hear your worries and I agree with you. And while I can help Aaron with his "problem" because I am a woman, regarding your question I can only be subjective.

My boyfriend pays for everything when he comes to visit me. He doesn't even let me spend a buck for chewing gum. The situation is the same as yours - he makes much more than I do. Money should not stand between two people who love each other; that's why the one who makes more should invest more in the relationship. It's not okay that he lets you spend your money and he never offers to make it up to you. It not only shows that he has bad manners, but also that he is cheap, disrespectful towards you, and not really serious about the relationship. He's nice and loving to you? Of course he is! Why wouldn't he be? You come straight to his bed and cost him nothing. Who wouldn't be loving to a sweet and naive, non-demanding girl like you? It's easy to be nice when things are nice. How nice will he be when you tell him that he should make some effort too?

I had a guy from the US who expected me to pay for the ticket to visit him although he makes literally as 30 times as much as me. He thought it was okay for me to spend what I make for half a year and it was like one sixth of his monthly salary. When I told him that he should pay for the ticket, he offered to pay 50% of the cost. Finally he visited me, not I him (because of visa issues). He was also not treating my kids and me right so I dumped him.

Believe me, how he tearts you is not okay. That's why you feel bad. Your pain is a sign that something is wrong.

There are two ways for you to handle this problem (direct and indirect). One, you can tell him that you can't visit him because it's a financial burden for you and you've always been the one who has made all the effort. But don't say anything more than that, just see what he answers. If he is the right one, he will say that from now on he will pay for everything and that he is sorry that you spent so much money and will offer to recoup your expenses so far.

But most likely, he will be confused and reluctant to talk about the subject openly. He will say that he didn't realize it was a problem for you (bull****!!) and that he can pay you for the gasoline if you want (which will make you feel really miserable). And instead of saying "No, it's not the gasoline, it's the effort I make...etc." please just say "Thank you!"

However, if you're willing to risk to lose him, because he might not be worth your love, you should just tell him that you don't feel like coming (find some good reason), but you would love him to visit you and you're inviting him. Be kind, don't argue, but stick to your attitude and don't let him make you feel like you're the cheap one who cares about every buck and he is just the cool guy who loves you. Because the truth is quite the opposite!

In any case, what you wrote here doesn't sound very good and it's not a minor problem.

Regarding his car, that it's nice and new and he doesn't want to wear and tear on it...no comment, you know better than that. I am sure you realize yourself how lame excuse that is.

Is your behavior affecting his respect for you? It doesn't matter. It affects YOUR respect for yourself! That counts. I don't know everything, but I know one thing: when a man loves a woman, he shows her that in every aspect, he treats her like a princess, and the woman always knows that he would do anything for her. If he is not ready to say goodbye to the change in his pocket for the woman he supposedly loves, what would he do for you in reality? Would he risk his life to save yours? I think YOU would risk yours for him so you shouldn't settle for less.

So instead of running to see him whenever you can, show him that you also have a life (friends, family, hobbies, work, guys who hit on you, etc). Make him run after you.

He might also come once then let you come many times again. Let him know that you're not willing to continue like that and see what happens. If he makes a big deal out of it, just forget about him. I know it's painful, because you're in love...But remember one thing, when a woman tries to walk away from her man, if he doesn't run after her to stop her, he ain't worth her love!

[FoolishDriver]

RecordProducer - your post means so much to me. I have never had anyone put so much time, thought and effort in addressing a personal problem like this that I have. For the first time ever in our relationship, I emailed to him that I would be unable to drive to see him. I knew I wouldn't have the courage to tell him over the phone. I was so nervous, but I can finally realize that I must do this so that I can feel ok with myself and not start feeling so much anger towards him about it. I think he was a little surprised and he did not respond to the email. I was so hurt, as if maybe he felt he had to offer to drive himself to see me and he didn't want to.

 

Today - sunday - the whole day he did not even call until around 6pm finally and I was too upset to answer the phone or to return his call. Now it is obvious that there is a little unease between us over this issue. I keep reading your post and it makes so much sense. That is how I used to think until I actually got into this situation. Now, I am the one doing all the things going out of my way that deep down every woman would want their man to do for them. Like you said, it is more of the thought than the money, such as your boyfriend who would pay for the gum. I have given my boyfriend money to buy cigarettes on many occassions and other things too. It makes me feel cheapened but at the time I do it happily like a mother caring for their child becuase love blinds you but at moments like this when I am away from him, I start to get so upset and cry why I have such bad luck with men.

 

Even when I bought a brand new house all on my own, just because it is a somewhat long drive away, he has never come to see it. I was puzzled and shocked at first, but have gotten used to it. I am always making excuses in my mind about it, like he is too tired or doesn't want to wear out his car etc.

