Trying to date a busy girl

[MissBee]

Also, having had a gf before you should realize that having a gf is NOT a permanent condition. People have relationships and very often they end. That's called dating. As others have pointed out, if your only goal in life is a gf and nothing else matters.... Okay great you finally get one again... Do you think she will be with you forever?! Chances are she won't. Maybe your next gf will be your future wife or maybe you will date for 3 weeks or 3 months....then it stops working...then what?!!! Your whole life crashes again and it's back again searching for another gf because nothing else matters and you're only a person when you are with someine....sounds like a happy life. Living to just be with another person is building your life on a very shaky and impermanent foundation as even when you're with someone, as you already experienced, it doesn't last for always and life still has to go on and you still have to pick up yourself and live. That's why it is advised that a relationship should be ICING on your cake and not the entire cake itself.

 

Don't you see the flawed logic and problem of living to be with other people who are free to not choose you one day even if they chose you before ??! Everyone hurts after a breakup but people already desperate to be in a relationship tend to suffocate the relationship and when it ends if your life was built around being with them then what ?! You are still in a losing battle , as even if you get a gf dude you cannot force her to stay with you forever. That's what folks are saying. If you make this thing which doesn't last forever and that you can't control completely your ultimate and don't make other things priority even if you get a gf or wife you will still slip into the same frickin desperation and depression, even more than normal, because you cannot ensure they will stay forever and if you have nothing else but them as a priority you're screwed.

 

So that is where you are shortsighted and can't see the forest for the trees. You think having a gf is all that matters in life, even though you had one and realized things end and it isn't permanent and you still gotta live... But somehow you still just think getting a new one and making that your priority is the ultimate having not learned an thing from before. So what you'll be happy and productive for 2 months, 2 weeks, 2 years or however long it lasts and you will suck their energy to give you ambition and motivation on life and if it ends then what?

[Badsingularity]

So that means that he's talked to her differently than I have. Somehow she responded to something he said.

 

If she realy likes him, it has little to with what he says to her. It is how he makes her feel.

 

Just like you I used to think that I just didn't know the right things to say to women when i couldn't attract them. I was wrong.

[somedude81]

If she realy likes him, it has little to with what he says to her. It is how he makes her feel.

 

Just like you I used to think that I just didn't know the right things to say to women when i couldn't attract them. I was wrong.

 

I don't understand the difference.

 

What affects how I make her feel more than what I say to her?

[Lani]

I don't understand the difference.

 

What affects how I make her feel more than what I say to her?

 

Errr... really?

 

Body language, sex appeal, chemistry, the way you look, the way you speak (not the actual words)....

[SteveC80]

 

It doesn't sound like you're just going after supermodels or anything.Its weird that some people are harping on you go after women you have little attraction to, that wouldn't be healthy for anyone involved.

 

Dude let's be real here most women[and men] aren't classical beauties or they wouldn't be on message boards they'd be on Instagram or Facebook having dudes compliment their pics lol.So this is a sore subject for a lot of women when a struggling guy isn't attracted to plain women because they probably know how that feels.

[Badsingularity]

I don't understand the difference.

 

What affects how I make her feel more than what I say to her?

 

Body language, and I don't just mean what is visible, sub consciously shows and reflects a guys state of mind, confidence, and inner strength.

 

How slowly or quickly he moves. How and where he positions himself in a given space. Small variations in the tension of facial muscles. How fast or slow he talks. The tone of his voice. The look in his eyes. This all speaks to a womans mind sometimes consciously, but mostly sub consciously, and lets her know his level of self confidence, inner strength, and his state of mind.

 

It effects how a woman feels around a guy.

 

It can make her feel creeped out, neutral, or attracted and drawn to a guy.

 

I have explained ways to aquire the right mindset and the confidence that results in this body language in the past if you ever want to look it up.

 

Due to the above realities, a guy can attract women without saying a single word.

[normal person]

I've never talked to him but he seems to be about equal to me in looks. So that means that he's talked to her differently than I have. Somehow she responded to something he said. That's what I need to figure out how to do.

