Some wish it was back to the "Good old days" of dating

[Phoe]

It's hard because an attractive woman can get multiple dozens if not hundreds of messages a day. If she were to reply to each, it would take up all her time.

 

I got about 8 a day. Easy to reply to them all. Some of them never responded back, others started nice conversations with me.

 

I wasn't overwhelmed in the slightest.

 

Also, in regards to another post of yours, OLD can work just fine for the average man. My boyfriends an average guy who got me, and my cousin is an average guy who met his wife on POF.

 

Normal people can make it work. Really. It's possible.

[writergal]

^^^ Same reasons why I resorted to online dating. So far, lots of dud dates. I realize it's a weeding out process - online dating - but it's very frustrating. I'd much rather date the old fashioned way.

 

It seems like men don't even bother to ask women out the traditional way anymore. Why is that? I'd really like to hear men's reasons for this.

 

Technology is great, but I'm still a sucker for a hand-written love note from a guy I'm dating. Call me nostalgic or old-fashioned. I guess I prefer traditional dating to online.

[GemmaUK]

It's likely personality or geography. Where I live, even if you have an opportunity to chat up a woman waiting idly in line for her order or sitting waiting on a order at a store or something.

 

When you try to talk to them, you get this, "Why is this guy trying to talk to me" vibe from her.

 

It's because you hadn't even registered on her radar. If you haven't registered and wasn't giving you eye contact then she isn't interested.

 

I had a friend of mine travel out of state. He was with a group of male friends and he was leaving some kind of concert. He and all of his male buddies were hanging out out front, when a group of women approached THEM out of the blue and introduced themselves...then they all hung out together.

 

SO obviously its geography, too.

Hmmm...the guys were having fun, came over as being fun and were confident...is why that has happened in various senarios in my past.

 

OR...personality types. Usually people that are reclusive in nature that typically seek the solace of online dating as their means of meeting people. They aren't really good at handling real life social interactions and find pleasure in filtering out men and controlling the flow of those that enter their inbox on POF...while they ignore the rest of the world while running errands in the real life doing their own thing.

 

Kind of reminds me of this woman that showed up to a Meetup after having been with Meetup for about 5 years, she's rarely been to events, rarely active. I knew she looked familiar, as I hadn't seen the pic in years.

 

We talked a bit at the restaurant as we sat across from each other...then we all parted ways.

 

I went to contact her at home through the Meetup site. I asked her if she was going to the "such and such" Meetup this week.

 

She gave me a really ...strange response...she said, "I don't know how to put this...but...I really don't follow the Meetup site nor receive the emails or notifications of future events from them and no I don't plan on being at the said event, but I'm sure you'll have a good time.

 

She dropped off the radar, hadn't seen her in months, then saw her at the local grocery store. She wasn't shopping, as we were passing by each other at the entrance...I said "Hey..long time no see!" and she was like "Oh heey!" It was a passing 'Hi".

 

So when I got home I sent her an email saying what she's been up to lately, but no response. *shrug*

 

So she sounds like one of those reclusive, perpetually single women that isn't even much for socializing with EITHER gender. She works a nominal government job in a backwater town..no kids ..never married.

 

You missed all the cues that she wasn't interested though. EG.'we talked for a bit' if she had been interested she would have talked more than 'a bit'

 

This isn't the only I've met. I'd meet women that were +1's or 2's to a regular Meetup attendee events. I'd ask them if they were members, and they say they weren't.

 

I'd never see them of course, but the regular who brought them would say that they were just checking things out and not really keen on these events as too many guys would try to hit on them.

 

Sorry but from all your stories you seem to be that kind of guy.

 

I went to a salsa class once with a female friend...I felt like I was in a butchers shop waiting to be chosen. It was horrible!

I remember one guy there who seemed really nice -I would have liked to get to know him a bit better but the other guys there scared me off attending again. I figured that if I went back the ones who had been full on would think I was interested in them.

 

 

The old days of dating that I loved were no texting and no constant contact.

I would much rather be approached by a lovely man in a queue who I met and had eye contact with in each aisle at the grocery store...

[Woggle]

^^^ Same reasons why I resorted to online dating. So far, lots of dud dates. I realize it's a weeding out process - online dating - but it's very frustrating. I'd much rather date the old fashioned way.

 

It seems like men don't even bother to ask women out the traditional way anymore. Why is that? I'd really like to hear men's reasons for this.

 

Technology is great, but I'm still a sucker for a hand-written love note from a guy I'm dating. Call me nostalgic or old-fashioned. I guess I prefer traditional dating to online.

 

Because men are scared to even speak to women anymore.

[BlueIris]

Ex. #1:

"I am gonna let you take me out for dinner and drinks tonight, but there is no way I am ever going to have sex with you."