 

I don't want to bring up gasoline costs as an excuse not to drive because I know deep down I would not mind paying, if he too would drive and like you said, acknowledge my effort, so that would be like taking attention away from the real issue, which as you say might be that he is cheap, which I do not want to believe. I make so many other excuses. He buys expensive wine and spends money in other ways. It's not the money really, although yes that does burden me. I am going to make a decision if this is worth breaking up over. It is a sign that he would not go out of his way possibly for other things as well in the future and it makes me feel so cheapened. It is the first weekend we have not spent together and at it was so emotionally difficult and painful but as I type this, I am thinking that I did the right thing. Thanks again for your feedback and being there to respond.

 

 

aaron425 - if you truly don't mind the drive as you say, then it is not a problem. The man should do the driving. I feel so cheapened that my man doesn't drive that you are like too good to be real. I am sure she appreciates it even though she may not be vocalizing it. In fact, you can look like a bigger hero by telling her that you would not want her to make the drive since it is not very safe for a woman to drive 6 hours by herself in a car on an open road, and she will respect and love you even more for that. Sometimes when I'm on the road late at night while my boyfriend is safe and comfy at his house, I just grow so much resentment lately.

[JazzyFox]

Recordproducer is bang on!

 

The problem with having an slightly unbalanced relationship, is that the commitment level is not the same.

 

Everytime you have to make an effort to see someone, drive out, fly out, or make an effort to do something special, your commitment level (and invested effort) increases. The more unbalanced this is, the more you become the giver, and the other person the receiver.

 

This does not allow the receiver to truly test their feelings for you, because you hand them your love on a silver platter, no effort required. So their commitment level decreases, and they begin to ask themselves if you are making them happy enough. This is not the right questions they should be asking themselves.

 

They should be asking themselves what more they can do for you.

 

They should be wondering if they are giving you enough. "Don't worry about getting, cuz if you give it right, you will get plenty"

 

Don't turn your boyfriends into lazy selfish men. Make them work for it.

 

As for aaron driving out to his girlfriend, make sure she makes equal or more effort in other areas (calling, writing letters, sending gifts, preparing your favorite meal). I agree that you should make a big effort and treat her like a queen. But not to the exclusion of everything else.

 

Good luck to all!

[AndrewJ]

Poise

[RecordProducer]

FoolishDriver, we know it's not the money you care about in this case; it's the fact that he doesn't care about you spending your money and driving alone for hours. So forget the money - that's not the issue here. Let's put it this way: you come to visit him and he never visits you. You make all the effort and he has no reason to not make any, yet he doesn't. He hasn't seen your new house and you bought it after you met him? Wow!

I am surprised you didn't answer the phone. Don't you want to know what he has to tell you? If he asks you why, you can say that you're tired and didn't feel like driving. That will give him a hint about the situation and not make you say more than you want. But I assume you already talked to him.

By the way, if he can't drive, he can use the public transport (airplane, bus or train)...The expensive wine he buys - he drinks it too so it's not a love investment. Does he buy any presents for you? What did he give you for Valentine's? Does he take you to restaurants and pay the bill? Does he ask you about your family, your plans for the future, and life goals? About your job, your house, your friends...? Does he talk about the two of you in the future?

Take care and don't worry! If he is not the one then why worry? If he IS the one then he must love you.

Keep in mind that maybe he doesn't want to be serious with you as much as you want to be with him. And he has a right to feel like that. Nobody is obliged to love anybody. So you can be disappointed, but not angry at him. Maybe it's time for you to have this conversation and make some things clearer for you. If he admits commitment to you then his behavior is not showing that. However it's not impossible that he is just not ready for committing himself to you. In that case, rushing him might look bad. He could be simply one of those guys who need time to admit that they're in love and want to be serious with a woman (my wonderful boyfriend is exactly like that! Only on the words though, his deeds show how much he cares).

So don't cut him out yet, but it's time for you to find out, either in a direct or indirect way, how he feels for you. Did he say he loves you? Maybe the best thing to do is just say that you are tired of driving and would like him to visit you a few times. You know what men say to us..."let's see how things work out then we'll see" or "we can't commit right away, we need time and space"...etc. Well let's do the same things to them. Show him a change of heart, show him that you're not so committed and that seeing your friends can be more important to you, that driving is a bigger pain than not seeing him for two weeks. If he cares, he will be intrigued.

Telling him how crazy you are about him and that you expect him to involve more effort and commitment is really not a good idea. Make him run after you! But in order to achieve that you must let go of him and start running away from him.

