Jump to content

He said I am not wife material

Isntshelovely

By Isntshelovely
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Cristo Established Member

Cristo

Posted
Posted
Girl I got your medicine. Times I want to quit LS but then I read things like this...

 

I've had a guy say this about me. I was 24, he was 23...I'm 31 and he is now divorced. LMFAO.

 

He had this idea about what a woman should be and it was based on his mom.

 

But we all know that most of us have grown up with dysfunctional parents. It's the smart ones (in my opinion) that realize this and at least try grow past the dysfunctional beliefs we received from our parents. Sometimes that means we don't marry when we "think" we should, and instead choose to take our time.

 

Anyway, if I were in your position, I would not take what he said personally. Let him go. Let him go find his wife material so he can end up on Viagra in 10 years. I work in the medical field and so many men like this end up getting pills to get their d**** hard for "wife material". They will be trying to track you down then. I have had a few guys like this. LOL.

 

Let him go and if you are the "nice" type of woman, cut that out. People don't respect nice. Just be you, get in touch with your emotions, and HONOR your emotional needs..

 

Allow yourself to get sad, angry and upset. Allow the rage. Let it run through you. You need to feel it. So that you never allow yourself to be treated badly again. Know your worth. You can birth life, you are powerful. Go out in nature, and sit for 30 minutes and meditate. Just get in touch with you. Put this guy to the side.

 

I think everything will work out for you and you will get all that you desire.

 

Good luck.

 

I also work in the medical field and the bolded is false.

 

I'm not sure why so many women are getting butthurt in this thread. This guy sounds awesome. OP, he gave you information on EXACTLY what he didn't like about you (hint: most men don't like messy women). Also, it sounds like he doesn't think you would be motherly (I think I read that somewhere). Personally, I HAVE rejected women for the lack of this quality. It's extremely important to quality men that are looking for a family (more so than the ability to keep house).

 

Some women just don't have the motherly instinct and men can pick up on that.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Some women just don't have the motherly instinct and men can pick up on that.

 

Of course she has no 'motherlike vibes' she is a single woman with NO kids!! I know women that I never thought would make great mothers but when they got pregnant the maternal instinct kicked in and they were great mothers !!

CharlieFox Established Member

CharlieFox

Posted
Posted
Of course she has no 'motherlike vibes' she is a single woman with NO kids!! I know women that I never thought would make great mothers but when they got pregnant the maternal instinct kicked in and they were great mothers !!

 

That is the same in the opposite ways - I see many women (especially on here) breaking up/rejecting men who they think lack certain "manly" skills or qualities they're seeking in a partner.

  • Like 2
Negative Nancy Established Member

Negative Nancy

Posted
Posted
What I do for myself alone is simplistic and less frequent because nobody else has to deal with it but me.

 

That is true. I feel no motivation to cook for myself or be very clean when I'm just by myself, but I like doing things for other people. Basically, there's no point in cooking a proper meal for myself and so I am not motivated enough. For another person or a family, though...that is something else entirely.

 

I have to give the guy kudos for being honest, though! He knows what he wants and told you flat out didn't string you along. Very honorable of him.

WhatIsLove2014 Established Member

WhatIsLove2014

Posted
Posted

Wow, the OP has yet to reply anymore. I hope she is doing okay.

CharlieFox Established Member

CharlieFox

Posted
Posted
That is true. I feel no motivation to cook for myself or be very clean when I'm just by myself, but I like doing things for other people. Basically, there's no point in cooking a proper meal for myself and so I am not motivated enough. For another person or a family, though...that is something else entirely.

 

You will be crucified by the people on here who believe "Oh you shouldn't change for anyone!!"... :laugh:

 

Anyway, a lifestyle is a lifestyle. He spend 2 months with her, and apparently noticed that she is lacking certain skills in her everyday lifestyle. Why waste time with someone expecting them to adopt qualities you appreciate in a partner, when you can just find someone else more suitable for you, and let the other person do the same? Seriously, I see nothing wrong with that.

 

It's like when women say "well he's everything, he's perfect, but I'm just not feeling it..." - the person may be EXACTLY what they're looking for, but they don't get the vibes. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. A good man/woman shouldn't pick a potential wife/husband based on what SHE COULD, MAYBE, POSSIBLY be IF she becomes a mother.

Negative Nancy Established Member

Negative Nancy

Posted
Posted
You can definitely be both a domestic woman and a sexually free woman.