 

I think you hit a big one there. ROI thinking. I don't know the guys who habitually spring for drinks and dinner all the time, but let's say they did. Why the need for return on investment? I always wonder if they apply ROI thinking to their friends, neighbors, colleagues, family, and kids, too. I have known a few men like that- just a few- and their kids were one of the red flags about them, every single time. Back to the Good Old Days, and what Western Wizard and oldshirt said (which was right on), look at the family. Always.

 

I'd feel so much better if men asked out only women they wanted to spend time with. And that's pretty old fashioned. If a man doesn't want to just spend time with me and enjoy the evening, I'd hope he wouldn't ask me out.

[ComingInHot]

I think that's a great idea, but why do you only mention men making our intentions clear? Can women not be clear about their intentions?

 

Ex. #1:

"I am gonna let you take me out for dinner and drinks tonight, but there is no way I am ever going to have sex with you."

 

Ex. #2:

"We can be together, but I am going to keep my options open just in case I meet someone I like better."

 

Ex. #3:

"I am legitimately interested in your romantically and I would like for us to spend some time together to see if we are compatible."

 

I am absolutely the person who would say any of the above but you left out Ex.#4:

I would love for you to buy me dinner and drinks. Depending on how things go, I'll let you know if I am going to want what you have to offer for desert by _______ insert sexy 'notice of intentions' here*

[BlueIris]

oldshirt and Western Wizard, you two have me skipping down memory lane. And I started dating in 1975! I never went out with a boy who didn’t come to the door all spiffed up and talk with my parents before we went out, at least the first 5 or so times. Families knew each other, or knew of each other. Car Dates were a leap forward. Going steady, class rings, letter jackets, and my boyfriend mowing our lawn to try to get my dad to like him. Mellencamp’s Small Town and Cherry Bomb could have been written about my high school years.

[preraph]

I think if you look at just the number of posts on this board from guys who've been told women only like them as a friend but then the guys continue to pursue them and post on here for months on end about their frustration, you can see that women are pretty up front about that but some guys choose to ignore it. It's true most women won't just be harsh and say "No, I will never be interested in you," but I think saying "just friends" is more than enough to tell a guy he's not having sex.

 

Not to say there aren't a small percentage of OLD women out there basically looking for free meals and anyone they can con into giving them gifts, but then that's a unisexual thing: plenty of male scammers out there doing the same thing.

[SawtoothMars]

^^^ Same reasons why I resorted to online dating. So far, lots of dud dates. I realize it's a weeding out process - online dating - but it's very frustrating. I'd much rather date the old fashioned way.

It seems like men don't even bother to ask women out the traditional way anymore. Why is that? I'd really like to hear men's reasons for this.

Technology is great, but I'm still a sucker for a hand-written love note from a guy I'm dating. Call me nostalgic or old-fashioned. I guess I prefer traditional dating to online.

 

Because your success rate is very low and it is a grueling and demoralizing process. It's like asking why men don't like getting punched in the face anymore.

[jay1983]

What it boils down to is: in today's society in America, the woman has to choose you. That's it. Unless you're in the top 20% or so of men, you have no choice, unless you're willing to play the horribly grueling numbers game. Women wanted the world, and so now they basically have it, particularly regarding online dating. I actually wouldn't mind going back to the 1800s or some old fashioned time like that, where people were less distracted, more genuine, and generally just less ****ed up.

 

You can blame this on men. Who are the ones sending out these messages on dating sites, pumping these women's heads up?

[Cristo]

What it boils down to is: in today's society in America, the woman has to choose you. That's it. Unless you're in the top 20% or so of men, you have no choice, unless you're willing to play the horribly grueling numbers game. Women wanted the world, and so now they basically have it, particularly regarding online dating. I actually wouldn't mind going back to the 1800s or some old fashioned time like that, where people were less distracted, more genuine, and generally just less ****ed up.

 

Personally, I wouldn't want to go back to the 1800s, unless you want to die of tuberculosis when you're like 30 lol.

 

I actually think that we live in a good era. With travel options and the internet, we have tons of options. Even if you don't want to go through the trouble of getting married, you can become a single parent through surrogacy.

[Woggle]

I would be happy with going back to the 90s before facebook and texting.

[Cristo]

You and me both. Between texting and social media, relationships are so much harder to maintain than they once were. They used to be much more rewarding too. Now it's not uncommon to see many couples on dates ignoring one another and staring at their phones. Flippin sad.

 

I think that it's much harder on men overall in the US because there are tons of good men out there and very few good women.

 

Online dating has also hurt the average man as average and below average women have an inflated sense of self worth because they can literally have any guy they want now.

[Woggle]

You and me both. Between texting and social media, relationships are so much harder to maintain than they once were. They used to be much more rewarding too. Now it's not uncommon to see many couples on dates ignoring one another and staring at their phones. Flippin sad.

 

Not to mention it was before everything went to hell. America has been on a downward spiral in more ways than one since 9/11.

