Yasuandio Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) Don't say or reveal what you know at this time. Keep your lip zipped. Act normal. Say nothing. Do nothing impulsive! If anything, set up a VAR in the meantime - and capture her in some direct incriminating lies. You need her to cut her throat with evidence she cannot talk her way out of - so keep collecting. Act dumb. This evidence will assist you in divorce process perhaps. But for sure, you will know the truth. Haha - no more gaslighting. Tables are turned. You are in control now. Stay in control till your advisors come back on-line. Ok?? Yas PS. I'll check on ya, till Peg nose Pete or GL get back to ya. Edited September 30, 2014 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) Review GT'S Post 20. Therein lies the totally cool person we want to project. The man that IS NOT ANGRY. You are "in control." (It will tale a little time - meanwhile, fake it till you make it). Now you know you are FOR SURE going to "let her go" - just like GT'S post, ok? So forget about all that stuff you were rehurseing. Can't do that - it is a loss of you dignity. Instead, you are going to help her pack, in a very nice - nice way, on the point in time you decide, that will freak her and her boyfriend out. You, GT, and Peg nose have plenty of time to decide a good happy strategy. I have an idea! Wouldn't it be a fun surprise for you to have a U - Haul all packed up for her and waiting when she steps out the door of boyfriend's house?!? SURPRISE! HOUSE-WARMING PARTY, ENJOY! Yep. Ya got to make this a Hallmark moment, Dude. Don't spoil it, man, please. You will be OK. Yas Edited September 30, 2014 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author sfinger Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Things have been up and down for me (as expected) We have had a week of not living together (first half she stayed away, second half I stayed away) - we have 3 children and it is vital we continue to care for them, but I feel at the moment she is getting what she wants and I am bearing the burden of both our failures over the 7 years we've been married, and also I am carrying the weight of what she has been doing. She hasn't told anyone what she has been doing and has focussed on telling people what has happened over 7 years as the reason she wants to separate. I have told 3 friends what is happening (trying also to be aware of our failures over the length of our marriage) and have also told my dad. I am weighing up whether to have a conversation with her grandparents to tell them the whole story but want some advice as to whether this is going to be helpful in the long run (I still want to reconcile) My idea is to ask her if she wants to continue what she has with the OM, and if she says yes I will tell her she needs to be with him and not stay at home overnight (I won't stop her seeing kids, but it will be difficult for her to see them a lot because of her work - she will say she is not thinking about what is best for her, but for the kids and I am am not allowing her to see them as much as she can if I ask her to leave the house, where if I leave the house I can see them just as much as usual because my work is in the evening or while they are at school). I also feel like telling her that she needs to tell her grandparents the whole story, rather than painting me in all the bad light. I am willing to be with her while she tells them, or I am happy to tell them on her behalf. I expect that this will blow up in my face and damage the progress I am making (she is more comfortable with me and has said that she has missed me a little since we've not been together). I am uncomfortable with lying to my family (apart from my dad who knows) by not exposing her affair, yet feel a huge burden of guilt if I were to expose, through fear of what she will say to me, and the reaction of my family (especially if we do reconcile) being unable to trust her again and holding a lifelong grudge/hate for her. Thanks in advance EDIT: I am trying to make sure any exposure done is not done with the motive to drag her down or ruin her life. I could quite easily contact her work colleagues and her HR department and know it would end her career (and his). I want to reconcile and need to know if careful exposure to her close family is worth it. Edited October 10, 2014 by sfinger Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Have you gone to a lawyer? Also... you still want to reconcile with her? After everything she is putting you through? Seriously don't expect her to tell the "truth" to her own family. She's blame-shifting towards you and that is not going to stop anytime soon. You need to realize that the version of her you are seeing NOW, is the REAL her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sfinger Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 Also... you still want to reconcile with her? After everything she is putting you through? I'm willing, yes. Seriously don't expect her to tell the "truth" to her own family. She's blame-shifting towards you and that is not going to stop anytime soon. You need to realize that the version of her you are seeing NOW, is the REAL her. I know she won't tell the truth to anyone she speaks to - it will be painted to make it seem like it is a mutual decision based on both of our failures, with more emphasis on mine. I don't agree that it is the REAL her, but a cornered person who has a lot to lose and is trying to justify her actions. Yes, she was obviously capable of this, but I don't agree it is her full real self Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Read Homer McDonald, Stop Your Divorce, tapes are free to listen too, access to everything is in critical reading pinned thread, and my signature line. Don't worry about telling anyone. What are you thinking - to ruin her career? Just forget that idea. Stop asking her questions about what she wants to do. It is clear what she wants to do. 3 sentence method is very simple solution to your situation. Be nice (cause you love her and want her to be happy and have the things she wants). Help her have what she wants. What she wants is fine. Help her pack, help her move. Be nice about. This delivers to message (that should be obvious) THAT, she cannot have 2 men at one time. Simple eqasion. There is nothing to talk about or TELL. Just stop worry about telling who ever whatever information. If someone asks, simply state that wife decided she was happier to be with this guy, so you helped her move. End of story. That's it. No talk. Just be nice, helpful, and agreeable. listen to those tape about 20 times till you really get it. It took me about a year to get it. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Author sfinger Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) Thanks all for your replies. I have started reading Homer Mcdonald and a lot of the stuff he says is simple and easy to put into practice. there are a few bits of advice which seem to contradict each other but I'm trying to keep talk simple and short, and agree with what she says. I haven't exposed to any one else as of yet, I need to make sure I'm doing the right thing in terms of exposure/revenge. I'd like advice for the following... My WS left her computer logged on this morning and having looked at history, of which there isn't much (incognito to the rescue!) I found OM facebook page. interspersed with this was the facebook page of a girl, who is friends with OM and his sister. I can only assume that this is his GF. I have managed to get hold of his sisters mobile number also. Do I message the person I believe to be his GF and if so are there any templates as to what to say? she lives a good distance from him at the mo so they aren't living together. Or do I contact his sister as I have her mobile number? what do you think? EDIT: I have managed to find his parents home address (pretty convinced, he is on electoral roll along with 2 parents and a sibling who shares the same name - including middle initial). What do I do with this information, bearing in mind I want exposure and not revenge? Edited October 14, 2014 by sfinger more info Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Exposure might stop this affair, but it won't prevent another. I would prefer my spouse to choose to be with me because he wants to walk away from the other person (rather than being force out of the closet and embarrassed in the light of day). That is not to say I would be mute. I would respond like Homer suggests. "Have a nice life if this new fella makes you happier." "I'll help you pack." That's it. No matter, exposure to the public is public humilation. To the spouse affected, yes, I agree. But it is no one else's business, IMHO. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
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