Getting over the "perfect" boyfriend

[Mauve]

I just want to apologise in advance for the length of this, I just really need help. And I'm also aware my ex boyfriend isn't actually perfect but it's like I can't focus on the bad things with him, only the good.

 

I'm having a lot of trouble moving on from a relationship that ended about 1-2 months ago. So I was hoping someone could listen to my story and give advice for me.

 

I'm only 17, while the guy is 18, so I'm well aware that we are both still really young but I was still hoping for advice.

 

Me and my ex are very different. He's into parties and drugs and very out going while I'm quiet and shy and find it difficult to make friends due to that reason. I find it difficult even talking to people on the phone but with my ex everything was really easy (after I got comfortable of course). He treated me amazingly always calling me beautiful and always making time for me and just being amazing in general. He even bought me some really expensive bag after only dating for 2 months, now I'm not the type of girl who wants to be bought expensive stuff, I don't even know much designers or that, but I was so touched by it.

 

Basically there came a point where him being high all the time, even around me, began to bother me. So I asked him if he could maybe not smoke weed when it's just me and him because it made me feel like he didn't enjoy spending time with me so he got high to make it bareable. So he took it upon himself to stop smoking weed completely! I didn't ask for that at all but obviously I supported him since he said he wanted to do it for himself aswell, but obviously there was times where he gave in and smoked a little then when I never got mad at him for it, he got mad at me for not supporting him enough to quit? But I knew weed was a big part of his life, he has been smoking it since he was like 12 and all his friends smoke it, it's basically all they do when they are together, weed and other drugs (at parties). So I thought I should become harsher about it and become mad if he does it. So I did, and we ended up arguing lots about it and breaking up a lot.

 

We also argued lots because I'm very insecure due to a past relationship with a guy online, he basically verbally bullied me for two years and I was too young and dumb to realise he didn't really love me, he just found joy in picking on my body and face. So as much as I was over that guy I was not over the insults and would be easily insulted and hurt and cry at almost anything. Like one time my ex mentioned how he wanted to "" some girls face, and it really hurt me. I'm aware boys have sexual desires for other girls but it still hurt a lot.

 

My ex also lied a lot, about his sexual past (he told me he had done stuff when he hadn't, so I guess the truth was good). And he also lied to his friends about me saying I was ing and not wanting to go out with him and his friends, when I did want to go. It was just my ex who didn't want to go, but he blamed it on me. So it did falter my trust in him a lot, I realise the lies are very little but I was scared of being hurt again and this caused me to argue with my ex lots.

 

My ex is honestly a really good guy, he treated me amazingly and I loved spending time with him so much, I can't even think of moving on.

 

But soon my constant arguing with him made him fall out of love with me. And he broke up with me, and I done the typical thing you shouldn't do. Begged. I begged so much and cried so much and constantly called and harassed him and I regret it so much and I know I shouldn't of but I couldn't stop. And I put him off me even more.

 

Then I went on holiday with my friend (had been planned for before me and my ex dated) and while I was on holiday me and my ex had brief discussions, and I didn't see it at the time but my ex asked to get back together for me, just so I wouldn't have sex while I was on holiday (I'm not the type to do that at all. I'm still a virgin, me and my ex done everything but actual intercourse due to the pain it caused me). But I thought he actually wanted to be with me so I had a realy bad holiday, him getting back together with me, then breaking up with me after I get back from the club. Then he finds out I'm going to a club again, and he gets back together with me, just to dump me after. It made my holiday hell, and I just cried the whole time and I didn't even feel happy when we did get back together because I was just waiting for him to dump me again.

 

Then when I got back from my holiday, my ex was going to magaluf in 2 days. I knew fine well he was going to have sex on the holiday, despite him being a virgin, the only reason is because he didn't have confidence (but he constantly said I now gave him the confidence). But I was okay with hiim having sex, I just wanted to know if he did, nosey yeah I guess but it would make me feel better so I asked him for that, he said yeah of course and we ended up talking then meeting up (and I know this is wrong) but we met up to be 'sexual' with eachother, then left right after and he went on holiday. I felt like after cos he just went back to ignoring me and I honestly didn't even realise that was his plan. So I begged him even more and he ended up blocking me everywhere. Everywhere.

