How should I pursue this girl?

[somedude81]

On Wednesdays I always remember of you somedude cause I have dance class as well. In my dance class there are 15 women (all older than me) and there are 2 men. The one of them is really creepy cause you can see him moving around the circle we make to dance all the time and try to talk to every woman there, yes even me (and he's my dad's age). While we are dancing he is noticing all women, he's trying to listen to what they are talking about and is making jokes. No woman is giving him any attention other than being polite to him in case he asks something. I can't explain to you how creepy I find his behavior and how sad it is to observe him, so desperate to get some attention. I mean, I feel sad for him but I surely don't think this is the appropriate way or place to find a girlfriend. I do hope this is not how you act in your dance class and this is not how girls there see you.

 

What is it about him that's creepy?

 

From what you say, he is rotating around to other women, which is normal and how most dances classes are set up. And he's talking to them, which is expected unless you rather not say anything to your partner.

 

Is there a certain way that he's interacting with them that is creepy?

[somedude81]

I hope he's not acting that way, too, but I don't think he is (well, maybe in his head). He doesn't have trouble getting girls to talk to him as someone this obvious would. I actually think the dance class is a perfect place for him to see if he can meet someone. For one thing, even if, let's say, you are "off" socially some way, it's a place to learn what works and what doesn't. After all, partner dancing is a lot about etiquette and comportment.

 

It's funny how so many people here think that I come across as creepy in real life.

 

It's like they completely blank out at the fact that I'm talking to lots of girls, having lunches, getting phone numbers etc. If I was a creepy guy I wouldn't get half as far with girls.

 

The only thing I'm not doing is getting dates. That has nothing to do with me being weird, it just means that I'm not turning girls on.

[SummerDreams]

What is it about him that's creepy?

 

From what you say, he is rotating around to other women, which is normal and how most dances classes are set up. And he's talking to them, which is expected unless you rather not say anything to your partner.

 

Is there a certain way that he's interacting with them that is creepy?

 

It's the way he is observing them and trying to make conversation with whomever is available. I'd find it more natural if he obviously liked one woman from there and tried to be close to her. The women there know each other and discuss sometimes between different songs, so he tries to get in these discussions and seem funny or something. It is obvious he is not there cause he likes to dance rather than trying to get laid. In my eyes it's like an adult going around kids who play football to make jokes or something. Creepy and sad. Please notice that there is no need to change places at these dances we are learning, but he does. Anyway, I can't explain it any better.

[Imajerk17]

It's funny how so many people here think that I come across as creepy in real life.

 

It's like they completely blank out at the fact that I'm talking to lots of girls, having lunches, getting phone numbers etc. If I was a creepy guy I wouldn't get half as far with girls.

 

The only thing I'm not doing is getting dates. That has nothing to do with me being weird, it just means that I'm not turning girls on.

 

Well somedude81, I actually do not think you are coming across creepy in your first and second impressions. That you are getting lunch dates, phone numbers, and girls texting you back is indeed a strong sign that you aren't. That you are doing this despite being 33 and looking it, I'd even go so far to say that your "outer game" skills--flirting and conversation--are stronger than you give yourself credit for. However, that the girls you befriend ultimately pull away does make me wonder if you eventually come across as too intense.

 

That said, your dating strategy that you've revealed ON HERE does seem creepy to most. Such as, that you pursue only girls 20--24--whether it is for the reason that you are only attracted to women that young or that you feel women 25+ wouldn't go for you. Also, that you plan on not revealing your age as long as possible (assuming that the girls don't already suspect that you are older!), seems quite creepy.

 

And yes, that you are so fixated on getting a date/girlfriend, especially when there are far more pressing issues that need your attention right now (e.g., securing employment) seems really irresponsible and misguided.

Edited November 5, 2014 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

Well somedude81, I actually do not think you are coming across creepy in your first and second impressions. That you are getting lunch dates, phone numbers, and girls texting you back is indeed a strong sign that you aren't. That you are doing this despite being 33 and looking it, I'd even go so far to say that your "outer game" skills--flirting and conversation--are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

 

Heh thanks.

