How should I pursue this girl?

[NJ123]

It seems people have been giving you good advice for years on here but you seem to just ignore it all & do what you want anyway. Maybe start listening to some of the people on here, & you'll get better results?

[normal person]

How much of life do you think I've experienced?

 

Helping you make up for your lost youth isn't the responsibility of these girls. It's just yours to acknowledge and accept. They don't owe you anything or aren't magically more inclined to be with you now because you missed out before. I'm sorry, but you missed the boat.

 

What makes me different from somebody who is 22 and on their last semester of college?

 

Here's what makes you different:

 

- You act under the assumption no one can tell you're 10 years older

- They know you're 10 years older or at least "too old" and are polite about it (to your face)

 

- You're willing to date someone despite a 10 year age disparity

- They aren't willing to date someone given a 10 year age disparity

 

- You assume that because you're willing, they're willing

- They have their own consciousness and perceptions of the situation that are completely independent of yours that you're unwilling to acknowledge.

[Million.to.1]

I've seen a photo of him. He looks 33. The women are just being polite.

 

So have I. He does NOT look early 20's.

 

 

Didn't you just do all that with your ex? Granted, she didn't live in the dorms, but that's just semantics...

 

Unfortunately no

 

... and your point Elswyth is soaring 30,000 feet over SD's head.

 

 

Face it Somedude. Even if you had gotten a date with one of these girls, then she didn't want a second one, you be here complaining that she didn't want to get to know you further.

If you had gone on 3 dates with 3 girls and they all didn't want a second, you be here complaining that none of them gave you a real chance.

 

If you had gone on 3 dates with the same girl, kissed once, and she didn't want to take it further, you'd still be on here complaining that it didn't work out.

 

Even if you had been on 10 dates and gotten a GF and it lasted a month and then she broke up with you.....you'd BE ON HERE COMPLAINING.

[sillyanswer]

Girls have no clue that I'm 33.

 

I don't think that's because you look younger than your age. I do think it's because these girls are so young that they have no life experience of correctly estimating the age of someone your age. Add to that the 'expectation' that someone in their class is going to be their age and it's easy to see (well, it's easy for me to see) why they can't guess your age.

[xxoo]

And yes, I am hung up on it. Of course I know that I can't stay on campus any more, but I really did want to experience those things.

 

My fear for you is that, 10 years from now, you'll be hung up on the late 20s you missed, and the 30s you missed.

 

You'll miss life if you're looking backward. Look forward. There are women your age who may be a wonderful match for you. Yes, you need to get some stuff together to attract them, but at least you have a chance with them. The future can be very bright for you if you change your focus and work at being a good partner for a woman your age.

[Lani]

My god this is exhausting.

 

Somedude.. just because you don't have the life experiences of a 33 year old, it doesn't mean you aren't actually that age. You need to face this fact. Because you're only getting older, and less accomplished.

The more time you waste chasing young women, the less time you spend bettering yourself for the future.

[Million.to.1]

I don't think that's because you look younger than your age. I do think it's because these girls are so young that they have no life experience of correctly estimating the age of someone your age. Add to that the 'expectation' that someone in their class is going to be their age and it's easy to see (well, it's easy for me to see) why they can't guess your age.

 

That's also why he is attracted to younger woman. They are more likely not to realise how different he is in developmental stages compared to other men 25+. It stops him from feeling inadequate.

Older woman would be more put off by an unemployed guy in his 30's with no friends and very limited relationship history. Unfortunate, but true.

[rester]

That's also why he is attracted to younger woman. They are more likely not to realise how different he is in developmental stages compared to other men 25+. It stops him from feeling inadequate.

Older woman would be more put off by an unemployed guy in his 30's with no friends and very limited relationship history. Unfortunate, but true.

 

The bolded can very well be the case. Not sure how loveshack is helping him with that. Partly why most of us are advocating he make some friends.

[acapelo_dp]

I'm just going to put it out there that this thread is absolutely painful to read. Somedude, you keep repeating yourself despite the excellent advice you are getting from everyone and despite the numerous suggestions.

 

VERY few 20-23 year old women want to date a 33 year old man. They just don't. I am 24 and I would find it way too weird dating a 33 year old. You need to expand your horizons and stop looking for a 20 year old girl. You can keep pursuing girls in their early 20's with failure after failure, or maybe *gasp* you can try and go to meet ups or try to meet women older than 25. If not, continue being single and complaining about it. Your choice.

[Lani]

That's also why he is attracted to younger woman. They are more likely not to realise how different he is in developmental stages compared to other men 25+. It stops him from feeling inadequate.

 

In some cases, yes, this is true.

However when I was younger the appeal of an older man for me was that he would be more mature. More accomplished.

