Author Lovelysweet2 Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 Glad to see others posting, and doing well! I am still NC and thoughts are elsewhere completely. It is difficult, but what isn't? Link to post Share on other sites
justmebev1 Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hey Lovely - I hear that. Sometimes I think, what was once so happy turned into being so sad. Guess that was part of the deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Donesharing Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 DoneSharing - OMG I can't believe we have almost identical stories. Same with me he would not let me go, I tried many many times to break it off, and just got suckered back in. I couldn't stand the cake and eat it, she was totally oblivious to what he was doing, I had to drop the A bomb. And, like you said I got in return just what I thought I would NOTHING. I'm gonna give you my email, email me and I will give you my cell # so we can chat, it's good therapy! [email protected] I will email you! Link to post Share on other sites
SusiePie Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 NC is technically going fine. I know it is the only way. I wish the urge wasn't there. Even if I contacted him I doubt he would bite even though his wife threw him out for good. That fact is something to grab onto if I feel too tempted. Funny thing is, if I am feeling weak is mostly because I have feel a need to punish myself. Like I haven't paid enough for my part in the A. Even if he were single we never had a future together and he never implied we did. There is real no reason to contact him. For what? more of the same bull****? Nothing would change or improve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Loveless77 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I am hanging in there. It has been 31 days today. I have my rough days often, but I made up in my mind that his deception was not okay and I have to move forward. I think the tough part for me to realize is that everything was a lie. I guess life goes on... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Loveless77 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I am hanging in there. It has been 31 days today. I have my rough days often, but I made up in my mind that his deception was not okay and I have to move forward. Sure, I was planning a wedding with the man who I though was solely mind for 2 years, until I found out differently. I am moreso angry, and discussed and wish something terrible on him. I think the tough part for me to realize is that everything was a lie. I guess life goes on... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Hahah I only contact ex MM to harass that mofo. He is such a loser. He dare not write back. I am in contact and thoroughly enjoying it. I hope he is tortured. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MatchStick Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I've discovered a certain power in being the one to walk away, I am the one with options now. I hope everyone can find it as well. Love it.......I too have discovered that I have options. I walked away when I really didn't "have" to. At the time, all I could see was that the relation was sinking into more and more 'secrecy', and I correlate that with a darkness. At the time, I was kind of 'poor me' I have to do this, this 'right thing', and what's it all for? : OPTIONS. I turned a corner of keeping options instead of slowly giving them away. I want a life where I can go to BBQ's, weddings, funerals, birthday dinners: great stuff! The heartbreak was worth it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MatchStick Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Donesharing - that's right gotta rid the addiction. I'm going through a FB game with the MM wife. She won't talk to me personally she sends subliminal messages thru FB. She blocked me but kept reading what I was posting, now I blocked her. I have been venting my feelings on FB as a way of coping and letting it out and she has been mocking me back on her page. Now of course I don't have to look at her page but when you know in the back of your mind that someone's taunting you, it's kinda hard to ignore. What are your suggestions? Ignore her! And stop venting on FB. Come here! For yourself, all you are doing is keeping all the aggravation stirring. The idea is to make a clean-break, and get on with YOUR life and feelings. This may take a bit of Big Girl Britches, but in a way, what did you expect? My xMM wife was unfriended by myself first. Then she blocked me. I didn't really care. Then I blocked her, and was glad I did. To make a long story short, there have been suggestions she's tried to get into FB. She won't find anything, but NC goes all the way around. Don't get me wrong: I'm not so sure I'm not going to hell for all the foulness I thought, mumbled to myself, and ranted to myself all about: but putting it out there changes Nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MatchStick Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 My NC isn't going all that well. I had a real bout of depression. Just as I was coming out of it, about 2 weeks into NC, exMM started contacting me, telling me how I had it all wrong. He loves me. He needs me. He still