Suspect behavior, but a LOT of fun: Keep her or move on

[Jules Dash]

@ Jules - yeah, I am trying to be realistic. I do live in the real world where that age gap is significant. But this just seems different in a good way... perhaps she's just flaky. I've met plenty of flaky women over the years. But I suspect that the red flags I've spelled out are indeed red flags. I'm just trying to convince myself otherwise, inspite of her assurances they are not red flags.

 

@ Mrs. Rubble. Perhaps. But I haven't spent that much money on her. Hardly anything, really. Certainly nowhere near enough to make a hot 26 year-old drive hours out of her way for casual sex when she could get that anywhere...

 

A 26 year old messing around with a 40 year old can be a red flag in itself. Man, she has guys in States A, B, C, D, X, Y, and Z and they are probably 20 year old hunks. Credit to you for pulling this off but don't justify her behavior.

 

There is the long distance which in itself is a huge hurdle to overcome in an otherwise great relationship. In addition to this, she is 14 years younger than you and she is being a 26 year old.

[confused40426]

I did not even read your entire post.

You are 40 and she is 26. What in the world could you two have in common? Music? Possible but unlikely. TV Shows and Movies? Possible but again unlikely. A desire to get married and have a family? Possible but I highly doubt you're on the same page.

 

Career wise? If she even has one going she is just starting out and is a LONG ways from retirement. You how ever are no place NEAR it.

 

Never mind the fact that if she has any male family/friends that care about her.. You're likely not going to be welcome in her life. You're 14 years apart in age. Really think about that..

 

Am I jealous? NOPE I've had younger women come after me. I simply can't wrap my head around dating someone more then 4-5 years younger then me.

 

Move on with your life and date someone from your generation that's your age. Someone you actually have something in common with.

 

You also might consider seeking some therapy. Why you tossed in the "I'm a 7 she's a 9" stuff is a huge red flag of an egomaniac. What relevance does that have to dating her? NONE

 

I totally disagree with this -

 

You didn't even read the entire post or the responses... how can you offer advice?

 

First, it's quite common and not a sign of a mental issue to put a "number" on yourself or another person (she's a 7, he's a 5, etc.). I've seen people do this in every social circle to quickly give others a visual... Therapy? Please.

 

Second, women mature faster than men. That 14 year difference is significant, but it's not earth shattering. That difference is not uncommon with an older man/younger women, even in non-sugar daddy situations. Historically older men have dated/courted younger women. Men also pursue careers which take a decade or so, whereas women want to have kids in their 20s...

 

Careerwise - I'm a successful young professional. But I didn't really get my start until I was 24. This woman is 26, and has had a profession at about 23 in a business startup, which I think failed, and she's shifting gears and in transition. So she's 26 and figuring it out. Not an issue for me, as I was roughly the same age... And she was married which could account for some delays.

 

Things in common. We share similar goals, interests, political viewpoints, outlook on life, music tastes, camping, being outdoors and active... etc. Geez, it's not like I'm some alien from a different planet.... We share more in common than a lot of couples I know...

 

No offense, but you didn't read the post and presumably the replies. You give terrible advice. I will probably move on, or she will, but certainly not following your advice at all..

[heartshaped]

The biggest red flag of all for me is she won't talk about her marriage.

 

She moved to another state, left her job, etc. but why? Was it what he did that was so bad or was it what she did?

 

Honestly, I think there are just too many red flags here. She probably isn't ready to pursue something long term and I don't think you can really accept short term, light, and casual from her.

[Dork Vader]

I totally disagree with this -

 

You didn't even read the entire post or the responses... how can you offer advice?

 

First, it's quite common and not a sign of a mental issue to put a "number" on yourself or another person (she's a 7, he's a 5, etc.). I've seen people do this in every social circle to quickly give others a visual... Therapy? Please.