I think that's a lot of what SD is coming across. These girls know he's much older than them. And if they want someone to mess around with on their maturity and accomplishment level, they are after someone younger, fitter, more popular, etc. hence dating guys their own age.

And the reason SD had problems even when he was their age is because he's spent all his life only wanting a girlfriend and nothing else. He's not worked on himself, on his hobbies, his body, his schooling, his career... he's stagnant now because he's never had much drive.

 

Women see this.

Yet SD refuses to believe they do because he refuses to see it himself.

Edited November 6, 2014 by Lani

[preraph]

He is working on himself. He is seeing a therapist. He's been depressed since he was a 'tween. I'm sure that despite his standing his ground here, a lot of the things people say has given him food for thought or at least made him realize his is not the common view or whatever. Though he may not seem like he ever thinks he's wrong on here, obviously he's acknowledged he has some issues to work on and is doing it. So I give him credit for that. It's hard to see our own foibles, even when people point them out. But even if we see them, it's just not that easy to change just like that.

[somedude81]

He is working on himself. He is seeing a therapist. He's been depressed since he was a 'tween. I'm sure that despite his standing his ground here, a lot of the things people say has given him food for thought or at least made him realize his is not the common view or whatever. Though he may not seem like he ever thinks he's wrong on here, obviously he's acknowledged he has some issues to work on and is doing it. So I give him credit for that. It's hard to see our own foibles, even when people point them out. But even if we see them, it's just not that easy to change just like that.

 

Didn't you get the memo? Nobody is allowed to be positive about me in this thread or try to understand where I'm coming from.

 

This is the official bash SD thread. It does absolute wonders for my self-esteem.

 

I hate how these threads keep going off-topic. All I wanted was advice on how to pursue the girls I'm interested in. I got some good feedback, mainly explaining that they don't like me but this thread is 90% junk.

 

I've since given up with the girls and am not going to the classes they are in anymore because I just don't feel I have a chance anymore and have no clue how to interact with them.

 

When I have piss-poor confidence, telling me that no girls I'm interested will ever want to date me isn't helping. I don't need 1,000 reasons telling me why I won't succeed. Neither is telling me that I'm creepy. Yes I know what some girls, hell maybe even the majority of young girls think about older guys, I don't need people constantly repeating that.

 

If you don't have anything nice to say, then please don't say anything.

Edited November 6, 2014 by somedude81

[normal person]

I've since given up with the girls and am not going to the classes they are in anymore because I just don't feel I have a chance anymore and have no clue how to interact with them.

 

Were you seriously just in the class to meet girls?

 

When I have piss-poor confidence, telling me that no girls I'm interested will ever want to date me isn't helping. I don't need 1,000 reasons telling me why I won't succeed. Neither is telling me that I'm creepy. Yes I know what some girls, hell maybe even the majority of young girls think about older guys, I don't need people constantly repeating that.

 

If you don't have anything nice to say, then please don't say anything.

 

This is just ridiculous. You've done more harm to your self esteem by ignoring the advice here than you would had you actually took it. Everyone here told you they weren't interested, you ignored it all and insisted you keep trying. You could have avoided that embarrassment altogether but instead you brought it on yourself.

 

The truth hurts. Let's say hypothetically that there was a very overweight girl who wanted advice on how to attract guys, and let's say she was really clueless as to her weight being the problem. Would you decline to suggest she lose weight because it might hurt her self esteem? Or would you want to give her advice that, albeit tough to handle, would actually solve her problem?

 

You made a thread asking for advice, you didn't like the advice you got because it wasn't convenient or comfortable, and now you want to dismiss it all as negativity. Not buying it, sorry. If the only reason you started the thread was to have people reaffirm your delusions, you should have said that in the beginning so we all could have saved ourselves the time and trouble.

Edited November 6, 2014 by normal person

[somedude81]

Were you seriously just in the class to meet girls?

 

While I really do enjoy salsa/ballroom dancing, the primary reason I took that class was to meet women.

 

My fantasy is to have a girlfriend that loves to dance and we regularly go out dancing together. Forgiving me for thinking that a dance class would be a good place to meet somebody.

 

 

This is just ridiculous. You've done more harm to your self esteem by ignoring the advice here than you would had you actually took it. Everyone here told you they weren't interested, you ignored it all and insisted you keep trying. You could have avoided that embarrassment altogether but instead you brought it on yourself.

 

The truth hurts. Let's say hypothetically that there was a very overweight girl who wanted advice on how to attract guys, and let's say she was really clueless as to her weight being the problem. Would you decline to suggest she lose weight because it might hurt her self esteem? Or would you want to give her advice that, albeit tough to handle, would actually solve her problem?

