Author Herpderp Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 Thanks for all the input... I guess the general consensus is to not meet her and just settle over email... I guess meeting her will only set me back further on my route to recovery. I'm not gonna deny the fact that I still love her and want her back, but I'm starting to see the logical side of things instead of emotional... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Owning your feelings also takes a certain amount of strength. Being able to deal with things as and when they come along, rather than repressing them. I get more where you're coming from now that you've explained, but I guess I still don't see why there needs to be an act. We all get hurt at some stage. There's no shame in feeling that, or letting others see. Owning your feelings does take strength. I'm not talking about owning them or repressing them as much as I'm talking about giving off a vibe that the dumpee is strong enough to handle the breakup as a business deal gone bad. It's sort of a small victory for the dumpee, even if it's forced. No shame in showing hurt. But I think showing it to the dumper just reinforces their reasons for dumping you. A previous ex of mine hasn't contacted me once in 15 months. I have more respect for her than the current ex who has contacted me multiple times in 4 months. My main reason for the advice I've given is to prevent Herp from saying or doing something he may regret, especially since the wound is fresh. Thanks for all the input... I guess the general consensus is to not meet her and just settle over email... I guess meeting her will only set me back further on my route to recovery. I'm not gonna deny the fact that I still love her and want her back, but I'm starting to see the logical side of things instead of emotional... I've taken the advice on this forum in every situation. I've weighed it myself and had doubts, but have taken all advice. As a result, I haven't responded to my ex, haven't allowed her at my house, and have accepted it's over. Guess what? I haven't had any setbacks and I'm further along in the healing process than if I had rejected advice and responded or met her. Getting dumped is about healing and moving on. It's about you. Avoiding her is for you to move on and heal. It's not a macho thing or a way to convince them they meant nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 My bf of 15 years broke up with me,you have to go Cold Turkey Keep yourself busy,have to have to have to Do your best and I assure you whoever she is with will not compare to you Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) Don't meet her. Strict NC except for any emails that need to be done to wrap things up on the insurance. Then burn that ho out of existence in your mind. Cry do whatever you need to do to process things then work on killing all thoughts about her. Get ready for the roller coaster of emotions. You just need to ride it out. You'll be fine in 6 months or so if you stay NC like you life depends on it. Rock on! Cav Edited October 23, 2014 by cavalier99 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Thanks for all the input... I guess the general consensus is to not meet her and just settle over email... I guess meeting her will only set me back further on my route to recovery. I'm not gonna deny the fact that I still love her and want her back, but I'm starting to see the logical side of things instead of emotional... And THAT is the very reason why you shouldn't meet up with her. You could go there with the mindset of being strictly professional, but once she's sitting opposite you, you stand a chance of having all of these feelings come flooding back. ESPECIALLY if you know that she was cheating on you in New York and she doesn't know that you know. You'll want answers and all you'll get are lies. Just text back, "Sorry, I have plans over the weekend so Sunday doesn't work for me. I'll get back with you on how we should handle the insurance." Then, from that point forward, handle it all by text or emails. THEN, you keep it strictly professional. Only respond to things related to the insurance and ignore everything else. Like, "How have you been?" or "I miss talking to you?" or "how's your family?" crap like that. She gave up the right to know that stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clementyne Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 DO NOT MEET HER. you will regret it bigtime. don't even reply to her. just leave it for a couple of weeks and if it's absolutely necessary then send a brief, curt email. don't ask or mention anything personal. just stick to the point and when it's all done, go immediate NC and block her from contacting you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Herpderp Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 And THAT is the very reason why you shouldn't meet up with her. You could go there with the mindset of being strictly professional, but once she's sitting opposite you, you stand a chance of having all of these feelings come flooding back. ESPECIALLY if you know that she was cheating on you in New York and she doesn't know that you know. You'll want answers and all you'll get are lies. Just text back, "Sorry, I have plans over the weekend so Sunday doesn't work for me. I'll get back with you on how we should handle the insurance." Then, from that point forward, handle it all by text or emails. THEN, you keep it strictly professional. Only respond to things related to the insurance and ignore everything else. Like, "How have you been?" or "I miss talking to you?" or "how's your family?" crap like that. She gave up the right to know that stuff. You're absolutely right. I've sent out the email, I'll wait for her reply and mail out the forms to her instead of meeting her.... I sent her a text telling her I sent an email and to take a look, and she replied with a smiley , and I feel so offended by it... You have no right to grin at me after wrecking my heart... Link to post Share on other sites
clementyne Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 ^ All the more reason to block her as soon as you've finished sorting out whatever unfinished business you have with her. Remaining in contact like this is just prolonging the pain, and whatever reaction she gives is only going to add more insult to injury. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Herpderp Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 So I told her I prefer not to see her on Sunday, and we decided to settle whatever needs to be settled via email. Long story short, we ended up exchange a few texts which left me extremely emotional, and I ended up texting her this as my final text: * If I had treated u the way u treated me, if I had said to you all those hurtful things you said to me, you would hate me. So much. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I wish there was something that could end this nightmare. I wish I hadn't fallen so madly in love with you. I wish I had never met you. * I'm sticking to my NC after everything is settled, and I will not let this toxic girl back into my life, anymore. When someone can walk out of your life like that, let them walk. Wash your face, do your dance, and carry on with life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Conlan Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Good man. NC is rough in the beginning but it will be worth it. Go out meet some new people surround yourself with positive people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Herpderp Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 So she tells me she's been crying alot after the reality of us splitting up sunk in.. Says she still loves and misses me, and realizes the main reason for us breaking up is that she didn't know how to communicate properly with me and expected me to read her mind. But she still feels it's the best for us to split up for now.. How should I be reacting to this... Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 (edited) So she tells me she's been crying alot after the reality of us splitting up sunk in.. Says she still loves and misses me, and realizes the main reason for us breaking up is that she didn't know how to communicate properly with me and expected me to read her mind. But she still feels it's the best for us to split up for now.. How should I be reacting to this... That's pretty cold for her to say that when there was another guy in the picture. I guess she still doesn't know that you know about him though. She should be saying "the main reason for us breaking up is because I was a cheating, lying, whore". It's so annoying when people try to put way less blame on themselves which she is clearly doing. I'd maybe tell her "I know about "insert his name" & than go NC on her. She's disrespecting you every single time you chat with her. First with lying about there not being another guy, than the ridiculous smiley she sent you, & now saying there was a lack of communication on her part, but in reality it's because she found someone else, or banged someone else while away. Edited October 28, 2014 by NJ123 Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Actions > words I'm sorry for your pain. I'd block her to spare yourself any more agony. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Herpderp Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Sigh. It's so easy to seek comfort from her words, so hard to force myself to kick her out of my life when I still love her so. I feel like I've taken a step back... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 So she tells me she's been crying alot after the reality of us splitting up sunk in.. Says she still loves and misses me, and realizes the main reason for us breaking up is that she didn't know how to communicate properly with me and expected me to read her mind. But she still feels it's the best for us to split up for now.. How should I be reacting to this... This is how you react to that..........you don't. She's expecting a reaction out of you. She expects you to make her feel better about her decision. I some weird way, she wants you to acknowledge that this decision was hard for her. Dude, you're not there to ease her guilt. Not your job anymore. If she feels bad, well that's her problem and not yours. She can talk to New York guy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Herpderp Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 I've finally called her out on it, and told her I know about the guy and her. I've blocked her from all forms of contact, I don't wanna listen to whatever excuse she has. She is a liar, and a cheat, and not a person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Slamming the door shut in her face, and moving on with life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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