 

However, that the girls you befriend ultimately pull away does make me wonder if you eventually come across as too intense.

 

I think it's because I'm actually trying to move too fast now to spend time alone with them. So they probably think I am coming across as too intense. I just need to find the balance.

 

Unfortunately I think it's too late with all the girls I currently know so I need to start fresh.

 

I really wish I could have gone on a date this year with somebody I met in college, but it just wasn't in the cards

[xxoo]

It's funny how so many people here think that I come across as creepy in real life.

 

It's like they completely blank out at the fact that I'm talking to lots of girls, having lunches, getting phone numbers etc. If I was a creepy guy I wouldn't get half as far with girls.

 

The only thing I'm not doing is getting dates. That has nothing to do with me being weird, it just means that I'm not turning girls on.

 

As you've learned from the 19 year old, young women usually think it's creepy for guys over 30 to mack on them. If you've ever heard young women talk to each other on the topic, this is really obvious.

 

They give you their numbers when you are "safe" guy, maybe in part due to your age and not thinking that you have romantic interest. Later, when they pull away, it is because you've made the romantic interest clear. That's when the "creepy" label can get affixed.

[somedude81]

I am done talking about my age.

 

Girls have no clue that I'm 33. Nothing you guys say will convince me otherwise.

[xxoo]

I am done talking about my age.

 

Girls have no clue that I'm 33. Nothing you guys say will convince me otherwise.

 

Obviously, you won't be convinced until a young woman tells you directly, in clear words.

 

Which won't happen, because it is the height of rudeness to tell someone they look too old to be asking for a date.

[GemmaUK]

One little tidbit to all the people who think my age is the reason why college girls don't want to date me.

 

Math girl asks "So what do think think of the old guy in our class?"

Me: "Which one?"

Her: "The one with the shaved head. He said he's like 32 years old"

Me: "Maybe he's working on his masters or something?"

Her: "Yeah maybe, but don't you think it's weird to have a guy so old dancing with girls who are 19 and 20? It's kind of creepy."

 

Then I started teasing her about a guy in the class who seems to be pursuing her.

 

Long story short, she doesn't have a clue how old I am. Most likely nobody else in the class does either. She just assumes that I'm a few years older than her. Not that I'm actually 14 years older.

 

The last day of class I'm going to tell her my age and just watch her freak out

 

 

 

Eek!

Sorry, not been on for a few days but and I haven't read back....but she DOES KNOW you are much older this was just her sussing your reaction to what she was saying as you are doing the exact same as this guy. It doesn't mean everyone does but why would you hide your age anyway?

 

 

Your 'non reaction' makes it more creepy though, you are so not getting it that women younger do get creeped by men older than them..

 

 

I so would love to see a photo of you because if you are 33 and as you state look early 20's you must be seriously gorgeous! We need pics me thinks...

[GemmaUK]

What is it about him that's creepy?

 

From what you say, he is rotating around to other women, which is normal and how most dances classes are set up. And he's talking to them, which is expected unless you rather not say anything to your partner.

 

Is there a certain way that he's interacting with them that is creepy?

 

I can answer this to an extent. Or my view and what I have seen many a time.

 

 

What he will be doing is waiting for/hanging off any possible thing he can say but also any women he likes he is just there right there like a leech and will not go away until he twigs one isn't into him so another female takes his fancy and then he does the same with her. He tries many women who are way out of his age group and league.

None of his actual personality comes over, all that comes over is 'I want a gf'

And then there is what these guys do with their eyes....gaah! It's so bad!

[JuneJulySeptember]

I am done talking about my age.

 

Girls have no clue that I'm 33. Nothing you guys say will convince me otherwise.

 

I was a Teaching Assistant when I was a bit younger than that.

 

I'll be honest with you. There was a girl in my class (senior) who was very, very cute and smart. Too young for me, but that is my set of rules. If she asked me out (dare to dream), all bets would have been off.

 

In terms of the odds, I agree with the others, but you are your own man. I go cleanly for women who are my age, race, shorter than me, don't make a crazy amount of $, and I still get rejected. I always go with the odds and it's still tough.