 

You made a thread asking for advice, you didn't like the advice you got because it wasn't convenient or comfortable, and now you want to dismiss it all as negativity. Not buying it, sorry. If the only reason you started the thread was to have people reaffirm your delusions, you should have said that in the beginning so we all could have saved ourselves the time and trouble.

 

Is any part of your post positive, or giving me any sort of encouragement?

[xxoo]

I encourage you to consider the idea that you could find great happiness with a women who is closer to your age after you find a job. Focus on getting a job, and your opportunities will grow.

[ThaWholigan]

Were you seriously just in the class to meet girls?

 

 

 

This is just ridiculous. You've done more harm to your self esteem by ignoring the advice here than you would had you actually took it. Everyone here told you they weren't interested, you ignored it all and insisted you keep trying. You could have avoided that embarrassment altogether but instead you brought it on yourself.

 

The truth hurts. Let's say hypothetically that there was a very overweight girl who wanted advice on how to attract guys, and let's say she was really clueless as to her weight being the problem. Would you decline to suggest she lose weight because it might hurt her self esteem? Or would you want to give her advice that, albeit tough to handle, would actually solve her problem?

 

You made a thread asking for advice, you didn't like the advice you got because it wasn't convenient or comfortable, and now you want to dismiss it all as negativity. Not buying it, sorry. If the only reason you started the thread was to have people reaffirm your delusions, you should have said that in the beginning so we all could have saved ourselves the time and trouble.

Not to mention that half the things said were not a form of discouragement, but a regurgitation of the same solutions that still have yet to be addressed, because they are "irrelevant" or now they are "junk".

 

We have given you 1000 ways how you CAN succeed, nobody told you that you can't. That you refuse to take them on board is on you. Then when everyone gets fed up and has a go because you ignore and still complain about the same problems then you do what you just did and play the victim. Then you come back days later. Starting a new thread about the SAME SH-T again.

 

So maybe we shouldn't say anything then, and just leave your threads empty for the newbies to get sucked into the vortex that is trying to help you get a GF and cure your depression - something which is unlikely to work because you cannot rely on someone to cure your depression. Are you going to be helped? Or are you going to ignore us because we don't coddle you and lie about why you struggle?

 

Figure it out.

[somedude81]

Every time you start a thread you seem to get upset about the feedback you get. Why bother? You are getting plenty of practical advice, but you don't want to hear any of it. Your biggest problem is that the women you are going after are waaay out of your league. There is no post anyone can make on your thread that will change that. No one is trying to bash you.

 

I'm not getting any advice. All I have is people telling me that I'm not going to be able to date the girls I want, just as you pointed out for the 1,000th time.

 

What I need is support and encouragement, something I can do to improve my odds. Everything else is worthless to me.

[Teknoe]

Were you seriously just in the class to meet girls?

 

 

Seems like it. Which, I'm sorry to say, only adds to the creepy factor. To pull out of classes because the girls you been targeting are no longer possible? That tells me there is some great underlying mental issues that need to be addressed and ironed out before he can ever enter a healthy relationship. Whatever happened to taking a class for growth and knowledge, and not just hoping to get a GF? Sure, many of us take classes and hope we meet someone great in the process, but the difference is most people don't drop out the second it doesn't work out with a classmate.

 

Why are you allowing others to have so much control over your life? That's an issue in and of itself, SD.

 

This is just ridiculous. You've done more harm to your self esteem by ignoring the advice here than you would had you actually took it. Everyone here told you they weren't interested, you ignored it all and insisted you keep trying. You could have avoided that embarrassment altogether but instead you brought it on yourself.

 

 

+1. SD, you are doing yourself no favors trying to play the victim card. People here aren't bashing you. They're trying to genuinely help you. It's just the advice you get requires hard work, effort and making changes in your lifestyle... something that appears readily evident that you're just not ready to do yet. And have not been ready for for the last 10+ years. And that's why you've never matured beyond a 22 year old level. Who did this? Us, or you? Answer: yourself. So don't blame us or play the victim card. I see a bunch of people here who have invested HOURS of their life trying to break through to you, and time after time you continue to bury your head deep in the sand.

 

 

You made a thread asking for advice, you didn't like the advice you got because it wasn't convenient or comfortable, and now you want to dismiss it all as negativity. Not buying it, sorry. If the only reason you started the thread was to have people reaffirm your delusions, you should have said that in the beginning so we all could have saved ourselves the time and trouble.

 

This has been going on for 6 years now, like a broken record. The same dozen or so people post the same type of advice in every single one of his threads, in different variations, hoping that after enough times he will finally see the light so to speak. And so far, no signs of change. Whatever he has tried to change, is very slow, and he could be doing far more.

 

Why not try speed dating?

 

It's just hard to swallow when you read someone say they want nothing more than a GF and then do absolutely next to nothing to try and actually get a GF.

