anne1707 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Or the OP's mother could have felt sick because she saw her husband in a fight and acting so out of character. Regardless of who her husband was fighting, she would have found this event upsetting and distressing. I think jumping to conclusions about why the mother felt sick or how sexually excited she might have been is just ridiculous. How people love to judge. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I disagree pretty strongly about this. That is the job for the therapist to address, never the child. Children should never be put in the position of addressing the parents sexual issues - nope, never. The parents are adults and this is the bed they made and they need to deal with it themselves and clean their own house, not have their children clean up their messes. Children never have any business in mom and dad's bedroom. I doesn't matter if the child is 5 or 35, the bedroom door is off limits. i see it differently. when a child turns adult, the relationship between kid and parent changes to an adult one, in many ways. You don't "tell them what to do" because the kid is an adult...you brought them up to make their own decisions, now you step back and let them do it themselves. And part of that adult relationship would be being able to discuss adult things. Lets say the daughter was having sexual technique issues with her husband....a good place to stop off for advice is mom and a cup of coffee. So...why would it not work the other way around--mom is having issues, and her close adult daughter wants to help her out? Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 i see it differently. when a child turns adult, the relationship between kid and parent changes to an adult one, in many ways. You don't "tell them what to do" because the kid is an adult...you brought them up to make their own decisions, now you step back and let them do it themselves. And part of that adult relationship would be being able to discuss adult things. Lets say the daughter was having sexual technique issues with her husband....a good place to stop off for advice is mom and a cup of coffee. So...why would it not work the other way around--mom is having issues, and her close adult daughter wants to help her out? First off, the last place I'd stop for tips about sex would be my mother. Secondly, it's the parent's job to help raise the children and guide the children, not the children's job to help raise the parents. I agree, the kids, regardless of how old they are, should have been left out of something so private. Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Please send me your Dads address. I want to send him a beer and a handshake. writer and those that 'liked it'. seriously -- violence is the solution? forget not, A happened 20 years ago. in some states the OM could have taken out his gun and killed daddy. so enjoy that beer at his grave site. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Lets say the daughter was having sexual technique issues with her husband....a good place to stop off for advice is mom and a cup of coffee. So...why would it not work the other way around--mom is having issues, and her close adult daughter wants to help her out? The same reason as why the General doesn't discuss his issues formulating a battle plan with the Private. Gripes and problems go uphill. It's a parents job to advise and guide their children through life. It's also a parents job to take care of their issues and not burden their children with them. There are marriage counselors, self-help books, life coaches, therapists, clergy and friends that are there to help the parents with their personal issues. Parents have a parental duty to not burden their children with their private issues. ........they can burden anyone else, just not their children. Your children are not your peers and not your friends to lean on in troubled times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author newnameforthis Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Just to be clear on things, it was me that asked my mom if anything had happened with dad that prompted her to tell me. Nobody approached me, or asked me for any advice, and I've given none. My mom felt she should honestly answer my question, because I was concerned. Like last time, the comments are sometimes hard to read, but I should expect it. Its strange to even discuss, but you just want to know if others "get" what you're going through. Obviously, some people can find fault with anything, but I don't want to be part of a world where no one is responsible for their actions, never face consequences. There is plenty of that going on all around already. In the last few years, I've realized how much this is a problem. I also don't like seeing so many men that are fearful, and let others run over them. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 i see it differently. when a child turns adult, the relationship between kid and parent changes to an adult one, in many ways. You don't "tell them what to do" because the kid is an adult...you brought them up to make their own decisions, now you step back and let them do it themselves. And part of that adult relationship would be being able to discuss adult things. Lets say the daughter was having sexual technique issues with her husband....a good place to stop off for advice is mom and a cup of coffee. So...why would it not work the other way around--mom is having issues, and her close adult daughter wants to help her out? Uh... no. The last thing i want to know is how my dad likes being hooked up to a garage door opener like Dabney Coleman in 9-5 or that my mother liked being spanked. Some things should remain private. The end. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 come on, get real. You would not talk about detailed sex acts. OP seems to know her father really well. Also seems to not understand her mom at all. She could talk to mom about how deeply dad is hurt, how close to getting a divorce she really is, how her brazen attitude is NOT helping the reconciliation, ask if there had been other partners, maybe probe WHY the mom had to find sex outside the marriage--and if it is something fixable maybe have her husband mention it to dad. If you are the type of person that would refuse to talk to mom as they were about to get divorced...uh, i dont know what to tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Ugh, the 20 year lie makes it so much worse than just infidelity. Personally, there's no way I'd ever speak with my mother again. I simply could not let this go like OP has. Her mother robbed him of a good portion of his life. I'm not even certain I could make it through something of this magnitude. Like your father, you don't mess with any of my family members, no matter who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
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