wants to see me in Nov. He is leaving his wife SOON. It has been an emotional tug of war. I know if I had been serious about NC, I would have blocked his phone numbers and routed his emails to spam. I didn't. Now I have his pleading, my fragile heart, and the realization that while he claims things HAVE changed on his end, I don't see that. There isn't any evidence of change. So, I remain a passenger on this emotional rollercoaster by choice, I suppose. I am gathering my supports and starting counseling again. I will embark on this NC effort with a better sense of resolve in the near future. Wishing all of you OW's in NC the best. Not easy, but unfortunately a necessary evil in the emotional recovery process. Hey you, Good luck with NC. If this xMM really wants to crawl back to you, you can set a bar. If he really is serious about breaking with his wife, here's what he has to do: come back to you Divorce papers in hand, ink dry, and squared off with his input. (Don't be surprised if you never see him again.) My NC, now 10 months, gave me an insight to break ups. Look what you are going through, look what a lot of people go through.....unless this xMM marriage is completely bad, those years and years of bonding need to be grieved if it comes to an end. It's a big Heavy. You get the best deal: you have options, and now, you will embark on a Great Upswing of personal development, feeling better, and certainly steering towards a more refined and brilliant future! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
7andcounting Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I have failed time and time again at no-contact. But tonight I was told that we needed to take a break. That he was tired of hurting me and that I should find someone who I deserve. I have to do this. I am so weak... I have been so weak where he is concerned. I need to get myself back. I need to be back in a healthy place, in a relationship that is two sided. So today marks the first day... and tomorrow I will post again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Hahah I only contact ex MM to harass that mofo. He is such a loser. He dare not write back. I am in contact and thoroughly enjoying it. I hope he is tortured. Don't be so sadistic. There is nobility at holding your head high as you walk away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Loveless77 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 after a year and a half of NC from me I responded to xMM. Now I am at less thn a week. All that time and I threw it away. It sucks doesn't it that we so this to ourselves? Why? I was never involved in any behaviour close to this before him. And now here I am, a cheat and a lie. For what? But, I will hold on to NC again even though I feel I will fail. You can do it!!! I know it is hard, trust me I am feeling it, I am 32 days in Did he respond back to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Don't do that. It is a kind of contact. Until you completely cut ties with him and everything connected, you will never heal.Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I would just ignore it. Hopefully, your own FB friends are people that care about you and that's why you choose to vent to THEM. Who knows why she is doing that. Don't stoop to her level. Ya know? I you weren't looking at her page you would never even know or worry. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelysweet2 Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 I have read some are having difficulties with NC! I wish I could help. I have completely disassociated myself from him, and rarely think about it! I am not sure how I do this and how to tell you to. But it is okay. You will be okay. They only add turmoil. Hope some of you can disengage...a mind zone.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Back2WhatUKnow Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) So I have been 2 1/2 months NC and very strong. I blocked all contact from the start in a week process. Like I blocked calls first..days later emails..texts..eventually private calls. I learned to rearrange my work schedule and life to avoid him because he can be a bit stalkerish. He tried all attempts to break contact even put a note on my car that I ended up burning. I realized it was always about him and not of my true feelings...it was a wasteful and embarrassing 4yr affair. I knew though 6months back I was ready to let go but he gave me the final bullet those couple months ago. Yes my 1st month I grieved some days I thought of him but never contacted. Eventually I thought of him less. I moved on quicker because I was ready for an end..and realized if he did get out with full proof. I dont think I would want the drama with it. I read 300 threads in the history of the OW here. It was therapeutic to see heartbreaks and it was rare to see someone happy if it made it. Meanwhile I let myself healed spent time alone. Now besides work I occupy with fun dates. Nothing serious but going out with a single guy that is so different and feels great. You have to be willing to move on to have NC succeed. I am truely enjoying moving on. Itll be 3 months NC very soon! Edited October 23, 2014 by Back2WhatUKnow Link to post Share on other sites
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