[FoolishDriver]

I am too upset to write. Things are going downhill ever since I emailed I couldn't drive that one day....it is driving me insane, I am so hurt, I can't believe this behavior from him.

[aaron425]

FoolishDriver--I have to honestly say that this guy sounds like a jerk who thinks the entire world revolves around himself. Not even coming to see your house! Not offering to even split your driving expenses halfway since he's not doing any driving! Esp. when he makes more money than you! I know you have feelings for him, but even if it hurts in the short term, I would run the other way from him and not give him any more chances. He just doesn't sound like a very nice guy to me. Anyway, that's just my view of the situation. I hope in the end you ditch this guy and find a much nicer guy to be with.

[RecordProducer]

How depressing! You scratch the surface and see dirt and trash under it. And everything seemed so nice at the beginning...Foolish Driver said he was loving to her.

No offense, guys, but taht's why women must push things a little bit with men, because SOME men are so selfish that women can waste their time for years (which often does happen).

I kinda pusshed my boyfriend about the marriage thing and told him I didn't like surprises, but security. I ain't gonna wait for a year (we've been together for 6 months, he visited me 3 times) for him to surprise me with a proposal without any guarantees that he will.

I didn't tell him literally, but he got the picture. Next time - no ring, no me & him.

[JazzyFox]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

I kinda pusshed my boyfriend about the marriage thing and told him I didn't like surprises, but security. I ain't gonna wait for a year (we've been together for 6 months, he visited me 3 times) for him to surprise me with a proposal without any guarantees that he will.

I didn't tell him literally, but he got the picture. Next time - no ring, no me & him.

 

 

Holy cow! RP you are going to have to keep us up to date as to whether or not this works out for you. 6 mths and already pushing for a ring? Only three visits? I'm shocked. Perhaps he was too?

[AndrewJ]

good point.

[RecordProducer]

Jazzy Fox, I will inform you whether it works, I promise. The thing with pushing and clearing things out is good, because it always breaks the torture; things either fall apart or improve.

It seems that he is in love with me very much and has plans for us as well. So I might just fasten the whole process. I admit in this case I am less romantic and playful short-term (I want to know everything in advance), but I also want to be with him as soon as possible and wake up next to him every morning.

[FoolishDriver]

I regret sending that email because I didn't know everything was going to get ruined like this. I didn't call back Sunday since I was upset. I emailed Monday afternoon that we could talk that night and stated that the reason I didn't call back was that I was upset so it is not like I am playing any games but am being upfront with the situation. It was the first time we had not spent a weekend together and it was due to my not wanting to drive.

 

When I called Monday night, he said he didn't want to talk to me!!!! My stomach sank and I immediately hung up. I am still in absolute SHOCK. I have known him for 5 years and we have dated for a year. I have been waiting to hear from him but guess what - nothing.

 

I just can't believe this and don't understand. I can't concentrate on work or anything... We have so much in common and he said he loved me. Unless he is seeing someone else that is coinciding exactly with when I said I couldn't see him, then I really don't get anything in life anymore. Even that I would not understand because he could tell me or something. Doesn't he owe me ANY explanation or closure or discussion??? What the heck is going on??? Do I send a long apologizing email that I wish we spent the weekend together and it won't happen like that again??? I am desperate not to feel the pain I am in.

 

RecordProducer - you are such a strong lady. I hope your boyfriend comes to you with a huge diamond ring and sweeps you away!

[RecordProducer]

FoolishDriver, I am sorry to hear that you're suffering. I am not strong at all. When I am in love and hurt, I am falling apart just like you. We all are.

Hadn't you sent the email now you would have just postponed your pain. It's better to be a foolish driver for one year than for 3 or 5 years. You posted your story in this forum because you were already upset. You finally opened your eyes and took his mask off. When SOME guys get a lot of attention from a woman, they don't want it to end, they keep playing with their hearts.

You felt that something was wrong and you hated yourself for driving foolishly. You're in shock about how right you were, you were just hoping that you were wrong.

Why regret? Have more self-respect! Imagine how a great guy would act. This one is so far away from that. He didn't even drive to see your new house!

You were upfront and emailed him what was bothering you (it's not like you yelled at him histerically). And look at his reaction! He is trying to manipulate you. By cutting you off, he thinks he will make you crawl to his door. You already want to apologize to him. Apologize for what? For not driving to see him? How about HIM apologizing for not driving to see you EVER, for a whole year?!?!?!

Don't call him! Don't email him. Be strong. He will call you. And when he does - YOU set the ultimatums.

Do you want a healthy relationship (with him or anyone else) or do you want to be somebody's toy?