 

Second, women mature faster than men. That 14 year difference is significant, but it's not earth shattering. That difference is not uncommon with an older man/younger women, even in non-sugar daddy situations. Historically older men have dated/courted younger women. Men also pursue careers which take a decade or so, whereas women want to have kids in their 20s...

 

Careerwise - I'm a successful young professional. But I didn't really get my start until I was 24. This woman is 26, and has had a profession at about 23 in a business startup, which I think failed, and she's shifting gears and in transition. So she's 26 and figuring it out. Not an issue for me, as I was roughly the same age... And she was married which could account for some delays.

 

Things in common. We share similar goals, interests, political viewpoints, outlook on life, music tastes, camping, being outdoors and active... etc. Geez, it's not like I'm some alien from a different planet.... We share more in common than a lot of couples I know...

 

No offense, but you didn't read the post and presumably the replies. You give terrible advice. I will probably move on, or she will, but certainly not following your advice at all..

 

 

 

That's fine can't wait to see your post when you complain up a storm about her family not accepting you.

[deathandtaxes]

You're a fling for her. Nothing more. Nothing less.

 

 

You can't even resolve whether she's married. And you want something serious? Jeez man, stop thinking with your little head!

[GoBlue]

If you are truly concerned that she is still healing from her marriage/separation - I can assure you that she isn't even close to being healed. Six to eight weeks is absolutely nothing and it's impossible to be ready for any serious relationship that quickly. Besides, how can there be a true relationship with someone who you can't even verify is definitely divorced?

 

Everyone, man or woman, likes being approached by someone of the opposite sex to be shown interest, even if it isn't serious. As in any relationship, honest and open communication is the only way to grow and get closer. How can there be any true intimacy if one partner holds back significant facts from their life?

[confused40426]

If you are truly concerned that she is still healing from her marriage/separation - I can assure you that she isn't even close to being healed. Six to eight weeks is absolutely nothing and it's impossible to be ready for any serious relationship that quickly. Besides, how can there be a true relationship with someone who you can't even verify is definitely divorced?

 

Everyone, man or woman, likes being approached by someone of the opposite sex to be shown interest, even if it isn't serious. As in any relationship, honest and open communication is the only way to grow and get closer. How can there be any true intimacy if one partner holds back significant facts from their life?

 

I know that it's been around 6-8 MONTHS, not weeks. If I previously misstated, my mistake. I would think that should be long enough to recover from a divorce/separation of a relatively brief marriage. While I agree that the confirmation of the exact situation is important, there is such a thing as buzz kill and she's already indicated it's a touchy subject... so delicate to discuss. And the problem is no communication or little communication...

 

The writing is on the wall. No word from her in 24 hours... last communication was some texts about her being sick and needing to rest... we were supposed to get together tomorrow for a few days.

 

At this point I'm inclined to not respond to her if she calls/texts unless she has some earth shattering excuse.

[OwMyEyeball]

Gosh, this advice really is great and cuts to the heart of the matter. In my profession, I'm very direct and give often bad but very real advice. I appreciate that in return. I think you've identified my fear but very real expectation. She can easily replace me and I fear being replaced by her. It's a very short relationship, and I know that she can and will be replaced... but I'd honestly rather not. I fear that the topic of conversation will prematurely drive her away, versus instead just riding it out until it naturally ends or she gets through her trying times (and honestly, that may be all that is going on... her loss and mourning phase). I mean, if she really is just in a state of loss, and I'm the first guy she's been with since her divorce (I have no reason to think otherwise, honestly), and she opens up and gets closer more, this *could* be something amazing. That's why I'm holding on.

 

In reality, I've known her for a very brief time, and she me. We have both had a lot of fun, and opened up some. But we could open up more... she likely has some pain and reservations from what amounted to such a bad marriage she totally fled the state...

The problem I see here is that this relationship has gone from one of spontaneity and fun to one of deep concern, analysis and planning.