 

If young is what you like, you might get lucky again. You did last time, right? The most important thing is that you know how to handle rejection.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I so would love to see a photo of you because if you are 33 and as you state look early 20's you must be seriously gorgeous! We need pics me thinks...

 

What does being young looking have to do with being good looking.

 

I get told I look 10 to even 15 years younger than my age all of the time. But I never get told I'm good looking.

[CrystalCastles]

Ideally I want to date a woman between 21 and 24. That's the age range I'm just most attracted to right now.

 

I want to understand this. Why in particular that age range?

 

I mean, if I were 33, I couldn't imagine dating someone who is 21. 21 - 24 year olds, to a 33 year old, are like kids, no? They've experienced much less of life, they're only just on the brink of adulthood (21 year olds more so). Yes, you and them both go to university, but I don't think that matters much- there are 50 year olds at my university and I honestly can't say I and them are on the same level.

 

People at that age can tell how old you are. And people that age generally don't date people your age. I remember my best friend told me that her friend, at 20, started dating a 28 year old. We both said "ew". Because he was too old for her! They're not at the same stages in life!

 

What is wrong with dating women who are older? I don't mean 40, but if you date a 27 year old, or 28, she's still young, but closer to your age and life experience.

 

I also don't see how this year is ruined because you didn't get a gf. Its not like this year is your last chance. Is it because you worry you'll be even one more year older? I don't think you need to worry about that- people of all ages date. You don't simply say "Well! I'm 34 now, that makes me an old fart and therefore I can't date anymore". Nope! Heck, there are grandmas I know whose husbands passed away, and they met someone else and now have boyfriends. I think you're just chasing the wrong kind of girl.

[NJ123]

What does being young looking have to do with being good looking.

 

I get told I look 10 to even 15 years younger than my age all of the time. But I never get told I'm good looking.

 

Girls seem to always use the phrase "cute" or "cutie" for me if they find me attractive since I tend to look a lot younger to a lot of people. I could pass for being anywhere from 7 to 10 years younger.

[somedude81]

I want to understand this. Why in particular that age range?

 

I mean, if I were 33, I couldn't imagine dating someone who is 21. 21 - 24 year olds, to a 33 year old, are like kids, no? They've experienced much less of life, they're only just on the brink of adulthood (21 year olds more so). Yes, you and them both go to university, but I don't think that matters much- there are 50 year olds at my university and I honestly can't say I and them are on the same level.

 

How much of life do you think I've experienced?

 

What makes me different from somebody who is 22 and on their last semester of college?

 

What is wrong with dating women who are older? I don't mean 40, but if you date a 27 year old, or 28, she's still young, but closer to your age and life experience.

 

A woman who is 28 would not be on the same life stage as me and have the same life experience.

 

I also don't see how this year is ruined because you didn't get a gf. Its not like this year is your last chance.

 

This year was my last chance to date a girl from my college.

 

I wanted to walk through campus holding hands with my GF. Eating lunch together between classes. Kissing her when no one else was around and having sex in her dorm room.

 

I haven't been able to do any of those things in my entire life. I feel like I've really missed out on a big part of the college experience.

 

I think you're just chasing the wrong kind of girl.

 

And what is the right kind of girl? Before you say somebody older, don't forget that one upon a time I used to be the same age as the girls I liked and they didn't like me back. When I was 19-22, the girls that were 19-22 didn't want to date me, and my age was obviously not a reason. There was something else.

[sweetjasmine]

How much of life do you think I've experienced?

 

What makes me different from somebody who is 22 and on their last semester of college?

 

Seriously, SD?

 

How about the fact that you've been alive for an extra 10+ years? Life experience is entirely dependent on what YOU do. It's not something that just happens to you while you sit at home waiting for it.

[xxoo]

.

 

I haven't been able to do any of those things in my entire life. I feel like I've really missed out on a big part of the college experience.

 

Yes, you have. But that ship sailed a decade ago.

 

You could still have a great early 30s experience, but you're quickly wasting them trying to live the college experience.

[organizedchaos]

Eek!

Sorry, not been on for a few days but and I haven't read back....but she DOES KNOW you are much older this was just her sussing your reaction to what she was saying as you are doing the exact same as this guy. It doesn't mean everyone does but why would you hide your age anyway?

