carhill Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 If the 'ex' is an ex-spouse whom they co-parent with or, at my age, grandparent with, no problem. I seriously doubt my exW's BF would tolerate us being 'bosom buddies' and, frankly, I respect that. We had our shot, it didn't work out and life goes on. In my social circle, I can't think of one exception, since all the kids are grown up. Association appears to only happen at familial gatherings, most recently as some of the children or grandchildren were getting married. Otherwise, comments I've heard were "I haven't seen xxx in years; I hardly recognized him/her" and similar. That's how it's gone around here. YMMV> Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 For that scenario of friends with ALL their ex's and buying them gifts, etc.? I suppose I'd look at that behaviour in the context of all her relationships. Does she still keep in touch with former employers? Old friends from way back in the day? All her family? If it's in her nature to stay connected to some extent with all the people who have touched her life positively then it's understandable. I don't know. It's tough for me to say "ALL STOP!" in these kinds of hypothetical scenarios since nothing happens in a vacuum. If there's anything shady or dishonest about her friendships with her ex's then it would become very apparent in other behaviours. Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 This is just it, some people end suffering a set back, and end up spontaneously in the heat of the moment bang their ex just because of some reminiscence crap. I am not interested in people who have no self control or self-knowledge. If they're willing to cheat, it's not because they're friends with an ex and there's no excuse. I've been cheated on, and no ex is required. I'm certainly not going to limit contact with women for my SO out of what might happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 You meet someone, and they right off the bat tell you that they are still friends with all their exes i.e. that they still hangout with them, talk/text them, care for them e.g. buy stuff for them on b'days/xmas/etc? This is not a case of jealousy here...and this is not a personal scenario that am talking about here, this is just a hypothetical question. Am sure many have seen profiles that say "am still friends with my ex, if you have a problem, then move on". Personally, I don't really care for this arrangement, especially if the ex is one that they use to bang, had a history with. I actually have a problem with anyone who says something along the lines of 'this is what I do, if you have a problem with it, then move on' right off the bat. It makes me feel like I am expected to just do as they please and that they won't care about my boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Missy0724 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I would say there is a difference with "acquaintances" and "friends". And how each person defines those... I think if it's on either end of the spectrum: either good friends with ex, hang out, buy presents, etc. OR hate them, talk ill of them, have anger towards an ex - not healthy. When there is anger shown, that means they are not over them, still have unsettled emotional business, probably still have romantic feelings for them, still in love with them. Not healthy, but usually the case... So red flag, either situation. Talking apathetically about an ex is a good, healthy thing. Talking about the lessons they, the relationship taught you, helped you grow... that is a good thing! Saying you hope they are happy now. That means you have totally moved on from them. And you are in a good, healthy place to begin a new, healthy relationship! Where you can give your 100% attention. Can't give 100% if you are still hanging around with exes, or have either anger or loving feelings for them... Sorry, no one should take or settle for sloppy seconds... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I understand the odd ex where maybe you dated a short while or such where you can now be friends, but it is odd to me if you are still bffs with all your exes. I am leery of those who HATE all their exes actively but also concerned about having a harem of exes as close friends. I am friendly with some men I briefly dated and 2 exes, but friendly and being friends isn't the same. They don't send me stuff for birthdays and we don't talk and text daily or anything, but we're cordial. Other exes just naturally fell away where there is no animosity but we just don't speak. I prefer for someone to have that kind of relationship with their ex, than the bff-ex situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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