 

The age gap, your desire to help her through her pain (which in a later post you claim to believe should by now be resolved), the "top-down" view of her career path vis-a-vis your own many years ago. You're creating for yourself the role of surrogate father.

 

Anyhow, your heart has really grasped onto this woman and even enlisted your rational mind to assist in the efforts to win her over. You're deeply infatuated and overcome by burning desire.

 

Her behaviour speaks entirely otherwise.

 

But hey, even if you were told you had a 1% chance at landing this lass in a long-term relationship you'd keep on the pursuit anyways, wouldn't you?

 

No shame in that. Great risks can bring great rewards.

[Supernatural]

Thank you Supernatural. This is excellent advice. I totally agree with your analysis, and suggestions.

 

What specifically though would you suggest I do or don't do?

You're welcome.

 

 

Casual is not my ideal right now. I have turned down casual with other less appealing women. My goal is long term.

 

I did also tell her when we first me that I was tired of dating and looking for long term. Still, she was on board with me... perhaps unconcerned and wanting just a fling. But she'd have to know there would be this conversation. And it's cropped up and she's put it down in short order. So yes, she's looking for casual now

 

Thing is, casual with this woman is nearly impossible to turn down. I don't think a single, sexually active man would say no to her. Perhaps that's the problem...

 

It is quite possible she has other men. Hell, quite likely. And that has crossed my mind many times, and explains the days worth of non-responses. That's part of why I called several times, as I mentioned in my original post. Thinking a man might answer.

 

The problem that you are not seeing, or maybe you are, is that you're continuing to go along with what she wants just because she is more attractive than the average cat. Yet, if she weren't as attractive as she is... You would have already gotten rid of her. So her physicality has so much power that you justify all of her actions. And to me, that's crazy. Because your self worth is invisible.

 

You want a long-term and mentioned that to her, yet she is holding all the cards, and holding them behind you when you want there to be a future.

 

For her, things are probably ideal. She gets to feel again, and see an attractive older man - which is different and new for her.

You're getting a little anxious and annoyed because things are not progressing the way you desire. And for you, you need progression in an emotional/mental way to feel success.

It feels uneasy because she has the power and control.

 

I think you need to disregard how she looks, and take in to account of how she is treating you. And compare that to what you actually desire in a healthy relationship.

 

Like I said before, maybe back off a little and go talk to some new women. Don't totally let go of her, just ease off and see what she does. But for the most part put her on the way back burner. And if that's too hard, just move on.

 

 

A lot of the time in relationships someone will always go out of their way to make the other person feel cared for, desired, wanted. And the other person will just take and take and take. Kind of like a drug dealer and addict relationship. The giver and receiver.

It may not be conscious that this is happening to both parties, but it does happen. And this obviously will lead to a collapse somewhere.

 

She is not giving you what you want and desire. You are giving her what she wants. A person who really wanted to see you happy and glowing like a suns ray, would try their best to give you what you want, and you would for them. That is what a healthy, functional relationship is. Two people giving and receiving to build something meaningful - tangible and spiritual.

 

Stop going after what she wants. Go after what you want in life. And what you want is a long-term, loving relationship that has balance.

Edited September 24, 2014 by Supernatural

[Jules Dash]

I think you really should just sit back and assess this situation. Supernatural made some great points.

 

I really think you are caught up in a fantasy and have lost sight of reality. A gorgeous 20 something can do this to you but look around. How many gorgeous 20 somethings do you see in your life or not so gorgeous 20 somethings married to 40 year old men?

Please don't mention George Clooney or other celebrities. It is a tired reference and not reality. Hollywood is not reality.

 

As I mentioned earlier, you have to realize that you really do not know this woman. What has your motor running is infatuation mostly from looks and a piece of tail. By all means enjoy yourself but enjoy it for what it is.