 

And now I'm resulted to being logged in on my friends facebook, basically stalking his facebook and his every move because if I don't, I'll spend the whole day crying. It's been 1 month since we last talked and for 3 of those weeks I was actually okay, I was still stalking the crap out of his facebook but I didn't cry much. But this last week I've beencrying so much and hardly being able to move. I think I realise I'm gonna be blocked forever.

 

On his facebook it seems like he's been going out most nights doing MDMA and cocaine etc. And I know in thelong run my relationship wouldn't of workedwith him, he's basically addicted to drugs and he admitted it once but is now in denial again.

 

But I feel so lost without him, he was an amazing boyfriend and was so nice to me and loving, and my stupid insecurities made him fall out of love with me. I just feel really lost and I know he will never want me back but I can't help but wish he would. But I couldn't possibly work a relationship out with a drug addict? I don't know. I know I'm still really young but I'm just so lost. I don't have many friends to get advice from and my parents and family are ALL with their first loves and never been with someone else so they've never had to move on from someone so their advice always goes right over my head.

 

I don't have many friends, only like 2 true friends who are busy a lot, so distracting myself with friends is basically out the question. I've left school so I cant focus on my studies to distract me. I volunteer at an office 3 days a week which kind of distracts me but the other days all I do is think about him.

 

I also tried to go on a date with a guy to ice skating and idk I think that's what triggered me to start crying so much this week, like the guy was so nice and kind but I just really wasn't interested and I haven't spoken to him properly since the date cos I don't want to lead him on when I'm really not interested. It's horrible because I feel like every date will be like this.

 

I'm aware my boyfriend wasn't perfect. He was into drugs and weed and parties and had no future going for him. But I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I miss him so much and when I try tell myself he wasn't the right one for me, that I couldn't date someone whos into drugs, my brain like stops thinking. And blocks out the bad thigns about him and only tells me the good things. Like I physically can't tell myself that it wouldn't of worked. And it makes every night harder and harder. I don't know how to move on.

 

It was easy to move on from my previous ex because it was an online relationship, I was young and he treated me badly. I knew he was bad for me and I didn't deserve someone as foul as him. But this recent ex honestly always hugged and cuddled me and kissed me, he wanted to hang out with me more than I did with him, he took me to meet his grandparents after less than a month of dating. He was proud to have me as his girlfriend, but then I made him hate me by being so insecure and arguing so much, and it's my biggest regret.

 

I just need advice, or reassurance that me and him don't belong together. Or even just a kick in the head that what I done was wrong. I ruined a good relationship and Idk if I'll find anyone like him.

U

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I have refrained from slapping one silly, and let alone kicking someone, especially a woman in the head.

 

But will give you something you already know... You understand your faults, so until you can manage them on your own, you must be open to be reassured by allowing your next mate to know whats going on. Even if you may feel it is complicated.

 

As for getting over... that is how things pan out. Is this the end, or is there still hope. If there is still hope, then he may allow things to work out. That means you will need to believe in what you have, and drop the insecurities.

 

I recently watched a mini series call "On Top of The Lake" on Netflix. Watch the first episode to get acquainted with the characters, but if anything catch the last episode #8 has in your face truth about getting over.

 

To put it simply without watching the show... Let go, and give up. Then start fresh once you have released all that has been broken.

[BDL]

Someone who does drugs is a dealbreaker for me. You're better off not being with this guy. Honestly, he sounds like a loser.

 

Give yourself some time to heal. Keep going on dates, and working on yourself. Eventually you'll meet someone who knocks your socks off and is not a drug user.

[d0nnivain]

he was your first love & as such will always hold a special place in your heart. Cherish that part of it but let the rest go. As your head acknowledges he was far from the perfect BF. Your constant arguing with him didn't ruin the relationship. Him being high all the time which upset you ruined the relationship.

 

It gets better from here. Have a little faith.

 

Take some time to heal. Hang out with your BFFs. Drown your sorrows in a pint or two of your favorite ice cream. Rearrange your room. Cut your hair. Grieve for the end of your relationship but not too long; don't wallow. Then get back out there. The best is yet to come. You may even find a guy who was all the good things about your EX, without the drugs.