 

How to talk to women in a way that makes them interested in me.

 

You have a very elementary concept of attraction. You seem to think that looks are like a number or a score, which isn't practical if we're giving in depth assessments of situations like this. If you say "well we're both 5's, so it can't be looks," you're wrong. People have illogical attractions to different traits based on things they can't explain. Are Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston both 10s? Well I like Jennifer Anniston, but Angelina Jolie does nothing for me.

 

It doesn't necessarily mean he talked to her differently either (although it's not a bad guess). Maybe she's attracted to something about him that doesn't have to do with looks or smooth talking. Maybe it's his aura, the way he carries himself, the way he talks, his tattoos, or whatever irrational thing that people might like.

 

This whole thing is way more nuanced than you assume it is.

[somedude81]

Body language, and I don't just mean what is visible, sub consciously shows and reflects a guys state of mind, confidence, and inner strength.

 

How slowly or quickly he moves. How and where he positions himself in a given space. Small variations in the tension of facial muscles. How fast or slow he talks. The tone of his voice. The look in his eyes. This all speaks to a womans mind sometimes consciously, but mostly sub consciously, and lets her know his level of self confidence, inner strength, and his state of mind.

 

It effects how a woman feels around a guy.

 

It can make her feel creeped out, neutral, or attracted and drawn to a guy.

 

I have explained ways to aquire the right mindset and the confidence that results in this body language in the past if you ever want to look it up.

 

Due to the above realities, a guy can attract women without saying a single word.

 

That all sounds really complicated.

 

Odds are it will take a while to acquire the level of confidence that will make the attractive body language natural.

 

So is there a way I can fake it till I make it?

 

Also, if what you are saying is true, then most likely I haven't been showing much confidence to this girl. Also I'm sure that I've been saying the wrong things to her as well. What I say can't be irrelevant.

Edited October 24, 2014 by somedude81

[rester]

Why would you say you haven't been showing much confidence to this girl?

[thefooloftheyear]

Other than the things I already mentioned-which I wont torture you or me by repeating it, I think the first thing you need to do is "de-mystify" these girls...You dont know them...They are only faces in a crowd....Nothing more...They dont have a gold plated pussy or anything...Trust me here..

 

Now dont get me wrong....If you are lucky enough to find the right fit, its awesome..But making relatively unkown girls into Fairytale Princesses at the mere sight of them is just setting you up for failure..You think because some girl didnt like you that makes you worthless? Nothing further from the truth...

 

Physical and personality variances aside, they are all pretty much the same....The put on their panties one leg at a time..Dont empower them the way you are.....If nothing else you are giving some of these frustrated women a reason to chuckle hearing about how you are getting your dick knocked in...Dont give them the satisfaction!

 

Put in the rearview and shift to third gear....

 

TFY

Edited October 24, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

[Badsingularity]

 

So is there a way I can fake it till I make it?

 

 

Try to change your mind set to winning one.

 

Instead of saying I can't say I can.

 

Instead of thinking the world has control over your life. Realize and accept that you are in charge of your life.

 

When you hear advice you may not like. Don't let your emotions cause you to react negatively. Swallow your pride and see if you can learn anything from it.

 

Toughen up. Don't let negative emotions, hurt feelings, or self doubt hold you back.

 

You are very logical. Open your mind and don't be afraid to accept that some of the beliefs you've held for a long time may be wrong. Listen, learn, and experiment on your own to add to what you have learned.

 

Push through your fears.

 

 

Have patience. Know that one day you will be able to attract women and that you will be happy for multiple reasons. That being just one.

 

You are man, no better or worse than the rest.

 

There is no reason you should not succeed.

 

Don't let your mind be the one thing that holds you back.

[Teknoe]

SD, at this point if I were you I might look into hiring a life coach of sorts, or at least a dating coach. You live in a place where I'm sure plenty of those exist.

 

You could use a ladies' man showing you the ropes and the little nuances.

 

And why haven't you tried speed dating in 2014 exactly?