Do you really think that a great relationship can end up because you sent him an email that you can't come over? We all fight, we say nasty things to each other, but we stay together because love is stronger than a few words and a dash of anger..

[JazzyFox]

Originally posted by FoolishDriver

When I called Monday night, he said he didn't want to talk to me!!!! My stomach sank and I immediately hung up. I am still in absolute SHOCK. I have known him for 5 years and we have dated for a year. I have been waiting to hear from him but guess what - nothing.

 

Sounds like a kid's temper tantrum to me! And you know what, his manipulative antics are going to get worse before they get better.

 

Question is, do you want to have a kid for a boyfriend?

 

As RP says, you deserve MUCH better than that. Be strong, and I promise you, it will get a little bit easier everyday.

 

BE STRONG!

 

p.s. and next time you feel weak, and want to call him or write to him, come online and write to us instead. I promise you, you will feel better. And when you feel like you are all alone, and you have no one to talk to, come online and read some of the stories here. You will be surprised to see how many of us have gone through the same crap.

 

BE STRONG!

[FoolishDriver]

I'm so grateful for the support I am getting here. I am So SO tempted to call him all night, but am tryiing desperately not to, especially by re-reading your posts. You guys are the best. I hope I feel better soon... I feel like my heart is smashed up. I think he was calling me last night, I started to shake and didn't answer, I'm afraid if he will get upset that I didn't answer the phone but at the same time I am upset at hiim. What a mess this is. I just want it to all be over and feel ok again.

[RecordProducer]

FoolishDriver, I admire your courage and hope you won't fall into his arms as soon as he tells you he wants to see you again. He will most likely figure out soon enough that you're tougher than he thought you were, and will make his first move to get you back.

But instead of indulging him, stay at your position.

He needs to see that he is losing you. Remember once forever: if he feels that you're slipping away from his hands, he will try to catch you, he won't drop you on purpose.

You should act like you don't care so much if you lose him. You're fine without him. Even when he calls you, you should say you're busy and you will call him later and never call. When he asks you to come over, say you'll think about it. Imagine how you would behave with a guy you don't really care about - that's how you should act with him. But don't show anger, don't show him that you're frustrated or disappointed. Show him that he didn't touch your heart and you've got better things to do than talk to him. He will wonder if you met someone else or just stopped loving him. But don't worry, he won't withdraw if he loves you for real. They never do.

Don't you want him to run after you and come visit you for a change? Then do what millions of women do and have their men's attention. And don't do what millions of other women do and lose their men forever. Been there, I know what I am talking about.

I will copy/paste what I wrote to someone else here:

Cut him off completely without saying anything. When he calls, just say you were busy. Be reserved with him on the phone, but don't show him that you're hurt or that he matters to you much. The best way to make someone hot for you is to be untouchable for him.

So many guys run after girls who treat them poorly and even cheat on them. They don't give up because you stopped calling them. On the contrary!

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last year and he didn't try to re-gain me. As soon as he found out that I fell in love with another man, he suddenly started running after me, saying how much he was in love with me, how desperate he was without me, and was proposing to me every day. He suddenly couldn't sleep and started losing weight because he realized he lost me forever. Furthermore he said he realized what an ass he was to me before. He claims that those feelings were always there and had nothing to do with my new love. I wonder how those feelings were silent for straight 6 months and the very day he found out I was not available anymore, they unexpectedly became so loud. I also wonder how he would feel for me if I became available again. I guess I will never find out...

[FoolishDriver]

Looks like things are ending. This will be the second weekend we are not together. We haven't even talked about it. I wish I could just die, I can't handle all this pain and the way things have gone down. I am started to feel so angry at the same time and still am not able to believe what is happening. I can't eat, sleep or go to work and all I do is feel anger, pain and confusion.

[RecordProducer]

I felt like dying when my ex-husband left me for the last time. The only thing I wanted was to be together again. I rememebr writing a diary where I would analyze things and hope that any word he might have said meant something good. I kept imagining that he would show up or call me some day and say he loves me. In my fantasies I would go from rejecting him to throwing myself back in his arms. The truth is, he never showed up or called me on the phone. He would only come to see the kids and ignore me. And when I would call him, he'd either reject me or say he'd think about it...then the final answer would be NO.

Finally I got over him. I found someone else who helped me get over him. A few boyfriends who turned out to be one night stands made me feel even worse, but one guy made me realize how awful my ex-husband treated me, although I was not really in love with my new b/f (but I cared about him a lot).

I think you should try and find someone to console you. He might not be the right one, but he has to be someone who won't hurt you (at least not at the very beginning).

We've all been through what you're going through now. And you have probably, in the past.