 

I think it's ideal.

 

But it's not easy. A lot of men can't accept a woman being sexually free while also being traditional. They think it doesn't exist. They think a woman can only be one or the other ( Madonna vs. wh#re").

 

No woman is just one or the other. I think every woman is a mix of both. But some women play the good girl so they can secure a husband. But they also get a certain type of man with this act. I think its the type of man who will cheat. Because a man needs both the madonna and the "wh#re".

 

Very true. I would add that most men wish (in theory) they had both traits in one woman (the whole "lady in streets, freak between the sheets" thing)....but actually CAN'T handle it if she does. You know the saying, "omg, how can she kiss the children with that mouth that's been full of my *** just a few minutes ago" or something like that. :rolleyes: So the infamous madonna-whore-complex is actually of their own doing and more or less self-inflicted. Of course, the mother of their children is supposed to be the "pure" angel, but since they naturally still desire the dirty sex, no wonder so many married men cheat with some piece on the side who they get the kind of sex from they can't bring themselves to do with their "pure angel" at home. :rolleyes:

Negative Nancy Established Member

Negative Nancy

Posted
Posted
You will be crucified by the people on here who believe "Oh you shouldn't change for anyone!!"... :laugh:

 

I wouldn't call that "changing for anyone" (besides, what's wrong with that anyway - a relationship requires compromise).

 

The more accurate comparison in my mind is the man who is fine living on a single salary as long as he is single - why should he bust his *** and work his butt off for a high salary and be exhausted from working so much if he is single and low maintenance and doesn't require much for his single lifestyle? But when he does have a family, his work priorities change and he naturally steps up to the provider role and works harder (at least, that's how it normally goes).

 

That is how I see a woman who sees no point in decorating a home just for herself or baking cookies for herself or cooking a 5 star gourmet menu just for herself. :rolleyes:

Georgia2014 Established Member

Georgia2014

Posted
Posted
I have been dating this guy for about 2 months. I really liked him and was extremely attracted to him but things took a turn for the worse recently and I am upset and cannot stop thinking about what he told me. I am 34 and never married he is 32 also never married.

 

 

We went to a wedding Saturday, one of my long time friends got married.

 

 

After the wedding he took me home and did not come in dropped me off and told me he was tired and he would call me Sunday. He did not call or return any texts. He texted me Monday and asked if he could come over so we could talk and I was nervous that something was wrong. He came over to collect some stuff he had over and said that he was sorry and that he didn't think we should see each other anymore. I asked why? He said I am not wife material. Totally floored and hurt I asked him what he meant? He just said he does not like my lifestyle, hinted that I have no domestic skills at all, I don't seem like the motherly type and he wants a woman he can marry and have a family with and he does not see me as that person. He hinted he thought I was lazy and lacked motivation and any goals in life. I admit after being single for so long my house is not the cleanest and I'm not the greatest cook, I'm so used to doing things my way. I sleep in on weekends until 10. I have a full time job and work a lot of hours I like to sleep on weekends. I do want kids eventually and maybe I have some bad habits to break but I was not expecting this. I cried all night and was up all night cleaning my house, ordered some nice home décor and called in sick to work the next day. I'm completely depressed with being dumped. Looking for some words of wisdom here.

 

I suggest not to listen to this jerk. Just because he says you are not wife material it does not make it the truth. You will find a guy who thinks you are wife material one day. I think you should consider yourself lucky you found out now what a jerk that guy is and that you are not wasting any more time on him. He is not worth your tears. You will find a guy that loves you for you.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Isntshelovely New Member

Isntshelovely

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thank you everyone I'm sorry I have not responded in a few days. I'm still trying to absorb all of this. He sent me a text saying sorry that things did not work out. I didn't reply back, not sure what to say. I was raised by a stay at home mom who cooked, cleaned, sewed, and my parents are still married. None of us children inherited my moms domestic skills we are kind of all alike although my younger sister cooks more than anyone. I'm not happy with my life and I feel I should be in a better place by now. I am sick of being single and every single relationship I have ending. I guess its time to re-evaluate my lifestlye and make some appropriate changes.