[cif]

If you bring up future talk you'll creep her out. She's obviously just looking at this as casual/fling while you're more emotionally involved. You can't get a straight answer out of her. She just recently divorced and lost a ton of weight. I agree with others making this work is not in your favor.. the age gap, 5 hours apart, etc.

[pteromom]

I did also tell her when we first me that I was tired of dating and looking for long term. Still, she was on board with me... perhaps unconcerned and wanting just a fling. But she'd have to know there would be this conversation. And it's cropped up and she's put it down in short order. So yes, she's looking for casual now

 

Thing is, casual with this woman is nearly impossible to turn down. I don't think a single, sexually active man would say no to her. Perhaps that's the problem...

 

Even without any information from her, I can tell you she isn't ready for a long term relationship. She just got out of (or is still getting out of) a bad marriage. She needs some time to reset, to get in touch with herself again. The last thing she needs is someone putting obligations onto her right now.

 

I think you should view this as a casual fling. Let her take the lead, and see her when she calls you, but don't pursue her at all. Date other women and see if you can find a more suitable long-term option elsewhere.

 

My gut feeling reading your post is that her marriage isn't quite resolved yet and you are an escape mechanism for her.

 

Her actions, whether shady or not, show you that she doesn't WANT you to be fully integrated into her life. She doesn't want you calling when she doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want you knowing details about her home, bedroom, life, etc.

 

I wouldn't even have "the talk" with her. She's not ready for what you want right now.

[confused40426]

This advice has been overall darn good. Thank you. A few comments as this has been on my mind.

 

First, this is the first time I've ever asked for dating advice on a forum. I'm generally a very confident man with high self esteem. This woman intrigues me, and I want this ... short or long term. I'll be fine and move on if it fails, and I've already accepted largely that it has failed/failing. But...

 

It's now decision time. Do I text her/call her to see if we are still on, or forget about it. It's over? Just wait? What's my next move here? A real cross roads where I may be delusional but the right move could make this happen and the wrong move scare her off.

 

I did invest in doing some work and home improvements to keep my mind off things.

 

But still returning back to this one to analyse it a bit more. No word from her and we were supposed to hang out tomorrow for a few days. It may be clear that she lost interest, her being sick was made up to avoid having to talk/text, and she's almost certainly moved on. Or maybe not??

 

So, I re-did the math as to what I believe her separation or divorce date was and my best guess is that it's about 3-4 months, not what I somehow miscalculated before. So, I now suspect that she has been separated for only a few months, and moved herself a few months ago and the balance of her stuff last week. So, given the state law, I think they have to wait like 6 months to divorce... which means she may not even be divorced yet. Hmmm.... She never really did say exactly her status, I don't think. Maybe I inferred she was divorced?

 