[jay1983]

I think that it's much harder on men overall in the US because there are tons of good men out there and very few good women.

 

Online dating has also hurt the average man as average and below average women have an inflated sense of self worth because they can literally have any guy they want now.

 

Thanks to men flooding women's in boxes and kissing their asses.

[lino]

There will never be going back to the 'good old days.'

There aren't any old fashioned women anymore so it is impossible.

 

In an era where women instantly open their legs for f#ck wits who treat them like sh#t but at the same time make the good, kind hearted and overall better men jump through hoops, you'll see the number of good men diminishing. What incentives are there anymore?

Most guys aren't blind to what's going on around them... Not for long anyway.

 

There are multiple threads a week open on this board by women wondering if they made a mistake by f#cking who they think is a player on the first date.

 

Guys who don't make moves or get physical right away are labelled 'effeminate, gay, frigid, whatever other garbage'

 

How can one expect a 'return to the old day's with asinine logic like this? Seriously!

 

I would be happy with going back to the 90s before facebook and texting.

 

You and me both mate!

[WesternWizard]

If you think intelligence in a woman isn't feminine, you need to start asking yourself why you have to seek women way down on the intelligence scale to make yourself feel equal or better. Intelligent women are just as feminine as other women only smarter.

 

Au contraire, mon frere! In the past, I worked alongside men who openly admitted they were attracted to women who had intellectual disabilities, because such women don't think anything bad will happen to them.

[Cristo]

You know, back in caveman days, it was the biggest strongest man in the tribe who got all the women, by clubbing, fighting competitors or otherwise, leaving the less strong more timid men to do without. At least now there's some options how to improve yourself and not automatically have to be confined to that lower status just because you're physically weaker.

 

Yes, now men are confined to a lower status based on their looks and height.

[Cristo]

Well, I guess that works if you want to be married to someone who is always going to be lukewarm about you. I can almost guarantee that if the initial attraction wasn't there for her, she's not going to be very enthused about marital sex.

 

It doesn't work that way in the real world. In all of my examples, the women are crazy about the men. The guys were persistent enough to turn them around completely.

 

If you think intelligence in a woman isn't feminine, you need to start asking yourself why you have to seek women way down on the intelligence scale to make yourself feel equal or better. Intelligent women are just as feminine as other women only smarter.

 

It's not intelligence that isn't feminine (I don't believe that intelligence is masculine or feminine). What isn't feminine is a bossy, over-bearing, leadership-oriented demeanor. These traits are masculine.

 

Many educated women have this demeanor where they are trying to compete with men.

 

I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it is what it is.

[ComingInHot]

Yes, now men are confined to a lower status based on their looks and height.

 

 

Cristo I believe the reverse is even more so with men (even 40's and 50's men) with their physical expectations they demand that women be to please them.

check it out:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/495932-face-body-more-important-attraction

 

Hope I copied/pasted the above thread correctly

If not check out, "Face or body more important to men?"

 

[hotpotato]

I think that it's much harder on men overall in the US because there are tons of good men out there and very few good women.

 

Online dating has also hurt the average man as average and below average women have an inflated sense of self worth because they can literally have any guy they want now.

 

Where are these good men? Lol

Men cause a lot of dating problems. Many want to have sex too fast and dont care about getting to know the woman.

[hotpotato]

Au contraire, mon frere! In the past, I worked alongside men who openly admitted they were attracted to women who had intellectual disabilities, because such women don't think anything bad will happen to them.

 

Hard truth. I remember reading the most attractive woman is cute and looks drowsy. A woman only needs average intelligence to bevhot to a man. I also remember reading an article that said being smart is a HUGE negative for a woman.

[Woggle]

If being smart is a negative for women why do educated women marry more often and divorce less? Most of the successful relationships I see involve smart women. Can we please let go of this outdated idea that a brain hurts a woman's dating chances?

[Phoe]

Hard truth. I remember reading the most attractive woman is cute and looks drowsy. A woman only needs average intelligence to bevhot to a man. I also remember reading an article that said being smart is a HUGE negative for a woman.

 

I always got a hard time for being intelligent. I got bullied quite a bit from elementary school all the way to high school. I never understood it and still don't. There's no logic behind making fun of someone because they're smart.

 

But the bit where being intelligent and pursuing education makes a woman manly? I don't even know. Lol.

[Phoe]

If being smart is a negative for women why do educated women marry more often and divorce less? Most of the successful relationships I see involve smart women. Can we please let go of this outdated idea that a brain hurts a woman's dating chances?

 

If, say, she lives in an area where most of the men did not pursue an education, it can hurt her. That would be my case. my boyfriend often gets down about the fact that I have a degree and he doesn't, and sometimes lashes out in anger because he gets insecure and feels like he's not smart enough for me. Which is ridiculous. He's very smart, and I tell him so all the time.