Edited by Isntshelovely
Georgia2014 Established Member

Georgia2014

Posted
Posted
Thank you everyone I'm sorry I have not responded in a few days. I'm still trying to absorb all of this. He sent me a text saying sorry that things did not work out. I didn't reply back, not sure what to say. I was raised by a stay at home mom who cooked, cleaned, sewed, and my parents are still married. None of us children inherited my moms domestic skills we are kind of all alike although my younger sister cooks more than anyone. I'm not happy with my life and I feel I should be in a better place by now. I am sick of being single and every single relationship I have ending. I guess its time to re-evaluate my lifestlye and make some appropriate changes.

 

I'm sorry things turned out like they did. I don't think your single because you can't do the domestic stuff it's because you haven't met the right guy. I can cook, clean, bake and sew (I can use a sewing machine & hand sew) I am still single. Having domestic skills doesn't help you get married any more quickly. I have nice stuff for instance my china pattern is the Lenox Butterfly Meadow. Having nice stuff and domestic skills doesn't help you get married. I wish it did but it doesn't. The only thing that will help you get married is finding the right guy.

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted
domestic skills doesn't help you get married.

 

You make that sound like a foregone conclusion. I suppose it depends which culture you are from...by that I don't mean living in the western. It could just also mean the men that you have met, happen to be the fast food / pizza types.

 

As a domesticated man myself that likes to cook/ laundry/garden/iron/tidy the house. I will do anything to have a like minded partner, as to one that will rather frequent restaurants / order food / and just sit around.

 

A woman that hates clutter, can cook, sew...gets loads of brownie points with me, and she can expect me to bring my A-Game also. A lethal combo if you ask me...we might just be able to rule the world :D

Georgia2014 Established Member

Georgia2014

Posted
Posted

I would want a man to want to marry me for me and not because of my domestic skills. If domestic skills help you get married sooner why am I not married?

  • Like 1
Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
I'm sorry things turned out like they did. I don't think your single because you can't do the domestic stuff it's because you haven't met the right guy. I can cook, clean, bake and sew (I can use a sewing machine & hand sew) I am still single. Having domestic skills doesn't help you get married any more quickly. I have nice stuff for instance my china pattern is the Lenox Butterfly Meadow. Having nice stuff and domestic skills doesn't help you get married. I wish it did but it doesn't. The only thing that will help you get married is finding the right guy.

 

I agree. Domestic skills are nice, but not a necessity.

 

I cook, bake, clean, organize, and have been working on getting good at sewing, and none of that has helped me find a partner.

 

It's all just a pleasant bonus, but never actually made a difference.

  • Like 2
Sunfire73 Established Member

Sunfire73

Posted
Posted

Either the guy is not into you that much to want to work with you to prepare for your future together, or he's at the point where he is looking for a partner that is ready for marriage. It's helpful to have these skills not just to prepare yourself for marriage, but for yourself as well. So that when you meet the right guy, you're at a good place and ready. It's like having a good career, or being healthy physically and emotionally. Domestic skills is the same way. Like guys who are handymen, ambitious and are emotionally available.

  • Like 1
dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

Posted
Posted (edited)

I just think this guys out of line and you shouldn't take him that seriously.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

This thread is kinda going round in circles.

 

I feel bad for the OP that she's hurting in this situation. The guy obviously thought it was a good idea to be quite brutally honest about what he thought - specifically using the words "wife material" and telling her she wasn't it must have been hurtful. I'm not sure that was particularly helpful! But he was honest, and I suppose that's not a bad thing in and of itself. How that helps you get a partner going forward is not really quantifiable - not every man has the same definition of "wife material". I think it would help for your own development to be decent at "domestic" stuff.

 

Having said that, what's being termed as domestic skills is just sh*t that most people do anyway. Some are messier than others of course, but generally I wouldn't use that as a sole barometer of a woman's capacity for married life.

MrNate 2.0 Established Member

MrNate 2.0

Posted
Posted (edited)
You're not the wife material he's looking for..

 

But that doesn't mean you're unworthy.. you are absolutely someone elses material.

At least you found this out now, rather than down the track. Different opinions on marriage are common, and it's okay to want different things.

 

Don't beat yourself up about this. It was a comparability thing, not a you thing.

 

Just in case anyone missed this.

 

Notice how the op said he 'hinted' at all these things which means he did NOT directly say any of them. She is simply inferring that.

 

I give props to this dude for actually being a man, saying how he feels and not dragging things on.

 

These two people are simply not compatible. This isn't about who's right. They are incompatible. That's it.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 3
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...