Recently separated after 20 wonderful years feel so low lonely and lost

[LifesontheUp]

I really feel for you guys. Now don't take offence but when are you going to get some ba!!s.

 

These women are walking all over you with their little tit bits they throw your way.

 

My advice work on yourselves. If it were me I would also throw the bomb - the divorce word. You need to know and take control of your lives. It'll either get them back or not. Either way you get to know where you stand.

 

Again - take control of your lives guys. There comes a time for decisive action so do it befored it runs you into the ground

[Richiebuoy]

I love it, folk always say "Now don't take offence" just before they're about to be offensive lol ....

 

Thats a nice offer Ralph and thanks but its a long way to go for a few pints...... but never say never

[beach]

Has your wife ever told you she doesn't like you to drink?

 

That may be affecting your relationship.

 

IF she said she would come back if you quit drinking - would you quit today?

[Decisiontomake]

I don't think it's a case of growing some balls - I just don't - not in the situations as I've seen them. It actually takes balls to fight for something, to put yourself effectively "on hold" while these things work themselves out. I get it that within the circumstances people need to work on themselves - yes, that's true - but there is something to be said for waiting a while to see where the cards fall too if that's what you want to do.

[LifesontheUp]

So how long should a person wait? This has been going on since at least August. Next August? another year later? All the while, waiting for little tit bits thrown their way.

 

Four months is a long time to keep someone hanging like this. I find it very cruel hence my advice to start taking control of his life.

 

So what happens in six months time and the wife decides to tell him it is over and wants a divorce? - he's wasted almost a year of pain. Again, I find its cruel and if the wife thought anything of the husband, she would tell him exactly what is going on and where he stands. JMHO

[ralfgarnett]

Has your wife ever told you she doesn't like you to drink?

 

That may be affecting your relationship.

 

IF she said she would come back if you quit drinking - would you quit today?

 

Mr Holier than though, lmty she can polish off strong Belgian beers with the best of them, and how can me going out for a pint or 3 affect our relationship when right now she isn't here ? because I wast going out doing it when she was here is used to mostly stay in all weekend and deffiitely all nights in the week, I only started going out for a beer again in august when I got so lonely I ahd to do something on a sunday just to keep my sanity, if your asking me would I give up drinking a few beers to egt my life back on track then the answer is most definitely yes I would give up anything he asked me to because I love her so much, but that answer would apply to anything, if she said she would come back if I didn't eat a meat pie again, if I promised not to fart in bed, if I promised to hop o one leg around the town centre every 3rd Wednesday in the month etc etc, because those eamples are also about a relevant to her asking me to stop drinkoing 3 or maximum 4 pints off medium strength beer in acivilised environment o a sunday lunchtime, yes I would do anything she asked because my holy friend I am a defeated crushed man who would agree to almost anything to get out of this most crappest of situations

[Decisiontomake]

So how long should a person wait? This has been going on since at least August. Next August? another year later? All the while, waiting for little tit bits thrown their way.

 

Four months is a long time to keep someone hanging like this. I find it very cruel hence my advice to start taking control of his life.

 

So what happens in six months time and the wife decides to tell him it is over and wants a divorce? - he's wasted almost a year of pain. Again, I find its cruel and if the wife thought anything of the husband, she would tell him exactly what is going on and where he stands. JMHO

 

I think anyone waits for the period of time they want to wait for - for the time that their feelings are still such that they wish that door to be open. Taking control of their lives within that is still possible - in every other aspect - and I'm not saying that also stays on hold. I know the limbo of a relationship breaking down is incredibly painful and lacks direction BUT I also believe that if you want to wait for someone, that's OK too.

[Richiebuoy]

Well said Ralph but you may have blown it with the no farting in bed promise..... I could be wrong though

[LifesontheUp]

I think anyone waits for the period of time they want to wait for - for the time that their feelings are still such that they wish that door to be open. Taking control of their lives within that is still possible - in every other aspect - and I'm not saying that also stays on hold. I know the limbo of a relationship breaking down is incredibly painful and lacks direction BUT I also believe that if you want to wait for someone, that's OK too.

 

I agree that a person can wait for as long as they want, but when you are posting on a forum, you should expect to have people posting up their advice - thats what life is all about

 

If you look at some of the posts, there is drinking to cope with the loneliness. This is not a good position to be in, and it can escalate.

 

There is no reason after this length of time why the wife cannot be asked to go to counselling to try and work on the marriage. If they will not, then why should someone just keeping holding on for something that isn't going to happen?

 

For me I have seen someone wait and wait and in the end they had a nervous breakdown as a result. They started to drink to fill the gaps and the only person that suffered was them - her xH didn't care, he'd left her.

 

I post advice as I see fit. It can be taken or left by the reader, entirely up to them. I just hope that both Garnie boy and Richie boy get through it and their wives have the decency to let them know where they stand. After all, they married them and have lived with them for many years, so surely they should show some respect for them.