I do think I came on strong at times with relationship conversations - funny thing is that I knew it was a mistake and would blow it... for some reason I felt compelled to engage in that dialogue... I re-read her texts and this is where it gets really confusing however - I'll summarize: She went from extremely interested, to silent, to extremely interested. When I called her on her silence, she gave some semi-legit excuses (bad communicator, busy moving, painting, blah blah). We both agreed we 100% hate games. So I really don't want to play any games here... but perhaps that's what is ultimately needed... ? Very confusing situation... She was again eager to see me. She did say she was just starting to feel normal, starting over from scratch, etc. Not to read into anything. That I'm a great guy, and this doesn't feel like a rebound, and she doesn't do rebounds... Basically, lots of assurances via TEXT to me.. (but alas no phone calls, and limited texts... shady, I know). She did say it's too soon to be having "this" conversation, presumably where we are going and an indication that she's wanting fun, not heavy relationship stuff... then says, "and because of this conversation things are going to change and that's a bummer." Then I said I was fine, and that I accepted it was just physical if that's all she could give, I just wanted better communication. She said she doesn't want fine, and fine doesn't make anyone happy. Here's the kicker - I said I wanted to be happy, and she has the ability to make me happy. She said "I totally agree, and share the same opinion. I just can't think that far ahead right now." AFTER that I told her I was taking steps back, she asked what steps? I said ball is her court. She should figure out where she's at and what she wants. She said, "Okay . But what about our plans for this week together?" An indication she still wanted to hang out. I said I thought she was undecided, and she said, "What?!?. No Wayyyy. Already on my calender immediately when we planned it. Already told my girlfriends I couldn't hang out with them." We had some hot conversation after that. I said I wasn't seeing anyone else and she said she wasn't either. I point blank asked if she would tell me and she said she would and she's not. She doesn't do rebounds or weekend flings, and it's not fair to anyone involved. And frankly, I kinda believe her. That was 4 days ago. Since then, we did have a miscue, and I went a little overboard, which prompted her to text and her words ambiguously indicated she was sorta backing off. She said, "In all honesty, I think you want things right now that I cannot give you and I told you from the start I don't like talking on the phone, etc. I'm not like most women and the fact you think I'm being shady is absurd, esp if you see what I've been doing. I think this is all a little bit much for me right now. I need to heal and not be in any relationship at all. I don't think I can give you the time you want or deserve. You're a great guy and I wish the timing was different." I asked if she would talk to me, and she said "Definitely! Just not today, I am sick." That was 3 days ago. I wished her well, offered an apology for any allegation of her being shady, offered an explanation. The last I heard from her was about a day ago, saying she was still sick and getting unpacked and settled.

 

Strong evidence of cancellation of plans... but no definite cancellation of plans. I am probably reading too much into what I want, and not reality. I want to believe we are still on for our rendezvous. Yes, a big part is the total physical attraction - but I also like her personality when we are together. This is probably a game, and I hate it. But if it's truly legit, it's short term. I could blow it by not being understanding too...

 

It's good that she has still texted me... it would be quite easy to just ignore and disappear. And I've received a few texts since the miscue... but I feel that I'm also grasping at what I want, and ignoring reality. The reality is, she said she's not ready and cannot give me what I want. Or at least she thinks she isn't. Seemed vague. Not a clear statement that she changed her mind and is calling it off, which is sorta what one might expect... a statement of canceling future plans, wishing me luck, and moving on would send that message. She was very eager to see me just a few days ago, and I don't think much has changed... but maybe I'm delusional given what she said...

 

So, do I text her, or not? If so, what to say? A simple I want to see you, want to keep plans, realize you're in a rough divorce situation, and accept that... or just let her call any/all shots?

Edited September 25, 2014 by confused40426

[cif]

Text/call her to ask how shes doing. If she's better ask about her plans. Maybe suggest you go to visit her if she's not well? Don't be pushy.

[mightycpa]

I'm feeling a little lazy, so I didn't read all the posts.

 

Any chance you're just one of many guys on the road? A boy in one of the ports?

[OwMyEyeball]

I don't want to sound rude, and I'm only saying this to give some force of opinion to hopefully help you better see your position:

 

You sound like a teenage girl

 

The combination of extreme infatuation and bulk analysis is distorting your ability to make rational decisions regarding this woman, who herself must still be going through her own emotional issues that would be having their own effects on clarity of her situation.

 

She is very recently divorced (or not yet even!), just moved to another state, leaving behind everyone and everything that she knew, and still trying to get her career sorted out. That would be very rough on anyone.

 

In a way you're both highly vulnerable, and in so being, highly unfit to be in a relationship with each other. There's no solid foundation to build from.

 

I'm not saying "Never ever" with her. Just back off, focus on the other areas in your life that bring you satisfaction and joy, then let things fall where they may. Let her call the shots.

 

Best wishes

[confused40426]

Well, I texted her a few hours ago, inquiring about her health/illness, hoping she is well, and got unpacked and settled. Also said I was looking forward to seeing her and the fun we'd have, and said that I understood she's going through complicated times, and that we should drop relationship talk and just have fun. The waiting was killing me. That was 4 hours ago. No response. I suppose no response is a response. Nobody fails to check their phone for 4 hours and not respond, I wouldn't think.... So it's in all certainty done.