For me it was the end of the world. I had just born two little babies to him when he left me. I was all on my own (with my mother), with two little kids, no friends, no consolation, no job...But as they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger - it charged me with strength for life. I will never again be so desperate, because I know that life can go very deep in hurting you and so very high in giving you pleasure. The divorce turned out to be the second best thing that happened to me. A few years later I met the love of my life and am so happy right now.

You will forget him sooner or later, Foolish, and you'll be very happy when you meet the right one!

I remember when I was at colege, I met a guy and one day I said to myself: "I hope he will fall in love with me, but ONLY if that's god for me overall! if not, he better doesn't!" So in your case, he didn't fall in love and it's better for you, because it means that real love is waiting for you at another corner, in the future.

[FoolishDriver]

I've been waiting all this time for him to contact me, to apologize, to say he loves me and all these things. I am in so much pain I cannot handle it. I have started to drink and am making my life worse. I just can't understand why this is happening. I am waiting for the day to feel better. It does not make sense to me that someone who loves me can fall out of my life and not contact me. I don't know what to do to feel better, I feel like I will be cheating if I spend any time alone with another man. I want him only and it is so hurtful. I can't figure out what it is that I did that he no longer must love me or else maybe he is feeling as hurt as I am and is waiting for me to contact him and I haven't yet. I don't know what is happening. it is so terrible how it feels.

[StacyRose]

Hey Foolish Driver!

 

You have not posted since the 19th did u hook up with him this weekend? This guy sounds sooo cheap. But, maybe he doesn't get it? Maybe you could tell him that you just don't have the time to drive there anymore (make up some excuse) and that you really cannot afford it. Maybe he just thinks your silence means you're mad at him and he can't figure it out?

 

I dunno. My b/f was soo cheap at first. I had to go into debt thousands before I realized I was putting in way more than I could afford. Then, one day, at a restaurant, I decided to not bring my purse.. and I continued to do that until this day. And, I told him straight-out I couldn't pay for plane tickts anymore because it would interfere with my "spa" budget (which it did).. And, he simply did as I asked.. for almost 2.5 years!

 

So- men can be stupid.. maybe you need to be a touch more direct??

 

Buuut, this one may seem a little smarter than the average as he seems to be a pro at manipulation. Just be direct and continue to be strong. I dont' care how goodlooking he is... if he doesn't empathize with your situation, he just don't care and he's a DOG.

 

Anyway, I dont' have much really to add as RecordProducer basically said everything I had to say. I agree with her so much that I actually want her e-mail or maybe she could e-mail me???????

Stacy(underscore)8(underscore)Rose at yahoo

 

THANX!!!!!

[FoolishDriver]

Hi StacyRose, looks like I posted right before you did - you were thinking of me the same time after all this time has passed - thanks.

 

I couldn't handle it any longer and emailed him this morning stating how much I miss him, it's been a few hours and I have not heard back yet. I have been both patient and impatient for two weeks yet he has not contacted me. I feel both upset by this and also confused if I should've been the one to contact him. I can't believe it feels like things are coming to an end and maybe it was all my fault. I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate on work or do anything.

[RecordProducer]

Hi, Foolish Driver! I've been thinking about you also and was hoping to hear from you. Don't bother thinking about this guy anymore. he doesn't deserve it. He obviously doesn't love you. Imagine if you never did what you did, he would have pulled your nose for months. Eventually the result would be the same, but you might miss your chance to meet the right one. Don't worry, you'll get over him. Go to some dating site and start meeting people. Just for fun, don't expect anything. You might as well meet men and women in your area for friendship...you never know who will introduce you to some nice guy!

[FoolishDriver]

Hi everyone - thanks for the kind words and support RecordProducer, StacyRose, etc. You guys are going to think I'm crazy but I got back together with my bf. I was too miserable and alone without him (by the way I'm considered attractive and I thought smart but I know it doesn't make sense to be in this type of a relationship).

 

We spoke last Thursday night and Friday - yup - I drove to his place for the weekend. Everything is so nice when we're together. I don't want to think about the fact that I drive only and focus on the good points, the good times we have together and how loving he is towards me since everyone has bad qualities so nobody is perfect, but I think he really does care for me. Plus, I have a hard time meeting other men - am busy at work and a little on the shy side so it doesn't happen on its own.

 

Just wanted to give you an update. At least I have all of your feedback to refer to until maybe I am strong enough to initiate moving on... I was the one to apologize about everything and making us not have been together for the past 3 weeks. That was the hardest part but I read other posts here and it says to not be stubborn and make something work if you want it to work instead of waiting for the other person to apologize.

 

Anyways, I hope I don't get hurt all over again in the future.