[beach]

Alcohol is a depressant. Just wanted to point that out.

 

Nothing Holy about me... And I'm not a male - so stop assuming, ok?

[ralfgarnett]

Alcohol is a depressant. Just wanted to point that out

 

 

Well tonight on Mastermind we have Ms Beach, and her subject tonight is the bleeding obvious.

[beach]

Well tonight on Mastermind we have Ms Beach, and her subject tonight is the bleeding obvious.

 

I've no idea what that is. We don't have that show here.

[ralfgarnett]

As the name slightly suggests it is a very intellectual quiz show that has been running here in the UK on the BBC since the 1970's I think, when I was a kid my dad always watched it on Thursday nights and I really hated it as I wanted to watch programmes such as top of the pops, the goodies, and it aint arf hot mum, these days I quite like it but my brain is slightly bigger than it was 40 years ago even though it has been addled by excessive boozing.

[Richiebuoy]

"I've started so I'll finish" (MM catchphrase)

 

I'm not sure we're waiting as such but probably hoping. Waiting implies choice, neither of us are in our situations through our own choice. We are getting on with our lives as best as we can, which I have to say is difficult at the moment.

 

So how long should we hope for, or wait if you prefer. I think its different for everybody, for some it will be weeks, for most it will be months and for some poor souls it maybe years.

 

So when will we know when that time has arrived, I guess when we start taking an interest in other women, for me I'm not there yet.

[LifesontheUp]

Nice to see a sense of humour and the ability to stick up for yourself on here.

 

Perhaps you should be assertive in your marriage and find out exactly where you stand

 

Mastermind is a bit old hat. Eggheads is another matter

[LifesontheUp]

"I've started so I'll finish" (MM catchphrase)

 

I'm not sure we're waiting as such but probably hoping. Waiting implies choice, neither of us are in our situations through our own choice. We are getting on with our lives as best as we can, which I have to say is difficult at the moment.

 

So how long should we hope for, or wait if you prefer. I think its different for everybody, for some it will be weeks, for most it will be months and for some poor souls it maybe years.

 

So when will we know when that time has arrived, I guess when we start taking an interest in other women, for me I'm not there yet.

 

Yes I think you are hoping. Perhaps you are worried of the answer if you were to ask?

[Richiebuoy]

Yes I think you are hoping. Perhaps you are worried of the answer if you were to ask?

 

I've asked on a number of occasions and she has said no, I don't ask anymore and assume its still the same answer, of course she may change her mind, and there in lays the hope, I do know if she were to change her mind she would find a way of letting me know.

[LifesontheUp]

I hope you get to the point that hoping isn't getting you anywhere. You're not going to heal until you let go. Easier said than done I know but I'll hope you get there soon

[ralfgarnett]

DTM has nailed the situation extremely well, I am grieving for my wife and for my marriage, I have been in shock and only a few minutes ago I thought of something about her and I cried, and I will probably still be crying on and off for months to come, when one is grieving is there a time limit for that period of mourning to end ?, of course not and neither is there a time limit on this type of grief, I don't know if things will work out in he long run nobody does, but I pray every day that it does work out even if we start from the bottom and work our way back as boyfriend and girlfriend, fiancés, then back to husband and wife, the chance would be a good thing I can only hope and pray that god gives us the chance to give it a go because speaking for myself the alternative is far too bleak to comprehend.

[Richiebuoy]

I hope you get to the point that hoping isn't getting you anywhere. You're not going to heal until you let go. Easier said than done I know but I'll hope you get there soon

 

"letting go" ??.... blimey, we've only been apart just over a month...... giz a chance.....

[beach]

I discovered that I became happier when I quit feeling sorry for myself that my M ended and I began to live again and enjoy lots of people.

 

Staying in my pity party only pushed people away - they got sick of hearing me complain about it.

 

When I let it go I felt suddenly very free!

[Richiebuoy]

I discovered that I became happier when I quit feeling sorry for myself that my M ended and I began to live again and enjoy lots of people.

 

Staying in my pity party only pushed people away - they got sick of hearing me complain about it.

 

When I let it go I felt suddenly very free!

 

 

 

Perhaps you shouldn't have complained so much then, nobody likes a moaner

[beach]

Perhaps you shouldn't have complained so much then, nobody likes a moaner

 

Funny though - I don't think I complained as much as you two.

 

And yes, I was with my then H 23 years.

 

Life moves forward. Best to make each day count.

[Richiebuoy]

I don't think either of us has complained, we just talked about our situation, which is what this site is all about.

[ralfgarnett]

I don't think either of us has complained, we just talked about our situation, which is what this site is all about.

 

 

Hi Rich perhaps we should just come on here and talk about cricket or rugger, I mean heavan forbid that we should come on here and talk about our marriage related sadness issues.