 

1. Anything is possible about her seeing other men. She could totally be lying when she says this isn't a rebound and there are no other men. I do believe there are no other men. I think she wants to believe it's not a rebound, but it probably is exactly that.

 

2. Yeah, I feel like I'm overly emotionally invested in this. I regret that. It's led to some stupid comments by me, stupid actions, and over-analysis. Yep, Really dumb. I've figured out that I definitely scared her off.

 

3. I have no way of knowing if we could have made a good pair, because she basically shut me out. I'm normally the very experienced relationship person offering advice to others... so it does perplex me. I cannot stress enough the total deep passionate chemistry we had, over multiple weekends together. This wasn't a 1-nite thing were she left disappointed... So this huge turn of events is just amazingly perplexing.

 

But, going into the evening before our rendezvous, she didn't contact me or even respond to my text ... so that's a very telling answer in itself.

 

So I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling some loss, some sadness. I set myself up for this, a taste of perfection and amazing. Something rare. And it was likely going to be short lived no matter what I did, but my actions did likely prematurely end something darn fun...

[2sunny]

She's definitely NOT living with her ex. Different states, 10 hours drive apart. She fled their home, her job, and the state. So, while not impossible, it's unlikely she's open to re-uniting with him. However she was just in there and likely saw him. She didn't mention she was going, but mentioned it on her ride back saying her and her mother were coming back with her stuff to move in to her place. I'm not sure where she lives, or with who (parents, self, boyfriend...).

 

Yes, my gut is screaming red flags... indeed. But it's all circumstantial and almost entirely based on the dishonest behavior of other women, not anything really this one has done. It's not fair to her to hold other women's behavior against her. Or is it?

 

I get that I'm not a top priority. A weekend fling, and perhaps she's open to more. But she has taken many steps toward me too... which can't be ignored. A 5 hour drive to see me, for instance, was somewhat rehabilitative proof to me at the time... you don't necessarily drive 5 hours for a meaningless fling, right?

 

And that's what she TOLD YOU? So get confirmation man.

 

Run a back round check on her.

 

See IF she's divorced, if she's just moved and whatever else you need to confirm reality against what she's said.

 

You know she lies. She told you first she was never married - then back peddled.

 

Invite yourself to her place this weekend. See what her response is. You need to see first hand if what she's said is true or not. Just because she says something doesn't nmean it's true until you have evidence it's true.

 

She does some unusual things - nothing extraordinary, but enough to wonder.

 

But you're acting anxious and she's getting more aloof - there's reasons for this. She may not be interested enough or she may have another guy hanging around.

 

She's younger than you. It doesn't look like a good match long term. Her goals seem different than yours.

 

She may just want a good time...and she may actually be still married.

 

Spend $50 online and find out what her deal is.

[2sunny]

The only guys and gals I know who wait that long to respond are either married or usually with a significant other and don't want to raise suspicion by being tied to their phone.

 

 

Offer to drive to see her and take care of her while she's sick. See what she says then.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'd call it a day on this fling. She doesn't want something serious; all the signs are there, you're just not taking the hint. (And I say this as a woman) My guess is that she's not 100% single. You don't need to wait around for a response from her. You can either break it off yourself and move on to someone who has similar relationship desires, or let it fade away. Either way, it's not progressing to something long-term.

[Supernatural]

Spend $50 online and find out what her deal is.

 

What do you mean by this?

[Diezel]

Halfway through that post, I could tell you are either the "rebound" guy or the guy on the side.

 

 

Just smash while you can but don't make her a priority.

And stop being so needy and insecure.

[2sunny]

What do you mean by this?

 

Look up her name, cities she's lived in, marriages, divorces, family members etc.

 

Google her name even - court records for her state/county would show a divorce pending or finalized too.