 

 

Your 'non reaction' makes it more creepy though, you are so not getting it that women younger do get creeped by men older than them..

 

 

I so would love to see a photo of you because if you are 33 and as you state look early 20's you must be seriously gorgeous! We need pics me thinks...

 

I've seen a photo of him. He looks 33. The women are just being polite.

[Anela]

How much of life do you think I've experienced?

 

What makes me different from somebody who is 22 and on their last semester of college?

 

I was around 27/28, when I started to get over agoraphobia. There are girls out there who are late-bloomers for various reasons, so chances are that there are women out there of that age, that have limited experience.

 

SD - you would look a lot better to them, if you accepted where you are in life, and acted more like a man of your age.

[somedude81]

Seriously, SD?

 

How about the fact that you've been alive for an extra 10+ years? Life experience is entirely dependent on what YOU do. It's not something that just happens to you while you sit at home waiting for it.

 

Exactly.

 

I haven't done that much in these past ten years.

 

The fact that I'm 10 years older doesn't mean that I have the equivalent life experience that somebody who is 33 should have.

 

That's why I feel that I have hell of a lot more common and am able to better relate to people who are 10 years younger than me.

 

What do I have in common with somebody who is my age?

[somedude81]

I was around 27/28, when I started to get over agoraphobia. There are girls out there who are late-bloomers for various reasons, so chances are that there are women out there of that age, that have limited experience.

 

SD - you would look a lot better to them, if you accepted where you are in life, and acted more like a man of your age.

 

The odds of finding a late bloomer woman to date is extremely rare.

 

And as I said already, I'm simply more attracted to younger women.

[ThaWholigan]

Vocaroo | Voice message

 

You just said you haven't done much. That doesn't mean you can start again from 21, mate. Your life begins at 33 now.

[Els]

 

This year was my last chance to date a girl from my college.

 

I wanted to walk through campus holding hands with my GF. Eating lunch together between classes. Kissing her when no one else was around and having sex in her dorm room.

I haven't been able to do any of those things in my entire life. I feel like I've really missed out on a big part of the college experience.

 

Didn't you just do all that with your ex? Granted, she didn't live in the dorms, but that's just semantics...

 

It doesn't sound like you just want to experience it - it sounds like that's how you want life to remain. You can't move on to the next phase of your life because you're so hung up on it. And you're missing out, because life post-undergrad is pretty darn awesome.

[rester]

This year was my last chance to date a girl from my college.

 

I wanted to walk through campus holding hands with my GF. Eating lunch together between classes. Kissing her when no one else was around and having sex in her dorm room.

 

I haven't been able to do any of those things in my entire life. I feel like I've really missed out on a big part of the college experience.

 

This is why you get out and live life and experience things. So you don't look back ten years down the road and think you've missed out. You're missing out on life in the present because all you're focusing on are these girls in your classes who are most likely going to move on, get jobs, and never think about you again. Hopefully you're still playing guitar and surfing, but you need some social outlets, somedude. You need some men in your life to help show you the way a bit.

 

You are limiting your options by sticking only to your classes. Asking out 4 girls in an entire semester is nothing. College kids meet dozens of different people each week and weekend. They drink a few beers and pass out in each others' beds and forget their names in the morning. Even at commuter schools there are parties and clubs and activities for people. Why don't you join in on this stuff?

 

Force yourself outside your comfort zone and get involved in things. If it's social anxiety that keeps you from making friends, read some books. Work on it. Something besides driving yourself crazy trying to date someone in these classes of yours.

[somedude81]

Didn't you just do all that with your ex? Granted, she didn't live in the dorms, but that's just semantics...

 

It doesn't sound like you just want to experience it - it sounds like that's how you want life to remain. You can't move on to the next phase of your life because you're so hung up on it. And you're missing out, because life post-undergrad is pretty darn awesome.

 

Unfortunately no

 

The semester where we met was her last semester at that school. We had our first date about three weeks after she left the school. I never spent any time with her on campus.

 

And yes, I am hung up on it. Of course I know that I can't stay on campus any more, but I really did want to experience those things.