 

The advice given here is sound and has been phrased nicely. Just because he hates it means people are being "mean."

 

Yikes.

[xxoo]

I'm not getting any advice. All I have is people telling me that I'm not going to be able to date the girls I want, just as you pointed out for the 1,000th time.

 

What I need is support and encouragement, something I can do to improve my odds. Everything else is worthless to me.

 

Something to improve your odds with 20 year olds:

 

Get money. You're going to need a REALLY good job. Get to work!

[Teknoe]

I'm not getting any advice.

 

A person can only see what they want to see.

 

Anytime you see the words:

 

-friends

-exercise

-hobby

-speed date

-women in late 20s/early 30s

 

you immediately turn a blind eye.

 

Last I checked, those were all excellent advice.

 

To say you're gotten zero advice is an insult to everyone who's ever posted in an attempt to help you. You are being your own worst enemy.

[somedude81]

Something to improve your odds with 20 year olds:

 

Get money. You're going to need a REALLY good job. Get to work!

 

LOL, well that counts as advice.

 

One thing I'm actually considering is after I get a decent job is to hire a dating coach and hopefully figure out how to actually succeed with young women.

[normal person]

While I really do enjoy salsa/ballroom dancing, the primary reason I took that class was to meet women.

 

My fantasy is to have a girlfriend that loves to dance and we regularly go out dancing together. Forgiving me for thinking that a dance class would be a good place to meet somebody.

 

Ahh, another fantasy world. It probably is a good place to meet somebody, but if you like doing it, why should you let that be all it is? It seems like another casualty of your "girlfriend" tunnel vision to me, but whatever.

 

Is any part of your post positive, or giving me any sort of encouragement?

 

Why do you need it to be? Are you a child? Do you think having a bunch of strangers as cheerleaders merely "encouraging" you is going to change your circumstances? Lying to you isn't going to do you any good. Our advice is good. Our predictions are accurate. It wasn't necessarily what you wanted to hear, but it would have helped or mitigated your situations had you actually took them into account. Had you listened to us you'd be better off than you are now. You shot yourself in the foot and now you want to point the finger because we didn't say "be careful with that!" politely enough.

 

I admire your perseverance and determination, but you match it with a stubbornness and myopia that always seems to cancel it all out and put you back at square one.

 

If you actually want your problems solved, listen to the advice you get in these threads. If you want to continue down the path you've gone, keep on ignoring it all on the grounds that it isn't exactly what you want to hear. Which do you want more? Tangible success or just someone to lie to you about what a good job you're doing?

[Million.to.1]

You made a thread asking for advice, you didn't like the advice you got because it wasn't convenient or comfortable, and now you want to dismiss it all as negativity. Not buying it, sorry. If the only reason you started the thread was to have people reaffirm your delusions, you should have said that in the beginning so we all could have saved ourselves the time and trouble.

 

Farkin Bravo!!

 

Somedude, just quit the pity party and stop whining about all your threads going off topic when you know damn well that every thread you start, is trying in some specifically worded way, to avoid receiving the advice you MOST need to do. Basically solve the issue of why you are unattractive to woman.

 

The fact is that we have all answered you specifically worded thread - "How do I pursue this girl?"

 

The answer? - You don't. She is really too young for you and isn't worth the hassle. You should instead spend some time finishing up school with good marks, looking for jobs for the new year and focusing on meet-ups and social events that will connect you to male and female friends more your age.

 

If you want positive affirmations and to feel good about yourself start a thread entitled "Positive steps to a positive dude" in which you focus solely on self improvement outside of girls and dating.

 

END.

[Weezy1973]

Here's advice and encouragement:

 

If you want to attract attractive women, you have to be attractive. Like attracts like.

 

You can do it! You just have to listen to the advice given here...

[Lani]

Didn't you get the memo? Nobody is allowed to be positive about me in this thread or try to understand where I'm coming from.

 

This is the official bash SD thread. It does absolute wonders for my self-esteem.

 

I hate how these threads keep going off-topic. All I wanted was advice on how to pursue the girls I'm interested in. I got some good feedback, mainly explaining that they don't like me but this thread is 90% junk.

 

I've since given up with the girls and am not going to the classes they are in anymore because I just don't feel I have a chance anymore and have no clue how to interact with them.

 

When I have piss-poor confidence, telling me that no girls I'm interested will ever want to date me isn't helping. I don't need 1,000 reasons telling me why I won't succeed. Neither is telling me that I'm creepy. Yes I know what some girls, hell maybe even the majority of young girls think about older guys, I don't need people constantly repeating that.

 

If you don't have anything nice to say, then please don't say anything.

 

YOU took this thread off topic somedude.

 

But sure, pass the buck.. it's worked wonders for you so far