[Toodaloo]

Questions:

1) I want something long term, but let's face it. I'm not inclined to turn down amazing sex and casual fun with a very attractive younger woman. It's not really sabotaging my long-term goals, if I don't get too attached and take it for what it apparently is. A no strings physical relationship. I have other dating options, short and long term. But this is so good that it would be very hard to turn it down, even if it's just casual.

 

Yes you are as you are not "available to meet others while you are with her, thus you are wasting your time

 

2) What does she really want? Assume she's separated or divorced for 6 months. How ready/willing is a person in her situation to seriously date and move on? Am I just a fling, or could I be something more. She's said she still maybe needs to heal, maybe not ready to date.

 

Doesn't sound like she even knows so give up trying to get an answer to that one

 

3) No question in my mind she likes and is interested in ME in some capacity. My concern is that she's still healing and not ready, and/or there's another man, and/or perhaps her ex is still somehow in the picture (although given she's fled and moved far away, that seems less-than-likely).

 

She is not healed and sounds like you are a rebound or an affair partner with out knowing it

 

4) How much emphasis do I put in her terrible text/calling habits? Is it a red flag, or not unusual? Is she sending strong signals that this is just a casual sexual thing? Or is she just really bad at it, and also quite busy?

 

if she were interested she would be making more effort

 

5) Do I read into the failure to send self pictures of herself or her "new painted room?" She has let me take pictures of her and us together. She does have a handful of selfies online... so what's her hangup to send me a selfie?

 

She doesn't want you so why encourage you

 

6) We had that little miscue... and have texted a lot less over the last few days. She claims she's busy and sick. I have no idea what the real story is (she could be truthful or lying, and I no idea either way). We had plans for her to come and stay soon... but that's in limbo. I fully expect her to cancel. But if she doesn't... How do I handle this situation going forward?

 

She may be wonderful but she is not "available" give up and find someone who is and who wants to be with you more than she does.

 

My take on your situation above in bold. Good luck.

[confused40426]

Figured folks would like an update, rather than just drifting off.

 

Probably not a bad idea to learn about a person online, and probably not a bad policy to conduct a background check on someone if you have reservations. But I'm not going to bother with this one. I've never really felt the need to do that in the past with a GF, and I suppose if I felt the need it would be a warning sign... then again, what do we really know about people we invite in our lives?

 

It's a moot point now, anyway. It's been over 12 hours, from yesterday around 6pm until this morning, since I texted her to inquire about her health, and confirm plans. No response. Absent some unlikely scenario of total incapacity due to pneumonia or a car accident, this woman has certainly at least checked her phone before bed, and likely more often.

 

So, I can call this one now as I see it, knowing what I know now. This was quite obviously 99% a fling and rebound, in spite of what she says or denies. And I do think that the "I don't like to talk on the phone" and "I have bad texting habits" was a way of conditioning me not to expect calls or texts often. The real tell-tale sign was that she loved to talk and text when she was driving either to see me, or home - when she was totally alone. And when we did have long text conversations when she was home, she would drop off mid-talk for many hours. There must be a reason, and I can think of few legitimate ones. The obvious reason in my mind is that she has another man, who she is either living with or around often. In todays' era when cell phones are our connection to people and the internet, our alarms, our cookbooks, our research tools, etc., it's completely implausible she doesn't at least check it every few hours - and to fail to respond to someone she may be interested in (especially after my lodged complaints) is a crystal clear sign she is not interested.

 

I was used, lied to and burned. We had a lot of fun but I let myself get too attached, trusted her too much, and didn't see it for what it was. When I got too interested, or the conversation too heavy, she politely called it off saying that she needs to heal and the timing isn't right for her.

 

As a final thought, it's to anyone reading, dating would be so much easier if people were just clear on intentions, good at communicating, and clearly breaking it off if it isn't working. The misleading ambigious-ness is maddening.